Category: Mothering

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Mothering Ryan

A Hair Raising Experience

After putting both boys down for their naps, and they were both tired, I decided to take a nap too.  We are all still trying to get over our colds, so I thought a little extra rest wouldn’t hurt.  Ryan returned to preschool today too, and was yawning from the moment I picked him up.  He usually takes a nap with no problem.

As I laid down, all was quiet, and I fell asleep. I was awoken about an hour later, with “Mommy, Mommy, I have something in my hair.”  I sat straight up and looked at my adorable 4-year old, whose hair was white, sticky, and sticking straight up.  I couldn’t imagine what he had gotten into- it looked liked a sticky, gooey, paste.  I thought Ryan had put shaving cream in his hair.  I asked him what he put in his hair, and he just smiled.  He wouldn’t answer me. I saw his hands were white and sticky.  I asked him again what he had put in his hair, and still got no answer- just a grin like the Cheshire Cat.

I took him with me into the bathroom, where I saw Joe’s hair gel container open, and most of it gone.  While I was trying not to laugh, I told Ryan he knew better than to play with Daddy’s gel.  He just kept smiling with the cutest little smile.  I wanted to take a picture, but didn’t want to encourage him. So I cleaned off his hands, and put his head over the bathtub and washed his hair.  I kept thinking I should have taken the picture- it was priceless and now I’ll never have that again.  But, I really wanted to emphasize the point that he shouldn’t have done that.  I made the decision at the time, but in the future I think I’ll tell him something like I have to take a picture to show Daddy, but it is not OK to play with the hair gel.

When we were done, he asked, “Mommy, do you know why I put the gel in my hair?”  I told him no, but I thought it was because he was trying to be like Daddy, but instead he said, “Because the back of my hair was sticking up and I wanted to smooth it down.”  Well OK then- how do you argue with that?

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Breastfeeding c-sections Health Mothering Parenting Pregnancy & Birth

The Reality of C-Sections

Prelude- 9/5/2008

In the seven months since I first wrote this, I have received a lot of comments from readers.  I have received even more private e-mails; the majority from women who just wanted to say thanks for sharing my experience with my C-section, and they too, had a similar experience.

Not all comments have been positive, and I didn’t expect them to be.  It seems the biggest “complaints” from the comments about this post, is that C-sections are not really like what I wrote about, and I am trying to scare women.  Since there are a lot of comments, and I am sure not everyone reads all the comments and my replies before leaving a comment of their own, I wanted to clarify my viewpoint about this post, hopefully BEFORE the post is read.

This is a realistic account of MY C-section. There are certain aspects to a C-section that EVERY woman will experience, such as scaring, and increased chances of uterine rupture with future pregnancies.  There are other aspects to this account which I experienced. These may or may not be experienced by every woman who has a C-section.  Just like no two vaginal births are the same, no two C-sections are the same.

I agree and support emergency C-sections 100%, and they do save lives.   However, as you will read, I believe that the medical community is over-using C-sections in non-medical emergency situations (such as breech births).  I feel I need to clarify this point as well, because when I originally wrote the post, my goal was to inform women who may be facing a planned or elective C-section (not an emergency one), and to offer my viewpoint from my perspective, on what a C-section is like, since my experience with my C-section was not a emergency C-section. 

I wrote this post to inform women who suspect there might be more to a C-section than what she is being told, like I was.  That is the spirit of the post-to inform.  Like the famous quote, “knowledge is power.”  The more you know, the more informed decision you can make.

To the readers who feel I am scaring women, I am sorry my account of my C-section is scary.  Honestly, it was pretty scary.  There are countless TV shows, websites, books, magazines, Hollywood celebrities, and doctors who will tell you C-sections are not scary, are not painful, and they are nothing to worry about.  That was not the reality I found at all.  I do not want to sugar coat, or tone down my experience.  If I were to do that, there wouldn’t be much point it writing about it.

So having said this, before you read the post, please be forewarned that this post could be scary.  I am attempting to share what a real C-section was like.  If that has the potential to scare you, then please think twice before reading it.  If you are searching for information on what happens during a C-section, possible complications that could arise, pictures of the procedure, the recovery period, possible impact on the family, and general information on C-sections, and how the medical community using them, and feel this information would not scare you, than this may be something you would be interested in reading.

If you have a comment after the post, please feel free to comment.  I read every comment, and try to respond when appropriate.  Please know I will delete any overly disrespectful comment.  You don’t have to agree with me, but please keep it civil.

Thank you.

Heather- A Mama’s Blog

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ORIGINAL POST

This post has been several months in the making.  I have been thinking about what I wanted to convey in writing a post about Cesarean sections, better known as C-sections, or even as a “C.” 

As I thought about it, there were so many different angles to take.  I thought about writing a very detailed researched post, but you can find a lot of those by doing a Google search on C-sections.  I decided in the end, I was going to write what comes naturally from my personal research and experience of having a C-section.

