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Cole Mothering Parenting Ryan School

Childhood Innocence

My kids are pretty good about not begging, or whining for things.  But they are kids, and they have their methods of operations.

Ryan is very persistent when he has his eye on something and will mention it several times- he never forgets anything.  He seems to just wear me down over time.  He doesn’t whine, but just never drops the subject. 

Cole looks at me with his big, blue, eyes and smiles at me, and it gets me every time. Good thing he isn’t at an age where he is asking for more than goldfish crackers for his snack right now.

A few days ago Ryan mentioned in passing that his school was having a book fair, and there was a pointer he really liked.  He said we could go on Thursday.  It didn’t really register at the time, so I told him we’d talk about it on Thursday.

Today when he came home from school he told me that we were going to the book fair tonight- it was the last night, they were open until eight, and he needed the pointer for his “classroom.” He added, “Please Mom,” which he never does. 

Ryan loves playing school.  On the days he doesn’t have school, he has played school for eight hours straight.  He has lesson plans, reading, music classes, hall passes- everything.  So when he said this pointer was for his class, I asked him to tell me about it.  He said it was a pointer so he could read and point to the words in his books and so he could teach the kids in his class.  I told him I’d think about it.

When it was time for dinner, Ryan said we had to hurry up to eat so we could get to the book fair before eight.   I was torn.  I don’t want to give into my kids every time they want something.  On the other hand, it is so innocent.  He wasn’t asking for an $80 video game- he wanted something to enhance his school play.  While I was debating the pros and cons, he started crying and said if he didn’t get the pointer, he was never going teach again!  So dramatic!

I explained to him that we don’t throw fits when we don’t get what we want.  I told him if he stopped that behavior, I would keep thinking about it, and let him know after dinner.  Of course he stopped crying right away, and I told him after dinner we would go check out the book fair. 

When we walked into the library, his eyes lit up and he said, “Come here Mom, and I’ll show the pointers.”  I guess I was expecting a little laser pointer, or something with a little light on the end of it, and it took everything I had not to start laughing when I saw what my son had his heart set on:

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I told him and Cole they could each get one, and they both stood there for several minutes deciding which color pointer to get.  It was very cute and evidently, very important. 

I remember when I was Ryan’s age- that time in childhood when playing and make-believe is your biggest worry.  Those times go so fast- they are almost gone for Ryan.  I looked at how innocent and care-free both my boys are right now, and know it won’t always be this way for them.  Childhood is gone in a blink of an eye.   One day, that will be here sooner than I think, we will have much bigger issues to face than pointers at the book fair.  

Ryan and Cole may never remember the pointers, but I will.  For now those pointers delay the inevitable a bit, and help keep my children, children just a little longer.

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Household Mothering Parenting

The Mom Equipment Bag

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When I was a new mom, one of the biggest changes was how much stuff I always had to take with me.  My purses that previously held all I needed in life were not bigger than a piece of paper.  After having a baby, I couldn’t leave the house to go five minutes away to the grocery store without taking a bag that made it look like I was going on an overnight trip.  Packing the diaper bag became a part-time job in itself. 

And if you did not pack the diaper bag every time, than the baby God’s knew this.  If you didn’t pack a clean outfit- baby spit up over everything.  If you forgot the binky- baby needed to suck.  If you didn’t have enough diapers- well, you can imagine that.  Probably every new mom does this once, and only once.  Then the diaper bag becomes your reassurance.  When it is you and baby out, and against the world, the one thing that can save you from every potential disaster is your properly packed, 25 pound diaper bag.  (Yes, the diaper bag weighs more than the baby for several months.) 

So three and a half-years after having my last baby, why am I still lugging stuff around? I don’t have a “diaper bag” any more- now I have reusable Envirosaxs, which can hold even more stuff than a diaper bag, and weighs more than my youngest child.  Instead of diapers and clean little baby outfits, I am transporting books, toys, sports shirts, water bottles, soccer balls, jackets, boots, gym shoes, hats, snacks, and the list goes on.

I figured out something the other day.  This never stops.  I had it easy with the diaper bag.  From here on out, the “diaper bag” only gets bigger and changes names.  When the boys start playing sports regularly, then it will be a duffel, or sports bag.  As they get bigger, the equipment gets bigger, and the “diaper bag” gets less and less fashionable.  Last time I checked, Kate Spade doesn’t have a soccer duffel bag line. 

