Category: Parenting

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Cole Mothering Parenting Ryan School

Mom Pay Day


I don’t have to go into detail about all the things we do for our kids. I’ve never counted, but I’d estimate it is probably in the hundreds every day.  From helping them with homework, to cooking them meals, to kissing them goodnight- it is never ending.  I also don’t have to go into detail about how 99% of the things we do, we are never thanked for.  It comes with the territory. But with all the countless things I do for my kids, and behavior corrections, “Ryan, don’t speak to your brother like that.  Cole, sit still and focus on your homework. “Boys, for the last time, pick up your Legos!”

I really wonder at times if my kids are “getting it.”

I’ve resorted to using the line, my mom always used, “Do you think I’m telling you X to hear myself talk?”

This usually has proceeded something I told them not to do, which they did anyway, and resulted in someone being hurt, or something being broken.

Yesterday, when I picked up the boys at their new school’s after school day care program, which they have been at for a total of 3.5 days, the director, I’ll call him Mr. Tom, came up to me and asked,

“Are Ryan and Cole good at home- do they behave?”

Immediately, I wondered what they broke, or who they had hurt.  I braced myself for bad news.

“Generally yes, they have their moments like most kids- why did they do something?” I replied to Mr. Tom.

“Yes, they did. I can’t believe how well behaved they are.  They are the best kids.  We were supposed to have 60 kids this afternoon, but due to some absences, we weren’t that full, but nevertheless, it was busy, and the kids were loud, and not behaving.  But Ryan and Cole were sitting just like I had asked, doing exactly what I had asked- the very first time. They were the only ones who did. In fact, I told the rest of the kids, if they had questions on proper behavior, or what they are supposed to be doing, watch Ryan and Cole, because they are doing it,” Mr. Tom told me.

I can’t describe how proud I was in that minute.  It was like a pay day for me.  All the work- all the thankless hours I’ve invested in them since the day they were born, someone noticed, and appreciated it.  I was so proud of the boys for being good and doing what they were supposed to, even when I wasn’t around.  Even though they don’t seem to “get it” at times, I learned today they do.  I don’t think there is anything better for a parent, to learn your kids have retained the good stuff.

I told the boys how proud I was of them. They asked me to email certain people to tell them, but I thought I would surprise them too, and show them their good behavior made my blog- on the Internet.  😉

I know there is a lot more work and a long way to go before they are responsible adults, but it was a nice realization that parenting efforts do pay off.

Now, if I can just get them to pick up their Legos!

 

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Current Events Mothering Parenting

Aurora, Colorado Shooting- Our Future?

I’ve not been blogging much these days. I’ve been busy working, moving, and being a mom.  Things have been going well, and while I hope to blog more, it has moved to the back burner in my life right now. 

This morning though, as I drove to work and heard the news emerge on the mass shooting in Aurora, Colorado, the state where we live, my heart sank.

How can you even write about such a senseless loss of innocent life? My boys dream of being firemen and police officers.  Is this what they have to look forward to? Are these the kind of calls the future holds for our children? My boys are already growing up in a world where they can’t attend school, travel, or now go to a movie without the threat of being killed.  When something this tragic happens, we all ask “Why?” and assume life will return to “normal.” Sadly, it seems our “normal” is being lost to these random, but planned acts of violence.   

There are are far too many questions than answers.  When I talked to my boys this morning (they are with their dad for a few days), my heart felt lighter. As they talked about their previous day at Water World (a water park) with their cousins, there is comfort in knowing their innocence is not gone-yet.  I can’t say- much longer that will last. After the events last night, I’m sad it will probably be sooner than later. 

My sympathies to all the families and victims of this horrible shooting.  Thanks to all the police, firefighters, first responders, and medical providers. These people are the heroes- the people who put their own lives in danger, going into the unknown to stop the chaos, and to save lives.  Finally, thank you to just the regular people, who tried to help their fellow human beings survive and get out of the theater. 

 As terrible as all of this is, when we try to help each other and do the right thing, despite madness and violence, that defines our humanity- not these acts of violence.  Humanity isn’t completely gone from our society.  Strangers reaching out and helping one another in horrific circumstances.    That is hope- that is our future.    

“God puts rainbows in the clouds so that each of us – in the dreariest and most dreaded moments – can see a possibility of hope.”  ~Maya Angelou

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Cancer Family & Friends Health losing a parent Mothering Parenting

April 18th- Birthday and Cancer

 

Birthday and cancer may seem like an odd title, but April 18th, would have been my mom’s 63rd birthday.  She passed away 2 years ago, and I can’t help but think about her today. Losing a parent never really goes away.  There are always reminders, birthdays, holidays, and family events that tend to make you stop and remember.  Fortunately, I have a lot of happy memories of her, and that is what I like to remember about her.

