Category: Mothering

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Penn State Scandal- Winning, At What Cost?

I don’t follow college football At. All.  I know nothing about who is in the top ten, nationally ranked, who has the best football program, the NCAA rules- any of that.  But I do know, what has and continues to unfold on Penn State’s football program is disturbing, sickening, and heartbreaking.

If you haven’t heard, former defensive coordinator, Jerry Sandusky, has been accused of sexually assaulting at least eight victims, young boys for 15 years, and some of the rapes and assaults were witnessed right on Penn State’s campus.  As the developments continue, is it well known by now, the athletic director, some coaching staff, and the vice president for finance and business, knew about Sandusky’s actions, never stopped him, never reported the allegations to police, and even allowed him to continue having free reign on the university campus, years after the first allegation was reported. 

On Wednesday, the board of trustees fired head football coach for 46 years, Joe Paterno.  Some rioting occurred among students over the dismissal of Paterno.  It is hard to fathom, Paterno who was in charge of the football program for almost 50 years, wasn’t aware of the allegations surrounding Sandusky.  Paterno even admitted he “wish he had done more,” and it is “one of the great sorrows of my life.”

I think Paterno and countless others at Penn State, had ample opportunities over the years to “do more,” to stop Sandusky. Why didn’t they? It appears they aren’t sorry, they helped and protected a known sexual predator for years abuse at least 8 victims who have come forward, but they are awfully sorry the whistle has been blown, and the gig is up. 

As a mother, parent, and human being, it is mind boggling how Sandusky was allowed to continue.  After a witness came forward and said he saw Sandusky raping a 10 year old in the Penn State football locker room shower, how could not just that allegation alone, send all kinds of red flags to university officials? What grown man has any business whatsoever being in a shower with a 10 year old boy?

Not reporting alleged allegations to the police speaks volumes on the culture in the Penn State football program. Football is a game. At times, an important game, but it is a game nevertheless.  Rape and sexual assault is a CRIME, and rape of children is abhorrent.  By law, every single person who suspected, was told about, had heard, or knew about Sandusky was required to report the sexual abuse allegations to police.  No one ever did.  They all kept it to themselves and within, to assumably protect their football program. That’s a crime and a disgusting commentary on placing more value on winning, being successful, etc. than following the law, and protecting children from the known and repeating sexual predator among their own.

As more and more details emerge on Sandusky and his alleged crimes, it gets more sickening.  The most disturbing part for me is Penn State, Joe Peterno, and the staff should have been looking out for these boys. Their parents entrusted their care and well being to these university officials. There comes a time in every child’s life, when we, as their parents, have to turn their care and well being over to others. Parents and children have a right to expect when their children are in the care of coaches, that position of trust will not be abused.  Penn State failed and abused this trust on every level, for years. For what? So they could have winning football seasons? This never, never, should have happend on the level it did. 

It is sad and scary as a parent to think, even when there are witnesses, reporting to officials sexual abuse is happening, it is covered up, so the precious sports program is protected.  It appears if boys have to be raped so the university can keep winning at football, then so be it.   Where is the human decency here? 

This incident will have me on the lookout for my boys’ welfare for years. It feels like the noose is tightening on assuming your children are safe with people they should be safe with.  We can’t trust them with clergy members anymore, we can’t trust them with Boy Scout leaders, and now we can’t trust them with coaches.

Has winning at all costs become so important, we overlook and turn away when young, innocent victims are being abused? If you ask the victims of Sandusky and their families, and most of the country, sadly today, the answer is “yes.”

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Cole Family & Friends Holidays Mothering Parenting Ryan

“Sexy” Halloween Costumes (Wonder Woman Doesn’t Wear Garters)

A few weeks ago, I started looking at websites and Googling ideas for Halloween costumes for a party.  I’m not sure when it happened, but every single costume I clicked on is a “sexy” version of what I was thinking of.  It doesn’t matter what the costume: vampire, pirate, angel, Wonder Woman, Raggedy Ann (yes, Raggedy Ann now has her own sexy costume.) Evidently, nothing is sacred anymore, and even a good old fashioned nun can be sexy costume.

