Tag: thyroid cancer

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Cancer Family & Friends Health

Thyroid Cancer- Tired

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I have been on synthroid and cytomel for just over a week, and I am feeling so much better!  I feel like I am in my thirties again- not my nineties.  I know I am not back to my “old self,” yet, but I wonder if there is such a thing.

I don’t think mentally, I will ever be back to my “old self.”  What I mean by that is, I don’t think I can ever go back to that time before I had cancer- that time was an innocence.  I didn’t have to think about being sick.  I didn’t have to worry about how my boys were handling my cancer.  I didn’t have to think about taking medication the moment I woke up every morning.  I didn’t have to worry about doctors, lost time at work, on-going medical and health care, medical bills, insurance denials for some of the care I need, and the one worry that will always be in the back of my mind- what if the cancer comes back?

I had my full body scan today.  They look to see if there is any remaining thyroid tissue in your body- to see how effective the radioactive iodine treatment (RAI) was.  If there is no remaining thyroid tissue, then I will be essentially “cancer free.”  If there is remaining thyroid tissue, I believe I will be given another dose of RAI. 

Right before my surgery, I had a PET scan to see if the cancer had spread to any other areas in my body.  Fortunately, it had not.  But I don’t like being scanned. The machines make me claustrophobic.  The machine today, looked more spacious than the PET scan machine, but after they started the machine lifted me up, and there was a screen just millimeters away from my face.  I started feeling very panicked, and almost called the technician over to stop.  But I closed my eyes, and just tried to imagine myself somewhere else.

It worked, and I calmed down after a few minutes.  Then, after about fifteen minutes, the screen moved away from my face.  As I was lying there with my eyes closed, it just hit me how tired I am of all of this.  Before being diagnosed with thyroid cancer, I was so healthy!  I would catch a few colds every year, but that was it.  It kind of just hit me, that this was my future.  Ultrasounds, scans, and blood work.  

I am very grateful and happy most days that the cancer I have is so treatable, and basically curable.  When I was first diagnosed with thyroid cancer, every medical person told me if I had to have cancer, this was the kind to have.  I thought it was no big deal- I’d have the surgery and move on.

Cancer is cancer, and no matter which kind you have, it is still a major intrusion and interruption into your life, and the lives of your family.  There are side affects, mentally, physically, and emotionally for not just the patient, but for everyone in their circle.   There is no such thing as a “good cancer” or a “better cancer” to have. 

Two months ago, I wouldn’t have written this blog post.  I would have been trying to stay “happy” and “positive.”  While I still feel I have a very positive attitude overall, some days are hard, exhausting, scary, lonely, and isolating.  For me, it is important acknowledge this and to mourn the loss of the care-free health that I had previously. I believe it is okay to feel this way at times, and more importantly it is healthy to allow yourself these feelings. 

Every day is getting better, and I hope to have the results of the scan early next week.  If I am declared “cancer free”, then that is it for now- other than having my synthroid medication adjusted.  I will have to go in every six months for an ultrasound and blood work to watch for any signs of reoccurrence.  I am starting to picture my life in six month blocks.  Six months where I don’t have to take it one day at a time. Six months means I can make plans and start living life again. 

Six months- I know that is a gift, and a gift I will gladly take.  There is a saying, you don’t get a rainbow without rain, and I find that very true for cancer patients and survivors.  For every rainbow you receive, you’ve endured a lot of rain.  I am tired of the rain, and am looking forward to the rainbows.

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Cancer Cole Family & Friends Health Mothering Parenting Ryan School

The End of Summer

As the sun streamed into my room this morning, I couldn’t help but be happy.  A week ago, I said good-bye to my boys expecting to see them in four days.  It turned into a week, because of the radioactive iodine therapy I underwent on Monday for thyroid cancer. 

Initially, I was going to have Cole for the day, and then pick up Ryan later from his grandparent’s house, but as it turned out- I ended up with both boys, and I couldn’t believe how much they had changed in a week!  They both looked older, and I think they both grew at least an inch during the past week.  It was so good to hug and kiss them- this was the longest amount of time I have ever been away from my children.

The day was beautiful, and I took them to the park.  I am so thankful I have energy again, and could actually play with them.  At one point, Cole came up to me, and asked me to hold him.  I picked him up, sat down with him, held him close to me, and kissed the top of his head.  A few moments later, Ryan sat down next to me, and wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me.  I held him too, and the three of us sat there- reconnecting.

I have had an enormous amount of guilt this last week, regarding this summer and the boys.  This is the last summer we had before Ryan starts kindergarten- a rite of passage- and in my mind, the end of an era for us.  The days of Ryan being at home for the majority of the week, are almost done. He is starting his school career.  I had such plans for the boys and I, for this summer- before I fully realized the impact the cancer surgery, recovery, and treatment was going to take. 

I wanted the summer to be special for them- I wanted them to remember swimming, ice cream and watermelon- not that their mommy had cancer.   But when something like cancer happens, it stops all plans- there is nothing you can do, but start taking it one day at a time.  I had to sacrifice this summer so I could have the autumns, winters, springs, and summers in the future with them.  I wanted to tell them I was sorry- sorry that they had deal with something like this at such a young age. 

