I had a laser surgery yesterday to remove the precancerous cell growth I had. I’m very happy to be able to type this today- the surgery went great. It was much better than I had been expecting. The nurses, and doctors were so organized and on top of it all. I am feeling groggy and dizzy from the anesthesia, but the pain is not nearly as bad as I had thought it might be.
The hardest moment for me was when I was in the pre-op bed, with the IV in waiting for the surgery to start. In the hospital bed like that, I felt sick. I missed Ryan and Cole so much. A lot of memories of surgery and cancer came back to me. I knew this wasn’t cancer, but those “what-ifs” seem to have a way of creeping in. I was going to be unconscious during the surgery, and that made me nervous. I also saw my chart binder with my last name, and it reminded me of seeing that binder when I was in the hospital with my mom before she passed away. I missed her a lot yesterday.
But my family and friends had called and texted me before the surgery, and I knew they were thinking of me. I was able to mentally make the shift that I was not sick, this was a preventative surgery, and it would be better I was asleep during the surgery.
A day after, I hope this was the last surgery I will ever have to have. As I wrote in my last post, I have made a few changes in my life, to work on keeping my stress down. It takes a conscious effort, but I definitely do not want to get any more cancers, or abnormal cells that could develop into cancer.
I have received a lot of email from thyroid cancer patients and survivors. It seems like we all have our struggles. One person I know is still having dosage problems for Synthroid two years after the fact. Another person still doesn’t feel back to normal after two years as well, and is nervous about developing more cancers.
Yesterday all the nurses and doctors who looked at my chart told me I was a very healthy person. I was a little surprised to hear them all say that. When I asked them even though I had thyroid cancer, they said yes- from a medical perspective, thyroid cancer is treatable and curable, and they look at the overall health picture.
I wanted to write and share this, because it is too easy once you’ve had cancer, to stop viewing yourself as healthy. I like what the medical staff had said, it’s an overall health picture. One cancer, or two- a few surgeries, doesn’t make you an unhealthy person. I am going to make that mind shift and keep all of it perspective.
Thank you to John, who took excellent care of me after the surgery last night, my friends and family for your well wishes, and for checking in with me today. I’m also very grateful to Ryan and Cole’s father’s family who are helping out with their care this week, so I can recover.
As I’ve written so many times, cancer does change you, and there are good parts to it and not so good parts to it. But, the main thing is to keep on top of it, and trust your body. It will be a fight for probably the rest of our lives, but as all cancer patients and survivors know- it is well worth it.