Category: Health

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Cancer Family & Friends Health Me

My Cancer Has Spread

On Wednesday I had an ultrasound my surgeon had requested before the surgery to remove my thyroid for cancer.  I didn’t know ahead of time why he wanted this ultrasound, but found out it was to determine if the cancer in my thyroid had spread into my lymph nodes.

I was really upset leaving the ultrasound, and scared.  I didn’t want to have to think about another issue with my thyroid cancer.  I was told I would have the results in a few days.

Yesterday my surgeon, Dr. S., called me and told me the ultrasound showed the cancer had moved to my lymph nodes.  He said I have two lymph nodes that are measuring over 3 cm., and anytime they measure over 1.5 cm., it is a major cause of concern.

Dr. S. told me those nodes will have to be removed during my surgery and they will have to examine my other lymph nodes in surgery to determine if any other ones need to be removed as well.  He told me the surgery is complex and will be a minimum of 9 hours now.  Previously, the surgery time was about 2 hours-just to remove the thyroid.  Dr. S. said I will now be in the hospital for 4-5 days, and have a longer recovery time.

I was completely in shock as I was listening to Dr. S. tell me all of this.  My heart was racing and I was having trouble breathing. He recommended I make an appointment and he would fill me in on all the details and the process.  Dr. S. told me I still had the papillary cancer, and it was still in the very early stages.  He said he was glad I had gotten the ultrasound, because now he had the complete picture of what my health situation is, and he knows before hand, the direction the surgery needs to go in.

I hung up, and sat shocked and numb- staring at my wall. I stared to cry and utter a lot of four letter words under my breath.  Ryan and Cole were home, and I didn’t want to have them overhear me calling anyone to tell them. I was too upset anyway to talk.

Since then, I have let my family, friends, and Facebook friends know and the support has been overwhelming.  My sister and friends have told me this is bad news, but I am not going to die.  When it is all said and done, it is a complication, but I am going to be fine.

A day later, I am still in shock somewhat- just trying to absorb the situation.  I am going to make that appointment with Dr. S., to get the rest of the facts and ask questions.  I don’t believe I will need to have chemotherapy, but will more than likely have to undergo radioactive iodine therapy.

My family is already making plans to get me the help I need after the surgery, and I know I can count on my friends to help too.  I am very grateful for all the support and love I have.

So where do I go from here? I am not sure.  I am trying to keep a positive attitude and trying not to freak out.  I am trying to remember to take deep breaths and keep everything in perspective.

If anyone has been through this, the removal of lymph nodes, please let me know what your experience was.  It helps me to hear what others have gone through.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.  I need all the positive energy that can come my way.  🙂

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Cancer Health Me

Thyroid Cancer Update

A few weeks ago, I found out I have thyroid cancer.  My doctor says I have papillary cancer, and recommended a total thyroidectomy (a procedure where the entire thyroid is removed.)

My surgery is set for June 12th, around noon- as it stands now.  Before the surgery I have to have a high resolution ultrasound which, as I understand it, will help my doctor determine exactly where the cancer is in the nodule.  I also have to have some blood work done, and a pre-surgery appointment a few days before to discuss the surgery with my surgeon. 

I have been looking into more information on a thyroid lobectomy with isthmusectomy which is a medical term for only having half of my thyroid removed.  It seems though this is only preferred when the nodule is under 1.5 cm. and mine is 1.7 cm.  Still, I have read that the thyroid can function with only 10% remaining, and the idea of not being on medication for the rest of my life, is appealing. 

On the other hand, the cancer has a higher chance of recurrences in my situation if any part of my thyroid remains.  Plus, I would always have to have it monitored which means more biopsies, which I am not fond of.  The other factor in this decision is the emotional aspect- will I always be wondering if cancer is growing again in my thyroid?  Will it always be there in the back of my mind?  What if I am clear after a biopsy, and then it comes back six months later, and it is worse than before?  I am thankful and consider myself lucky this was caught early.  It was basically four months from when my doctor first felt the lump at my annual exam, to my diagnosis.  What if I choose to only have half of my thyroid removed and I am not so lucky a second time?

