Author: A Mama's Blog

Categories
Cole Household Mothering Ryan

Baby Clothes

I have been cleaning out closets the last few weeks, because I don’t need to keep all the baby clothes Cole no longer fits into.  I decided to consign almost all of them, and then what didn’t sell, donate to a local pregnancy center.

How hard can that be- bag up clothes and drop them off?  Evidently pretty hard if you are a sentimental, sappy mama, like me.  Every outfit, shirt, pair of pants, and shorts, brought back some kind of memory with both my boys.  I remembered the first time Ryan wore a shirt, and then remembered of course, the first time Cole wore it, on and on.  No wonder it has taken me weeks to go through everything. 

I suppose this goes deeper than an outfit- when I see the cute little baby clothes that my “babies” don’t fit into anymore, it reminds me of that time not so long ago, when they were babies.  I remember what they were like when they did fit in the clothes that I am packing up, to give away.

In all honesty, it feels like I am giving a part of their “babyhood” away.  Will I ever wish one day that I had that special outfit Ryan wore in his first picture?  Will I regret not keeping the cute overalls that Cole loved to wear?  I even thought about saving some clothes to give to the boys way down the road, when they have babies.

The thought of storing clothes for at least twenty plus years or more, snapped me back into reality.  I don’t want to become a pack rat, holding on to everything which reminds me of when the boys were babies, or toddlers, or pre-schoolers, etc.  The only reason I would be saving them, is because I would want to try to preserve a piece of those times.  I have other ways of doing that, without having to be a clothes hoarder for the next twenty years. 

As my boys get bigger though, there really aren’t that many clothes worth saving. Between all the mud, dirt, and grass stains on their shirts, and torn knees in their pants, I am happy to get rid of them. 

I do have just a few special outfits that I am saving.  My favorites are the little onesies the hospital gave them as newborns.  I look at those ever so often, and am just amazed how small they are, and that they were actually big on my babies as newborns. 

So  with the back of my car packed to the brim of all these baby clothes to donate, which are no longer needed, I feel good they have another life ahead of them.  Perhaps another mother will love the same outfits I did.  Maybe one day in the not so distance future, she will be faced with having to decide what to give away, and what to keep, and she too, will be remembering the first time her baby boy wore that special outfit.  If I could meet that mother who will receive my boys’ clothes, I would tell her to enjoy- enjoy every minute with her baby-it goes so fast. 

Getting rid of the clothes helped me realize, when the baby clothes no longer fit, and there is a beautiful child instead, in that baby’s place- you don’t need have to have bags of clothes to remember him as a baby-you just do.

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Update: 5/30/08- I dropped off the clothes along with some other baby equipment no longer needed, this morning.  I took them to a pregnancy center which helps usually younger women who are faced with an unplanned pregnancy.   I felt sad, thinking about all the clothes that I would never see again.  When the receptionist saw how many clothes and other items I had, she was amazed.  She told me they never get that many items donated, and it was a real blessing.  I took my stuff to their stock room, and they only had a few toys- no clothes whatsoever!  She just kept telling me thank you, and they would be put to such great use. 

That made it all worth while- I know I will remember my boys’ being babies, and I am so glad their clothes will have a useful second life.  🙂

Categories
Activities Cole Mothering Parenting Ryan School

Memories

Next year, Ryan will be starting kindergarten.  I wonder where in the world has the time gone?  I remember holding my brand new baby, and thinking he would be little forever.  Now this is almost our last summer before we have to think about starting school.

As a mother of two, day-to-day life is busy. There is always something going on.  Just when you think you have put out all the fires for the moment- BOOM- something literally goes boom (like a broken toy), or a new situation arises that needs your attention- either an argument breaks out, the laundry needs to be put away, a hungry child, there is a dirty diaper that needs to be changed, or your child just wants your attention to ask you why the sky is blue.

