Categories
Cole Mothering Parenting Work

The Pink Lizard and Adjustments

Last summer, the boys’ daycare provider closed her daycare.  Cole had been with her since he had been 18 months old.  She loved the boys, and the boys loved her.  We have always been fortunate and thankful the boys’ grandmother can watch the boys on the long days I work.  

On the shorter days, Ryan is in school now, so I had to find part-time care for Cole and back-up care.   When I found J., our previous provider, it was a little easier because I had two kids that needed care.  Finding part-time care for one child, was a challenge-most providers don’t accept part-time kids.  It took me almost two months to find an acceptable replacement.    

In late November, I found A., who was willing to take Cole on a part-time basis, and to provide back-up care when the boys’ grandmother isn’t available.  When we met A., I had both boys with me, and Cole was happy as a clam.  There was another boy who was also 3, who attended full-time, so Cole would have a friend to play with.  They played great together while we were there for our interview, and everything seemed and felt right. 

But every time it is time to go to A’s, Cole cries.  He says he doesn’t like it, and he wants me to stay home with him.  Last week he asked me why I have to go to work. I haven’t experienced “mommy guilt,” on a regular basis, but the past few months it hits me every time I take him to A.’s. Last week he cried for 20 minutes when I dropped him off.  It wasn’t just a tear- he was sobbing.  I felt like I was sending him off to war. 

Part of it is he has never done anything on his own without Ryan.  Whenever he has been away from myself or his dad, Ryan has been with him, or he was in the care of his grandparents.  Part of it is he doesn’t attend day care full time, so it makes the adjustment harder.  Part of it is he is 3.  It is a hard age for changes. 

A. has been great.  I have no qualms about the care she is giving Cole.  She has done daycare for 25 years, and is very capable and loving.  She told me last week Cole almost has fun, if he would just let himself go.  She said it is like he starts to have fun, and the “remembers” he isn’t supposed to like being there, so he gets upset.  Last week we made a few changes, and I was actually greeted with a smiling boy when I picked him up.  A. switched their art days to times when Cole would be there.  He had painted two pictures, and was so proud. We also let him decide if he wanted to take a nap, or just have quiet resting time.  The choice seemed to give Cole a little control.

When we got home, I gave Cole some tape and told him he could hang the picture anywhere he wanted.  He hung it right above my bed.  I realized that he was so proud he had something to bring home.  Ryan brings home enough papers, drawings, books, and artwork to open a gallery.   Cole never seemed to be bothered by this, but I think he liked having something he brought home.

The boys ask me what we are doing the next day at bedtime.  When I have told Cole the next day was a day at A.’s, he would cry.  Last night he didn’t cry.  This morning he wasn’t stressed and didn’t cry in the car on the way over, but he did want me to hold his hand as we walked up to her door. 

A little girl in the daycare throws her arms around Cole the minute we walk in, and usually Cole stands as stiff as a board.  Today he hugged her back.  He asked me what colors I liked, because he was going to make me another picture.  I told him, gave him a hug, and then he left me to go play with the other little boy.  When I picked him up, he was so proud to show me that he had made me two pictures.  One of them was a hot pink lizard with a red tongue.  He said he made it pink, because that is a girl color.  When we got home, he hung it up right next to his picture from last week.

It is one of the hardest things to have to leave your child, when they are crying at daycare.  It is hard when they are happy, but at least you can tell yourself they are having a good time while you are gone.  I wasn’t sure what I was going to do if things didn’t improve.  It didn’t feel right to have Cole so upset when it was time to go to A.’s, but I also don’t have a lot of options.  I’m relieved that it doesn’t appear that I will have face that issue.

Having your child make a change out of necessity, whether it is day care, or because a new sibling is born, etc. is tough.  But it also gives the child a sense of accomplishment, as they adjust.  Sometimes it takes longer than we would like, but more often than not, they get there.  As parents, we don’t always have all the answers.  At times you just have to listen to your instincts, go with what you think is best, and hope it turns out okay for everyone involved.     