So I have been debating these options.  I plan to do some more reading and research.  I want to make sure I understand what is happening, and any other options that are available as treatment.  I am not questioning the expertise of my surgeon/doctor- his own wife had the exact cancer I have two years ago, so I am perfectly confident in his abilities and diagnosis, but I want to know for myself that I have explored all options, and this really is the best treatment for me before I go “under the knife” so to speak.

My family and friends have been amazing.  I have been in touch with a lot of other people who have also been through this, and their stories have reassured me and given me confidence that everything will turn out okay for me.  My mom and my sister (my only two family members that don’t live in Colorado) are arranging their schedules so they can be here during and after the surgery.  Ryan and Cole’s father, grandparents, and extended family are going to be able to watch the boys extra times during and after the surgery.  In short, I am very fortunate to have so much support and help.  It is one thing I don’t have to worry about right now. 

I am so grateful for all the e-mails and good wishes I have received and wanted to post a quick update, since these are most of the questions I receive in the e-mails.  If anyone has chosen to have the partial thyroid removal, I would love to hear your experience if you are willing to share it.  You can leave a comment or e-mail me privately.  My e-mail is found on the Contact Page.

Thanks again to everyone for all the support and information.  Love you all.  🙂

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c-sections Current Events Health Mothering Pregnancy & Birth

C-Sections- Five Years and Beyond (Part 3)

Since the five years I have had my C-section, I was told many times that I should just be grateful my baby was okay, and I should get over the negative feelings that I had regarding the experience.  I noticed that almost every woman who responded to my questions had something about her C-section that she was not happy about, or had been unprepared for. 

I think our society is very harsh with mothers who have given birth by  C-section in this regard.  A C-section not only brings a new life into the world, but it is also a major abdominal surgery. If a heart patient has a negative experience with heart surgery, their feelings are usually not discounted and told to get over it.  Of course all mothers are happy their babies are born healthy, whether they are born vaginally or by C-section.  But that does not, and should not invalidate any negative feelings a mother may have giving birth by a surgical procedure.   

Simply saying a mother should get over it, and be happy her baby is healthy is like telling a survivor of an awful car wreck, “at least you didn’t die,” or “you should be happy you are alive.”  That is a given- but the pain and trauma from the experience also needs be to validated in order for the survivor to heal.  We acknowledge the pain and suffering of car accident victims all the time.  We do not invalidate the victim’s feelings just because they are alive.  

Yet that is what happens to women over and over again, who share their negative C-section feelings. Their feelings are invalidated and they are told and expected to dishonor any negative feelings they have about their C-section births. 

Birth is one of the most powerful things a woman experiences- what kind of message does that send to a mother when she is told her feelings she has regarding her C-section are not valid?  

The C-section rate continues to rise in the United States every year.  According to Childbirth Connection, in 1965 the C-section rate was 4.5%.  It is estimated that when the 2007 figures are released, they will show the rate over 30%, or one in three births are a C-section. In some hospitals, the C-section rate is 50%. 

My C-section made me doubt my body.  I trusted my doctor more than myself.  Doctors are experts in medical procedures, and we are all grateful to have them for medical emergencies.  However, women are the experts on their bodies.   For thousands of years, midwives- other women- assisted during birth.  Birth is normally not a medical experience or emergency.  Yet, that is how the entire process is generally approached.  Women are made to feel that they are not capable of giving birth without a doctor present in a hospital. 

Ina May Gaskin, one of the most famous midwives in the world, who has her own birthing center in Tennessee, did not have a woman who needed a C-section until the 187th birth that she attended.   The next C-section birth didn’t come until after the 300th birth.  Contrast that with one in three births being a C-section today. 

It is my opinion that women are losing the ability to believe that their bodies can give birth, and birth is not a medical condition.  Add to this, the women that are told to “get over” their negative birth experiences and not acknowledge their feelings.  How does this attitude in our society prepare a woman for her next birth?  How does this psychologically affect her?  Is she more likely to believe in her body for the next birth or decide she needs a C-section?

