Tag: recovering after cancer

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Cancer Family & Friends Health losing a parent Mothering Parenting

April 18th- Birthday and Cancer

 

Birthday and cancer may seem like an odd title, but April 18th, would have been my mom’s 63rd birthday.  She passed away 2 years ago, and I can’t help but think about her today. Losing a parent never really goes away.  There are always reminders, birthdays, holidays, and family events that tend to make you stop and remember.  Fortunately, I have a lot of happy memories of her, and that is what I like to remember about her.

I actually skipped the cemetery visit today. I’ve always gone on her birthday, and death anniversary. But this year, I don’t feel the need.  I know she is in a better place, and even though her remains are buried, I don’t think her spirit is in the cemetery. Her spirit is in the memories my siblings and I have of her, and in our children.  People often tell me what great kids I have, and credit that to my mom.  She was a good mom, and I model a lot of my parenting after my mom.  When I’m facing parenting issues I have no idea on how to handle, I think back to what she did, and 9 times out of 10 it works with my kids.

So today, in her honor, I’m going to spend some extra time with Ryan and Cole, and tell them a story about when I was a little girl with my mom. I have the picture books she put together, and I’m going to find the book with my first trip to Disneyland, when I was 6, and show those pictures to the boys, and tell them what I remember about it and my mom.  I think that will do more to honor her spirit and teach my boys about their Nana, then going to the cemetery.

April 18, 2009 was the day I received the phone call from my doctor that changed my life- forever.  I was told I had thyroid cancer. That day seemed so long ago, and yet, it seems like it was yesterday. I remember wondering what was going to happen to my boys. I remember my family and friends telling me I was going to beat this, and be okay.  I remember being the most scared I ever was.  I remember crying for hours and then stopping.  Getting dressed and going out with my family and friends.  Being normal, in an abnormal situation.   Knowing I had to for my kids.  Nothing else mattered. They needed their mom- every child does. I remember that night resolving no matter what, I was going to fight and do whatever I needed to do, to fight cancer, get healthy, and live so my kids didn’t have to grow up without me.

It isn’t always been easy. I have to do follow up visits every time this year, that stress me out and bring up all the “what if’s,” again. But, three years after a cancer diagnosis, with the help, support, and love of my kids, family, and friends, what I envisioned as hope, three years ago, is a reality.

I wish I had time to respond to all the emails I get from thyroid cancer patients, but I just don’t anymore.  I am planning to write another post soon, addressing a lot of comments, questions, and issues, I’ve received in emails.  I haven’t written about cancer in a long time, but this date is significant for me.  No one knows what is around the corner, but those of us who have had cancer, happen to know some of what we need to deal with.  My boyfriend, John, pointed out to me this past week, I know what I am dealing with, and can stay on top of it. It actually does make it easier in some respects.

The only way cancer wins out is if it steals your spirit from you. There were days when I was fighting cancer, I didn’t care if I was alive or not. Then I remembered my kids and family.  Let them be your strength.  Let people help you.  Even though it is a battle, thyroid cancer is curable.  Don’t let it take your passion, drive, and optimism away.

One of my favorite things I read when I was fighting cancer was, “Cancer is a word. Not a sentence.” Sometimes it is easy to let it become a sentence, but it doesn’t help you in the long term.  Three years ago, as I was crying on my bed for hours, I would have never imagined I would be in the best health of my life, cancer free, biking, 30+ miles, placing in competitive running races, and thriving, within a few short years.

I want anyone who is fighting cancer, to know life is what you make of it- cancer or no cancer. Don’t let it become your “sentence.” Fight with everything you have to keep it a word.  Fight with all you have, and then some, to beat it.  It is hard at times- most things worthwhile are.  But, three years later I can tell you, from being there and back, it is one of the most important things you will ever do.

