Categories
Mothering Parenting Ryan

Turning Seven

March 2004

I can hardly believe that Ryan is seven today!  It seems like he was just a baby.  I know every parent asks at one time or another, where the time has gone, or how can my child be growing up so fast? 

Those days when Ryan was a baby seemed like they went so fast- in a blink of an eye he was crawling, then walking, then talking.  Now the years seem to be flying by.  He’s reading, doing math, playing sports, and expressing his individualism. 

Ryan and I talked last night about what he was looking forward to in the next year.  He said he wants to learn how to ice skate, and play soccer better.  He wants to keep learning how to read better and he wants to be a good brother.  Then he smiled at me, and said he had one more thing.  When I asked him what it was, he said, “This one’s for you mom- I’m going to keep my room clean.”  That made us both laugh.

Then I asked Ryan if he had any advice he wanted to share. I told him it was going to go on my blog and a lot of people would read his advice.  He thought about it for a few minutes and then shared some of his seven-year old wisdom:

  • Help your mother in life
  • Obey school rules
  • If you do well in school, you can be anything you want
  • Eat cake and have fun

I told him that was excellent advice, and I was so lucky he was my son.  He gave me a sheepish look, and said he was getting too old for me to tell him things like that.  I tousled his hair, as he squirmed away.  There are a lot of changes he will go through in the next seven years. I know my little boy won’t always be a little boy.  But in my heart, he will always be my sweet baby boy.

Happy Birthday Ryan, I love you!

November, 2010

Categories
Cancer Family & Friends Running

The Race for the Cure-Full Circle

It’s been a while since I’ve written a personal blog post.  Everything has been going really well, but busy.  I haven’t had a lot of spare time to write, and the last time I wrote about running was in September- yikes!  I’ve been running, but not writing about it, obviously.

The last race I ran was on October 3rd.  I ran in my second Komen Race for the Cure in Denver.  This was the very first race I ran in last year, and it got me hooked on running.  My sister, Mara, decided to run in it as well, so I had company at the start line. 

Mara & I at the start line

Mara and I at the start line

My goal for this race was to get my fastest 5K time, even though this race was not officially timed.  Last year I was just so happy I could run-period, and this year I wanted to take everything I had learned about running, all the training and hard work, and run the fastest I ever have for this distance.  I wanted to do this for me, and for all the cancer patients who can’t run or do what they want to do physically. 

Last year before this race, I received running encouragement and tips from a friend I had been back in touch with from high school.  John used to run in school and gave me a lot of good tips for running in a race, since I had never ran in one.  Over the past year, he has helped me a lot with running, and has given me advice ranging from shoes, to race strategies.  Anytime I had a question or needed advice, he did what he could to help me.  I started to think of him as my unofficial coach.  🙂  This year he came with me to the race.  

Mara and I made our way to the front of the line- amongst the hundreds of runners.  Mara has a bad knee from a rafting accident years ago, and knew she wasn’t going to be able to run the entire race, but started with me anyway.  She made me laugh as we took our place with the “Seven Minute” runners. This means you can run a mile in seven minutes.  Doable for me, but when Mara saw how serious all the runners were with their warm ups, and stretches, (and we do tend to be serious before a race,) she said, “Dang, these people are like die-hards. Oh I guess that’s you.”  It was funny to hear her impression of “us die-hards.” 

As the race started, I told Mara I’d see her at the finish line, and started running.  I felt really good.  Most of the training I have been doing since June was very intense for me, so it seemed pretty easy for the first mile.  But I had forgotten how uphill the beginning of the race was.  I was running my race pace too, so I was getting a bit tired in mile two.  I loved seeing all the people cheering along the street. 

A big difference for me this year was I have started running without music. I started training in July without it. I was training to run in a race that didn’t allow music.  I felt more focused and in-tune with my breathing and pacing.  I was glancing at my Garmin to see what kind of pacing I was on, and it was going well.  Right around the end of mile 2, I got tired and forced myself to slow down some.  I remembered towards the end of the race, with about half mile to go, there was a steep hill from the off ramp waiting.  I knew I was in good shape, but wanted to make sure I saved some energy to tackle that hill.

I found out later that Mara’s knee gave out after her first mile.  She walked the rest of the race, and was able to take some pictures since she wasn’t running.

Looking at this picture afterwards made me appreciate all the more, how fortunate I have been regarding my health.  The entire time I was running, I could see the people ahead of me, and the guys riding the bikes, outlining the course.  At one point I could look down over the runners ahead of me and figured there were a few hundred.  Last year, I was running more like in the crowd in the picture.  It always makes me run a little faster when I realize there are more people behind me than in front of me.

Before I knew it, the hill was there.  It was hard, and I was trying to increase my speed since the race was almost over.  I ran over the summer on some 21% grade dirt hills, in the very hot sun, so I was telling myself this was nothing compared to that. 

