Tag: children growing up

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Cole Mothering Parenting Ryan

“Not In Front of People, Mom”

Childhood is full of milestones: first smile, first laugh, crawling, first word, walking, and the list goes on.  Sometimes it seems with a baby, new milestones are reached every day and are noted.  Now that my kids are getting older, these events seem fewer and far between.  Or maybe as parents, we just grow accustomed to our kids doing new things, so not everything they do draws the attention like it did when they were babies.

Recently, Ryan had two milestones that made me stop and take notice.   The first one was last week, on the day I pick him up from school.  The class was lined up outside, like they always do, and his teacher, Mrs. G., excuses the kids to go with their parents.  When she called Ryan’s name, he went and gave her a big hug.  Then he walked over to me, and I started to hug him, like I always do, and he pushed me away.  Then he said, “Not at school, Mom.” 

I was a little puzzled since he had just hugged Mrs. G.  I guess it is okay to hug your teacher, but not your mom.  As we walked to the car, I asked him if he was too big now to hug me.  He kind of avoided the question, until we were in the car, and then said, “I still want to hug you, but not in front of people, Mom.”  I joked with him and told him he was too cool now to hug me, and I understood.

But wow.  That happened fast.

The second event started last week.  We were at Costco getting the tires rotated, and Ryan told me he had to use the restroom.  I started to take him, and then asked him if he was okay going to the men’s room.  He told me yes, he could read, and he knows which one is the men’s room.  I didn’t want to follow him too closely, but I watched him from afar, and he went into the men’s room, and came out a few minutes later.  He told me he washed his hands, and he added, “I am a man now, because I use the men’s room.”

I told him he wasn’t quite a man yet, but he was on his way, and he was big enough to go to the restroom by himself when we are out- he just has to tell me.  So today we were out, and he told me he was going to go use the men’s room. 

It seems funny but also a bit sad at the same time.  As a mother, seeing your children become a little less dependent on you, it reminds you of how helpless they once were, but also how incredibly far they have come.  It’s a part of life.  It doesn’t mean though at times, it isn’t bittersweet. 

It makes me cherish the time I have with Cole, who can’t hug me enough, and doesn’t want to use the men’s room by himself-yet.

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Cole Mothering Parenting Ryan School

Childhood Innocence

My kids are pretty good about not begging, or whining for things.  But they are kids, and they have their methods of operations.

Ryan is very persistent when he has his eye on something and will mention it several times- he never forgets anything.  He seems to just wear me down over time.  He doesn’t whine, but just never drops the subject. 

Cole looks at me with his big, blue, eyes and smiles at me, and it gets me every time. Good thing he isn’t at an age where he is asking for more than goldfish crackers for his snack right now.

A few days ago Ryan mentioned in passing that his school was having a book fair, and there was a pointer he really liked.  He said we could go on Thursday.  It didn’t really register at the time, so I told him we’d talk about it on Thursday.

Today when he came home from school he told me that we were going to the book fair tonight- it was the last night, they were open until eight, and he needed the pointer for his “classroom.” He added, “Please Mom,” which he never does. 

Ryan loves playing school.  On the days he doesn’t have school, he has played school for eight hours straight.  He has lesson plans, reading, music classes, hall passes- everything.  So when he said this pointer was for his class, I asked him to tell me about it.  He said it was a pointer so he could read and point to the words in his books and so he could teach the kids in his class.  I told him I’d think about it.

When it was time for dinner, Ryan said we had to hurry up to eat so we could get to the book fair before eight.   I was torn.  I don’t want to give into my kids every time they want something.  On the other hand, it is so innocent.  He wasn’t asking for an $80 video game- he wanted something to enhance his school play.  While I was debating the pros and cons, he started crying and said if he didn’t get the pointer, he was never going teach again!  So dramatic!

I explained to him that we don’t throw fits when we don’t get what we want.  I told him if he stopped that behavior, I would keep thinking about it, and let him know after dinner.  Of course he stopped crying right away, and I told him after dinner we would go check out the book fair. 

When we walked into the library, his eyes lit up and he said, “Come here Mom, and I’ll show the pointers.”  I guess I was expecting a little laser pointer, or something with a little light on the end of it, and it took everything I had not to start laughing when I saw what my son had his heart set on:

001 (2)

I told him and Cole they could each get one, and they both stood there for several minutes deciding which color pointer to get.  It was very cute and evidently, very important. 