During the last four and a half years of Ryan’s life, I have focused on the day at hand, and haven’t really thought very much about the days, weeks, and months that lie ahead.  It seems as soon as you make plans a few days, or weeks ahead, then BOOM.  Something always comes up that inadvertently forces you to change your plans- a sick child, or a child that didn’t sleep well the night before, and is in no mood to be taken anywhere.

I suppose for sake of not being disappointed if my outings and activities, didn’t work out, I have just gotten in the habit of not really planning anything.  That is how our day-to-day life has been, especially throwing a new baby/toddler in the mix with Cole’s arrival two years ago.

It hit me the last few weeks, that time is running out.  All those weeks, months, and years that I thought were indefinite, are almost up.  I don’t have endless time with my boys, before they are off to school, and in a sense, off to start their lives somewhat separate from us.

It made me sad that I don’t have photo books full of pictures of all the fun and exciting places, I have been to with Ryan and Cole.  Will they wonder why they can’t remember going to the zoo, or the museum every week?  Will they wonder why their mother was too busy in day-to-day life, and why she couldn’t just let things “go” every now and then?

Part of my reasoning has also been that they were too little…they wouldn’t remember these things anyway.  But now they are getting older, and it is important that we remember having fun together.  I have decided this summer, we are going to have fun and start making memories.  

I didn’t sign Ryan up for preschool for the summer, and didn’t sign up for music classes for the boys, to keep our days open.  Ryan will have swimming lessons only one day a week.  I still have to work a few days during the week, but on the other days, we are going to do fun things.  We aren’t going to go to the zoo or children’s museum every week, but I plan on making sure they at least know what a zoo and museum are.  If my house isn’t as clean as I would like, or the laundry doesn’t get done, then so-be-it.  We have at least a week of clean clothes hanging in our closets.  🙂

Every mother has regrets at some point, and I know down the road I would look back and regret the way I have spent some of this precious time that I have with my boys.  I don’t get any do-over’s and once it is gone, that is it.  I don’t want to look back in 18 years, when Ryan and Cole have moved out, and have started their own lives, and realize I was too busy folding laundry, and vacuuming to have really enjoyed these early years with them. 

I know I will miss them when they are gone.  I seriously doubt I will wish that I had spent more time doing housework, or wished that I had been able to complete more work from home.  I will be looking back at pictures of them- the places we went, the places we saw, and our time together.  I will be remembering.  I don’t want us to remember the one time we went to the zoo, or the one time we threw the schedule out the window and went and played all day. 

When that day comes, when all I have is the memories and photos of my boys as they are now, I won’t be looking for pictures of my clean house, or an empty dishwasher.  I won’t be remembering all the trips to the grocery store I made before lunch time.  I won’t be looking for work projects I completed.  I will be looking for their smiles- their joy- their happiness-their innocence. I will be looking for their childhood.

As a mother, the days are long but the years are short.  While I still have time, before too many years are gone, I’m going to start working this summer on creating memories with my young sons worth remembering.  

Categories
Fun Stuff Make Me Laugh Monday Work

Make Me Laugh Monday- Demotivator Posters

My husband showed me this site.  Having worked in the corporate world, I was all to familiar with these “motivational” posters.  One place I worked had at least five of them in the office I worked in.  They always seemed so cheesy and bugged me.  Needless to say, I got a lot of laughs out of these Demotivators.  There are tons more on their site.  Here are some of my favorites, and happy laughing: 

Apathy If we don’t take care of the customer, maybe they will stop bugging us.

Consulting If you’re not a part of the solution, there’s good money to be made in prolonging the problem.

Demotivation Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people.

Get To Work You aren’t being paid to believe in the power of your dreams.

Pessimism Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lightning kills hundreds of people each year who are trying to find it.

Leaders Leaders are like eagles. We don’t have either of them here.

Meetings None of us are as dumb as all of us.

Discovery A company that will go to the ends of the Earth for its people will find it can hire them for about 10% of the cost of Americans.

