Category: Ryan

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Activities Cole Family & Friends Mothering Parenting Ryan

Weekends Before & After Kids Part II

(Part I, in case you missed it.)

Having kids definitely changes your weekends.  During the last four years, I can probably count on one hand the relaxing entire weekends we have had.  This past weekend was one of those. 

On Saturday, Ryan started swimming lessons.  The pool is within walking distance, so him and I walked to the pool.  He was so ready and eager to have his lessons again, and he almost put his head underwater.  Last year, after two sessions, he was not ready to put his head underwater.  What a difference a year makes.

Joe was watching Cole, and was including him on some projects he was trying to get done around the house.  Cole loves spending time with Dad, so he was having a blast, getting Dad’s one-on-one attention.

Remember the language research study Ryan is participating in? The researchers scheduled an hour observation session for Ryan, where they could asses and observe his language skills and vocabulary.  I decided to take Ryan out to lunch before hand.

We had such a fun time.  We went to a nice pizza place, and we were seated in a booth for two.  Ryan came and sat next to me, and held my arm.  We colored, talked, and Ryan got two chocolate milks- a treat for sure.  We had a great time at lunch, just sitting, coloring and talking.  I get little glimpses into Ryan’s head during rare times like this, and it is so neat.

We had a few minutes after lunch, before we had to go to the research office, and there was a toy store next door.  Ryan played with the trains, and didn’t even argue or stall when I told him it was time to go.

The research appointment proved very interesting.  I was in the room, but was asked to not cue Ryan.  So I sat and observed as the speech therapist researcher asked Ryan hundreds of questions.  She used pictures, used riddles, and just asked him other questions verbally.  I realized that Ryan knows a lot more words, ideas, and concepts than I gave him credit for.  Some of the material she was testing him on, she said was for six year olds, and he wasn’t missing any questions.  She said she had to go until he missed eight questions in a series.  He missed six and seven questions several times, but didn’t miss eight questions until we were there for an hour and a half. 

Since this is research strictly for the company’s purposes, we don’t get any official feedback, but I asked her when we were done, how Ryan’s speech in general was, and if there was anything we should be working on.  She gave me one area to work with him on, that she noticed, but other than that she said he was doing great. 

We went home, and the boys played outside, while Joe and I completed some tasks around the house.  (Some things like housework never change.) 

On Sunday, thanks to my boss, who gave me her tickets to the pro baseball team, “in the big city,” Joe and I got to go to the game, and we sat by third base, 24 rows up.  It was so much fun, and relaxing too.  Joe and I carried on some kid free conversation, for a few hours.  That hasn’t happened in quite some time.

My dad and step-mom were babysitting the boys, and after the game, we went and got some dinner.  It was almost like the BK days- we knew the boys were in good hands, and we could just relax, talk, and enjoy dinner. 

About half-way through dinner, a table came in and sat next to us. It was two families, with five small kids between them.  I found myself watching the kids.  They were having fun, even though the parents were not talking with the other parents, but to their kids. Not unusual.  I thought about how these parents probably went out BK, and sat for hours and had intellectual discussions about the world.  Now they were talking about swim lessons and summer camp, in between trying to get their kids to drink their milk.

I saw myself in them, from the outside looking in.  At one point, one of the mothers looked at Joe and I, and smiled at us.  I am sure she was thinking we were a mid-age couple (I wish I could say young couple.  🙂 )who could sit leisurely at dinner and talk- because we didn’t have kids. 

I think it is normal for parents of children to remember their BK days, and yes, sometimes long for them.  Especially when you go through the day-to-day routines, and never seem to have time for yourself anymore. 

But once you are a parent, you can’t go back, and even though a few hours at a ballgame, or a dinner out by yourself is a nice break, you don’t want to go back permanently.  Having children takes so much time, and energy away from you, but it always returns it to you a thousand times over.

A weekend all to myself is no comparison to walking to swimming lessons and talking to with my son.  Being able to sleep in as late as I want, can’t compete with him smiling at me with a chocolate milk mustache.  A quiet dinner out and a movie, doesn’t hold water to my toddler shrieking with excitement, when he sees us come home from being out, “Mama-Mommy, Daddy!”  and we are engulfed with wet, sloppy, loving kisses. 