As we sat there on the bench in the park, and I held them close to me, it reminded me that the only thing the boys really need from me is my love.  I told them how much I loved them, how proud I was of them, and I was finally feeling better.  The boys told me they loved me too, and Ryan said he could tell “by my face” that I was feeling better.  Then they scooted off of me- the moment was over- and ran to the swings.

I felt it in the air this morning, the coolness- the trace of crispness in the air.  The air isn’t quite summer morning air, but is autumn whispering its approaching presence in the background.  Some things in life are constant- children growing, sickness, health, and love.  My boys will remember this was the summer I was sick with cancer, but they will also remember my love for them, and the love from their family and friends.  That is what matters. 

As this summer slips away, much like childhood, a beautiful, golden autumn will emerge finally- one morning at a time.

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Cancer Family & Friends Health low iodine diet Me Parenting

Thyroid Cancer-D-Day!

I am so happy today!  Today is the the day I finally can take synthroid- the thyroid replacement hormone.  It will have been just two days under two months, since I have been without any thyroid hormones in my body.  I took my first one at 7AM.  I will have to take this medication for the rest of my life. 

The doctors tell me it is not a quick fix, and it is a gradual return to feeling better and normal.  So I am not expecting to take one synthroid and be back to my “old self” but after this long of being in the hypothyroidism state,  I am hopeful  today the downwards trend I have been experiencing for the last eight weeks stops.  It is very rare for the first dosage to be correct, so I am expecting to have to go through a few dosage adjustments as well. 

My doctor also prescribed cytomel for two weeks, to “jump start” my system. I didn’t wake up one day and feel this tired, this fatigued- it was a definite gradual downward change- every day was a little worse than the last, so I am hoping that with feeling better it will be the same.  As long as I feel a little better than the day before, I’ll feel like I am heading in the right direction.  I have to have my blood tested in six weeks to check the dosage, but if I don’t feel better after a few days, I will be calling the endocrinologist.  

Today is also the day I stop the low iodine diet.  It was nice to eat so many fresh foods and vegetables- I am going to try to keep that part of the diet going, but it will be nice to have some milk with cereal, tea again, and I have been craving  homemade popcorn with lots of butter on it.  🙂  I found the hardest part of the diet was just preparing the foods since I have been in the hypothyroidism state for so long.

I received my radioactive iodine therapy (in the form of a pill) on Monday, and  I am radioactive as I write this.  I can be around adults no more than 30 minutes at a time, but can’t place myself in a general population where there would be children, until Thursday.  However, the nuclear medicine doctor, who administered the pill, strongly suggested that I am not around my boys for five to seven days.  She said because of their ages, their cells are much more vulnerable to radioactivity, and it is hard for them to not climb on me, and keep an arms distance away.

I thought I was going to be able to see the boys on Thursday, and I am very sad and miss them like crazy, but under the circumstances, I agree with her.  I don’t want to put my boys at risk and in the grand scheme of things, two more days is worth it, if it eliminates the risk they will be exposed to radiation.  Their dad and his family have been taking care of the boys, and Ryan and Cole have been having a lot of fun. 

I have been at home- really having no energy to do much.  I have been reading, catching up on some paperwork, and I took a very short walk yesterday.  It’s kind of weird thinking of myself being quarantined, but since I have very little energy I don’t feel like going anywhere.

This has really been the hardest thing I have ever had to do, physically.   No energy, fatigue, no mental energy- that is how my body felt physically for so many weeks. 

My family and friends told me to hang in there and not give up- there is light at the end of the tunnel. So many people told me I am stronger than I know.  I didn’t believe them- I certainly didn’t feel strong. In fact, these last two months,  is the weakest I have ever been, physically and mentally. But I learned there is nothing wrong with being weak- I can’t do it all- no one can, and being weak allowed me to accept this. Being at my weakest for so long, showed me that I am stronger than I knew, stronger than I believed. 

I feel like today is my new beginning.  I am finally at the end of this tunnel- and I just don’t see the light, I am in the light.   I have discovered, that I am strong, but there is no shame in being weak either.  Others could see that in me, and now I see it for myself.  But more importantly, today, I believe it.

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Cancer Cooking Health low iodine diet Me

Low Iodine Diet Food & Information

I can’t write much, but a picture speaks a thousand words.  The boys’ dad watched them for the weekend, and my dad took me shopping for low iodine food for the week.  Then he helped me chop, dice, and grilled the chicken and meat.  This was all recommended to be done before I was in the hypothyroidism state, so it was very difficult to get it done, but we did. 

The diet says you can eat meat you prepare yourself, and as many fruit and veggies,  as you want (no soy), but I can’t get enough protein from the fruits and veggies I need, so having the meat will help me immensely with my energy level for the week.   