My mom passed away before I got my cancer free diagnosis last year.  But she saw me fight it, and continuing to live my life.  One of the last conversations I had with her in the hospice, she held my hand with what little strength she had left, and told me I was fine. She told me to keep running; she could see how strong it was making me.  She said she knew the cancer was gone- she said I was just too strong for it to survive- I was stronger than cancer. She was right.

Happy Birthday, Mom.  I love you.

To all my thyroid cancer fighters and survivors: Keep fighting! Cancer is a word. Not a sentence.

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Cancer Choose You Health Running

Resting & Choosing You

Last Saturday, June 12th, was the one year anniversary of my thyroid cancer and neck dissection surgery.  A few months ago, I had a goal- a definite way I wanted to “mark” this day.  I was going to run in a tough half marathon in the mountains of Estes Park, Colorado.  Although I have run a half marathon distance before (13.1 miles) it would have been my first half marathon race.  I thought if I could run a mountain terrain half marathon at an elevation of 7,000+ feet, it would be an excellent foundation to build on for a full marathon. 

I would have had to put in some major training, and if you read my last post, it was obvious it wasn’t going to happen.  I thought a lot about the two races I’ve missed now, because of the time I needed to rest and regroup-physically and mentally.  It is hard missing out on a goal you really want to achieve, when your body won’t let you. 

Thinking back on my surgery from last year, it is amazing to me how much my body has been through, and really-that I can even push it to the limits I do.  I still have shoulder pain from the nerves they had to move in my neck, to get to my lymph nodes.  I’ve recently been told I need to have physical therapy on my shoulder because the muscles are so shortened and out of place.  I hardly notice the pain anymore, and this arm feels just as strong to me as my other arm, which was not affected by the surgery. In just a year-365 days-my body has made a remarkable recovery. 

But I have realized over the last month, I can’t expect my body to recover from a major surgery, heal from cancer, process radioactive iodine, function with almost 100 less lymph nodes, kill off microscopic cancer cells, adjust to thyroid hormones, be a mom, daughter, sister, friend, employee, deal with enormous amounts of stress through a divorce and losing a parent, and push physically as hard as it ever has, and not expect to ever be tired and need a break. 

I missed two goals I really wanted to accomplish, but I have also gained something I never would have otherwise.  Perspective.  My body last month was telling me it needed to rest.  I am glad I listened, because I think it will make me a better and stronger runner overall. 

Last Thursday, I finally had a run where I had a consistent pace again, some distance, and I wasn’t tired.  I had a bit of knee pain still, which I am convinced, is tied into running somehow.  It only started hurting a little over a month ago, when I was running.  I noticed the knee pain, before I tuned into how my body was feeling.  I hiked two weekends ago almost 10 miles on a tough trail, carrying 20+ pounds of equipment, and I had no knee pain whatsoever over the course of two days.  It might sound silly, but on that hiking trip, I decided when my knee didn’t hurt when I ran, the time would be right to come back to race training.  

On Monday I ran.  I wanted to run fast.  I wanted to run a shorter distance and see how it went.  I ran at a fast pace so I had to work, but I did not go “all out.”  I ran on grass, which is harder to run on.  I felt good.  I ended up with one of my fastest times ever for the distance in a training run.   There was only a tingle of knee pain.    

And so, I am beginning again.  I am going to gradually and consistently push forward.  I have a new short-term goal I will write about next week. 

I’ve learned a lot in the last year, but over the last month I have learned one of the most important lessons:  Sometimes by not doing anything, listening to your body, and just being, is the best way to choose you.

(Cross posted at Choose You Blog– a new campaign by The American Cancer Society to help encourage and support women to put their health first in the fight against cancer.)

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Activities Cancer Health Me Running

Ready to Run!

Last month I ran in my first ever running race, The Denver Koman Race for the Cure, supporting breast cancer.  At the end of that post, I mentioned my running journey was going to be continued.  

On Saturday, I will run in my second race.  It is the Denver’s Veteran’s 5K race, before the Veteran’s Day Parade in downtown Denver.   One big difference in this race from the Race for the Cure, is this race will be timed.  I will have an official finishing time and ranking at the end of the race.  I’m curious to see where I end up for my age group.