Having children means giving up your weekends, oh-for at least eighteen years, (that isn’t even counting if you are a soccer parent-another post entirely!)  But as you give take that time away from yourself, and give it to your children-to your family- something else gets created in the process. 

There really isn’t a word to describe it, but you see it in your child’s eyes, when he waves to you from his swimming lesson.  You see it in their faces when they realize the day is Saturday, and they get to make waffles with Daddy.  You hear it in their laughs as they are playing in the park.  You feel it in their hearts, when they hug you, as they thank you for taking them out for ice cream, and one child tells you “This was the best weekend ever, Daddy and Mommy,” and the other one just smiles as wide as he can.   

You may not sleep or get to go out anymore on the weekends, but you have gained something far more important-that you never gained from weekends before kids- you have given your children your time, and in return you gained their adoration and love. 

I wouldn’t trade that for all the free weekends in the world, and I know most parents wouldn’t either, even if we are tired. 🙂

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Cole Household Mothering Ryan

Baby Clothes

I have been cleaning out closets the last few weeks, because I don’t need to keep all the baby clothes Cole no longer fits into.  I decided to consign almost all of them, and then what didn’t sell, donate to a local pregnancy center.

How hard can that be- bag up clothes and drop them off?  Evidently pretty hard if you are a sentimental, sappy mama, like me.  Every outfit, shirt, pair of pants, and shorts, brought back some kind of memory with both my boys.  I remembered the first time Ryan wore a shirt, and then remembered of course, the first time Cole wore it, on and on.  No wonder it has taken me weeks to go through everything. 

I suppose this goes deeper than an outfit- when I see the cute little baby clothes that my “babies” don’t fit into anymore, it reminds me of that time not so long ago, when they were babies.  I remember what they were like when they did fit in the clothes that I am packing up, to give away.

In all honesty, it feels like I am giving a part of their “babyhood” away.  Will I ever wish one day that I had that special outfit Ryan wore in his first picture?  Will I regret not keeping the cute overalls that Cole loved to wear?  I even thought about saving some clothes to give to the boys way down the road, when they have babies.

The thought of storing clothes for at least twenty plus years or more, snapped me back into reality.  I don’t want to become a pack rat, holding on to everything which reminds me of when the boys were babies, or toddlers, or pre-schoolers, etc.  The only reason I would be saving them, is because I would want to try to preserve a piece of those times.  I have other ways of doing that, without having to be a clothes hoarder for the next twenty years. 

As my boys get bigger though, there really aren’t that many clothes worth saving. Between all the mud, dirt, and grass stains on their shirts, and torn knees in their pants, I am happy to get rid of them. 

I do have just a few special outfits that I am saving.  My favorites are the little onesies the hospital gave them as newborns.  I look at those ever so often, and am just amazed how small they are, and that they were actually big on my babies as newborns. 

So  with the back of my car packed to the brim of all these baby clothes to donate, which are no longer needed, I feel good they have another life ahead of them.  Perhaps another mother will love the same outfits I did.  Maybe one day in the not so distance future, she will be faced with having to decide what to give away, and what to keep, and she too, will be remembering the first time her baby boy wore that special outfit.  If I could meet that mother who will receive my boys’ clothes, I would tell her to enjoy- enjoy every minute with her baby-it goes so fast. 

Getting rid of the clothes helped me realize, when the baby clothes no longer fit, and there is a beautiful child instead, in that baby’s place- you don’t need have to have bags of clothes to remember him as a baby-you just do.

 **************************************************************************

Update: 5/30/08- I dropped off the clothes along with some other baby equipment no longer needed, this morning.  I took them to a pregnancy center which helps usually younger women who are faced with an unplanned pregnancy.   I felt sad, thinking about all the clothes that I would never see again.  When the receptionist saw how many clothes and other items I had, she was amazed.  She told me they never get that many items donated, and it was a real blessing.  I took my stuff to their stock room, and they only had a few toys- no clothes whatsoever!  She just kept telling me thank you, and they would be put to such great use. 

That made it all worth while- I know I will remember my boys’ being babies, and I am so glad their clothes will have a useful second life.  🙂

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Activities Cole Mothering Parenting Ryan School

Memories

Next year, Ryan will be starting kindergarten.  I wonder where in the world has the time gone?  I remember holding my brand new baby, and thinking he would be little forever.  Now this is almost our last summer before we have to think about starting school.