C-sections have their place, and I am the first to acknowledge that.  But with every C-section that is performed that is not a true medical emergency, I believe we are teaching women and girls- the next generation- that their bodies are inadequate- incapable of giving birth without a major surgery.   As long as women allow doctors to make the calls for them, the C-section rate will continue to grow, and our choices for birth diminish.

Women need to support each other and share their birth experiences.  Perhaps one story of a successful VBAC will encourage another woman to try a VBAC.  One story of a woman’s experience with a C-section will help another woman avoid one.  We can support each other and learn from one another.  By sharing the good and the bad of our birth experiences, we lay the groundwork for allowing women and girls to trust their bodies.  After all, women are the experts in childbirth.  Who better to learn about birth from than another woman who has experienced it?

Karen Walker, a midwife, believes that “obstetricians will continue to encouraging the birthing mom to sacrifice her body on the operating room table until women begin to take the responsibility of her birth upon herself.”  She says, “Doctors will get off their pedestals only when women get off their knees.” 

The Unnecesarean.com was the first place this week that I read about Lauren Plante of Thomas Jefferson University’s essay, Mommy, What Did You Do in the Industrial Revolution?   In her essay Plante compares industrial obstetrics with the industrial revolution.  One profound statement she made when comparing modern obstetrics:

Industrial obstetrics strips the locus of power definitively away from women. The history of childbirth in America reflects a persistent trend of increased control by physicians and increased medicalization. Childbirth moves, first, out of the home, and now out of the vagina.  (bold print mine)

It is interesting to note that Lauren Plante is an OB/GYN. 

It is my hope by sharing my C-section experience, other women’s experiences, and by continuing to write about  C-sections,  that women who are considering a C-section for a non-medical emergency, can find real life experiences, thoughts, and information from other women that will enable them to trust their bodies can give birth. 

We each are given the power over our bodies.  The power is there- in all of us- to give birth to our babies.  We have to trust that our bodies can do what they were made for.  We have to get the information we need to feel confident in our bodies.  When will we feel we have given enough of our birthing power and choices over to the medical industry?  When the C-section rate nationally is at 5o percent? 75 percent? 100 percent?  

It is every woman’s right to attempt the birth experience that she feels is best for her baby and herself.  Please don’t give that right over blindly to a doctor simply because they are a doctor.  If you don’t want a C-section only because your baby is breech, then do what I didn’t do- fight to preserve that right.  Seek out midwives or another doctor.  If you are told your hospital doesn’t allow VBAC’s, and you want one, do what I did- find another hospital that allows it.  You don’t have to settle for a birth option, just because a doctor says that is the only way. 

If we, as women don’t demand better from our doctors and hospitals, then we, and our daughters, will never get anything better from them.  We will never get better choices, better information, better treatment, and ultimately better births.

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c-sections Health Mothering Pregnancy & Birth

C-sections Five Years and Beyond (Part 2)

This is part two of the interview with ten women on their C-section experiences.  You can find C-sections Five Years and Beyond (Part 1) by clicking on the title.   

Do you feel you were given adequate information from your doctor or health care provider regarding the C-section? (procedure, recovery time, possible complications, emotions, etc)

Justine- “Absolutely not. Granted, this was 1989 and things have come a long way since then. But whenever i asked questions (“Why is 12 hours the limit? If i don’t have a fever, then why are we worried about infection? Since the IV is in, can’t we start an antibiotic as a preventive measure instead of surgery?) the answer i got was “You can’t mess around with your baby’s health like that.” or “Our job is to take care of you, your job is to let us” I had no idea what to expect after the surgery…and they just kept pumping me full of narcotics even though I wanted to just try Tylenol…ugh.  It was simply a nightmare…and one that I could not wake up from.”

Jane- “I didn’t get the information that I would be separate from my baby for hours after birth.”

Beth G.– “Yes, I really liked and trusted my doctor. I’ve always had specialists, so my doctor did the c-section. The other Dr. who scrubbed in happened to be a good friend of my mom’s whom I’d known since I was young.”