As a girl, I loved Wonder Woman.  Compare these two pictures.  Wonder Woman as I remember her:

and a Wonder Woman costume available today:
I don’t recall Wonder Woman ever wearing a skirt, thigh highs, garters, and high heeled shoes on TV.  Did I miss those episodes?
 
I’m all for looking fashionable, modern, and having fun.  But unless I’m going to dress up (or down in this case) as a stripper for Halloween, I don’t want a costume that looks like I’m ready to do a pole dance.  After I looked at so many of these costumes, I realized they are pretty much the same version.  A skimpy top, a short skirt, knee high, thigh high, or fishnet stockings, garters for Wonder Woman, and high heel shoes.

Last year John and I were Pugsley and Wednesday Addams for Halloween.  The Wednesday costume I ordered in my size, the skirt was so short, it didn’t even cover the essentials.  I ended up getting another skirt that was just above my knees, but still matched the costume.  The costume was still fun, I got a lot of compliments on it, but I didn’t look like I had just finished a shift at a strip club.

I did a quick random “Halloween Costume” Google search and BuyCostumes.com was the first site that came up.  I went to their page and clicked on “Adult Costumes.” There are 1931 costumes for females listed under gender.   The very first category they have listed is “Sexy.”  Out of the 1931 female costumes, 966 of them are in the “sexy” category.

Do 50% of the female costumes really have to be sexy versions? What is wrong with an original version? Not every woman wants to dress up as a “sexy” superhero, fairy tale character, historical figure, vampire, nun, or any other costume you can think of.  My boys have been asking what I’m going to be for Halloween.  I couldn’t envision dressing up and having them see me in any of these “sexy” costumes.  Yet, that is what is being sold.

If I could sew, I would start a business just making normal, fun, costumes, that are stylish and fashionable, but where other party guests wouldn’t feel like they needed to put dollar bills in part of the costume.

To be fair, on BuyCostumes.com there are 1581 male costumes total, and 104 of those are “sexy.”  However, that is only 6.5%.  Quite a difference.  The policemen and sailor costumes for men had shorts and pants that were to the knees and covered everything.  There was no Batman, or Superman wearing thigh highs, or fishnet stockings instead of tights. 

The other thing I noticed about these costumes was how expensive they are for barely anything.  Most of the costumes start at $25 and go up from there.  BuyCostumes.com’s most expensive “sexy” costume was $259!  If I wanted to wear my underwear to a Halloween party, I could do it a lot less than for hundreds of dollars.

I finally found a Halloween costume l think will be fun for the party.  Finding it though, did not come easy.  Every single costume sold by the costume on-line retailers and even Amazon in the category was “sexy” and not something I would ever feel comfortable wearing as it was, to a party- around people, or having my sons see me in. I want to keep the costume a surprise for the party for now, but I will write a follow up post, with the pictures of the “sexy” costumes, and what I actually ended up with.

In the meantime, if you are facing the same problem, just think outside the box a bit.  Check eBay, or thrift shops for different ideas and versions.   I ended up getting my costume on eBay, for a fraction of the cost of the retailer’s costumes and went with an original, vintage outfit, versus the “sexy” take on it.

You may need the patience and determination of a Superhero to make it work, but it’s worth it.  My costume arrived in the mail a few days ago, and I’m really happy with it.  I’m adding a few more accessories to it, and it is playful, fun, cute, and it actually covers everything it is supposed to.  Best of all, I showed it to the boys the other night, they loved it, had some ideas on how to wear certain parts of it, and learned more about the time period the costume is from. Take that Wonder Woman in garters!  😉

I’m curious to hear readers’ thoughts on this, and if others have experienced a problem trying to find a decent costume.

Have a Happy and safe Halloween!

 

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Activities Cole Mothering Parenting Ryan

Angry Birds vs. Imagination

Angry Birds- it’s the latest (addictive craze).  I admit it- I love Angry Birds. When I finished the regular levels, I moved on to Angry Birds Seasons, and Angry Birds Rio.

