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Cole Current Events Holidays Mothering Parenting Ryan School

Wanted For Christmas-Socks With No Holes: Five Years Later

Five years ago, my sister, Mara, sent me an email about her second grade students, in an impoverished school. She sent some of their letters they had written to Santa. The letters were heartbreaking- kids were asking not for phones, X-Boxes, or video games. They wanted coats, food, jobs for their parents, and the one request that went straight to my heart from the little boy, who only asked for “socks with no holes in them.”

She asked me if I could post her request for donations on my blog, so she could help give these kids some sort of a Christmas. It was the least I could do.

A few weeks later, Mara, told me excitedly that one of the officers, Seargent Alex, at Buckley Air Force Base in Aurora, CO had read my blog post regarding her school, responded to the call, and the officers and their families in his unit, were “adopting” her classroom, to bring these students gifts. Mara didn’t originally get the first message he left for her at the school. It was a bad connection and she couldn’t make out the number he had left. I wrote another post, asking if Seargent Alex was still reading my blog, to please call Mara again- she needed the help. He ended up seeing the post, and contacted her again. He put in effort to make this happen.

I remember feeling amazed, happy, and proud, that the few minutes I took to post her request on my blog- someone who wanted to help, reached out and helped children who otherwise would not have a Christmas- have a day they would never forget.

It was a particularly bright moment for me, because at the time, my marriage was crumbling, for a variety of reasons. I remember telling my now ex-husband about Mara’s room, the gifts, about Seargent Alex finding my blog, and all the help his unit was giving Mara’s classroom. He looked at me and said, “Who would ever want to read your blog? Don’t they have anything better to do in the Air Force?” Anyone who writes, knows you put a lot of yourself into your writing, and it hurt to hear that.  But, I was determined to stay focused on the positive-someone had read the post, and wanted to help.  I knew Seargent Alex had read my blog-of course he had better things to do, but this was important to him, as it was to me.

Over the years, I’ve helped Mara shop for the kids, posted the blog story again and again, help her with the drive, answer emails- anything she asked me, I tried to help out with the best I could. I have helped her do everything but actually show up on the day. I was always working. I wanted to take Ryan and Cole with me, but they were always in school.

This year, Ryan and Cole’s school was out a few days before Mara’s gift drive for her kids. I decided to just make it happen. I asked Mara what else her class needed and she said pencil sharpeners. Her kids only have 1 or 2 pencils, and if the lead breaks at home, they don’t do their homework. When she has given them mechanical pencils, their older siblings take them, because they don’t have pencils. So Ryan, Cole, and I got on Amazon, and picked out a bulk package of pencil sharpeners. It came to a whole $6. Ryan and Cole split the cost, and paid for them out of their allowance.

Yesterday, we finally got to Mara’s room for the gift drive. Ryan and Cole started handing out the sharpeners. We had enough to give each student 3. The kids were squealing and saying, “These are so cool,” like they were receiving something much more than a small pencil sharpener. They started changing the lids around to make a “Bronco” sharpener- blue and orange. Ryan came over to whisper to me, “they are so happy, Mom, over a pencil sharpener.” I told him yes, and he helped make them happy.

Ryan playing Santa
Ryan playing Santa

The four officers from Buckley Air Force, who came that first year, with Seargent Alex, with gifts for my sister’s class, has grown since that first year in 2008.  Yesterday there were more than 30 Air Force Officers, at the school for gifts for the ENTIRE second grade. They had coats, mittens, toys, food, smiles, hugs, and love for these kids. I never would have imagined that afternoon; a simple blog post could have grown into something that it has.

I found out from Mara too, that Seargent Alex is no longer in active duty. I was sad to hear that, and sad I was never able to meet him. But then she said, “But he’s here today. He comes every year, and still helps out. He’s here with his wife and toddler son.”

For the first time yesterday, I met Seargent Alex. He said he had been looking for a way to help, people who really needed it, and it was actually difficult to do so! He said he had checked with various organizations, and they all asked him to just drop off a check. But he wanted to actually do something. He said he came across my blog then, and knew he had to call Mara. I thanked him, for all of this over the years, and he thanked me for writing the post.

Sargent Alex and I, 12.20.12
Sargent Alex and I, 12.20.12

For me, it has come full circle.  I set out to help Mara five years ago- never expecting anything to come from it like this, it has ended up helping me. Just always knowing one person like the “Seargent Alex’s” of the world are out there, willing, able, and lovingly ready to help. When people tell you what you do, will never make a difference, Mara’s gift drive for her second grade students, the people like Seargent Alex, and all the people from family, to friends, to strangers, who help, proves that wrong, every year. It keeps growing, and the generosity keeps growing every year too.