I have been running three to four times a week, and doing some yoga stretches and breathing on the days I don’t run.  I have been reading up on some suggestions on how to improve speed, and after a few trial and errors, I think I found a method that works for me.  Part of what I have included in my training, is I have been trying to run up more hills once a week to strengthen my legs.  I have also been devoting one run to half the distance of a 5K (1.6 miles) but running at a faster pace.  After another run, I will sprint about 400 yards, and then walk 400 yards a few times.

This seems to be working.  Before the Race for the Cure, my time averaged around 38 minutes.  Last week I had my best 5K run time ever- exactly 30 minutes.  I’m pretty happy in less than a month, I’ve been able to drop eight minutes off my time.  On Friday I went on a run, and more than half the path was icy and snow packed.  I adjusted my running to run on the snow, and I ran 3.4 miles in 31 minutes. Running in the snow was a good work-out for my legs as well.  I’ll admit it though- I have a bit of a competitive streak in me.  Running seems to bring that out, in that I want to keep getting faster.  My goal for the race on Saturday is to finish under 30 minutes.

Part of what I enjoy about running are the challenges.  Obviously there is the physical aspect, but I also like the mental challenge.  I have learned (and am still learning) how to really zero in on what my body is doing, and it forces me to stay focused. I have never been a great breather- I am finding in order to do so, I really have to concentrate on it. For me, that is the key to a good run-proper breathing. 

The elements are another challenge.  The weather has been cold, and it is totally different running in 20 degree weather than 40 degree weather.  I went on a run today dressed warmly, but ten minutes into it, I was way too hot.  I didn’t want to stop, so I shed some layers, tying them around my waist while running and kept on. I don’t want to be shedding layers during the race and be carrying extra clothing, so every time something like this happens, I learn something from it and learn how to make the adjustment. 

I also have a “secret weapon” for this race, which I didn’t have in the last race.  I’m not quite ready to reveal it yet, but I think part of me getting faster can be attributed to these!  For the rest this week, I am going to do another 5K run on Tuesday, followed by some sprinting, a 1.6 mile run on Thursday, and I should be rested and ready for Saturday.  Like last month, I’m excited and so happy that I’m healthy enough to do this! 

The race last month was a good way to get back into an exercise program while taking it at a comfortable pace.  I’m going to push myself more in this race and see how far I can go- I’m ready to run!

If you want to become the best runner you can be, start now.  Don’t spend the rest of your life wondering if you can do it.  ~ Priscilla Welch 

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Activities Cancer Cole Family & Friends Health Running Ryan

Ready, Set, GO!

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I never thought I would be writing that I had fun preparing for the Komen Denver Race for the Cure.  I have never liked running- it was always my last choice for exercise.  I wrote previously why I decided to sign up to run my first ever race, and why I chose the Race for the Cure. 

On Thursday evening, following the advice of my triathlete friend, Sonja, I ran the last full 5k (3.2 miles) before the actual race on Sunday.  It was cold and windy, and I was dreading doing the run.  I wanted to just stay home and stay warm.   I bundled the boys up and we went to our trusty bike path / playground. They were immediately occupied by checking out all the debris that had been trapped by the tennis court fence, so I took off running. 

It was one of the best exercise sessions I have ever had.  I felt everything come together.  The last few times I have ran, I have gotten a cramp in my side almost the moment I started running.  I really concentrated on breathing, and there was no cramp.  Everything was in sync- my breathing, pacing, and body.  I can’t recall ever feeling like that before when running.  I finished the distance and felt like I could have kept going.  I knew I had run faster than normal and when I checked my time it had been 38 minutes- a personal best.  