Underachievement The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawnmower.

Persistence It’s over, man. Let her go.

And my favorite one:

Motivation If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.

Be sure to visit Absolutely Bananas to check out the other hilarious Make Me Laugh Monday posts.

Categories
c-sections Cole Mothering Parenting Pregnancy & Birth

Two Years Old

Cole is two years old today!  I have been thinking a lot about this week about my labor, delivery, and his birth.  He was technically born on the third Monday of May, and on Monday I was remembering the time line of his birth.

Having had a c-section with Ryan, I was attempting a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarian with Cole.)  I have been through a c-section birth before, but with Cole, it was obvious my first time being in labor.  I remember after 42 hours of labor, and a successful VBAC, I finally was holding my brand new baby boy, and I couldn’t believe how small and tiny he was.  I had forgotten what a newborn looked and felt like.  The tiny toes, the tiny fingers, the microscopic finger and toenails, the way his body just nestled into mine and Joe’s- like that space existed just for him.  I relished those first few days and weeks- knowing in a blink of an eye, my newborn would be gone forever, and in its place, I’d have a baby, toddler, and then a little boy.

Two years later, a little boy has replaced my sweet newborn.  His toes and fingers are no longer tiny.  He doesn’t fit ‘just so’ in my arms, and in a sense I have forgotten again the details of a newborn.  However, two years ago, I could not even begin to imagine how much I am in love with the little boy Cole is.

While he is no longer a baby, he is such a special little boy.  His smile lights up a room.  He loves trying to make us laugh, and he succeeds every day.  From playing peek-a-boo with the kitchen towel, to trying on all of our clothes and shoes, and parading around the house, with the biggest smile on his face. 

Cole thrives on touch, hugs, and kisses.  I will never be lacking a child to hug, kiss or cuddle with.  As he turns two, Cole is learning to talk quite well, with his favorite words being, “mama,” “dada,” “me,” “eat,” and of course, “Ryan.”

Cole loves his big brother to pieces, and has to do everything just like him.  The other day, Ryan’s foot was hurting, and after I was done inspecting it, Cole came running up to me, lifting his foot up too, “whining.” 

While he tries to be just like Ryan, he is also very much his own person.  I love seeing how his personality is changing and growing.  I like to see him develop his different skills, outside of Ryan.  One thing I have noticed is how mechanical he seems to be, and can already put anything back together that he takes apart.  He also loves babies.  Everywhere we go, when he sees a baby, he yells “Baby!” and starts waving hello. 

Two years ago, I had a newborn placed on my chest, and while I knew his name, weight, and eye color, for all practical purposes, he was a blank canvas- I knew absolutely nothing about him.  Today, on his second birthday, my little boy’s portrait is being filled in with the most brilliant and vibrant colors.  Every day I discover a new color that is added to his portrait.  While I know the canvas is always a work in progress, I am so privileged and blessed to be Cole’s mother, and to see his essence being painted.

Happy Birthday, my darling Cole.  I love you so very, very much.  

                       

Categories
Current Events

Is This Progress?

Like millions of other Americans, I am following the presidential election.  I don’t have a candidate that I feel really will make a difference when it is all said and done.  It seems to me most politicians say and promise one thing when campaigning, but seldom follow through on these promises once elected. 

I will admit that I was happy after 219 years; there was finally a woman, Hillary Clinton, who was running for her party’s nomination for president.  It has been a long-time coming.  I can’t say that I agree with everything Clinton has done in her political career, but it was a historical event.  One might even argue that it finally meant women were closer to breaking through that ever-present glass ceiling. 

I believed a candidate for president with Clinton’s political background would be deemed a serious contender, and would be taken seriously, despite the fact that she is indeed a woman.  It seemed like this was real progress for women in our country. 