My intent for writing this post is to convey the reality, which is not often mentioned, of women, their new babies, and families, endure from C-sections.  It is not meant to judge or make any mother feel bad who has had a C-section.  I write a lot of the things that I wished I had known before hand about C-sections, which I was not told.  This post is only meant to inform, and bring to light, issues involved with C-sections, that as a woman, and a mother I seldom hear anyone (doctors included) talk about in our society. 

  •  My C-Section

I had a C-section with my first birth, with Ryan, only because he was a breech baby, and refused to turn.  I wasn’t very informed on other alternatives for turning breech babies at the time, other than the external version, and accepted having a C-section was the only way to give birth to my baby.

  • Lack of Options

Unfortunately, it pretty much WAS my only alternative.  I did not feel comfortable having a home birth being a first time mother, with a breech baby.  Not to mention, there were zero doctors in my area who would attend the birth of a breech baby.  This is despite living in a college area, with a number of top rated medical facilities.  So we agreed to the C-section, but really what choice did we have?

It has always bothered me more alternatives are not available for birthing breech babies. I did not want a C-section, but it was my only option.  Even a home birth isn’t always an option- in several states (mine included), it is actually against the law for a midwife to attend a breech birth!  This isn’t to say it isn’t done, but if you know ahead of time your baby is breech, this could be problematic in finding a midwife who is comfortable attending a breech birth, and possibly be in violation of the law, and thus be putting her certifications and her practice in jeopardy. 

Finding an OB these days, who will deliver a breech baby, is a joke at best- even though as I found out later, delivering breech babies vaginally is very safe, in the majority of situations.   In my opinion, this is a HUGE failure in the medical community to have only one option for a mother facing a breech birth- an automatic C-section. 

  • Major Surgery

C-sections are MAJOR abdominal surgery.  The pain is agonizing.  I never experienced greater pain in my life, than after my surgical C-section.  Even going through natural labor and contractions with a VBAC (vaginal birth after Cesarean) birth of my second child for eleven hours, the pain was not as bad as it had been with the C-section. 

The best way I can describe it is imagine your most painful, intense, contraction, and multiply it by at least 50 to 100%, depending on your pain tolerance.  Now, realize the pain does not go away, after 30 seconds or a minute like the pain during contractions does.  It is constant and never-ending.  That level of pain is with you for DAYS (not seconds or minutes).  Imagine your insides feeling like they are going to split open for several weeks, after the surgery, every time you laugh, cry, sneeze, get out of bed, stand up, or move too fast. 

  • Media Portrayal of C-Sections

It is also very disturbing to me how some avenues of the media, and celebrities portray C-sections.  I have seen on numerous TV shows- including a prime time, number one show, (named Grey’s Anatomy, to be specific), where women who refuse a C-section, because they desire to have a NORMAL, vaginal birth, are portrayed as fanatic, and ridiculous.  There is another show, The Baby Story, which shows many elective C-section births.

As a new mother-to-be, and even before I was pregnant, I watched The Baby Story.  In my case, seeing so many C-section births, almost made it seem like it was a normal, healthy, alternative to giving actual birth.  I NEVER saw the downside: pain, infections, and inability to get back to regular life after a C-section, shown on The Baby Story. 

It is almost glamorized by the media when a famous celebrity has a C-section.  “Too posh to push,” is how they sum it up.  Whether that is the case or not, it is misleading to millions of women, who are faced with the same decision.  What is NEVER mentioned is even if a celebrity chooses to have an elective C-section; she has resources available to her, which a normal woman does not.  The celebrity can hire nurses, nannies, chefs, and cleaning services to take over for her while she recovers from surgery, when an average woman cannot. The strain and time it takes to recover from a C-section puts the average family under enormous stress. 

Yet, the media continues to glorify and glamorize C-sections.  It even seems like they make a special point to say, “Actress A had her baby (or gave birth), born by Cesarean section.” I have yet to see, hear, or read, “Actress A had her baby, born by normal, vaginal birth.” 

I certainly never gave much thought to what really was involved with a C-section.  I honestly thought, since I had seen so many women on The Baby Story, give birth by C-section, and they seemed fine, and never mentioned any drawbacks, certainly I could handle it. 

  • What A C-Section Is Really Like

Naive?  Absolutely.  C-sections are NOT as they are portrayed on “reality” TV shows, prime time TV shows, or by the media when reporting a famous woman had a C-section.  Maybe if I hadn’t been bombarded by all these positive messages about C-sections, I would have thought twice about it.  Maybe if I had, had someone actually tell me what a C-section really was like, I could have prepared better.   Maybe if I could have found in a mainstream pregnancy book, the truth about C-sections, I would have known what I was getting into.  But I didn’t, and at the time, all the information I had, said C-sections were no big deal. 