I actually skipped the cemetery visit today. I’ve always gone on her birthday, and death anniversary. But this year, I don’t feel the need.  I know she is in a better place, and even though her remains are buried, I don’t think her spirit is in the cemetery. Her spirit is in the memories my siblings and I have of her, and in our children.  People often tell me what great kids I have, and credit that to my mom.  She was a good mom, and I model a lot of my parenting after my mom.  When I’m facing parenting issues I have no idea on how to handle, I think back to what she did, and 9 times out of 10 it works with my kids.

So today, in her honor, I’m going to spend some extra time with Ryan and Cole, and tell them a story about when I was a little girl with my mom. I have the picture books she put together, and I’m going to find the book with my first trip to Disneyland, when I was 6, and show those pictures to the boys, and tell them what I remember about it and my mom.  I think that will do more to honor her spirit and teach my boys about their Nana, then going to the cemetery.

April 18, 2009 was the day I received the phone call from my doctor that changed my life- forever.  I was told I had thyroid cancer. That day seemed so long ago, and yet, it seems like it was yesterday. I remember wondering what was going to happen to my boys. I remember my family and friends telling me I was going to beat this, and be okay.  I remember being the most scared I ever was.  I remember crying for hours and then stopping.  Getting dressed and going out with my family and friends.  Being normal, in an abnormal situation.   Knowing I had to for my kids.  Nothing else mattered. They needed their mom- every child does. I remember that night resolving no matter what, I was going to fight and do whatever I needed to do, to fight cancer, get healthy, and live so my kids didn’t have to grow up without me.

It isn’t always been easy. I have to do follow up visits every time this year, that stress me out and bring up all the “what if’s,” again. But, three years after a cancer diagnosis, with the help, support, and love of my kids, family, and friends, what I envisioned as hope, three years ago, is a reality.

I wish I had time to respond to all the emails I get from thyroid cancer patients, but I just don’t anymore.  I am planning to write another post soon, addressing a lot of comments, questions, and issues, I’ve received in emails.  I haven’t written about cancer in a long time, but this date is significant for me.  No one knows what is around the corner, but those of us who have had cancer, happen to know some of what we need to deal with.  My boyfriend, John, pointed out to me this past week, I know what I am dealing with, and can stay on top of it. It actually does make it easier in some respects.

The only way cancer wins out is if it steals your spirit from you. There were days when I was fighting cancer, I didn’t care if I was alive or not. Then I remembered my kids and family.  Let them be your strength.  Let people help you.  Even though it is a battle, thyroid cancer is curable.  Don’t let it take your passion, drive, and optimism away.

One of my favorite things I read when I was fighting cancer was, “Cancer is a word. Not a sentence.” Sometimes it is easy to let it become a sentence, but it doesn’t help you in the long term.  Three years ago, as I was crying on my bed for hours, I would have never imagined I would be in the best health of my life, cancer free, biking, 30+ miles, placing in competitive running races, and thriving, within a few short years.

I want anyone who is fighting cancer, to know life is what you make of it- cancer or no cancer. Don’t let it become your “sentence.” Fight with everything you have to keep it a word.  Fight with all you have, and then some, to beat it.  It is hard at times- most things worthwhile are.  But, three years later I can tell you, from being there and back, it is one of the most important things you will ever do.

My mom passed away before I got my cancer free diagnosis last year.  But she saw me fight it, and continuing to live my life.  One of the last conversations I had with her in the hospice, she held my hand with what little strength she had left, and told me I was fine. She told me to keep running; she could see how strong it was making me.  She said she knew the cancer was gone- she said I was just too strong for it to survive- I was stronger than cancer. She was right.

Happy Birthday, Mom.  I love you.

To all my thyroid cancer fighters and survivors: Keep fighting! Cancer is a word. Not a sentence.

Categories
ACS Blogger Advisory Council Cancer Mothering Parenting

In Memory of Susan Niebur

I found out yesterday that a mother I know of two young boys, who was fighting a very aggressive form of breast cancer, inflammatory breast cancer, had passed away.

It shouldn’t have been such a shock- Dr. Susan Niebur has been writing about her battle with cancer for years, on her blog, Toddler Planet.  She had already survived almost 5 years since she was diagnosed with IBC, and had lived almost 3 years beyond the time most IBC patients live.  Susan herself realized, one day she wasn’t going to be here- but that was always one day in the future.

