Category: Cole

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Cole Mothering Parenting Ryan School

Childhood Innocence

My kids are pretty good about not begging, or whining for things.  But they are kids, and they have their methods of operations.

Ryan is very persistent when he has his eye on something and will mention it several times- he never forgets anything.  He seems to just wear me down over time.  He doesn’t whine, but just never drops the subject. 

Cole looks at me with his big, blue, eyes and smiles at me, and it gets me every time. Good thing he isn’t at an age where he is asking for more than goldfish crackers for his snack right now.

A few days ago Ryan mentioned in passing that his school was having a book fair, and there was a pointer he really liked.  He said we could go on Thursday.  It didn’t really register at the time, so I told him we’d talk about it on Thursday.

Today when he came home from school he told me that we were going to the book fair tonight- it was the last night, they were open until eight, and he needed the pointer for his “classroom.” He added, “Please Mom,” which he never does. 

Ryan loves playing school.  On the days he doesn’t have school, he has played school for eight hours straight.  He has lesson plans, reading, music classes, hall passes- everything.  So when he said this pointer was for his class, I asked him to tell me about it.  He said it was a pointer so he could read and point to the words in his books and so he could teach the kids in his class.  I told him I’d think about it.

When it was time for dinner, Ryan said we had to hurry up to eat so we could get to the book fair before eight.   I was torn.  I don’t want to give into my kids every time they want something.  On the other hand, it is so innocent.  He wasn’t asking for an $80 video game- he wanted something to enhance his school play.  While I was debating the pros and cons, he started crying and said if he didn’t get the pointer, he was never going teach again!  So dramatic!

I explained to him that we don’t throw fits when we don’t get what we want.  I told him if he stopped that behavior, I would keep thinking about it, and let him know after dinner.  Of course he stopped crying right away, and I told him after dinner we would go check out the book fair. 

When we walked into the library, his eyes lit up and he said, “Come here Mom, and I’ll show the pointers.”  I guess I was expecting a little laser pointer, or something with a little light on the end of it, and it took everything I had not to start laughing when I saw what my son had his heart set on:

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I told him and Cole they could each get one, and they both stood there for several minutes deciding which color pointer to get.  It was very cute and evidently, very important. 

I remember when I was Ryan’s age- that time in childhood when playing and make-believe is your biggest worry.  Those times go so fast- they are almost gone for Ryan.  I looked at how innocent and care-free both my boys are right now, and know it won’t always be this way for them.  Childhood is gone in a blink of an eye.   One day, that will be here sooner than I think, we will have much bigger issues to face than pointers at the book fair.  

Ryan and Cole may never remember the pointers, but I will.  For now those pointers delay the inevitable a bit, and help keep my children, children just a little longer.

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Cancer Cole Family & Friends Health Me Ryan

Good-Bye to Cancer

Two weeks ago, I had a follow up appointment with the surgeon who performed my thyroidectomy and neck dissection, Dr. S.  He said the incision site on the side of my neck was still swollen some, and is healing.  That side of my neck is pretty numb- I get a “pins and needles” sensation when I touch it, but it doesn’t bother me.  Dr. S. said the entire incision is healing perfectly, and just as it should.  He examined my neck and throat area and said everything felt just like it should- translation: no new enlarged lymph nodes or nodules.

I informed him I had not had my thyroglobulin level tested since I completed radioactive iodine (RAI) therapy in August.  Dr. S. ordered the blood work and I left with the perscription in my hand for the test.  I was very happy everything seemed to be on track, but I knew the results of thyroglobulin test would be the true indicator if I was cancer free.

The type of thyroid cancer I had, papillary, produces elevated levels of thyroglobulin.  Before my surgery, Dr. S. told me a person with no cancer thyroglobulin’s level would be zero.  Mine before surgery, was 38!  Dr. S., said that was very high, and he had never seen a person my age with that high of a thyroglobulin level.  Before my RAI treatment in August, the endocrinologist measured my thyroglobulin level, and they were amazed to see it was down to 4!  They said it was very rare- almost impossible to get the thyroglobulin level that low, with just surgery.  They said a reading around 13-20 is more common.  This confirmed Dr. S., did an outstanding job on my surgery. 

I had no reason to feel anything but optimistic, assuming the RAI would have killed off any remaining cancer cells. Still, I couldn’t help but worry a little bit.  All those thoughts crept into my mind…all the what-if’s?  It didn’t help that I had to wait a week for the results- for some reason the lab was really slow in getting the bloodwork back. 