I finished the hill, and it was a sprint to the finish line.  There was only about .15 miles left.  I am sure I glanced at my Garmin, but I don’t remember at what time.  But I do remember I was on pace to beat my previous 5K best of 24:59.  I ran as fast as I could to cross the finish line.  I hit stop on the Garmin, but before I looked at the time, I took a few seconds to just appreciate that I was at the race at all, and how much fun I have had running during the past year. 

I looked down at my time, and there it was: 24:53.  I ran my fastest 5K time!  Last year I had finished in 36:25- what a difference a year makes- in more ways than one.

I saw John waiting for me, smiling with the camera at the end of the finish line. I was happy to see him there, and after a year plus of me asking him about all the in-and-outs of running, and him helping me, it was nice to be able to put it all together and achieve what I was hoping for.  Even though this picture is blurry, I still like it.  It captures the spirit of the race for me:

I am sure I had a huge smile on my face after this as I showed John the time, and told him I just ran my fastest 5K.  We went to find some water and wait for Mara.  When she finished, I told her I was very proud of her- it would have been very easy for her to sleep in, and she agreed, but I think it is wonderful she got out and gave it her all!

After the race- we did it!

Since this wasn’t a timed race- there are no stats- no official times, or age group finishing places.  John told me the first man finished around 14 minutes, and the first woman was a few minutes after that.  He said he didn’t see that many women who finished ahead of me who looked like they were in my age group. 

It was my best race yet, and I was thrilled I was able to run my fastest in this race, when last year it was an accomplishment just to run.  I took over 11 minutes off my 5K time in a year.  I am proud of that, and am so thankful to everyone who has helped and encouraged me during the last year.  John especially.    

Finally, for all the cancer patients and survivors who are still fighting- many who are my blog readers- I think about you every time I run.  I think about my own battle with cancer, and how it pales in comparison to what so many others have to go through to fight and beat cancer.  It is humbling and inspiring.  It is why I started to run.  Over the course of the year, it helped me make the shift in my thinking from a cancer patient to a cancer survivor, and to focus on what I can do, not what I can’t.   

The Race for the Cure is where running started for me.  I will be marking my running years by this race.  I’m excited to see what this next year in running holds for me.

Categories
Family & Friends Holidays

Wanted for Christmas: “I Need a Blanket and I Need Food to Eat…”

Two years ago, my sister, Mara, who is a second grade teacher at a very impoverished school outside of Denver, had her students write a letter to Santa Claus.  She had never done this before, and was expecting typical requests from eight year-olds.  The letters were anything but typical- they were heartbreaking.  She sent an e-mail to her family and friends with some of the requests, asking if there was any way we could help out her students. 

The request that touched me the most was from a little boy who only asked for “socks with no holes in them.”  I posted Mara’s request on my blog, and the response was overwhelming.  Each child in Mara’s class received an item they desperately needed, like new socks.  We were also able to give every child a new toy, game, or book. 

Last year a girl in Mara’s class told Santa in her letter, that she didn’t need anything, but her sister needed a coat.  This year, the letters are just as touching, and some are just heartbreaking. For three years now, when I read these letters to Santa from these young kids, it puts everything in perspective for me.  It also makes me sad these children know what it is like to be cold and hungry. 

Here are some of the items the children this year in Mara’s class have asked Santa for (these are unedited):

“…I need a blanket and I need food to eat because I have NO blankest becauze my mom doesnt have money.”

“…the winter is so cold and I need boots.  I’m wearing my grandpas shoze and hes feet are too big so I trip.  I also need soks because I can’t find any.” 

“…I need a blanket because I sleep on the ground.  Something els I need Is Pillows becaues I need them so the floor wont hurt my neck.”

“..I Need a blancit cos i am cold at nit. I need to go to shcol. I want a fotbal cos i like fotbals.”

Here is an excerpt from Mara’s note, and I agree with her wholeheartedly:

The highlight of my  past two holiday seasons has been the amazing effort you all have shown in taking care of my kiddos.  I hope the pictures from the last two years have assured you how much your gifts make a difference…even for one day.  I’m here to tell you that all of us together can make a difference for these kids.  They make me smile and laugh everyday with their unbreakable spirit and heart and I assure you that even a pair of gloves and a book from a stranger matters to a 8 year old.  They get a sparkle in their eyes.  It’s brought me to tears more than once.

 Here are the details if you can help:

 We’ll take anything EXCEPT cash/checks.  Gift cards to TARGET would be the most helpful because we could trade them in for gifts.  If you’d really like to donate books and be sure that’s where your gift was going, you can make your check out to SCHOLASTIC BOOKS and I will be sure to use it for that.  We’d also love any chapter books, school supplies, etc.  I will make sure every child in my class will get something new this Christmas.  Thank you so much!
Please send what you can to:
 
Alsup Elementary School
c/o Mara Corzine
7101 Birch Street
Commerce City, CO  80022

If you would like to see how much these gifts mean to these kids, you can see pictures from 2008 here. 