At times, Ryan and Cole would see me playing and ask what I was doing.  I showed them the game, and it and wasn’t too long after they were asking me if they could play Angry Birds.  As a kid, the first real video game I played was Atari Pong.  My brother and I would bounce that dot between the rectangles what seemed like for hours, and we had so much fun.  Thinking back on it, I doubt kids today would even spend 10 minutes on Pong.  Our society moves too fast now- there’s lights, colors, graphics, and noises everywhere- video games included.  Simple video games like Pong, had their time, and it’s over.

That being said, I think Angry Birds can teach kids a little bit about physics and resolve. The boys didn’t want to stop until they had gotten all the pigs, and had gotten three stars on every level. They high fived and cheered when one of them achieved this, and they reminded me of my brother and I. Except they were crouched over a phone screen, instead of laying on the living room floor, looking at a TV set.  Nevertheless, it was fun seeing them play a “video” game together.

It’s been several weeks since they have played Angry Birds.  We are so busy at night with homework, and when homework is done, the boys have wanted to spend the last few precious minutes of daylight at the park, riding their bike, scooter, and playing with their friends.

A few days ago, we were hanging out on Sunday morning, and Cole asked me (make that begged) me if he could play Angry Birds.  “Please Mommy, please- can I play Angry Birds?”  I let Cole play, and within a few minutes Ryan had joined him, and they were working on the levels.  I started doing some chores and before I knew it, 30 minutes had passed.  I told the boys they had been playing the game long enough, and it was time to stop.  They objected and asked if they could keep playing. I told them no, and they weren’t happy. They didn’t exactly throw a fit, but they went in their room and shut the door.

I assumed they were moping, and discussing what a mean mom they had.  A few minutes later I heard a thump.  Then another one, laughing, and a “Ryan, I know what will make this even better-dynamite!”  Whenever you hear a phrase like that as a mother of boys, you go a running to check.  It’s second nature by now. It’s like the mother drill: No questions asked, you just go- the sooner the better.

In their room, I assessed the situation.  I saw Cole setting up their blocks around stuffed animals.  Ryan was stringing a rubber band across his dresser knobs, about 3 feet away from the animals and blocks, and he was holding a pencil.  I have seen a lot of funny, odd, weird, etc., things my boys have done, but I had no idea what they were up to.

“Look Mom, since you won’t let us play Angry Birds anymore, we made our own real life Angry Birds.”  Ryan told me, as he lined up his pencil, through the rubber band.  “This is the slingshot.”

“These are blocks and pigs, but this game is really called Angry Stuffed Animals.” Cole informed me.

Thump! Ryan let the pencil go, it hit the top of his bed frame, which was the backdrop.  It landed on the block, and it grazed an “angry” pink dinosaur.

The boys squealed in delight.  They laughed and did it again. And again.  They knocked down the blocks, and angry stuffed animals- monkeys, dinosaurs, and giraffes.  They arranged the blocks, Angry Stuffed Animals in various ways, and in different patterns and they would work on shooting the pencil from their “slingshot” until they knocked down all the animals and blocks. When they succeeded they said they had earned three stars, and constructed a new level.

They played Angry Stuffed Animals for an hour.  I think they had more fun too.  My brother and I never tried to construct Pong in real life, but we would play tennis.  As I left their room to their laughing, it occurred to me as much as things change, they stay the same.  Video games keep progressing and in any generation are fun, but they can never take the place of real life imaginings.

I have a new favorite “video” game.  It doesn’t have fancy music and sounds, and it isn’t found in an app store. It has laughter, fun, excitement and creativity.  It is found in the imagination of my boys, and that makes it the perfect game.

Angry Stuffed Animals

Categories
Cole Mothering Ryan School

End of an Era

My boys, Ryan and Cole, started second grade and kindergarten today.  Like most kids, they were excited. 