Kristi– “Not the first time around.  Definitely not.”

Beth S.– “No one talked to me about anything! I just remember signing the papers that talked about possible complications. Fortunately, I had read everything under the sun about all the variables involved in childbirth, including C-Section, so basically everything I knew, I had learned on my own.”

If you had to do it over again, is there anything you would change or do differently regarding your C-section?

Emily– “I would have just scheduled it from the get go. But that’s easier said than done. C-sections after an induction are more likely to cause complications, which mine did. I was induced in large part because I was just over my pregnancy. I enjoyed it as a whole but I was ready for the baby to come. And my mom kept asking me when she should book her ticket to come out. So I put pressure on my doctor to induce me. In hindsight I wish I had just been more patient. If I had waiting, my son may have righted himself and the whole thing may not have been necessary.”

Renae– “I was under the care of a midwife and planned to labor and deliver at her birth center. If I had it to do over, I would research c-sections and would have sought out a doctor’s help sooner. (We knew my baby was measuring incredibly small.)”

Justine– “First of all, I would never go to the hospital unless I had a bullet wound, lost an appendage, or had a brain tumor. But, barring that scenario, I wish I had made my wishes about breastfeeding and being with my baby clear before I had the surgery, in writing…I wish I had had a doulaor a trained professional to help me navigate the medical system…I wish I had asked about what kind/type of incision was being made and why…and most of all, I wish that I had retained the services of a midwife instead of an OB. Even if the c/s was inevitable, the lack of respect was inexcusable.”

Natalie– “My first two C-sections weren’t scheduled, but my labor was induced early both times mostly for convenience sake.  If I could do it again I think I would try to hold out until I went into labor or until after my due date.  I think the babies were taken too early.  13 and 11 days early.  They hadn’t dropped and just weren’t ready to come out.  I might have been able to prevent the C-sections if I had just waited it out.”

Beth S.– “Because of the complications that had arisen, I couldn’t have done it differently. Had everything been fine except for the fact that he was overdue, I would have waited until he was ready to come out on his own!”

Have you had, or attempted to have a VBAC? (vaginal birth after Cesarean)  If so, what was the single most important reason you had for making that choice?

Renae– “No. I wish it possible, but because my incision is classical it is not recommended. I see the wisdom in the decision for me. At the end of my next two pregnancies both tiny babies were in distress.”

Justine– ” I have had 3 VBAC’s…1994, 2003 and 2008. My last one was a homebirth. The most important reason for me was having a gentle welcome for my baby and a healthy chance of recovery for me so that I was able to parent my baby right from the start.”

Jill– “No–my doctor advised against the 2nd and 3rd times.”

Brenna– “Yes, I attempted a VBAC with my second son. I felt that I owed to him and myself, and even my first son, to try. I knew the recovery time would be shorter and hoped that breastfeeding would be easier to start with.”

Beth S.- “I went on to have 3 more children via VBAC. The last 2 were with a midwife! I just wanted to have the entire ‘natural’ experience. As a woman, I felt it was my God-given right, I guess! I just had the instincts to do what nature had intended for me to do when it came to giving birth.”

How do you feel about your birth experience with your C-section, now that it has been five or more years? (I am including all the responses for this question)

Emily– “I actually feel fine with it. I know that C-sections are more expensive and I spent more time in the hospital than I would have otherwise but I also was super grateful for the time in the hospital with help.”

Beth G.- “Positive.”

Justine– “I have to admit, that even 20 years later, it is still a sore spot. The scar is as healed as it ever will be…and successfully birthing my three daughters has given me back confidence in my body and its ability. But I will never recover the time that my c/s [c-section] stole from my son…I cannot remember any of the sweet moments in his first few weeks…it was a living hell and he paid the price for it…I was too weak to hold him or pick him up. I was too tired to sing to him or to marvel at how perfect he was..every bit of my energy went into simply trying to get myself a glass of water, or hobble to the bathroom, or sit up and nurse. Perhaps it is different for momma’s who had a real medical issue, or needed a c/s to save their life, or their baby’s…but I went through all of this for…nothing.  I still have a lot of guilt and regret about not knowing more, or for not standing up for my rights as a patient. It is what has led me to the work I do now, so I am grateful for the point of view, but am still bitter about it.”