As Cole handed me my painting today with a big, happy, smile on his face, I was so proud of him.  He’s adjusting to daycare as he needs to, and in his own way- today was the turning point, and a milestone for him.  He will be fine.  And I will always have one very special pink lizard painting-to remind me.   

Categories
Family & Friends Health Running

The Quicker Quaker “Oatmeal” 5K Race

On Saturday I participated in the Quicker Quaker Oatmeal 5K that was part of the Oatmeal Festival in Lafayette, Colorado. 

I met up with my friend, Alison, who had decided to get back into running after a two-year break due to some injuries. I have to tell a quick story about Alison first though.  I actually only met her (so I thought) in September, but have known of her for several years.  We have friends in the same circle, but never managed to meet, or be at the same functions until last September.  But she seemed to have a lot in common with me, and when we actually met at the Mile High Mama’s social media event, we hit it off right away.  We had never ran together until Saturday.  But we ran at a very similar pace, and in fact we both finished with the exact same time.  We were talking more later on Saturday and we figured out we had actually been in the Boulder Youth Symphony together 1989!  Talk about a small world!

Back to the race- it started at 9:30, and we ate a great oatmeal breakfast with every topping imaginable with Alison’s husband and little boy.  We finished breakfast and had about 45 minutes before the race started so we got organized and started warming up.  We stopped at my car to put our free oatmeal swag from the breakfast away, and got someone to snap a picture of us:

We lined up about 10 minutes before the race started, and it was crowded!  We were in the front, and it just kept getting more and more crowded.  The temperature was probably about 30 degrees.  We heard a loud “GO!” and everyone started running, so that was the big start.

This race had some elite runners in it, so they started a few minutes before everyone else.  Because of this, the roads were sectioned off.  At some point, all the timed runners were going to have to merge into a single lane, so as not to run into the elite runners.  The race course started with a nice downhill, and I was pretty certain we would be running up that hill later! 

The course was really crowded, right about the time Alison and I felt warmed up and ready to make our move, we had to get in the single lane.  There was no room to pass, or proceed at a faster pace.  We basically had to just keep running slower than the people in front of us.  I found this really frustrating.  I hadn’t experienced this before, so I didn’t know what to do, other than just keep going and hope there would be a chance later to pass. 

We got to the lake about the half way point, and had to run up a hill to get to the trail on the lake.  Once on the trail, it was narrow and there wasn’t any room to pass.  I was also a little more tired, because I am not used to running up hills. I made a mental note that I was going to have to start training on more hills!  Here’s a picture of Alison on the lake trail:

 photo by Steve Gandy

As we started running downhill, the course opened up a bit, and we started to pick up the pace, and break away some. By the time we were finished at the lake and back on the street, the entire street was opened (since the elite runners were finished by this time) so there was a lot more room to run and find a pacing.  But now, all the “little” downhills we had run at the beginning were coming back as uphills.  I glanced at my watch, and saw we were at 22 minutes. 

I was getting really tired!  As we ran up that first hill that was so nice at the beginning,  but was now making my thighs burn, I told Alison the hills were killing me.  She asked me if I wanted to walk for a while.  That snapped me out of it!  I wasn’t going to wimp out and walk!  I told myself I could get through the hills, and we finally reached the top.  Then we just had to keep turning down street blocks that thankfully, were flat.  My mind seemed to think every time I turned the corner, that would be the finish, but every time we turned the corner, it was another corner.   I didn’t look at my watch again, because I didn’t want to know.  It seemed like this race was taking forever! But we were passing people.  I felt like my pacing, timing, and overall presence of mind was a bit off.   

There was finally a volunteer as we turned another corner who said it was the last corner, and as we turned, I could see the finish line, probably a block away.  Here’s me heading for the finish:

 photo by Chris Gilstrap

It was very satisfying crossing that finish line!  The clocks there said 30:56, and I was really surprised.  I thought it would be more like 35 minutes at least.  I heard Alison right behind me.  We gave our timing paper to the volunteer, and it was over!  Alison’s husband and little boy were at the finish. 