C-sections ARE a big deal.  So big, your life will never be the same.  Here are some of the REAL outcomes from C-sections:

You may lose precious time with your newborn baby.  Time that you will NEVER get back, because you are doped up on strong narcotic pain medications for at least 24 hours- usually longer- after the birth.  Your baby might be groggy after birth in most cases, because the epidural and or spinal tap medication used to numb you, is in their system too. 

Instead of spending the first few moments after birth holding, nursing, and bonding, with your baby, your hands may be tied down.  Because of this, you probably won’t be able to hold your baby during this time, while you are being stitched back up. 

Your baby may be taken out the operating room from you, while your uterus and incision site are being stitched.  In my case, my hands were still restrained.  You will probably have to wait at least 30 minutes after the birth (usually longer), before you can really hold your baby for the first time.   

If you are lucky, your baby will want to breastfeed, even though he/she could still be groggy from the birth.  If not, then starting breastfeeding becomes a much bigger challenge. As any new mother will tell you, breastfeeding a brand new baby can be hard at first.  Now imagine trying to position your baby to nurse, but you can’t have your new baby’s feet, or body anywhere near your incision because you can’t risk having them push, or kick you in that area.  You can use a pillow to block the site, but it becomes another aspect to figure out. 

By having a C-section, your chances for hemorrhage, post-partum infection, internal injuries, post-partum depression, breastfeeding problems, reproductive problems, and maternal death, are increased than if you gave birth vaginally. 

By having an elective C-section your baby’s chances for neonatal respiratory distress syndrome (RDS), physician caused prematurity (since they can only guess, what the correct due date is), persistent pulmonary hypertension (PPH), are cut by the surgeon’s scalpel two to six percent of the time, and are less likely to be breastfed, are increased than babies who are born vaginally. 

In most cases, you will have metal staples in your incision for several days after the surgery.  I thought my tummy looked liked Frankenstein’s forehead.  It was so awful I couldn’t even look at it. 

Your uterus will have permanent scar tissue, which is at a higher risk for rupture with future pregnancies. 

You will have an scar just above your pubic bone for the rest of your life.  Your stomach will more than likely hang over your scar, known as “belly flap,” for the rest of your life.  Your incision / scar area will probably be numb for several months, several years, or even for the rest of your life. 

Your birthing options with future pregnancies are SEVERELY limited, after you have a C-section.  There is a saying, “once a C-section, always a C-section.” VBAC is a very safe choice for the majority of women, but VBAC’sare discouraged and you will be lucky to find a doctor and a hospital that supports this choice.  In some states, it is against the law for midwives to attend VBAC births.  In all actuality, you will be pressured to have a repeat C-section with future pregnancies, even though with every subsequent C-section, the uterine rupture rate increases, especially during pregnancy as the uterus expands.  Usually another C-section is the only choice offered to you, even if that isn’t the best choice for you, and your baby.

You will probably have a longer recovery, after a C-section than if you had given birth vaginally.  You can’t drive for usually 10 days.  You are sore, and it can be a struggle to just get up and move, let alone walk, sit-up, sit, and lie down.  It is recommended that you don’t climb any stairs for two weeks-too bad if your house has stairs- it can be very painful, every time you have to go up or down your stairs.  You don’t dare laugh or cough for several days, because it just hurts too much.  You may only have a limited amount of pain medication, because most doctors want to “wean” you off the strong pain narcotics a few days after the C-section.  Keep in mind, this is all while you have a brand new baby to take care of as well. 

(Many of these facts in the above blue boxes can be found on Childbirth Connection’s page on C-sections.)  

  • Recovery Time and Complications

Being a new mother is one of the most challenging life experiences.  We rise to the task, but when you are trying to recover from a MAJOR surgery, YOU need to rest, and be taken care of.  That does not happen after a C-section, for the majority of women.  Maternal instincts take over, and we need to be with our babies.  We push our pain, and  discomforts to the background, in order to take care of our baby, and family.

This only adds to the recovery time, and often results in women “overdoing it,” which leads to ruptured scars, which leads to infected scars, which leads to another hospital stay, which leads back to square one, all over again.  It can be a vicious cycle.  

The general thought is it usually takes about 3 weeks, to recover from vaginal birth, and 6 weeks to recover from a C-section, IF everything goes well.

That was not true for me at all.  It took me about 12 weeks to feel almost 100% again- meaning I didn’t have pain that kept me from doing daily activities. That is 3 months!  If I were to count the time that it took for my scar to heal, and to not feel any pain whatsoever- I would say NEVER.  Even now, four years later, if I move at an odd angle, I will get a weird pain in my abdomen, that I never had before having a C-section.

After the VBAC birth I had with my second baby, I felt back to normal, after about a month.  Yes, there was pain, discomfort, and stitches involved with a vaginal birth, but it was SO, SO, SO much more manageable and less painful than a C-section.  Having given birth both by a C-section and vaginally, I would pick a vaginal birth every time- without hesitation.  As one of my friends who also had a C-section, and a vaginal birth said, “The worse vaginal birth, beats the best C-section anytime.”   No wonder we were made to give birth vaginally, not surgically!