I remember when I was Ryan’s age- that time in childhood when playing and make-believe is your biggest worry.  Those times go so fast- they are almost gone for Ryan.  I looked at how innocent and care-free both my boys are right now, and know it won’t always be this way for them.  Childhood is gone in a blink of an eye.   One day, that will be here sooner than I think, we will have much bigger issues to face than pointers at the book fair.  

Ryan and Cole may never remember the pointers, but I will.  For now those pointers delay the inevitable a bit, and help keep my children, children just a little longer.

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Activities Cole Family & Friends Mothering Parenting Ryan School

The First Day of Kindergarten

It doesn’t seem possible that, this day is here already- Ryan’s first day of school.  How did five and a half years pass so quickly? 

Ryan was so excited to start school.  He has been asking everyday when school starts.  The other day he said he wished he could stay home and play with Cole, but he had to go to school.  He said it in such a grown up voice.  Yesterday he was sitting at the kitchen table with his backpack on.  When I asked him what he was doing, he said he was practicing riding the bus to school. 

We went yesterday to meet his teacher, and Ryan got to sit at his desk, and get a feel for the classroom.  He is going to school two and a half days a week, and there are 19 children in his class.  His teacher, Mrs. G., seemed wonderful, and was very organized.  All the children seemed nice, and I am positive Ryan will have a great year.

From the day Ryan was born, I wanted  him to be confident, and happy when new experiences arise.  I was painfully shy as a child, and the first day of school every year filled me with dread and anxiety.  So I am very happy Ryan was so excited and confident to take this next step. 

But as a mother, it is bittersweet.  This is my baby and starting school is a very real reminder that, well- he isn’t a baby anymore, and never will be again.  I knew this day was coming, but yet- it still seemed very far off- other people’s children grow up and go to school.  There is a part of me that wished Ryan (and Cole) could stay little forever- there is nothing in the world like a baby.  If you are a parent, you know what I am describing.

But every milestone your baby reaches, brings them closer to this day- the day they go off to school and start their life more independent from you.  When Ryan was born, a friend gave me a book- mediatations for new mothers.  In those early days, as I sat for hours rocking and nursing him, this passage stuck in my mind- for every milestone Ryan took as a baby, and today:

“Yes, it hurts when buds burst, there is pain when something

grows.”–Karin Boye

I shed tears of joy when Alexander first crawled across the

floor. I clapped and cheered. Moments later, I realized that life

with him would never be the same. His baby days were over, he would

soon be a toddler. Then I cried again as a sense of loss washed

over me.

We provide support and encouragement for our little ones. we

help them learn to crawl, to walk, and to stand. Yet, with every

accomplishment, there is a twinge of sadness. Maybe our children no

longer need us? They do need us, but they must keep growing,

developing, changing.

(From Meditations for New Mothers by Beth Wilson Saavedra)

Ryan waved good-bye to us as he walked into the school- not with me, or his dad, but by himself, following Mrs. G., I silently said good-bye to my baby, and hello to a confident, independent little boy.  This is the way it is supposed to be, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Here are a few pictures from the last five and half years:

 Ryan in Feb. 2004- he was just barely a month oldRyan February Batch 004

First day of pre-school- Sept. 2008008

Yesterday, at Meet the Teacher008

Cole says good-bye to his big brother019

010

First day of kindergarten- Aug. 2009

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Activities Family & Friends Mothering Parenting Ryan

Ryan’s First Musical/Play

If you have been reading my blog for awhile, you know that Ryan loves “The Music Man.”  Here is a previous post explaining how he came to love this movie so much.

I have been trying to find a theater in our area that would be presenting “The Music Man,” for a while now.  We discovered a dinner theater about half an hour away which was finally showing this musical.

So today Ryan, his Nana (my mom), Uncle Jeff, and Aunt Mara escorted Mr. Ryan to his first play/musical performance. 

Ryan was SO excited all week for this.  Today when he woke up he said with a big smile on his face, “Today we get to go see Music Man Mommy!”

I wasn’t quite sure how he would do- if he would get bored, or fidget, or just not get the whole play concept.  But, I could not have been more pleased.  He was just perfect.  He ate his lunch, using the best manners I have ever seen, and his eyes never left the stage for the entire performance.  He was enthralled with it all. 