As the campaign played out, it has been obviously clear that this campaign has been anything but progress for women.  It has appalled and shocked me, how Senator Hillary Clinton has been portrayed by the media-mainly because she is a woman. Here are just a few of the countless examples:

Whether you would vote for Sen. Clinton or not, the issue is when the media is allowed to refer to her and women in general, by these degrading and sexist terms.  It illustrates how women are perceived and thought of.  This is blatant sexism, misogyny, and gender discrimination. 

How outraged would we be, the media included, if Olbermann had stated that Sen. Obama needed to be taken into a room by someone, where he (Obama) wouldn’t come out- clearly referring to being severely beaten?  When did it become acceptable to talk about beating a woman to the point where she would be so injured, she would be physically unable to move?  Or what if Kristol had said, “…black men are a problem?” 

The outrage would be deafening.   It would be pouring in from the political left and right- male and female.  As a nation we do not tolerate racial comments about a person or group’s race or sexual orientation.  Yet, when the media constantly speaks this way about a woman and a mother, it is not the outrage that is deafening, it is the silence.

Silence from people and organizations that ought to be taking a stand against this type of sexism and misogyny.  Where are the people and groups who normally stand up against this behavior?  Why are these types of comments not reprimanded immediately, and why do comments like this continue, over and over again? 

I am very disappointed, disillusioned, and wonder why more people- the media, politicians, political leaders, activists, and the other candidates for president, do not protest and speak out against these blatant sexist and gender attacks against Sen. Clinton, and in turn women everywhere?

The fact that none of these groups or individuals has denounced this type of speech against Clinton shows that they have no interest in working to disperse these sexist attitudes and remarks. It seems like this could have been a monumental stand for the other candidates to make.  What better way to show that you will work for all people when they are unfairly criticized, and judged.  In Clinton’s case, all of this hostility for more or less-being a woman?

Why stand quietly by when a colleague is continually called a “bi**h” and worse by the media numerous times?  Why not disown and condemn this type of sexism?  After Sen. Obama’s own pastor made comments that were not appropriate, Obama strongly denounced him.  I question why Sen. Obama chooses not to do the same denouncing this type of misogyny against women? Sen. John McCain has also remained silent on this issue. 

The fact is, this type of sexism and misogyny has not only happened over and over again to Sen. Clinton in the media, but it happens countless times to women every day in America.  A well publicized example happened just last week, when Sen. Obama called a female reporter “sweetie.”  

Instead of the issue being the obvious sexism in this type of comment, Obama himself said, “It’s a bad habit of mine.”  The issue is downplayed and brushed off by the media as a term of endearment.   The women who have spoken against this, and who are offended by this “term of endearment,” are portrayed as being overly sensitive, and irrational.   What would the media have said about Clinton if she had called a male reporter ‘honey,’ or ‘sweetie?’  How many women would still have their jobs, if their “bad habit” was calling their male colleagues ‘sweetie?’ Could the double standard here, be any more apparent? 

The silence on this very real issue has spoken volumes to me on the values of our so called “leaders,” and presidential candidates.  I believe real leaders for change would not let these sexist attitudes continue to foster and even contribute to the problem by remaining silent, and using their own inappropriate terms when addressing women.   It is very easy to speak about great things, and great change, but a totally different thing to live by those words, day in and day out, when a real issue is on the line.

When as a country, we allow a presidential nominee candidate (who happens to be a woman) to be called a bi**h, whore, and worse over and over again, or allow a presidential nominee candidate (who happens to be a man) to call a woman doing her job, sweetie, and we remain silent- what does that say about us?  What does that say to our children- the next generation- our sons and daughters about the value of women in our society?

As much as things have changed, and progress has been made in eliminating sexism, this campaign race has made it very clear how so many things have not changed, especially sexist attitudes towards women in this country. 

Are we still at that point, where a woman running for the nomination for President of the United States, should expect to be called obscenities, cruelly be made fun of, and be judged by her gender- not her accomplishments?  Sadly, I think we are.  Can we call this progress?  I don’t think so.  

~Sexism is a social disease- Author Unknown