  •  Risks Outweigh The Benefits

C-sections are a medical tool, and should only be performed when absolutely necessary.  C-sections DO have a place in obstetrics, and I have a friend who would have died, if she had not gotten an emergency C-section. 

The World Health Organization (WHO) says anytime a country’s C-section rate rises above 15%, then the risks outweigh the benefits the surgery could provide.  In the US, the C-section rate is 30.2% of all births.  Just 100 years ago in the US, almost every baby born, was born at home!  What has happened?  Clearly, something is very wrong, and thousands of women are receiving unnecessary surgical C-sections, where the risks are outweighing the benefits.

  • The “Hidden” High Costs of C-Sections

Another aspect that is hardly ever mentioned is the financial aspect and costs to a family.  Obviously a C-section is more expensive than a vaginal birth. My C-section in 2004 cost 50% more than my vaginal hospital birth in 2006. That was with no complications- just a “by-the-book C-section”.  Even with insurance, a family pays substantially more for a C-section, and that is just for the procedure! Most women have to stay in the hospital for a minimum of three days after a C-section, compared to anywhere from  12-48 hours with a vaginal birth.  I had to stay for five days.  Not only do you get charged for your care, but you get charged for the care your baby gets too. 

If you factor in the extra long recovery time, the costs of hiring some household help, extra doctor and or hospital visits due to infection, pain medication, extra time the father may take off of work, to name a few- it is astounding how expensive a C-section is, and how fast it all adds up. 

For a woman who has to return to work, 6, 8, or 12 weeks after giving birth, she may not even be fully recovered from surgery, before she has to take on the demands from a job as well. 

  • Ignorance Is Not Bliss

I believe that every woman who is faced with the possibility of having a C-section (emergency situation aside) should be given ALL of the information on the surgical procedure including the emotional and financial aspects beforehand.  Ignorance is NOT bliss- it just keeps you from having to face the reality of this surgical procedure until you are in the thick of it, with nothing left to do, but see it and its consequences through.

During my recovery, I was in so much pain, and realized that I didn’t even know why, until my husband (who had watched the surgery) said, “If you had seen what they did, you would know why you are in pain.”

Then it hit me that I had no idea, what they even did during the C-section.  They never show that on The Baby Story either. I have decided to include several REAL pictures from actual C-sections that I found by doing Google and Yahoo searches.  Believe it or not, pictures like this were very hard to find. There just aren’t that many pictures of actual C-sections out there.  I spent a lot of time trying to find pictures with the goal of  showing  what really happens during a C-section. 

The pictures are graphic in nature- that is the reality of a C-section.  I have provided the link to the site where you can view the pictures as well.  There will be descriptions of what the picture is of. 

Since some will prefer not to look at the pictures, I will include my closing comments now, instead of at the end of the pictures. 

  • Conclusion

Despite what we are told in the media, C-sections are NOT glamorous, or posh.  If you choose to view the pictures below, you will see what it really is.   

The emotional and financial toll it can take on you and your family is massive.  Ironically, a lot of women choose C-sections, because they think it is a lot less painful than vaginal birth.  You will have no pain during the C-section itself, because you are numb from usually the chest down.  But, a surgical C-section birth is not a way to avoid pain during birth.  Ironically, in most cases, it will cause you substantial amounts of more pain in the long run.

The end result of a C-section is beautiful- a new, hopefully healthy baby and mother.  For me, that was my goal.  But I never realized beforehand, as I wrote, you lose a lot of time with your newborn when recovering from the surgery.  Time that you only get one chance at.  If you have to return to work, as you know, your time is not endless with your baby, and that time goes by in a blink of an eye. 

No mother I know, would willingly give up her precious time with her new baby, to attend to surgical dressings, be “out of it” due to pain medication, maybe miss out on breastfeeding, if they choose to do so, raise their risk of post-partum infection, and depression, and pain.  Yet, that is what happens to one degree or another, with EVERY C-section. 

If you prefer not to look at the pictures, I hope some of this post will help you, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a cousin, or anyone, who needed more information and truth on what is involved in a C-section. 

I know first hand that sometimes a C-section is your only option.  In these cases, I hope some of what I wrote may help in giving you more information on what to expect, so you can prepare better than I did. If you are considering a C-section that is not medically necessary, or you have other options, I hope if you have read this far, that maybe you are reconsidering having a c-section. 

While writingthis post, I decided to write another post in the near future with ideas for mothers who are preparing for a C-section.  I plan to include information on things she  can do to prepare for it before hand.  I also will include ideas and tips she can do post-partrum, to help with the healing process, pain, and the overall transition back to family life.   E-mail me  if you have any tips or suggestions, you would like to share.