Then I heard  “Hi Heather, I saw you pass me there at the end,” and it was a friend from high school.  He told me his time, and I had finished a few seconds ahead of him.  Then another friend from high school joined us a few minutes later, who had also run.  It was like a mini high school reunion, and it was fun catching up.  We talked about the course, and I was told even the Bolder Boulder doesn’t have as many hills in it as the course we had just ran.

The official results were out a few hours later, and  both Allison’s and my time was exactly 31 minutes. I ended up 18th in my age group out of 78 runners. Out of 663 women, I finished 197th, and out of 1086 total runners, I finished 444th.   I was really happy with the results.  I told my sister before the race, my goal was to finish in the 30th percentile for my age group and I finished in the 23rd.

I learned so much from this race.  First, I need to train on a little steeper terrain.  Not all the time, but enough so that a few hills don’t throw me or tire me out next time.  Second, Alison said she noticed I wasn’t breathing as effectively as I could be.  Thirdly, I need to have a mental plan on how to adjust for the race, if I can’t get my pacing down, or have room to run like I want to for the next race.

I was very happy that I had no shin pain during the race.  Afterwards, my shin bones felt slightly sore to the touch, but I had no muscle pain like I did after the last race.  

Alison and I enjoyed running together and figured we are perfect running partners, so we are going to start running together once a week.  I plan to enter at least one 5K race a month, and hopefully get faster times each race.  Alison and I are going to start training for a 7K (4.3 miles) race in March.  This is for the longer term goal of competing in a 9K (5.6 miles) race in early May.  If I can handle these distances, and my shins hold up, I am going to run in the Bolder Boulder on Memorial Day, which is a 10K (6.2 miles) race. 

One thing I can say about running is it is never boring.  There are always challenges to conquer.  I like that part.  Each race presents a new set of challenges.  By eliminating them limitations are peeled away.  What is uncovered in the process, a layer at a time is strength.

Categories
Activities Health Running

My Path Back to Running

“To get to the finish line, you’ll have to try lots of different paths.”
– Amby Burfoot

My shin pain has finally healed, but it hasn’t been easy or quick. Despite resting for most of November, I still had shin pain.  I was pretty much sick with bronchitis for most of the month of December, and I thought after a few weeks of rest, the shin pain would be gone.  But the opposite was happening.

The more I rested, the pain would go away for a day, but as soon as I went on a walk or a light jog the pain would return.  I have read so many articles on shin splints, shin pain, etc., I am like a walking encyclopedia on the subject now.   I tried countless stretches and different running techniques trying to heal them.  While some of these things helped, nothing really “cured” them for good or stopped the pain completely. 

My friend, Alison, recommended a foam roller to me in November, but I had been too busy to get around to ordering one.  I finally did a few weeks ago, and experienced pain using it on my shins that brings tears to my eyes, just thinking about it now. (She warned me it was going to hurt at first!)  But after using it for about five minutes (that was all I could stand), I noticed the deep muscle pain I had around my shins seemed a lot better.  The next morning the pain was almost gone.  That had been the most relief I had experienced up to that point.  

Another friend suggested a walking / light running plan after the shin pain had stopped, and I credit that plan with not only keeping me in the game so to speak, but helping me improve.  I was able to walk and run while I healed, and was doing the 5K distance faster than I had been able to run it previously.  It was really amazing to see that my body was capable of performing like that, but it hardly felt like any work at all.

About two weeks ago, after going for a run on my lunch hour, I had immediate shin pain- again.  I was frustrated why the pain seemed to be gone at times, only to return at other times.  I kept using the foam roller, and worked up to using it for 15 minutes at a time, and the pain was no longer deep- but just more on the surface.  After I was done with the roller, there was no pain at all in my shins.   I started to wonder if it had something to do more with my muscles being weak in my shins.

I came across a very short video a few days later, that has no medical backing whatsoever, but what the person was saying, seemed like it made sense.  They said shin splints and pain in the shins is simply a muscle imbalance.  In short, the shin muscles are not as strong as the calf muscles. They suggested a very simple stretch for five minutes a day, which would strengthen the shin muscles. I figured trying it once couldn’t hurt anything.