He was such a little gentleman- it was really fun to see him be a big, grown up boy.  During the intermission, I took him to the restroom, and on the way out, he held the door open for all the ladies entering and exiting. 

While the performers were serving dessert, he said a line in the play, “Ya wild kid-ya!”  I saw a few of the performers laugh when they heard him say that- he mimicked the line very well.

Here is a picture of Ryan “reading” the program before it started:

We had a great time, and it was really nice my mom, brother and sister could come with us.  I know Ryan will always remember the first time he got to see “The Music Man” in person.  As his mother, I will too, but more that that- I will remember this as the first really grown-up event Ryan went to as a big boy.  

Now he can go back to just being a little boy- as great as today was, I don’t think I’m ready for him to act so grown-up every day- not yet.

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Activities Cole Mothering Parenting Ryan School

Memories

Next year, Ryan will be starting kindergarten.  I wonder where in the world has the time gone?  I remember holding my brand new baby, and thinking he would be little forever.  Now this is almost our last summer before we have to think about starting school.

As a mother of two, day-to-day life is busy. There is always something going on.  Just when you think you have put out all the fires for the moment- BOOM- something literally goes boom (like a broken toy), or a new situation arises that needs your attention- either an argument breaks out, the laundry needs to be put away, a hungry child, there is a dirty diaper that needs to be changed, or your child just wants your attention to ask you why the sky is blue.

During the last four and a half years of Ryan’s life, I have focused on the day at hand, and haven’t really thought very much about the days, weeks, and months that lie ahead.  It seems as soon as you make plans a few days, or weeks ahead, then BOOM.  Something always comes up that inadvertently forces you to change your plans- a sick child, or a child that didn’t sleep well the night before, and is in no mood to be taken anywhere.

I suppose for sake of not being disappointed if my outings and activities, didn’t work out, I have just gotten in the habit of not really planning anything.  That is how our day-to-day life has been, especially throwing a new baby/toddler in the mix with Cole’s arrival two years ago.

It hit me the last few weeks, that time is running out.  All those weeks, months, and years that I thought were indefinite, are almost up.  I don’t have endless time with my boys, before they are off to school, and in a sense, off to start their lives somewhat separate from us.

It made me sad that I don’t have photo books full of pictures of all the fun and exciting places, I have been to with Ryan and Cole.  Will they wonder why they can’t remember going to the zoo, or the museum every week?  Will they wonder why their mother was too busy in day-to-day life, and why she couldn’t just let things “go” every now and then?

Part of my reasoning has also been that they were too little…they wouldn’t remember these things anyway.  But now they are getting older, and it is important that we remember having fun together.  I have decided this summer, we are going to have fun and start making memories.  

I didn’t sign Ryan up for preschool for the summer, and didn’t sign up for music classes for the boys, to keep our days open.  Ryan will have swimming lessons only one day a week.  I still have to work a few days during the week, but on the other days, we are going to do fun things.  We aren’t going to go to the zoo or children’s museum every week, but I plan on making sure they at least know what a zoo and museum are.  If my house isn’t as clean as I would like, or the laundry doesn’t get done, then so-be-it.  We have at least a week of clean clothes hanging in our closets.  🙂

Every mother has regrets at some point, and I know down the road I would look back and regret the way I have spent some of this precious time that I have with my boys.  I don’t get any do-over’s and once it is gone, that is it.  I don’t want to look back in 18 years, when Ryan and Cole have moved out, and have started their own lives, and realize I was too busy folding laundry, and vacuuming to have really enjoyed these early years with them. 

I know I will miss them when they are gone.  I seriously doubt I will wish that I had spent more time doing housework, or wished that I had been able to complete more work from home.  I will be looking back at pictures of them- the places we went, the places we saw, and our time together.  I will be remembering.  I don’t want us to remember the one time we went to the zoo, or the one time we threw the schedule out the window and went and played all day. 

When that day comes, when all I have is the memories and photos of my boys as they are now, I won’t be looking for pictures of my clean house, or an empty dishwasher.  I won’t be remembering all the trips to the grocery store I made before lunch time.  I won’t be looking for work projects I completed.  I will be looking for their smiles- their joy- their happiness-their innocence. I will be looking for their childhood.

As a mother, the days are long but the years are short.  While I still have time, before too many years are gone, I’m going to start working this summer on creating memories with my young sons worth remembering.