Every woman deserves to know ALL of the facts, before facing a major surgery, especially one with the goal of bringing a new life into the world.  Doctors should take into account ALL the factors, pre-AND post-surgery, on how C-sections can affect their patients and their families.  The entire medical community (doctors, hospitals, etc.), should start offering vaginal breech baby birth options.  Finally, C-sections should stop being glamorized by the media as a healthy alternative to vaginal birth. It is very dishonest and misleading.

I sincerely hope by sharing my experience, and facts that usually aren’t disclosed about C-sections, it can help women who are facing  C-sections, to make an informed decision.

I would love to hear your comments and feedback. 

  • Additional Information

I urge anyone facing a C-section to read the article, “Cesearean Birth in a Culture of Fear.”  It is written by Wendy Ponte, and it appeared in the September/October 2007 issue of Mothering magazine, and is the best article I have read on the subject to date.    If you can get the actual magazine, there were some very good illustrations, showing the C-section procedure.  I tried to find these illustrations on-line, but was unsuccessful.  I was able to find something along the same lines, in a slide show presentation, with ten drawings from The New York Times, showing the C-section procedure. (These drawings are not graphic- they are what you would see in a newspaper.)

************************WARNING!!!!! ******************************** 

************DO NOT READ OR SCROLL ANY FARTHER IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO VIEW C-SECTION PICTURES- GRAPHIC IN NATURE************

Removing the staples from a C-section incision. 

 There is also a picture of a new C-section scar held together with staples, and more post-partum C-section scars, including verticle ones, in this gallery at About.com .

Mother 1: C-section scar 2 days after the surgery, 20 year-old mother

Mother 1: (The same mother as in picutre above), her C-section scar, 11 weeks after the surgery

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Mother 2: The C-section overhang (“belly flap”)- this is after the first c-section (third pregnancy), this 28-year old mother had, one year after the surgery

Picture from Terra, (a mother who read this post and sent me some of her C-section pictures) of her C-section incision

 

Picture 1 of Terra’s Infection at Incision Site

Picture 2 of Terra’s Infection at Incision Site

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Mother 2: (picture 2) Same mother as the above picture; side view

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Mother 3: Picture of scar, more than 3 years after C-section (it is the second line, towards the bottom-not the thin red line)

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Mother 4: Pictures of infected C-section scar, 3 to 4 months after the surgery, during this 38 year-old mother’s

fifth round of antibiotic treatments for the infection

Above pictures from https://www.caesarean.org.uk/ScarPictures.html#group1. There are several more pictures of C-section scars at this site, in various stages of healing.

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My scar- 4 years after C-section.

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Another picture of my scar.  On the right end of the scar, you can see how it looks indented.  A few of my staples became loose, while I was in the hospital, so the skin there was open, while healing.  It left a lot larger scar on that end of the incision, and tends to “cave in.”  I doubt this will ever go away.  The marks higher up on my stomach, are the marks from my pants.   🙂 

(All of these photos, the ones of myself included, are unedited.  They have been reduced in size, however so they could fit on the site. )

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Breastfeeding Cole Family & Friends Health Me Mothering Parenting Ryan

Happy Blog-Day

A year ago today, I started A Mama’s Blog. Here is my first-ever post. 

I can’t believe how much Cole has grown in a year, from that first picture.  Here is an updated picture of him- he has really changed fom a baby into a little boy (despite me wanting him to stay a baby 🙂  )

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I have really enjoyed blogging, and want to thank everyone who has left me comments and support over the last year.  It is so nice to know there are other mothers, friends, family, and people I have never met, who will contact me to share a similar experience to one that I have written about. 

As I wrote in the first post, I wanted a blog to preserve memories while my children are growing up.  During the last year, while writing, I realized that if Ryan and Cole read my posts someday, I also want them to have a sense of who I was as well, during their childhood. I want them to know what was important to me.  Sometimes I wonder how my mother raised four children, and I wonder- what were her high and low points?  I know she was passionate about nutrition and home-birth.  I want my sons to know while my first priority in life is being their mama, there are other aspects to me as well- some serious and some not-so-serious.

I wrote on a lot of different topics- some serious, and some not so.  It is interesting to see what kind of “traffic” certain posts get.  Over the last year, I am very happy that one of my highest traffic posts was on a subject that I feel passionate about-breastfeeding.  The post is Re-Using/Sharing Breastpumps.  I think this is an important topic, and there wasn’t a lot of information at the time all in one place about the possible health dangers of sharing breastpumps.  Based on the amount of people who have read this post in the last year, I like to think the post is helpful for people researching the subject.

Another one of my top posts was on a subject, obviously, a lot of people struggle with-in finding  birthday spots or ideas for Winter Birthday Parties.  I am amazed, because I only wrote that post about two months ago, but it is the third most read post on my blog. 