Renae– “I am at peace. My children are wonderful and the scar is a reminder of how my love has grown.”

Jill– “No regrets about c-section. My son is a healthy, tall for his age kindergartener.”

Brenna– “I feel okay about it. I am thankful we do have the technology to step in and help as needed. I feel that it is done far too often, but I do feel that in my case it was probably necessary. That really helps me feel at peace with the experience.”

Beth S.- “I think I’m fine with it only because I had the proof in front of me of my son’s weakening heart beat that it needed to be done.”

Kristi– “I can’t say I ever really even think about it.  I have no feeling of inadequacy or regret that I’ve heard is common.  If I planned on having six kids I think I’d be upset because I wouldn’t want to go through that surgery too many times but that’s not the case.”

Natalie– “I am completely fine with it.  I have 4 amazing kids and the fact that they were C-section babies is barely even a thought in my mind.  Only when I am answering medical questions or comparing births (which gets rarer and rarer the older I get) does it even enter my mind.  I don’t feel any less of a mom or a woman because of having to have C-sections.”

Jane– “I’m crying as I’m typing this.”

Any other thoughts, comments, or observations you would like to share? (I have included all responses received to this question)

Beth G.- “I believe there are trade-offs. While a c-section has it’s medical issues, it was nice to have a clean surgery/recovery site with no ripping, soreness, etc. from a traditional birth.”

Justine– “Next month [April] is Cesarean awareness month and I will be posting c/s [C-section] info in conjunction with my local ICAN chapter at www.JulianArts.com

Renae– “When it’s all done the little ones we hold in our arms are the focus, not how they entered our love. (And by the way, my son is fine. He was born at 35 weeks and weighed only 1 lb. 13 oz. You’d never know it now. Here’s a post that contains his birth picture {yikes!}: https://lifenurturingeducation.com/2007/11/19/more-thankful-a-decade-later/)”

Jill– “Explaining how a baby is born is easier with a c-section baby. I would say “the baby came out of mommy’s tummy.” The children never asked about mommy’s private parts. They seemed satisfied with this explanation.”

Brenna– “The hospital that I went to for all three of my children has an amazing nursing staff. That really made all the difference in creating positive birth experiences with each baby, regardless of the means.”

Jane– “Just get as much info as you can before hand. Try to schedule at a hospital that allows you to recover with your baby. No matter what happens, breastfeed! Babies need touch and warmth – and you can’t get that closeness with a bottle! Even if the nurses give the baby a bottle because they say it is an emergency while you are recovering, insist on breastfeeding after that and don’t allow any more bottles!!!”

Again, I would like to thank all these woman for taking the time to share their thoughts with me, and allowing me to post their experiences here. 

I will have my concluding comments and few more thoughts about C-sections in the final part of this series.  It will be posted on Thursday of this week.

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Cancer Health Me

I Have Thyroid Cancer

bamboo

I was by myself on Saturday morning- it was raining and it was my mom’s 60th birthday.  I decided to have a gadget free morning.  I didn’t turn my phone on and I was enjoying a quiet morning.  Around 11, I turned my phone on and saw I had a voice mail.  I checked it and my heart sunk as I heard my doctor tell me he had the results of my biopsy, and he would call me back on Monday.  Doctors don’t call you on Saturday unless they have bad news. 

I suspected the news was not good, as I called the answering service to see if they could have Dr. S. call me back.  I didn’t want to think about it for the next two days- I just wanted to know.  Dr. S. called me back about ten minutes later.  He told me he didn’t have my chart with him but he said,

“I have your results from the biopsy and it shows you have papillary thyroid cancer.” 

Cancer.  How can that be?  How can I have cancer?   