Like the foam roller, the stretch hurt!  I was hitting my pillow the last few minutes, but when I was done, there was no pain at all!  Not even light pain.  I was amazed.  I wondered if it was a fluke, but the next day my shins felt wonderful.  I tried the stretch again, and it didn’t hurt quite as bad, and I had the same results. Not only was the pain gone, it wasn’t coming back.  This was right around Christmas, and I have been doing the stretch every other day or so, and I haven’t had any shin pain at all!  Sometimes after running the muscles are tight around my shins, but a few minutes with the foam roller works the tightness out.   I know not everything works for everybody, but this simple stretch, along with the foam roller, really helped relieve my shin pain. 

I also started working with some visualization techniques and started doing more mental preparation.  I realized that I could be in the best physical shape, but if my outlook and thoughts weren’t “in shape,” too, my physical condition will only get me so far.  So much of running success is connected to my thoughts, as I am learning. 

After this work for the last two months, I have decided I am ready to try another 5K race and it is tomorrow.  Alison is going to run in it as well!  It is going to be cold.  It just snowed here, and there is likely to be ice and snow, but I’ve been running for the last few weeks in these conditions.  Yak Trax had been suggested to me several times, and I got a pair last week.  They work awesome on the snow and ice! 

I went on a pre-race run the other day, with the path almost completely covered in snow and ice- most of it wasn’t even plowed or shoveled.  It was impossible to get any kind of pacing down, because it was so uneven and rough.  I am pretty certain the actual race course won’t be this bad, because it is through a town, where most of the streets will at least be paved.  My time for the 5K distance on this run was 29:16. Other than the last 5K race I did this was my second best time ever! 

I have rested, I have rebuilt, and I found my path back.  Now it is time to put it all together and run!  

And I couldn’t be happier.

Categories
Mothering Parenting Pregnancy & Birth Ryan

Six on the Sixth

This morning, my baby boy (who isn’t a baby any more) turns six!  It seems every year I am amazed at how fast the time has gone by.  I look back at Ryan’s baby pictures, and can’t quite comprehend where that baby went.  It also seems his baby days were over in an instant.  When I think back to those first few months with a newborn, it didn’t seem possible that really, in a blink of an eye, he would ever be six. 

One of my most cherished memories of Ryan was on the day we came home from the hospital.  I had been in the hospital for five days because I had some complications from a C-section.  The hospital was a hustle and bustle, and there was always someone coming and going, or a nurse in the room checking either on Ryan or myself.  I had so much pain, bonding with Ryan had been hard- I was trying to learn how to take care of him, and manage my pain.   

We came home in the afternoon, and Ryan’s dad left to get some food.  For the first time, it was Ryan and I at home, by ourselves.  I was sitting in a glider, just having finished nursing him, and he was asleep in that happy little milk coma, newborns fall into.  He had a little smile on his face while he was sleeping and his head fit in the palm my hand.  His body was not longer than my arm up to my elbow.  I remember just sitting there and looking at him, and I fell in love with him in that moment.  I had tears running down my face because of the feelings I felt for him- all 7 pounds of him!

So to Ryan, six years later-I love you more than I could ever even imagined that afternoon.  You are simply amazing, and I learn so much from you every day.  At six, you love routine and order.  You love playing school (you are the teacher of course) and you like playing pharmacy (you are the pharmacist- of course).  I am very happy that you love school and learning so much.  You are becoming quite the reader, and enjoy reading to us.  

You are discovering sports and have played soccer and basketball during the last year.  You keep asking when you get to play baseball, and you can throw a baseball really well.  If I had to make a prediction, I think baseball is going to be your sport. 

Your favorite food is a tie between ice cream and macaroni and cheese, but you are trying more and more foods.  You also like spaghetti, ham, and chicken.   Your favorite breakfast is Cinnamon Life and waffles.  You would drink a gallon of milk a day if you could.

You ask a lot of questions now too!  The other day you were asking so many about football, for so long, I asked you if you could stop asking questions for a few minutes, and you asked “Why, questions are good.” 