I never imagined the number one post on my blog would be the post I wrote about Car Family Stickers.  It was just one of those ideas that occurred to me that might make a funny-sarcastic post, on something that kind of bugged me.  Some of the comments I received, I ended up deleting, because they were rude and disrespectful! I never thought a post about bumper stickers would invoke such passionate feelings!  However, I did learn why some people like them. I really liked what Jim wrote in his comment, in that some people may just be proud to be part of a family-is that really so bad?  It made me think of them in a different perspective.  While I am still not a fan of car stickers, and would never put one on my car, I have to admit that I don’t dislike them as much for reasons people left comments about why they liked them.  The Ass Family, is still hilarious too!

I hope with posts like these, my boys will learn more about me- more than they could ever learn from just hearing me talk to them, or tell them what I am interested in. I know it will be many years, before I can even hope they will be at this level,  and even want to read anything I wrote, but a mother can dream can’t she? 

I hope everyone who reads my blog will continue to do so, and thank you to everyone who does.  If you have never left a comment, try coming out of the land of the lurking, and introduce yourself- I won’t bite.  🙂 

I am working on some exciting new changes for A Mama’s Blog, in the very near future, and some very special posts.  One of which I hope will help provide the information needed, and I’ll add, information that is not usually disclosed- before women make a life altering decision.  I have been working on this post for months, and hope to have it ready next week, so be sure to check in for that.

Once again, thanks to everyone who has made my first year of blogging so enjoyable- especially my two little boys- my life sure would be boring and incomplete without them.  🙂

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Cole Health Me Mothering Parenting Ryan

When it Rains it Pours- Part II

Ryan had a bad night (bad for him, but not so bad for me, compared to Cole’s bad nights).  He woke up every hour, crying but I was able to soothe him back to sleep.  While he was doing this, I didn’t figure there was much sense in me going to bed- it is easier for me to deal when I am not pried awake from the dead of sleep by a child’s crying, to try to comfort him.  After Ryan stayed asleep for more than an hour, I finally went to bed, around 2am.

I had already decided I was not going to take the boys to music class this morning.  The boys woke up around 8, and played and I rested on the couch, because I woke up with a sore throat, headache, and stuffy nose.  Cole didn’t seem to be much better so I called our doctor, only to hear the message say they were out of the office until Monday.  I called the on call doctor paging service, and the phone just rang, and rang, and rang.  I let it ring 30 times, before I hung up.  I thought maybe it sends my number to them, and I’ll get a call back.  No such luck.  First time that has ever happened, where a doctor’s paging service doesn’t work- why am I not surprised?   I debated if they really needed to see the doctor or not.

Cole was getting fussier and fussier and finally around 2pm, Joe came home.  But, he caught a cold and now he is sick too.  Just my luck!  Right after lunch, Ryan started crying and said his ear hurt, way down deep.  That was it.  I told Joe we were taking the boys to the urgent care center, to see what was going on with them.

Fortunately, we didn’t have to wait very long, and after a thorough exam, the doctor told us neither boy had an ear or sinus infection.  She said it was a viral infection that had to run its course, and unless we were going on day 10, (please don’t let this last for 10 days), or they took a turn for the worse, the only thing we could do, was give them plenty of rest, and fluids.  I specifically asked her to err on the side of caution with Cole, since he had that croup two months ago, and she said his lungs sounded great.  So at least I know that junk isn’t settling into Cole’s lungs.

We came home and we all took naps.  I made the boys some dinner, and then went to get the big bowl of salad I keep on hand for Joe and I, and of course, it was all spoiled.  So I went to Panda Express to get take-out.  Not the most nutritious thing in the world to eat, but I guess once won’t kill us.

At least we made it through the day. I hope the boys sleep better tonight, and after four nights, of just dozing, I can get a decent night sleep.  At this point, I’d take 2 or 3 hours, uninterrupted. 

 Hopefully, things will be better in the morning. 

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Cole Family & Friends Health Household Me Mothering Parenting Ryan Work

When it Rains it Pours

I usually try not to complain or whine on my blog too much, but I just have to, tonight.  It has been the worse week for me- it has gone from bad to worse, what seems like every hour.  Just when I think nothing else bad can happen- it does.  Here is a recap:

Monday: Joe has to go out of town for the entire week.  I used to not mind it so much, but whenever he goes out of town, one of the boys ALWAYS ends up sick.  It is hard enough to “single” parent, without having a sick child on top of it.  Sure enough, Sunday night, a lymph node is really swollen on Cole, and I just get a bad feeling.  By Monday afternoon, his nose is running non-stop and he has a fever.  I can’t tell for sure if he is really has a cold, or if the symptoms are due to teething.  Either way, he is fussy and uncomfortable.

It had snowed as well.  Not a lot, but enough for me to have to go out in 10 degree weather to shovel our sidewalks, and tenant’s porch.  Oh yeah, we live on a corner lot, so this is not a fast project.  I am freezing by the time I get back in, and Cole had awoken from his nap- an hour early, and was screaming!