Tears were brought to my eyes yesterday, as I was standing by the cutest little girl, Joselyn.  She opened her box with a coat, gloves, and a hat. She hugged her box. She smiled. Then she asked if we could wrap it back up for her, so she could have something to open on Christmas Day. Ryan and Cole heard this, and their eyes grew wide. I told her “of course, sweetie.” Ryan took the box from her, Mara got the wrapping paper, and Cole got the tape. Ryan, Cole, and I, rewrapped that present with probably more love, than I have ever wrapped a present before. The boys found a candy cane for her, and helped me tape it to the box. Ryan told me, “Now she will have a candy cane on Christmas morning too.” Ryan and Cole both walked the gift back to her, and she was smiling from ear to ear. Just doing that simple thing- made a difference for her.

All Smiles from Joselyn!
All Smiles from Joselyn!

We all have struggles, problems, things we wish were different in our life circumstances, but a lot of us have a coat, and our kids have coats. We don’t worry where our next meal is coming from. We can put gifts under the tree for our kids. It might not be the iMac Pro Laptop Ryan wanted, but he doesn’t have one present he has to rewrap to open again.

It did all of our hearts good, and definitely opened Ryan and Cole’s eyes to different circumstances people live with. What they saw and witnessed yesterday- is the real meaning of Christmas. Not what you get, but what you can do for others, and how you make them feel.

Thank you Mara, for letting us be a part of this, and thank you to everyone who helps out every year.

And, thank you Seargent Alex- your kindness and actions have helped more than just second graders. The world definitely is a lot brighter for us this Christmas.

Merry Christmas to all my readers and their families!

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Cole Current Events Mothering Parenting Ryan School

Sandy Hook

https://www.facebook.com/gammagallery

Photo Credit: Gamma Gallery

I have barely read any of the developments on Sandy Hook.  I can’t.  It’s too horrific for me to digest right now. I know the basic details, but wish I didn’t.

Ryan and Cole were with their father this weekend, but Ryan asked me over the phone on Friday night, if I had heard what happened, and I was saddened he knew about this.  Tonight, when we got home, Ryan asked me what would happen if that happened at his school-what if someone comes in and does that? I could see the uncertainty in his eyes.

I told him everything I had read you are “supposed” to tell kids, but the words sounded hollow, as they came out of my mouth.  Reassurances didn’t sound very convincing either, because something like this should have never happened, but it did.  What can be more gruesome, disturbing, and evil than the countless mass murder of innocent little children, in their classrooms?

I told my sons things like this are very, very, rare.  But something inside of me felt like I needed to tell them more- not just “everything will be fine”, and they will always be safe, because what just happened in our country on Friday, in small town-America, in one of our schools, where the inconceivable became conceivable, then yes, it is possible it can happen again.  I know we all pray, wish, hope, and talk about change, to prevent it again, but it is our reality now.

I took a deep breath and felt my world, and the world of my boys’ change forever- another piece of innocence gone.  I hugged Ryan and Cole as tight as I could and I told them,

“If someone ever comes in your school, or class, to hurt you, you think.  Listen to your teacher, but also be smart. If your teacher is gone, try to hide, if you can’t and someone is right there to hurt you with a gun, lie down on the floor. Get under a desk, close your eyes and play dead. If you look like you are dead, sometimes people who do this, leave you alone. If you see someone in your school that doesn’t belong, or scares you, tell a grown-up you know right away.  Most people do not want to hurt children and teachers, but it is OK for us to talk about this, and OK for you to keep telling me your thoughts. We will talk about it, and work on it so you guys feel safe.”

And then I hugged them again.  And they hugged me back.

Was that the “right” thing to say to them? I don’t know.  I never, never, never, in a million years thought when I was holding my newborn babies, and looking in their little eyes, and holding their little hands, I’d ever have to have a conversation like this, with them. They don’t exactly cover having to talk to your kids about something of this magnitude in parenting magazines.  But I want to keep them safe.  I would rather them know a few things they could do- maybe they would have half a chance-maybe not.  When these madmen are bent on taking lives, they usually succeed.

But as we found out on Friday, and as we all try to figure this out, one thing I know for us, is pretending things like this don’t happen, aren’t an option anymore.