I have been feeling the impact of this day, for a week.  Perhaps I really started feeling it hours after they were born.  One day…they would be old enough to go to school.  One day…they will be going to kindergarten.  One day…their baby days will be over.  As I sat with them, nursing them, holding them, snuggled up in their baby wonderfulness- their tiny fingers, their chubby cheeks, their total dependence, “one day” was not today.  “One day,” was some day in the very far future- a blur on the horizon, almost impossible to see.

But today, that “one day,” is here.  It’s not a blur anymore. My two boys ran giggling and laughing through the kitchen, excited, fetching their backpacks, opening the refrigerator to get their lunches, put them in their backpacks, put their shoes on, and run outside for pictures, almost oblivious to me.  I didn’t notice this as much when Ryan started school full time, because I still had Cole- the baby.  In some part of my mind, I still imagined Cole being my little guy for while.  Ryan may grow and go to school because he’s the oldest, but my baby will always be my baby.

My baby dressed himself, made his bed, grabbed his things, rearranged his backpack the way he wanted, and couldn’t wait to get to school.  He posed for his pictures, proud he is finally old enough to go to school like his big brother.  We went to the before school care for a few minutes, so Cole could get familiar with the routine.  He went with me last year, when I took Ryan. But this year he was a student, not the younger brother too little to be there himself.  He hugged the teachers when he walked in. He didn’t even need Ryan to show him where to hang his backpack. He gave me a little hug, and went and sat in the gym, ready.

As I waved goodbye to them in the gym, and left, there was no denying it is the end of an era for me as a mother.  Both my boys’ baby days are gone.  As many hours as I spent with them as babies, it is over and it seemed like it happened in a blink of an eye.  When did the baby who slept on me for 18 months- who couldn’t and refused to sleep anywhere but on his mommy, grow into a confident boy, ready and eager to tackle kindergarten?

From the moment my children were born, I wished for them to be happy, healthy, confident, and to know they are loved.  I felt proud of my boys, and so lucky to be their mother.  The helpless, defenseless, dependent babies, I spent the last seven and a half years nurturing, reached another milestone today, effortless. 

Nothing changes without growth, and sometimes growth can hurt and be bittersweet.  But as they emerge from the growth, and spread their wings, it is an amazing moment in time.  I felt proud, knowing the time I have devoted to my boys, from the moment they were born to today, has been the most worthwhile thing I have ever done.  To know your kids are doing okay, and to see they are ready to move forward- that is one of life’s most precious gifts.   

Their lives are really just beginning. It is the end of an era for us- the end of babies, toddlers, and pre-schoolers.  But it is also the beginning of a new one, and I can’t wait to see how far they will go.          

 

Ryan & Cole- First day of school

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Mothering Parenting Ryan

Turning Seven

March 2004

I can hardly believe that Ryan is seven today!  It seems like he was just a baby.  I know every parent asks at one time or another, where the time has gone, or how can my child be growing up so fast? 

Those days when Ryan was a baby seemed like they went so fast- in a blink of an eye he was crawling, then walking, then talking.  Now the years seem to be flying by.  He’s reading, doing math, playing sports, and expressing his individualism. 

Ryan and I talked last night about what he was looking forward to in the next year.  He said he wants to learn how to ice skate, and play soccer better.  He wants to keep learning how to read better and he wants to be a good brother.  Then he smiled at me, and said he had one more thing.  When I asked him what it was, he said, “This one’s for you mom- I’m going to keep my room clean.”  That made us both laugh.

Then I asked Ryan if he had any advice he wanted to share. I told him it was going to go on my blog and a lot of people would read his advice.  He thought about it for a few minutes and then shared some of his seven-year old wisdom:

  • Help your mother in life
  • Obey school rules
  • If you do well in school, you can be anything you want
  • Eat cake and have fun

I told him that was excellent advice, and I was so lucky he was my son.  He gave me a sheepish look, and said he was getting too old for me to tell him things like that.  I tousled his hair, as he squirmed away.  There are a lot of changes he will go through in the next seven years. I know my little boy won’t always be a little boy.  But in my heart, he will always be my sweet baby boy.

Happy Birthday Ryan, I love you!

November, 2010