Even at six, the love and patience you show your younger brother, Cole, is touching.  You think about him, and are concerned with his well being.  As we were taking down the Christmas tree, Cole was crying because he was sad Christmas was over.  You went up to him, and put your arm around his shoulder and said, “Don’t worry buddy- I know it is sad, but Christmas will be here next year, and Santa will bring us new presents.” 

With examples like this, I often think you are much older than you are- sometimes you seem like a little old man trapped in a much younger body.  That first afternoon at home with you, I loved you because you were my baby.  I had no idea who you were, what your personality was like, or who you would become.  Six years has gone by so fast Ryan, but every day, a little bit more of your personality gets reveled.  It is a joy to watch this, and I am so lucky and fortunate I am your mom.  

For the next six years, I plan to make sure you do your “job.”  You like to know what people’s jobs are, and sometimes you become too concerned with adult issues.  So your job is to be a little boy, to play, to have fun, to do well at school, and most importantly- eat ice cream.

Happy Sixth Birthday, Ryan.  I love you!!

1/16/04- 10 days old

October, 2009- Kindergarten picture

Categories
Activities Cole Family & Friends Holidays Parenting Ryan

Christmas and Divorce

I have chosen up to this point not to write about any aspects of my divorce.  I have had many reasons for choosing not to write about this subject.  Many of those reasons are still in place, and one of these reasons was, I didn’t see what good or what positive aspects could come from blogging about a divorce. 

This past Christmas was the first Christmas where Ryan and Cole’s time was divided between their father and I.  It was also the last holiday, since we have been apart, that we had to face, and also it is the “biggest.”  Christmas is all the holidays rolled into one, and then some- especially for children.  My boys start asking in July when Christmas is coming.  As a parent, there is nothing quite like seeing your children’s face’s light up with excitement on Christmas morning when they see the tree and the presents under it.  It is the epitome of childhood.

And the fact of being divorced is, one parent isn’t going to experience that every year.  Some divorced parents switch off years,  and some divide the time.  We decided to try to keep things as they had been in the past this year, so the boys spent Christmas Eve with me, and my family.   Ryan and Cole got to visit with my mom, who lives out of state, and their great-grandpa, who moved to Colorado this year.  Their two teen-aged cousins wrestled and rough-housed with them, which they loved and they helped them make a gingerbread house.  Of course there were a lot of presents, but for the first time, I noticed the boys were more interested in playing with people than playing with the gifts all night.   Their dad came and got them later at night on Christmas Eve, and then the boys spent Christmas with him and his family. 

After the boys had left my aunt’s house on Christmas Eve, I cried.  I haven’t cried over any holiday, but there was something very isolating, and hollow not having my children with me for this holiday.  My tears didn’t last long, because I knew the boys were going to have fun, and they were fine.  They were excited about Santa coming in the morning.  It obviously helped that I was around my immediate family too. 

On Christmas Day, I missed the boys terribly.  I imagined they were having fun, and that is what mattered.  That evening the boys called me and my heart melted when Ryan excitedly told me on the phone, “Mom, I had the best day!”  He explained what he had done, and the gifts he had received.  A part of me was sad, because I had not been a part of his day, but he was happy.  He wasn’t sad, asking where I had been, or why we couldn’t be together, or any of those type of things.  I talked to Cole, and he was happy and excited too. 

The good I think can come from sharing this experience is, despite the difficulties divorce brings, especially with children, all that mattered on Christmas was that Ryan and Cole were happy, and had the best Christmas ever.  Perhaps that says something about our Christmases past, but I think it says more about all the members of the families involved- on both sides.  All the grandparents, all the aunts, all the uncles, and all of the cousins. 

When my children are grown, I don’t want them to look back at the holidays and remember “that was my year with Mom, or that was my year with Dad.”  I want them to remember the joy, the happiness, the excitement, and the love they received from and felt for their families.  I know that was accomplished throughout the last year, and especially this Christmas Eve and Christmas. 

Thank you to all members of both Ryan and Cole’s family for this.  It could have been a very hard holiday for them, but it wasn’t.  It was magical and loving for them- just as it should be.