(The picture at the top of this post is by Gamma from Gamma Gallery– an artist in Longmont, Colorado- where we used to live. I saw this, and I think it speaks the words, no one can really find to say).

 

 

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Cole Mothering Parenting Ryan School

Mom Pay Day


I don’t have to go into detail about all the things we do for our kids. I’ve never counted, but I’d estimate it is probably in the hundreds every day.  From helping them with homework, to cooking them meals, to kissing them goodnight- it is never ending.  I also don’t have to go into detail about how 99% of the things we do, we are never thanked for.  It comes with the territory. But with all the countless things I do for my kids, and behavior corrections, “Ryan, don’t speak to your brother like that.  Cole, sit still and focus on your homework. “Boys, for the last time, pick up your Legos!”

I really wonder at times if my kids are “getting it.”

I’ve resorted to using the line, my mom always used, “Do you think I’m telling you X to hear myself talk?”

This usually has proceeded something I told them not to do, which they did anyway, and resulted in someone being hurt, or something being broken.

Yesterday, when I picked up the boys at their new school’s after school day care program, which they have been at for a total of 3.5 days, the director, I’ll call him Mr. Tom, came up to me and asked,

“Are Ryan and Cole good at home- do they behave?”

Immediately, I wondered what they broke, or who they had hurt.  I braced myself for bad news.

“Generally yes, they have their moments like most kids- why did they do something?” I replied to Mr. Tom.

“Yes, they did. I can’t believe how well behaved they are.  They are the best kids.  We were supposed to have 60 kids this afternoon, but due to some absences, we weren’t that full, but nevertheless, it was busy, and the kids were loud, and not behaving.  But Ryan and Cole were sitting just like I had asked, doing exactly what I had asked- the very first time. They were the only ones who did. In fact, I told the rest of the kids, if they had questions on proper behavior, or what they are supposed to be doing, watch Ryan and Cole, because they are doing it,” Mr. Tom told me.

I can’t describe how proud I was in that minute.  It was like a pay day for me.  All the work- all the thankless hours I’ve invested in them since the day they were born, someone noticed, and appreciated it.  I was so proud of the boys for being good and doing what they were supposed to, even when I wasn’t around.  Even though they don’t seem to “get it” at times, I learned today they do.  I don’t think there is anything better for a parent, to learn your kids have retained the good stuff.

I told the boys how proud I was of them. They asked me to email certain people to tell them, but I thought I would surprise them too, and show them their good behavior made my blog- on the Internet.  😉

I know there is a lot more work and a long way to go before they are responsible adults, but it was a nice realization that parenting efforts do pay off.

Now, if I can just get them to pick up their Legos!

 

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Cole Mothering Ryan School

End of an Era

My boys, Ryan and Cole, started second grade and kindergarten today.  Like most kids, they were excited. 

I have been feeling the impact of this day, for a week.  Perhaps I really started feeling it hours after they were born.  One day…they would be old enough to go to school.  One day…they will be going to kindergarten.  One day…their baby days will be over.  As I sat with them, nursing them, holding them, snuggled up in their baby wonderfulness- their tiny fingers, their chubby cheeks, their total dependence, “one day” was not today.  “One day,” was some day in the very far future- a blur on the horizon, almost impossible to see.

But today, that “one day,” is here.  It’s not a blur anymore. My two boys ran giggling and laughing through the kitchen, excited, fetching their backpacks, opening the refrigerator to get their lunches, put them in their backpacks, put their shoes on, and run outside for pictures, almost oblivious to me.  I didn’t notice this as much when Ryan started school full time, because I still had Cole- the baby.  In some part of my mind, I still imagined Cole being my little guy for while.  Ryan may grow and go to school because he’s the oldest, but my baby will always be my baby.

My baby dressed himself, made his bed, grabbed his things, rearranged his backpack the way he wanted, and couldn’t wait to get to school.  He posed for his pictures, proud he is finally old enough to go to school like his big brother.  We went to the before school care for a few minutes, so Cole could get familiar with the routine.  He went with me last year, when I took Ryan. But this year he was a student, not the younger brother too little to be there himself.  He hugged the teachers when he walked in. He didn’t even need Ryan to show him where to hang his backpack. He gave me a little hug, and went and sat in the gym, ready.