I had no idea what papillary thryroid cancer was- I was only processing “cancer.”  I heard Dr. S. tell me I need to have  a total thyroidectomy- which is the removal of my entire thyroid.  I heard him tell me he was sorry he had to give me this news.  He told me it is very treatable and we caught it early.  I heard him tell me I will have to have surgery, and it should get scheduled this week.  I heard him tell me I’ll be in the hospital 1-3 days, and the recovery time is about a week.  I heard him tell me I will have to be on medication for the rest of my life.  I heard him tell me I might have to have radioactive iodine therapy, depending on how big the nodule in my thyroid is.  I heard him tell me all of this, and I was trying not to cry.  

After I hung up, I just sat in the kitchen staring out at the rain.  Then I cursed, and then I cried.  Then I was scared.  This is what I had been trying to find out if I had or not, and now  I knew.  I didn’t have to wonder anymore if I had cancer- I have it and I have to have surgery to remove it.   And yet, it didn’t seem- still doesn’t seem quite real. 

I thought of Ryan and Cole.  My two babies.  The thought that kept popping in my mind was, ‘what am I going to do?’  I looked up papillary cancer on the Internet, and the first sentence I read was the survival rate statistics.  That was not what I needed to read.  I started crying all over again.  

How do you ruin your family and friends days by telling them you have cancer?    I decided to send an e-mail to a close friend, and figured that was a good way to start telling my family and friends.  I wouldn’t have to say it- I wouldn’t have to speak it.  But then I had to type out the phrase- I have cancer.  It didn’t matter if I had to say it or type it.  Seeing it made it real for me in that moment.  I called my sisters, but neither one of them were home.  I didn’t leave a message, and that was all I could do.  My body needed to shut down, so I stopped reading, started a fresh wave of crying, took my phone with me, and crawled into bed.  I lost track of how long I laid in bed crying.   I could only think of Ryan and Cole, and if I was going to be around to see them grow up. 

I stared at the wall and cried, and heard the rain pounding against the window.  I kept thinking ‘what am I going to do?’  I was exhausted.  My arms and legs felt like they had cinder blocks on them.  A few minutes later, I heard my phone and my friend had sent me an encouraging e-mail back.  It said I would never have to worry about the nodule developing cancer later.  That was something positive.  I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

About an hour later, my sister Vanessa called.  She was very encouraging and made a lot of good points.  She said she would be there for me.  She lives in Seattle, and told me it didn’t matter how soon the surgery was- she would be here for me and she would help me- help me recover and help me with the boys if needed.  After that call, my other sister, Mara called.   She told me a lot of the same things Vanessa did, and she found the website I provided the link to for papillary cancer.  She told me to get myself going and make myself come down to her house that night.  I told her I would- I didn’t want to be alone.  She said we could go out to dinner with my sister-in-law, and a close friend. 

I called the rest of my family and let my friends know.  As more and more people started talking to me and encouraging me, I felt better.  I finally got to Denver- to my sister’s house, and my friend, Christina was there waiting.  She gave me a big hug and told me I was going to be fine.  Kat, my sister-in-law gave me a hug next, and let me cry.  My brother, Jeff, was there, and hugged me, as did my brother-in-law, Kevin.  Everyone told me I was going to be fine.

Then Mara came in the room, and called me into her bedroom.  Kat and Christina were in there too.  My sister shut the door and they gave me a beautiful card, and lucky bamboo plant. (this is the picture at the begining of the post.)  They told me bamboo is strong and regenerates itself.  Christina told me about her mom’s journey with stage three lung cancer, and how she is healthy and fine today.  I know- I met her a few weeks ago.

As I processed all the encouraging comments everyone had given me all afternoon, being with my loved ones,  and looking at the bamboo plant,  it occurred to me I had found my answer to ‘what am I going to do?’ 

I am going to be strong.  I am going get through this. I am going to get this taken care of so I can be there for my boys.  I am going to get the cancer out, and then move on.  I am going to be healthy.

I had a nice night out with the girls.  At one point Christina took a picture of her and I, and posted it to Facebook.  The caption she put under the picture said, “Cancer Shmancer.”  My thoughts exactly.