I realized the diaper bag’s job is to train you that you can never, and I mean never, leave your house without some sort of equipment bag.  I think the diaper bag should be renamed The Mom Equipment Bag.  Because diapers are only the beginning.  Your real job as a mom, is the equipment manager.

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Activities Cole Mothering Parenting Ryan

The Mother of all F-Bombs

It was about a year-and-a half ago, that I experienced for the first time, my child dropping the F-bomb.  We weren’t exactly in public, but it was close enough.  

Since that day, I haven’t had the joy of a repeat.  Ryan seems to have the memory of an elephant, and never forgets anything he overhears, so I have become VERY mindful of watching what I say.  To the best of my memory, I don’t recall any questionable words coming out of my mouth since that incident- even when I step on the pointed blocks, or one of the thousands of other toys that pierce my foot.  I bite my tongue and say “ouch!”  Yes, I’ve been the perfect model of appropriate language.  

You can imagine my dismay then, when over the course of the last few weeks, I have heard Cole say softly, under his breath, when he gets hurt, “mother f*****r.”  The first time I heard him say it, I tried not to react negatively, so he wouldn’t think that word would get a reaction out of me.  I simply told him that was not a word we use.  A few days passed, and I heard it again.  Once when he fell down, another time in the tub, when he got water in his eyes.  I keep trying to reiterate to him not to say that word, while trying to stay calm.  

A week ago I heard it again and I stepped it up.  I told him (calmly, but firmly) that I do not want to ever hear him say that word again.  Since it is getting close to Christmas, and I can start using Santa Claus, I told him Santa doesn’t like to hear anyone say that word either.  Ryan was standing nearby listening to everything, and added that the elves don’t like that word either.  Cole turned very solemn, and when I asked him if he understood he is to never use that word, he nodded very seriously.

I haven’t heard it in several days, and I figured problem solved.  One lesson you learn over and over as a parent is, never figure on anything.

Yesterday, my two sweet little boys and I were in Target, in the very busy toothpaste aisle.  There were at least ten other people in the aisle with their kids of various ages.  Ryan and Cole were a few steps away from me looking at the toothbrushes.  It had grown silent in the toothpaste aisle, as everyone was contemplating their purchases.  At that very moment, Ryan say in a loud, clear, crisp voice, “Mom, Cole said MOTHERF****R again!” 

I didn’t think the toothpaste aisle could get any quieter but I was wrong.  I think everyone, (myself included) just stood there for a moment, like time standing still, wondering if they really heard what they thought they did.  And to remind us that we did, Ryan started to say again, “Mom…” this time his mother hushed him.

Then people started laughing.  One lady was turning red, she was laughing so hard.  I was turning red, but not because it was funny (okay it is funny, but not when your child is the one talking like a sailor, and not in the moment.)  I apologized to everyone in the aisle, and no one seemed really offended. Thankfully, they all seemed to think it was funny, because it wasn’t their child that had just said it. 

I kneeled down in front of the boys, in my most serious voice, (forget the calm, rational voice) and we had a very intense talk.  The result being both boys promised me they wouldn’t say the mother f-bomb again. 

You can’t control every word that is uttered from your children, but you can take steps to teach them why certain words are not used, and make sure they understand.  Sometimes (as in this case), it is a fine tuning process. 

I’m not going to bring up Santa anymore either with Ryan and Cole.  They are capable of behaving well, without the “threat” of Santa not bringing them presents.  Besides, Santa has it easy.  The elves don’t talk.

Categories
Activities Cancer Family & Friends Health Me Mothering

Cancer’s Unexpected Blessings

“…experience will convince us that those things which at the time they happened we regarded as our greatest misfortunes have provided our greatest blessings.” ~ George Mason

Finding out you have cancer, or a health ailment is shocking.  It is like having a tornado rip your life apart.  It seems as if the foundation that your life is built on- your health- has been demolished.  It is one of the biggest trials a person can face.  In the initial stages, there are far more questions than answers.  You go into “survival mode,” doing what you need to do to get to the next day. 

While I was in this stage, I thought about almost everything- from surviving to dying.  One thought that did not cross my mind was the blessings that I would discover existed in my life. 

I have written in previous posts the overwhelming support I received from family and friends starting the day I found out I had cancer.  That has, and continues to be a source of strength and encouragement for me. 