I met Susan in 2010 in New York- we served on the American Cancer Blogger Advisory Council, and we had a meeting the day before the BlogHer conference.  Susan had an aura to her.  I knew the first moment I met her, she was fighting cancer. I didn’t know what kind, or the details, but she didn’t focus on that.   I remember when we were taking a tour of the Hope Lodge, she had to rest on the bed in one of the rooms.  I remember thinking at the time, having just fought thyroid cancer a year before, I was so lucky- that the cancer I had was very treatable and curable.  Yet, I was amazed that Susan was even there- working on a cause she believed in.

And at the time, she made me think. Not by saying a word, but by her just being there, living her life, doing what she wanted. It was such a powerful example for me.  Some people will never have to endure a sliver of what Susan went through, just to get a few more years of life.

It is so easy to take what we have for granted.  To complain about the small things, worry about really trivial things.  I realized I was lucky- for whatever reason. It could have been, just as easily me with IBC, fighting to live.  I had a second chance to live my life, and not have to battle every day just to live.  I didn’t have to lie down on a bed to rest, after walking down a hallway.  When I heard her speak in the meeting, and give some background into her condition, she didn’t have to say it- I knew she going to die- someday. But that day was far off.  She was strong, and determined. She had two little boys who needed their mother.

I followed Susan’s blog loosely the past year and a half since the day I met her.  If am to be honest, her blog made me uncomfortable.  I loved her words- she was such a gifted writer. But something about having a condition that can claim your life, shift your foundation, it hit too close to home for me. I don’t like to think about dying, and it breaks my heart to hear about cancer patients who have to fight so hard just to make it to another day, and to think about the children who will be left without their mother.

In some way I wanted to keep the vision I had of Susan in New York- she absolutely glowed when she was speaking, sharing her ideas, and working with people. I wanted to remember that about her.  She gave me hope and was an example to me, that no matter what comes your way because of cancer, you can make the most with whatever time you have left.

I read the last post Susan wrote on her blog, on January 22nd.  I saw it linked from my friend’s Facebook update.  My heart sank as I read her post- hospice was coming to her home, but Susan was still fighting. She wasn’t ready to call it quits or say good-bye yet.

I checked her blog daily, since January 22.  The one day I did not check it, Monday, was the day Susan’s battle with cancer ended.  I received an email from BlogHer yesterday their thoughts were with Susan Niebur’s family, and I knew she was gone.  That one day- that seemed so far off, had arrived.

Susan made me realize again yesterday, how precious life is, and how lucky I am- how lucky we all are really.  Not everyone survives cancer.  Not everyone has the quality of life they had before cancer. But everyone can live their life in the best way they can, and we can appreciate the small things. Being alive to give your child a hug. Telling your friends and family you love them. Following your passions.  Living your dreams.

Susan was an  astrophysicist, and had worked at NASA headquarters. She wrote numerous academic papers, but her mantra on her blog for her life was simple. It was, “All that survives after our death are publications and people. So look carefully after the words you write, the thoughts and publications you create, and how you love others.  For these are the only things that will remain.”

For the short time I met Susan and worked with her, it will stay with me forever.  She was a great voice for cancer awareness, and surviving cancer.  She will be missed, and my deepest sympathies to her family and friends.

I found this a few weeks ago for another friend, whose mother had passed away, and I thought of it yesterday for Susan. The stars were one of Susan’s passions.

Rest in Peace, Susan.

“Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”

Author: Unknown

You can make a donation in Susan’s honor at The Inflammatory Breast Cancer Research Foundation

You can read more on Susan’s legacy at Care2 Make a Difference

Categories
Cole Current Events Mothering Parenting Ryan

Thoughts On Tim Tebow

I like football.  I grew up with my dad and my brother watching it.  I lived in New Mexico until I was eight, and my dad and brother always watched Denver Bronco games-  they were our adopted home team.

When my parents moved to Colorado in the 80’s naturally the Broncos became our family’s team.  I remember learning the game and rules of football from my dad and brother in our den on Sunday afternoons.

I remember “The Drive,” from John Elway as really being the first time I was amazed at football.  I had just seen a quarterback go 98 yards with minutes left, and the team ended up winning. No one thought they could do it. Everyone had counted them out- except them, as John Elway told his teammates in the huddle on their own two yard line, “We got ‘em right where we want ‘em.” 

When the Broncos finally won their first Super Bowl against Green Bay, it was monumental for Colorado.  Living in one of the biggest sports towns in the country, I don’t think there will ever be a championship that meant more to the fans, or will ever rival the emotion of that first Super Bowl victory for Denver.  The Broncos weren’t supposed to have won that game either.  But the poise and leadership of John Elway had won out in the end.