While I was running, I was enjoying the moment and the feeling of everything coming together.  I knew I had done the work, and now it was time to just let it be.  I realized I was at a point that I didn’t think possible just two months ago while I was suffering from hypothyroidsm, recovering from thyroid cancer and surgery.  This is what I wrote on my blog on August 1: 

Today I had an exceptionally hard day- I just had no energy, and I mean none.  Sitting in a chair was making me tired. …I literally have to get through the days, hour by hour, because waking up and facing a whole day in its entirety is too overwhelming. I honestly don’t know how I am going to make it hour to hour, let alone an entire day. 

Reading that seems like it was a lifetime ago, and I am beyond happy that I am healthy enough again to meet this goal.  I feel at this point I have done everything I could have done to prepare, and some of Sonja’s pre-race advice was: “the training is done and the race is the reward, it’s the celebration. It’s your chance to thank your body for persevering through this last year.” 

To all my family, friends, and the boys’ family, thank you once more for helping me beat cancer.  I couldn’t have done it without all of you.  

Ryan and Cole were wonderful while I was running, and were great coaches!  They won’t be at the race, but I hope to have lots of pictures of it to share with them.  They told me several times that I must be feeling better since I was running so fast!  I am thrilled after they saw me so sick over the summer, they were able to see that illness doesn’t have to define you, and you can come back stronger than before. 

So on Sunday morning, I am going to put time and finishing out of my mind. I am going to enjoy the race, and celebrate the moment.  I beat cancer!  There isn’t anything left to say except ready, set, GO!

(Thanks to J., for the blog post title)

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Cancer Family & Friends Health

Thyroid Cancer- Body Scan Results

I received the results to my full body scan on Wednesday- and it is very positive.  My doctor said the scan was clear- the only place cancer cells were still showing up at, were in my neck.  But she said this was expected because surgery alone can’t remove every cancer cell. She said the radioactive iodine will continue to work over the next few weeks, and I will have another blood draw in about a month to measure my thyroglobulin level. 

The thyroglobulin level measures cancerous thyroid tissue in the body.  For someone who doesn’t have thyroid cancer, that level will be at zero.  Before my surgery my level was at 38!  My surgeon said that was very high, and he said it was unusual for the level to be that high.  That translated into I had a lot of cancerous thyroid tissue.  Yesterday the doctor told me what my level is now, just taking the surgery into account, and it is down to 4!   She said it was rare that the thyroglobulin level drops that much just from the surgery.  She said the surgeon did a remarkable and thorough surgery.

So in a month, when I have the level tested again, it will be after the radioactive iodine has had a chance to work so the thyroglobulin level should be even lower.  My doctor said everything else looked great- there was no traces of any cancer elsewhere in my body.

For now, I can take a deep breath and relax a bit.  I am pretty much cancer free, and have an excellent prognosis of remaining cancer free.  It seems a bit surreal, but I’ll take it.  I still have to have my thyroid replacement hormone dosage tested in a few weeks, and twice a year check-ups to make sure the cancer hasn’t returned.  My shoulder is still recovering from the surgery, but I am through the worst part of it, and am so happy the prognosis is so positive.  I couldn’t have asked for better news.

Thanks once more for all the support, prayers, kind comments and e-mails, well-wishes, and love.  I wouldn’t have made it this far without them.  Again, thank you to all my family and friends, who put their lives on hold to help me during these last few months.    I am looking forward to getting my life back to normal, and celebrating with all my family and friends in the coming months.   

One of these celebrations will be very special.  I never thought by sharing my experience on my blog, it would lead another mom to me who underwent thyroid cancer surgery the same day as I did, who had the same recovery time, who underwent radioactive iodine treatment at the same time, who lives about an hour away from me, and who has also been given a clean bill of health.  This is my cancer-fighting partner in crime, and we are finally going to be meeting each other soon, and celebrating that we helped each other beat cancer. 

This weekend the boys and I are going camping with my family- grandparents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and cousins.  The last time we were all together was when I was in the hospital during my surgery.  It will be great to put that chapter behind us, and and start a new one- cancer free.