Meanwhile, I get an e-mail from my boss, telling me my project isn’t due in two weeks, but is due in two days!  Evidently the message didn’t conveyed to her correctly.  The client has to have their budget reports to submit to the state by Wednesday.  I figured it would be hard, but I could get it done in the next two nights, after the boys were asleep.  I start working like crazy , but Cole has other ideas for me.  He was waking up every 20 minutes or so, groaning, and whining.  I would work for ten minutes, and then go to Cole for half an hour, to get him back to sleep. 

By midnight, I had completed the bulk of the work, and the very, very, very, time consuming part of the budget.  Not to mention the draft I had, the figures had been scanned in, and were not formatting right.   So on top of doing the work, I had to recreate everything into Excel, and then export it back into the Word document.  I figured I was at a good stopping point, and could finish the rest Tuesday night.  Then, out of the blue, I get a pop-up message, asking me if I want to save my document as a read-only copy.  Of course, I said no. Then the screen flutters, and kicks me out of Word.  Weird, I think.  I go back into Word, open my document and notice ALL of the work I had just done, was not there.  I run a search-it only brings up my copy of the document I had the day before.  All of my work- 3 hours is GONE. 

I just started crying, right then and there.  I had been saving the document every 10 minutes, but only to the work server, I was working off of.  I have NEVER had anything like this happen before, and it just sucks.  The only good news was, I figured I would be able to re-do the work fairly quickly, since I was familiar with the budget at this point, and knew where to get my numbers.  At 2:30am, I had re-created all the work.  Cole had managed to sleep during this time, so things were looking up.

At 4am, Cole woke up, stuffy and crying.  He never did go back to sleep- only tossed and turned, and dozed with me.  Of course, the second I wasn’t holding him right, or the second he wasn’t comfortable, he started screaming.  I got one hour of sleep.

Tuesday:  I take Ryan to preschool, but we are late; I had sent my boss an e-mail telling her what was happening, and she called me the moment we were walking out the door to discuss the project.  After dropping Ryan off, 15 minutes late, Cole and I run errands, that we had to do.  He is in a pretty good mood, but I realize he is more than likely coming down with a cold, and he is teething on top of that. 

After we pick up Ryan from school, I am just praying they will both take long naps, so I could keep working on my project.  Both boys usually take 2 hour naps.  Not today- Ryan didn’t take one at all, and after an hour, Cole woke up, with his eyes “glued” shut by gunk that was coming out of them.  I thought he might have pink-eye, but after soaking his eyes with warm washcloths, they cleared up.  But his nose was still runny, and he had a fever.  He was sick for sure.

Surprisingly, Cole slept well that night, and I was able to finish my project by midnight, with no more computer problems.  I figured I could still get about 6 hours of sleep, and headed to bed.  Cole woke up at 2, and it was a repeat of the previous night.  By the time my alarm went off, to get up for work, I had gotten at best, 2 hours of sleep, and I knew it was going to be an intense day.

Wednesday: As I was leaving the boys at their grandparents, Cole realized I was leaving, and started crying.  He stuck out his hands, and kept saying, “Mama, Mama,”over and over.  It absolutely tugged at my heart.  Neither him or Ryan have ever done that before.  He needed me, and I was leaving.  I felt so bad and guilty.  That was all I could think about as I went to work.

After working until 2pm (I have been up for 12 hours now), with no break, we get the budget e-mailed to the client, in time for their meeting.  I can’t go into a lot of details, but there were some problems with the previous years’ figures, which affected this year’s numbers, so nothing was computing correctly.  Turns out, we had to go back and update the previous two years of budgets, in order to get the 2008 budget right.  Of course my boss, the accountant, was doing most of the computing, and I just felt like I failed miserably- that I didn’t even think to look at the previous years’ numbers.  I was trying to do the deepest thinking, I think I have ever done, on two hours of sleep, and I all I could think about was Cole crying for me.  It was miserable, and I had a splitting headache.  My boss said that had been a “brutal” budget. 

After I e-mailed the budget to the client, my boss said she was taking me out to lunch.  She told me I had done a great job, and she was very appreciative.  I was happy to hear that (especially since I was functioning on 2 hours of sleep).  When we got back, the client hadn’t called, so we figured no news was good news.  Half an hour later, they call and say one of the financial charts, didn’t come through- the figures were distorted, and they can’t read them.  That was the one chart that I hadn’t had time to recreate in Excel.  So guess what I did for rest of the afternoon?  Re-working their charts AGAIN.  I was so tired of reading numbers, I was wiped out.  But I got it done for them before the end of the day.

My mother-in-law had a nice dinner ready when I got to their house.  Cole was in a great mood, but clearly had a cold.  As we were eating dinner, Ryan started crying and said his tummy hurt.  By bedtime, he was lethargic, and kept saying his tummy hurt.  