As I think back about growing up watching football, and specifically the Broncos, it was a different time.  John Elway, who was any Bronco fan’s idol, was a person of character.  He worked hard. He had a family. He was someone kids could look up to-and did. The thought of him being caught with a gun outside a nightclub, running an illegal dog fighting ring, being charged with domestic violence, whining on the sidelines,  or having a 40 million dollar drug operation on the side, would have never crossed our minds in a million years.

Fast forward to today, and I have pretty much come to hate all professional sports.  It is sad really.  In the span of about 20 years, there are very few sport athletes I would want my boys to even know who they are, let alone look up to.  For that reason I follow sports very lightly now, and have hardly ever even watched a professional sports game with my kids. Being a Bronco fan though, I have kept up with it all.

I don’t have to recap all the ups and downs- mainly downs- the Broncos have been through since John Elway retired in 1999. The one thing that I always noticed though, was the spark seemed to be gone.  No one seemed “hungry” to win. Oh, there were some good moments and good games, but the leadership and motivation seemed to be lacking on a consistent basis since Elway retired.

Until now.  I was NOT happy about Tim Tebow being drafted to the Broncos.  I didn’t think they needed another quarterback, and it seemed like a power play with the then coach, Josh McDaniels, and the then quarterback, Jay Cutler.

At the start of this year, I wasn’t convinced.  To be fair, his “Tebowing” and display of Christianity was odd to me.  It seemed like an act- like he was trying to win over the fans with an “alter boy” image. In a day and age where most professional ball players are concerned with number 1: their endorsements, status, women, and money, a young, good looking, quarterback professing his faith in the Lord after a touchdown, just didn’t fit the mold for what we have grown used to seeing.  I half expected him to be busted with a prostitute and drugs his first few weeks here.

As the weeks went on and Tim Tebow continued to play, we all watched.  We shook our heads.  We didn’t believe it.  We wanted to believe Tim Tebow could really be for real-but is he?  I let my boys start watching games.  I noticed the team seemed revived and hungry again to win. I saw the spark back.  I saw Tim Tebow doing his thing, and always giving praise not to himself, but to whom he felt he deserved it. Yes, that includes his Lord and teammates.  I saw his locker room interviews where he is soft spoken and polite- week after week. If it is an act, he shouldn’t be playing football- he should be an actor.

I realized a few weeks ago, Tim Tebow is a football player, but he is also someone of character.  Someone who works hard, and someone kids- my kids- can look up to. Not as a football player who makes a lot of money for playing, but as someone who works hard, hangs in there, stays true to himself, motivates others, and doesn’t give up.

I told my boys tonight as we were watching the Broncos and Steelers game, that it didn’t matter who won, because both teams were playing their best, and that is what really matters- that you do your best.   I told them as overtime started, I thought the Broncos were going to win, because they believed in themselves- you could see it by the way they were playing.  My boys loved watching Tim Tebow, and  Ryan was jumping up and down, and cheering his head off at the end of the game.

I felt good my boys can watch a football game like that, and cheer for Tim Tebow, and I don’t have to worry about hearing him shooting someone in a club tonight in the post game party.  It’s nice to know even when they lose he still displays good sportsmanship. I don’t know what will happen with the Broncos, and Tim Tebow, but it is fun to enjoy the moment again.

Odd as it is, as I was tucking the boys in tonight and they told me again, they couldn’t believe that pass Tim Tebow made, it dawned on me that there has been a lesson here all along.  I told my kids about it, without even realizing it at the time.  It is one a lot of people in Denver are saying: Believe.

Maybe we have all grown too cynical to really believe working hard pays off anymore- most of the time it isn’t what you know but whom you know to get ahead.  Maybe we’ve grown accustomed to character flaws when the going gets tough.  But in my little corner of the world, this Tim Tebow seems to defy that.  He wasn’t supposed to do any of the things he’s accomplished this year.  We might have stopped or never believed in the first place, but he does.

Whatever happens with football, it is a game. As a mother, I wish there were more professional athletes our kids could have as heroes, because I do think sports mirror life a lot of times.  If the worst Tim Tebow does is go down on a knee to do his “Tebowing” after a score,  I’d much rather explain that to my kids, as I have done,  than explaining why he is in jail for committing a crime.

It isn’t just about winning a football game, but the character and mind set you need to have to keep believing, and staying true to yourself when things are tough.  It’s easy to forget at times- we all have moments of self doubt. But as I saw the sparkle in my boys’ eyes tonight, I have to conclude sometimes reminders are found in places we would never expect- like from a Denver Broncos quarterback.