But last Thursday, on my 37th birthday, Dr. S’s office called with the results.  My thyroglobulin level was undetectable and surpressed.  The levels were perfect, and I am officially cancer free! 

I was beyond thrilled and happy!  As it sunk in, I got very emotional.  It had been six months from my first diagnosis to this news, but it has seemed at times, the longest journey of my life, and like I would never reach this point, or if I did reach it, I would never be quite the same again.  I thought back to when Dr. S. called me on a Saturday in April to tell me he was sorry, but the biopsy showed I had thyroid cancer, and how the second I hung up with him I cried, and didn’t stop for hours. 

That seemed like a lifetime ago.  Everything I have experienced- the tests, the cancer diagnosis, the uncertainty, the fear, finding out the cancer had spread,  the surgery, the time I lost with my children, the incision, the numbness in my neck, the medical mistakes that were made, the diet, the severe hypothyroidism, the medication, the days I could barely function- all of those things, brought me full circle and I am healthy again. 

I couldn’t wait to share the happy news with my family and friends- all those people who have been there for me through all of this.  And most of all, I couldn’t wait to tell the boys.  Ryan smiled and hugged me when I told him- he understands all of it- probably even more than I care to admit.  Cole does too, but he asked if that meant the doctor didn’t have to cut my neck open again. 🙂

It has occurred to me sometime in the past few days, that this is the end.  My cancer journey is over.  There will still be routine check-up’s to monitor my levels, but thankfully papillary cancer has a very high cure rate, and reoccurrence is very rare.  

I have shared my experience with thyroid cancer in part, because it was very hard for me to find real-life information on it when I was researching it.  Most of the medical information describes it as no big deal, more or less.  While that is true from a medical standpoint, this experience has been anything but “no big deal.”  I have categorized every time I have written about my cancer, under the Cancer topic (35 posts in all), and I hope what I have experienced, will help others in their research. 

I am amazed and touched by the e-mails I receive daily from other thyroid cancer patients and survivors- in every stage.   I’m shocked that so many people tell me they have learned more about thyroid cancer from my blog than from their doctors. So many of the patients are afraid- just like I was.  I hope the cancer posts will continue to help and inform.  I will try to continue to answer as many of the personal e-mails that I can.  I am brainstorming some ways I can offer more assistance personally, and locally to thyroid cancer patients. 

This is where my experience ends.  It has been a journey that has been one of the hardest for me, but also one that has taught me so much about myself and others, and one that will never leave me.   But for now, it is time for me to say good-bye to my cancer.

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Cole Current Events Health Ryan

H1N1/Swine & Seasonal Flu Vaccines

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I was concerned when the outbreak of H1N1, or swine flu occurred last April.  Like many parents, I worried about my children catching the virus.  In April there was no vaccine for H1N1.  As I researched it, most experts recommended hand washing was the best way to protect yourself and children from the flu.  I also came across statistics that said more people die of the regular flu virus yearly, than what would be expected from the H1N1 virus. 

Since it was the end of flu season in April, I decided the chances of us catching it, were pretty slim.  Fast forward six months later, and we are at the start of regular flu season, and now there is a vaccine for H1N1. What is a parent to do?  Just some of the questions that have crossed my mind are: Do kids really need the regular flu shot, and the H1N1 vaccine too?  Would a flu vaccine even help against every strain of the regular flu?  Will the H1N1 vaccine cause children to develop swine flu?   Will our natural immune systems develop immunity to these viruses without the vaccine? 

I have followed a delayed schedule for the childhood vaccinations for both Ryan and Cole.  It is my opinion that children are over vaccinated today.  I have talked to the children’s doctor extensively about this, and have done my own research on the subject over the years.  Often, the long range effects of vaccines are unknown.   

It makes me nervous to vaccinate my children with the H1N1 vaccine because it is such a new vaccine.  I watched a news story the other night, on a local news station where a doctor said there was nothing to worry about with the H1N1 vaccine, because it wasn’t much different from a regular flu vaccine.  He then added that most of the scientists who developed the vaccine tried it out on themselves while developing it. While that is noble, an adults system (I’m assuming the researchers were all adults) is fully developed, while a child’s system is not.  What are the long-term effects of this vaccine when given to children?  No one can answer this question-yet.  

Yesterday Ryan’s school sent home an information sheet on H1N1, and said they would be offering vaccine clinics.  It is not mandatory,  It said that the students will be vaccinated in one of two ways: “by an intramuscular injection, or in the form a “flumist,” nasal spray.”  It depends on what they receive from state and federal authorities.  As I read further, it said that children under the age of 10, will need to receive a second dose of the vaccine, a month after the first dose, to “assure full immunity.”  I looked this up on the CDC’s website, and it is confirmed by the CDC. 

