missing children’s activities

Ryan woke up today with a sore throat. He said he did not want to go to his concert, but I figured he would change his mind as he got up and moving.

When we arrived at Grandma’s house, he still was saying he did not want to go the concert; his throat hurt. Grandma hugged him and told him she knew he would feel better soon. I love seeing Grandma and Ryan interact. I know Ryan loves me, but he adores his grandmother. I had to get going to work, and I figured if anyone could make him feel better, Grandma could.

Yesterday when I picked Ryan up from school, one of his teachers told me the kids were going to have costumes- I sighed. Then she said they were going to have penguin costumes (their song was about penguins)- I wailed, “Penguin costumes- how cute.” But I did not say what I was thinking, “I’m not going to be there.” But the teacher did tell me they usually always record the concerts, and they would burn a DVD for me.

I had a hard time trying not to think of Ryan all morning, especially when the time of the concert rolled around. I hoped his throat was feeling better and he was singing his heart out as a little penguin.

When I arrived to pick the boys up after work, Ryan’s grandma told me how cute the concert was. She said the school did a really great job. She said Ryan was also a snowflake, and at the end of the program they had a slide show with all the kids pictures, and of course there was a picture of Ryan. I asked Ryan how it went, and the first thing he said to me was,

“You should have been there Mom.”

He didn’t say it sad or mad- just matter-of-fact. Then he told me he was a penguin and got to stand behind a big curtain, and when they opened the curtain, it was time to sing. He also said Grandma gave him some hot chocolate before the concert to help his throat. Then they went out to lunch afterwards.

I am so glad and so fortunate that Ryan has such loving Grandparents that made sure he was able to participate today, even though his parents couldn’t work it out. Cole knows the song Ryan was singing, and he sung it for me when I got home. I think they all had a nice time. Grandma even brought me home a program so I can see my little penguin’s name in print-twice.

As we were driving home, Ryan told me again that I should have been there, and they showed his picture up on a big screen after he was done singing. I told him in my most happy, non-guilty voice, that I was so sorry I missed him today, but when school starts again, we will have the concert on a DVD, and we can watch a movie of him on TV. He was excited about seeing himself on TV. He asked if I would be able to see him behind the curtain too. 🙂

I just hope someone actually recorded the concert-that will be one movie I will watch over and over again.

Ryan will be five in a few weeks, and when he was born, I had a full-time job. I took 3 months of maternity leave when he was born, and returned to work part-time for a few months, to ease back into work. Before I returned full-time, the company I was working at was sold, and my job was eliminated. We were in a position where I didn’t have to work, so I decided to become a full-time stay-at-home-mom. I loved it.

When my second son, Cole, was 18-months old, I was offered a very part-time job, working one and a half days a week, that would allow me to keep my professional skills current, but still allow me to be with boys, most of the time. Ryan and Cole’s grandparents graciously offered to watch the boys one day while I work, and we found a great child care provider who watches them on the other day.

I have been at my job for fifteen months, and I haven’t missed anything that I felt guilty about in my boys’ lives. But that is going to change this week. Ryan’s preschool is having a winter concert later this week. The kids have been practicing their songs for a few weeks now. I hear Ryan practicing his song, and humming the tune. He sounds so cute singing it, and he is so excited. The school is having the concert at a local church, so it is a very big deal.

Except I can’t go. The day of the concert is one of the days I work, and this week I have to be there. Normally, I could switch my schedule around so I could attend, but I have to cover for vacations and my co-workers working off site. I am the only one who is scheduled to be in the office, and I take that responsibility seriously. But it is breaking my heart that I am going to miss my son’s first and probably only preschool concert.

The school is rehearsing at the church all week, and I am hoping tomorrow and on Wednesday, I’ll be able to catch some of the rehearsal to at least hear him sing a bit. Ryan’s teacher told me someone should record the concert and they can burn it on a DVD for me, but it isn’t quite the same thing as being there in person. Thanks to Ryan’s grandparents, he will more than likely be able to attend the concert, because Joe can’t change his schedule this week either.

I know I shouldn’t be sad- I should be thankful I have a job, and I am, but how do you balance out the grown-up responsibilities that you must fulfill with knowing you will miss your little boy singing about seven little penguins who are cold?

This is really hard for me- I’ll take any words of wisdom you can offer.