I have also posted my sister’s e-mail in its entirety, with more letters from the kids on A Mama’s Blog Fan page on Facebook.  

Thank you for your help!

Categories
c-sections Mothering Parenting Pregnancy & Birth

Interview With AOL Health on C-Sections

A month or so ago, I was contacted by a reporter, Justine van der Leun, who told me she was a reporter with AOL Health.  She said she had come across my blog while doing research for a story on C-sections.  She said she found my experience interesting and asked if I would be willing to be interviewed for her story.

I haven’t written about C-sections for a while.  I haven’t had a lot of extra time for several months to write a lot of blog posts.  This sounded like a good opportunity that could help raise awareness on C-sections, so I agreed to the interview.  Justine called me a few days later and we spoke for about 30 minutes.  She asked great questions, and said she had been learning a lot about birth because some of her friends were having babies, and also because of the story she was working on. 

Justine thanked me as we were concluding and told me she was going to interview a doctor and then write the story.  I felt like Justine would write a balanced story, but I was cautiously optimistic until I could read the final story.  Sometimes viewpoints and words get misconstrued or used out of context.  

Last week Justine notified me the story was finished and published.  I was on my way out of work, and skimmed it quickly on my phone and I was pleased.  But I wanted to read it when I had more time. When I did I was extremely happy.  Justine did a terrific job with conveying my thoughts on C-sections and birth.  I posted the link to my FaceBook Fan Page, and finally had time tonight to post the link to my blog.

I’d like to thank Justine here, for writing an accurate and balanced story on C-sections.  I hope it will assist women who are researching C-sections.

Here is the link to Justine’s story on AOL Health: Unwanted Cesarean Sections, Getting The Birth You Want

Categories
Family & Friends losing a parent

May She Rest in Peace

If you read my blog regularly, you know one of my best friends is Amy whose blog is Crunchy Domestic Goddess.  In the last post I wrote about my friends who I have been friends with since our children were born.  Amy is one of those friends. I’ve written a lot about Amy over the past few years.  She has been there for me in every way possible and then some when I was fighting cancer, going through a divorce, and dealing with my mom’s sudden illness and death.  

I received some heartbreaking news from her yesterday morning.  Her younger and only sister, Carrie, was killed in a car accident Monday night.  She was returning from visiting friends in the mountains, the roads were icy, and the weather was bad.  Carrie lost control of her car and was hit head on by a truck.  She passed away instantly. 

Over the years I’ve gotten to know Carrie too and she was always a joy to be around.  She had a beautiful smile, and I can’t recall ever seeing her not smiling.  She helped all of us out with our kids when she could.  For our surprise going away party for Julie, just weeks ago, she watched several of our kids, so we could have an adult party.  She was a terrific aunt to Amy’s two children, and she was an amazing sister to Amy.

When I first heard this terrible news, I started to cry, and cried all day off and on. So did my friends.  We are all in such disbelief, shock, and grief.  Carrie was only 31, had recently finished law school and had a job advocating for people with disabilities.  It is tragic her life was cut so short.

I visited Amy briefly on Tuesday, and it is not often I am at a loss for words.  But I was, and still am.  I wish there were magic words I could say to make this terrible situation go away.  Nothing anyone can say or do will bring Carrie back to her family, or ease the pain and anguish Amy and her family are in.

I think about my friends, and my own two sisters and brother.  While losing my mom was awful, in some aspects I think it is more “natural” than losing a sibling so early in life.  Parents age- our siblings and friends are supposed to live long lives, and certainly not die in terrible freak accidents. 

And it brought back many feelings of my mom’s death- again.  All the feelings- the intense pain, and the sense of helplessness.  I had a few friends who told me they could not attend my mom’s funeral service, because they had lost a parent, or a loved one recently.  I understood, and could imagine how they felt, but didn’t really “get it.” Sadly today, I do.  And part of me wants to forget this happened and not think about it death, dying, accidents, funerals, moving on after a loved one is gone, what to say or what to do, anymore. 

There will be a service for Carrie on Saturday, and I am going to attend.  It meant so much to me to see the people who had come to say good-bye to my mom with my family and I, and Amy was one of those friends who was there for me on that very hard day.  I hope I can be strong and be a help and a comfort to Amy and her family instead of a hindrance while I try to keep control of my own feelings and emotions about my mom. 

I wish I had some clever way to wrap up this post, but I don’t.  Death leaves more questions than answers.  The only thing that does seem to help is time. 

To Amy and her family: My deepest sympathies, and may Carrie rest in peace. 

Carrie & Amy, May 2010