As a mother of two, day-to-day life is busy. There is always something going on.  Just when you think you have put out all the fires for the moment- BOOM- something literally goes boom (like a broken toy), or a new situation arises that needs your attention- either an argument breaks out, the laundry needs to be put away, a hungry child, there is a dirty diaper that needs to be changed, or your child just wants your attention to ask you why the sky is blue.

During the last four and a half years of Ryan’s life, I have focused on the day at hand, and haven’t really thought very much about the days, weeks, and months that lie ahead.  It seems as soon as you make plans a few days, or weeks ahead, then BOOM.  Something always comes up that inadvertently forces you to change your plans- a sick child, or a child that didn’t sleep well the night before, and is in no mood to be taken anywhere.

I suppose for sake of not being disappointed if my outings and activities, didn’t work out, I have just gotten in the habit of not really planning anything.  That is how our day-to-day life has been, especially throwing a new baby/toddler in the mix with Cole’s arrival two years ago.

It hit me the last few weeks, that time is running out.  All those weeks, months, and years that I thought were indefinite, are almost up.  I don’t have endless time with my boys, before they are off to school, and in a sense, off to start their lives somewhat separate from us.

It made me sad that I don’t have photo books full of pictures of all the fun and exciting places, I have been to with Ryan and Cole.  Will they wonder why they can’t remember going to the zoo, or the museum every week?  Will they wonder why their mother was too busy in day-to-day life, and why she couldn’t just let things “go” every now and then?

Part of my reasoning has also been that they were too little…they wouldn’t remember these things anyway.  But now they are getting older, and it is important that we remember having fun together.  I have decided this summer, we are going to have fun and start making memories.  

I didn’t sign Ryan up for preschool for the summer, and didn’t sign up for music classes for the boys, to keep our days open.  Ryan will have swimming lessons only one day a week.  I still have to work a few days during the week, but on the other days, we are going to do fun things.  We aren’t going to go to the zoo or children’s museum every week, but I plan on making sure they at least know what a zoo and museum are.  If my house isn’t as clean as I would like, or the laundry doesn’t get done, then so-be-it.  We have at least a week of clean clothes hanging in our closets.  🙂

Every mother has regrets at some point, and I know down the road I would look back and regret the way I have spent some of this precious time that I have with my boys.  I don’t get any do-over’s and once it is gone, that is it.  I don’t want to look back in 18 years, when Ryan and Cole have moved out, and have started their own lives, and realize I was too busy folding laundry, and vacuuming to have really enjoyed these early years with them. 

I know I will miss them when they are gone.  I seriously doubt I will wish that I had spent more time doing housework, or wished that I had been able to complete more work from home.  I will be looking back at pictures of them- the places we went, the places we saw, and our time together.  I will be remembering.  I don’t want us to remember the one time we went to the zoo, or the one time we threw the schedule out the window and went and played all day. 

When that day comes, when all I have is the memories and photos of my boys as they are now, I won’t be looking for pictures of my clean house, or an empty dishwasher.  I won’t be remembering all the trips to the grocery store I made before lunch time.  I won’t be looking for work projects I completed.  I will be looking for their smiles- their joy- their happiness-their innocence. I will be looking for their childhood.

As a mother, the days are long but the years are short.  While I still have time, before too many years are gone, I’m going to start working this summer on creating memories with my young sons worth remembering.  

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Activities Cole Mothering Parenting Ryan

Spring is Here

 After having a week of rain, sun, then more rain, and clouds, I think spring is officially here.  This morning started off cool and cloudy, but it is now sunny in the 60’s, and the boys are having a blast playing outside.

By Sunday, we are supposed to reach the upper 80’s!  This weekend is plant buying time!  I have purposely held off on buying bedding plants, because the weather was being so weird.  There was a frost warning one night this past week, so I am glad I held off.

The one aspect that I am sad about is I won’t be planting a vegetable garden this year.  We have plans to move this summer.  I just can’t see doing all that work, in spring and summer, only to leave it, and not be able to enjoy the fruits of our labor!  I know I am setting myself up here- because if we did plant vegetables, then of course, our plans would go like clockwork.  By not planting a garden, thinking we won’t be here, is surely tempting fate, that we will still be here later in the summer.  Then I will be regretfully asking myself why I didn’t plant at least a few vegetables!