The website that I got some of the recipes from (you can download their free cookbook), and read up on the low iodine diet, is ThyCa– (Thyroid Cancer Survivors Association).  I found it to be very helpful, and so far the recipes have turned out great. One good tip they had was to read the labels.  We started to buy some organic ingredients, but found the organic black beans for instant, had sea salt in them, which is worse than just regular salt, because sea salt is higher in iodine.  I would have never had know that, if I had not read through their information.

 Here is a picture of most of the low iodine food we were able to prepare:

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I would have never been able to do it without the help of my and my boys’ family, so thank you.  I am still waiting to hear when I can take the thyroid replacement hormone.  Until I can take it, I am not going to start feeling better, but as of today there is only one week to go on the low iodine diet.

Categories
Cancer Health Me Mothering

Thyroid Cancer Recovery Update

I know I said I was going to take a mini break from blogging, but I miss it.  It is a good outlet for me, so I am changing my mind and deciding I just am not going to be able to blog as much as I have in the past.

During the last week, I have noticed the lack of hormones kick in- just as my Dr. said they would.  I was never very hormonal when pregnant, but in a a way I feel like I am now.  I will be happy and fine, and then for no reason I will just start crying for ten minutes, really hard- and then I will be feeling fine again, until the next time it happens.  Not knowing when this is going to happen is hard- especially around my boys.  They ask me why I am crying and I tell them it is just part of mommy having to get well again.

I have been able to do almost all the rehab exercises for my shoulder, except for a few where  I am supposed to hang my neck down. That just hurts too much to do it right now, and my Dr. said don’t do any of the exercises that cause pain.  Just trying to keep up with a house and two boys is giving my shoulder a good workout. I am trying to do light chores with it- ones that don’t hurt but ones that I can use the muscles. 

I have been able to cut my pain medication into about half the dosage- it says  I can take one every four hours, but I am finding I can go about six to eight hours between one.  The other day, I tried cutting them out all together and just taking Advil.  OUCH!  Clearly I am not ready for that, but I feel when my current perscription of pain medication is gone, I will hopefully be ready to just be on ibuprofen.  I have had wonderful friends do yard work, and stop by with flowers and food, and of course my family has been there every step of the way too.  I know that has contributed in my being able to rest and not overdo it. 

I meet with the endocrinologist next week to find out what I have to do prepare for the radioactive iodine treatment I need, and I know that is going to involve my diet.  I haven’t had much of an appetite at all.  My doctor said usually after surgery, most patients gain weight because the thyroid controls your metabolism.  That has been the opposite for me.  I have been forcing down light foods like chicken, pasta salads, tuna, yogurt, and cheese.  But nothing sounds good to eat.  I have even stopped drinking coffee in the morning.  If you know me you know I LOVE coffee, but the thought of smelling coffee actually makes me nauseous.

I slept for almost 14 hours yesterday and woke up and felt like I hadn’t slept at all- another aspect the thyroid controls.  So I feel tired all the time.  I get bouts of energy where I will do what needs to be done, and then I am pretty much wiped out for the day. 

My sister had her annual exam yesterday and she made them check her thyroid.  They said it felt fine, but they were going to test her levels anyway in view of my situation, which made me happy.  I have talked to a lot of people who have never had their thyroids felt during their exams.  As I wrote here, and as everyone told me, if you have to have cancer, thyroid cancer is the “best” one to have, but it is still cancer.  I didn’t have to have the neck dissection on both sides of my neck, because of early detection.

But my neck aches every minute of the day.  It feels like my neck was cut off, and sewn back on.  There is no good cancer to have- I am grateful mine is so treatable and the survival rate is so high, but having your thyroid out (and lymph nodes as well in my case) is not something you ever want to have to go through.

I plan to write an amazing review of a scar healing product that was sent to me, but I want to devote an entire post to that, but I have been truly amazed by it.  I am going to post some updated pictures of my scar, because I feel this is life- cancer happens, and people do recover. 

I lost someone who I thought was a friend, over my posting my cancer surgery pictures from my blog, but the e-mails from people that are experiencing cancer themselves, or have just found out they have thyroid cancer has been overwhelming.  Not a day goes by without someone sending me an e-mail, thanking me for sharing my story, because it has helped them, or someone they love who is dealing with thyroid cancer. 

My goal in posting my cancer story, pictures, and recovery is not to be gross, or muster up sympathy for myself, but to help people realize that it is a condition that you can be treated for and recover from.  It is not a pleasant experience, but you can recover.  I recently read something I really liked about cancer- it said, “Cancer is a word- not a sentence,” and I feel that is so true.  Life hands us experiences, like cancer, we never expect, but the body, mind, and spirit can recover- and it does. 

If looking at scar pictures bother you, please don’t look any further. I plan to have more pictures when I write the review of the scar healing product but for now, here is how my scar is doing:

 

 

Scar on June 26, 20096-26-092copy

 

 

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Scar on July 15, 2009

I know I sound like a broken record, but I just can’t thank everyone enough for the love and support that you continue to send my way.  It helps me more than you will ever know- Thank you.