Meanwhile, I had given Cole a bath- he usually loves his baths, but he started screaming, while he was in the tub, and I mean screaming.  This was at 7pm, and he didn’t stop screaming for 3 hours.  I was completely exhausted and drained.  Nothing, but nothing, would console him. All I could think of, was how much I wanted to go to bed, but couldn’t.  I knew if Joe was home, he’d be able to help Cole.  I couldn’t do anything for him.  He was congested, and had a fever.  Even after I had given him some Childrens’ Motrin, it wasn’t helping.  I had never seen Coley like that. I think I was so tired, I didn’t even have any energy to react.  I stood over his crib, just stroking his back, and telling him it would be OK. 

I never thought I would have the stamina to stand over a crib for 3 hours, listening to the worse screaming I have ever heard, having been awake for 20 hours, but I did.  Whenever I think I have reached the breaking point, I find out (not by choice) that I bend even farther than I thought.  Before becoming a mother, there was no way, I could have pulled off a day like I had just done, and dealt with two sick, small children, by myself at night, with hardly any sleep.  I don’t know if that is something women are “programed” for, and it kicks in, when we need it to, or what. 

I realized as I was tip-toeing out of Cole’s room, that my sister was arriving into town tomorrow, and I still needed to do some cleaning.  I actually did some laundry and cleaned the bathroom.  I can let the living room boy’s playroom slide, but I wanted to at least have a clean bathroom for her.  Then I realized it was trash day tomorrow, and I lugged out the trash and the recycling.  I cleaned up the kitchen, and fall into bed at midnight. 

Thursday: Cole wakes up 4am, and once again is restless.  We toss and turn.  He wants a drink of water, and he pulls my cup away from me, and water gets spilled all over the bed. I get up, with him crying again, and put towels on the sheets.  I finally get him to sleep at 5:30.  I drift off too, for 45 minutes, before my alarm goes off, for work.  I debate on what to do with the boys. I had a meeting today, and some other things going on, where I had to be there.  Cole wakes up the second he hears the alarm, and wants breakfast.  He doesn’t seem quite as bad, and his nose isn’t running.  Ryan wakes up, and says he feels tired, but doesn’t say he feels bad, so I decide to go to work, and take the boys to J, our wonderful childcare provider.

At 9am, J, calls me and says Ryan has a temperature of 101.  She asks if she can give him some Motrin, but says he is just resting on the couch, and Cole is running around playing. She doesn’t think I need to leave work.  I tell her Ryan can have some Motrin, and I’ll be home as soon as I can. 

I run into another accounting problem with one of our clients that I just didn’t have the brain power to deal with.  I will have to work on that this weekend.  As I was leaving my boss asks if I can finalize the budget for the client’s board meeting next week.  Again, they have to have it, but it should be very easy to plug the new charts and figures that we did yesterday back into their master copy. Turns out yesterday, they only needed a few pages for the state, not the entire thing.  So of course, I am in this knee deep now, and pretty much have to say yes.  More work (not that I’m complaining, but it just seems so daunting right now.)

As I am leaving work, my face feels flushed, and my stomach is hurting.  I get the kids and Ryan is in a good mood, and says he feels good, but I am sure it was only because he had the Motrin in his system.  Cole is happy, but tired.  As I drive home, I start to cry.  I know there is no way that I will be able to go get my sister tonight (we were going to go pick her up at the airport at midnight, and she was going to stay with us for a few days. I haven’t really been able to visit with her in a year and a half!) 

Even I felt OK, there was no way, I was going to drag Ryan and Cole out of their beds, where I could only hope they would be sleeping from.  Furthermore, what would my sister do when she was here?  Watch us blow our noses?  Listen to poor little Coley, cry because he is so congested?  Watch Ryan lie on the couch?  I wouldn’t want to expose her to anything either.  If the boys have bad nights, I would feel bad for her too, because there would be no sleeping for her- especially if Cole has another screaming night.  It is just such a bummer.   It never seems like we can see each other, even when she is in the state visiting.  I miss her, and wanted so much for her to be able to see the boys as well.  If I don’t get sick, I might end up seeing her over the weekend, but who knows if she’ll  get to see the boys?  Ryan was so excited to see his aunt too.  He was sad we weren’t going to go out on our midnight adventure to the airport. He asked me so sweetly if when he feels better, in a few days, could we go get Auntie Vanessa then, from the airport?

So there is my miserable week.  I don’t even want to get out of bed tomorrow.  It has taken me a long time to write this, because now Ryan isn’t sleeping.  He isn’t screaming, but he is waking up every 20 minutes, just whining.  He doesn’t have a fever, but obviously doesn’t feel well.  I am going to try to take Cole to the Dr. tomorrow.  I think he may have a sinus infection.  Meanwhile, I will be counting the minutes until Joe comes home, and I can have some relief, or at least a nap.