At any rate, we are going to be pretty busy this summer, and I am counting on not having a lot of time one way or another to devote to my veggie garden.  I did buy one cherry tomato plant that I will plant in a pot, and keep in the spot I normally would plant my four or five tomato plants.  Fortunately, my father-in-law plants a wonderful garden every year, so we will still have access to some of those wonderful homegrown veggies.  We also have a great vegetable stand from a farm in town, and the Farmer’s Market.

Ryan is already in love with the tomato plant. The other night when I was bringing the plant in, he started talking to it.  He calls it Mr. Tomato Plant.  He tells the plant he is going to grow us yummy, sweet tomatoes, and then he gives it a hug.  Thank goodness Grandpa has some seeds for Ryan, and Ryan gets to help Grandpa in his garden. 

Ryan is such a sweet, and thoughtful child.  I think he will really enjoy gardening.  Maybe next year I will be able to plant a garden, with both my boys.  Starting the garden is always a symbolic gesture for me that the cold, short days of winter are finally gone, and finally the warmer, longer days of spring are here.

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Activities Cole Family & Friends Holidays Mothering Parenting Ryan

Mother’s Day

I had a wonderful Mother’s Day.  This was my fifth one already!  (How did that happen?)

We got up early so we could make it to my favorite breakfast cafe, before the crowd got there.  It is a Creole cafe which serves to die-for beignets (which is like a cross between a sopapilla and a donut), and homemade biscuits among other goodies.  I got eggs, Creole style- which were scrambled with peppers, onions, cheese,  potatoes, and topped with tomatoes and an avocado. This was served with the biggest buttermilk biscuit you have ever seen, topped with homemade strawberry rhubarb jam.  It was delicious, and of course the boys loved the beignets and biscuits.

After breakfast we went to Joe’s parents house, where we had a present for Joe’s mom.  I had compilled all the best pictures during the last year, and made a photo book for her on Shutterfly.  I have to say, as a former scrapbooker, Shutterfly made the whole process incredibly easy, and fun.  The hardest part for me was picking out the photos to use, and cropping them before I downloaded them to Shutterfly.  I loved the way the book turned out, and I was so happy I ordered a copy for us too.  It is a wonderful keepsake, and Joe’s mom was very happy with it. 

After visiting for a while, we went home, where we all took a nap, except for Ryan.  Bless Joe’s heart- he “napped” in the living room on the couch, so he could watch Ryan.  After I got Cole to sleep, I took a luxurious hour and a half nap in my bed.  It was great.  I woke up to Ryan telling me I had a Mother’s Day card.  This was the envelope:

When I asked Ryan if that was him on the envelope, he said, “No, that is just a hairy guy.”  Okay- I guess my son thinks I like hairy guys.  🙂

Cole was still sleeping, and Joe decided to assemble Cole’s birthday present.  Even though it is in about two weeks, we bought last week, and figured the boys should get as much use out of it as possible.  The directions said it assembled in less than an hour.  Uh, right.  We spent triple the time assembling it.  Cole had woken up in the meantime, and I fixed the boys lunch, which they ate outside, while they ‘helped’ Dad.  (I’m going to write more about the present with pictures closer to Cole’s birthday). 

I got a little yard work in, and cleaned the front porch.  When the toy was done, the boys played for awhile, and I told Joe I wanted some pizza from my favorite pizza restaurant-so off we went to a neighboring town, and we had a nice 20 minute drive or so.  I was a little worried the restaurant would be crowded, and we would have to wait, but we got right in, and it wasn’t super busy, until we left. 

When we got home, I went on a long walk by myself.  The weather was wonderful- warm but not too warm, and not cold enough to need a jacket. 

After I was finished with my walk, the boys were ready for their bath, and bed.  Ryan was so tired, but he told me Happy Mother’s Day again, and asked me if I had fun, “celebrating me.”

As I laid Cole down in his crib, he pulled my face in for another kiss, and then just held my cheek to his, smiling.  He gave me a kiss, and rolled over on his side saying, “night night.”  It was the best moment of the day.

I loved today, and even though I know I will have some things to catch up on, I wouldn’t have changed any of it.  I loved having a fun, relaxed, and easy day with my family.  🙂  Here are two pictures, after we arrived home from breakfast:

         

I hope everyone had a wonderful Mother’s Day, how ever you chose to spend the day!