Over the Fourth of July weekend, I received an e-mail from someone I didn’t know, and had never met, but who had been directed to my blog.  Her name was Jessica, and she told me we had a lot in common.  My first thought was it was a marketer trying to pitch something.  As I kept reading, Jessica told me she too, had thyroid cancer and she had surgery to remove her thyroid on the exact same day I did.  She shared her experience with her cancer and surgery with me.  She told me she lived in a town about 60 miles from me. Jessica has a three-year old daughter, who is about six months older than Cole. 

After I read Jessica’s e-mail, I remember sitting down, and feeling something switch in me.  I felt really happy.  Not because Jessica had cancer, but because there was someone else that felt the same way I did about cancer, and was going through almost the exact same thing I was.  Jessica had a great support system, as did I, but now we had each had someone else who was experiencing the same thing.  We didn’t have to explain anything to each other- we just knew.   

 We e-mailed each other during the next month to stay in touch.  When I was extremely hypothyroid, Jessica confirmed what had happened to me was not right, and she had been receiving Synthroid (the thyroid replacement hormone) since three days after her surgery. 

We discovered we were both scheduled for our radioactive iodine treatments (RAI) within days of each other.  Jessica started hers on a Friday, and I started mine the following Tuesday.  We both hated being quarantined and being away from our children for so long.  We told each other when we were both finally recovered and better we were going to meet and celebrate.

Jessica had some awful side effects from the RAI that lasted for a while.  One of which was her taste was completely gone for a month.  We both had our full body scans (to determine if the cancer had been contained) within days of each other in August.  We both received the news in the same week that we were cancer free!  

We will continue to have our six month check-ups at the same time, forever. We both did what we had to do to get healthy, but having Jessica’s support and friendship during this time was a blessing I never anticipated.  How many people are able to have a friend like this, at the exact time when they are needed?   Jessica is my cancer fighting partner in crime!  We were finally able to meet each other in person on Saturday.  

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Jessica and I

Cancer has taught me there are always unexpected blessings in life, no matter how bad, or shocking, or dire the situation is.  I thought cancer had shattered my health, my foundation.  Cancer and diseases can destroy health, and take away almost everything.  But they will never destroy fortitude, and the love that family and friends provide, and this is the real foundation in my life.

Blessings can be found in the most unexpected places, from the least expected sources.  They are there waiting to be found, sometimes hidden beneath the seemingly broken pieces.  It all depends on where you look.

Categories
Activities Mothering Parenting Ryan

Bullying Update

A wrote a few weeks ago about two neighborhood boys that were bullying Ryan at the park.  When I wrote that post, I had no idea what was going to happen. 

Since then, I am very happy that the younger boy, C., seems like a new kid!  I saw him at the bus stop the very next morning, after he had been pushing Ryan, after he had stared me down, and I had talked to him.  I said hi to him, and he said hi back.  I still make it a point to say hi to him every morning at the bus stop.  I say hi to the older boy too, but he ignores me.   

After about a week, C., started coming to the park in the afternoons without his “friend,” the older boy.  He would play with Ryan and the other younger kids really well.  He showed the younger kids his skateboard and let them try it a few times.  One day he was playing football with Cole, and another little boy who is also three, and he was great with them.  

Another mom comes to the park a lot in the afternoon as well, and one day she brought her quilt pattern she was working on, along with the fabric squares.  I was asking her about quilting, and C., came and sat down next to us and listened and asked about quilting too.  The other mom explained the patterns to him, and he really seemed interested in it.   

Another day C. ran up to me and told me had a new GPS.  When I asked him if it showed him where he was, he said no, it played music.  I realized he had an MP3 player.  I asked him what kind of music he liked, and he talked to me for several minutes about music.  On Tuesday afternoon, Ryan, C., and some of the other kids in the neighborhood played for an hour at all of our houses- skateboarding and riding down the driveways on their scooters.  I no longer see C. with the older boy, and the older boy if he is at the park, stays away from the younger kids. 

I have never seen C.’s parents around though.  I am not sure what the situation is, but I can see that C. just soaks up attention from adults.  I think sometimes any attention, even negative attention is better than nothing.  I am happy that our neighborhood- the kids and parents have been able to give C. some positive attention, and he has responded so well!

I have no reason to believe that C. would be bullying any kid now.  He told me after I started talking to him that first night after he had pushed Ryan that he “was a good kid.”  These past few weeks have proved that C. was right.