As I waved goodbye to them in the gym, and left, there was no denying it is the end of an era for me as a mother.  Both my boys’ baby days are gone.  As many hours as I spent with them as babies, it is over and it seemed like it happened in a blink of an eye.  When did the baby who slept on me for 18 months- who couldn’t and refused to sleep anywhere but on his mommy, grow into a confident boy, ready and eager to tackle kindergarten?

From the moment my children were born, I wished for them to be happy, healthy, confident, and to know they are loved.  I felt proud of my boys, and so lucky to be their mother.  The helpless, defenseless, dependent babies, I spent the last seven and a half years nurturing, reached another milestone today, effortless. 

Nothing changes without growth, and sometimes growth can hurt and be bittersweet.  But as they emerge from the growth, and spread their wings, it is an amazing moment in time.  I felt proud, knowing the time I have devoted to my boys, from the moment they were born to today, has been the most worthwhile thing I have ever done.  To know your kids are doing okay, and to see they are ready to move forward- that is one of life’s most precious gifts.   

Their lives are really just beginning. It is the end of an era for us- the end of babies, toddlers, and pre-schoolers.  But it is also the beginning of a new one, and I can’t wait to see how far they will go.          

 

Ryan & Cole- First day of school

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Activities Cancer Cole Family & Friends Health losing a parent Parenting Running Ryan School Work

Time for an Update!

It’s been a month since I’ve written a blog post!  I wish I had a great excuse for not doing so, but I’ve been busy.  Mainly with work.  I work in the accounting field, and this is always a busy time of year.

I’ve been well since my last post- finding out I was cured from cancer.  It is pretty hard to top that!  My doctor changed my Synthroid dosage slightly for reasons I mentioned in the previous post.  I now take a smaller dosage on Sunday, and I’m finding I’m very tired on Monday and Tuesday.  It’s amazing how such a small adjustment down in dosage can affect how I feel.  I’ve been trying to get more rest on these nights, and just hoping eventually my body will adjust.  But it’s always a process. 

The weather has been so windy here, and we’ve had lots of rain and cooler temperatures.  Combined with my being swamped at work, and extra tired two days out of the week, I’ve not been running as often or as long as I would like to.  I also had a hard time last year, around this time of year.  Everything with my mom being sick, dying, having her funeral, her birthday, and then Mother’s Day, started in February and goes until May.  It’s only been a year, and it’s still an emotionally hard time during these “anniversary” dates. 

I’m trying to let myself feel what I need to feel and not push myself physically too much.  I have been able to get out on shorter runs on tougher routes during my lunch, and that feels like the extent of what I want to do with running for now.  I hope as the weather gets nicer, I can start running longer distances again and get out on my bike.  I was going to try to run a half marathon in April, but I hadn’t been able to build up the mileage, and I didn’t want to risk running that distance and get hurt.  I’m not going to pressure myself to run in any races for the time being, but am just going to enjoy running when I can for now. 

Ryan and Cole are doing great.  School is almost over for them, and they are excited about attending a school / day camp program where they will be learning and going on field trips this summer. They have both learned how to ice skate, and enjoy playing hockey- on ice, and in our driveway.  Ryan is finishing up Cub Scouts for the year and they both started karate lessons a few weeks ago.  They love it, and are already talking about earning their next level belt. They don’t want to be white belts anymore!  Here’s a picture of them from their first lesson:

I’m looking forward to summer- the warmer weather and spending time with my boys.  They are growing so fast, and after this summer my “baby” will be in school full-time.  Cole is going to be five next month, and in full time kindergarten in the fall.  It seems like those years from when he was a baby to now, have just flown by.  I hope we can slow down a bit during the summer, relax more, and I can savor what is left of my youngest child’s pre-school days. 

My 20th (gulp) high school reunion is planned for July. I helped plan our 10 year reunion, and am helping out as much as I can on planning the 20th.  If I thought my kids were growing too fast, it seems crazy I’ve been out of high school for (almost) two decades!  It will be fun to see everyone in person, and see all of our kids- new ones, and see how the babies have grown into pre-teens and teenagers from the last reunion.  Seems like we were just kids ourselves, and now we have kids- when did that happen? 😉

I am planning a special post in June, to coincide with the two year anniversary of my thyroid cancer surgery.  I’m excited about it, and I think it will help so many cancer patients looking for resources and answers.

This is some of what has been going on- of course there is more, but I’m trying to get to bed earlier, so the more will just have to wait. 🙂 I post shorter updates on my FaceBook Fan Page.  I hope you will stop by there, and even though it’s been a few weeks, thanks for continuing to read A Mama’s Blog.