Another issue that the school district raised was the vaccines contain thimerosal.  It warned parents that any child who was sensitive to thimerosal, should not receive the vaccine.  They described thimerosal as “a substance used as an antiseptic and germ killer.  While this is partly true, they failed to mention that thimerosal is a byproduct of mercury.  Mercury is a neurotoxin (when it is in the form of methyl mercury).  There are no levels of mercury considered “safe” in the human body.  Thimerosal is an ethyl mercury, which is chemically different from methyl mercury. However, the CDC says this about thimerosal:

Since 2001, no new vaccine licensed by FDA for use in children has contained thimerosal as a preservative, and all vaccines routinely recommended by CDC for children under six years of age have been thimerosal-free, or contain only trace amounts, except for multi-dose formulations of influenza vaccine. This was done as a precautionary step and not because there was evidence confirming that thimerosal-containing vaccines were causing health problems. The most recent and rigorous scientific research does not support the hypothesis that thimerosal-containing vaccines are harmful.

From my previous research I discovered thimerosal was approved with very little research by the FDA in the 1940’s. In recent years, thousands and thousands of parents have called into question thimerosal’s safety, with some experts and parents pointing to thimerosal laced vaccines as a cause for autism, and vaccine-injuries. While there has not been scientific proof of this yet, the theory will not go away.  In March, 2008 I wrote a blog post citing the story government health officials conceded that childhood vaccines caused autism-like symptoms in a Georgia girl, and she should be rewarded from a federal vaccine-injury fund.

This raises the question, does the potential of being harmed by thimerosal outweigh the protection the H1N1 vaccine could provide?  The symptoms of H1N1, cited by the CDC are:

The symptoms of 2009 H1N1 flu virus in people include fever, cough, sore throat, runny or stuffy nose, body aches, headache, chills and fatigue. Some people may have vomiting and diarrhea. People may be infected with the flu, including 2009 H1N1 and have respiratory symptoms without a fever. Severe illnesses and deaths have occurred as a result of illness associated with this virus.

Obviously, I take notice of the “severe illness and death” warning.  However, the children’s doctor, who has been a doctor for over 25 years, isn’t even offering the H1N1 vaccine, because usally the symptoms are so mild.  Looking into the statistics, aaccording to the CDC, between August 30, and October 10, 2009 the death toll from H1N1 in the age group of 0-4 years old was 3%, and in the 5-18 year old group it was 14%.  The 50-64 age group had the highest death rate with 32%. 

Additionally, the seasonal flu vaccine only protects against one strain of the flu, and there are many strains possible.  Having a seasonal flu shot does not guarantee that you will not get the flu.  Seasonal flu shots also contain thimerosal.   

These statistics and facts bring me to the conclusion, while current research does not show a definite link between thimerisol/mercury vaccines and autism or vaccine injury, the proof that they don’t injure, is not conclusive enough for me.  Having reservations anyway about the H1N1 vaccine, and then discovering that my children would need two doses of the thimerosal-containing vaccine, is the nail in the coffin.  I think the potential risk of the unknown long-term effects from the H1N1 vaccine and the fact that contains thimerosal, has the potential to do more damage than catching the virus itself. 

I also believe the body’s immune system is amazing, if it is given the chance.  If it is over-run with many foreign substances, like vaccines, especially with children, how can it operate as it was intended? 

There are other alternatives, like following a good hand washing schedule, and a proper diet, that can help build the body’s immunity and ward off illness. Dr. Nicole Sundene, a licensed Naturopathic Physician maintains the blog, Kitchen Table Medicine, which has a very informative article on swine flu, and also what you can do to help prevent it.   

Every parent has to make the choice for their family, but not every vaccine that is available is right for every child, or family. I wanted to make an informed knowledge-based choice regarding these vaccines, not one based in fear or on media-hype.  I chose to share what I have discovered in hopes it can help other parents who are trying to make the best decision for their families too.

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Activities Cancer Cole Family & Friends Health Ryan

Attitude & Medication

On Saturday, I took Ryan and Cole to the North Pole (a Christmas themed amusement park for kids), which is about 100 miles from my home.  We spent the night at my dad’s house in Denver, and then drove the rest of the way outside Colorado Springs on Saturday.  My sister, her daughter, my sister-in-law, and my dad came too.  The weather was perfect, and the kids had the best time.  Watching the kids having so much fun made the day for the adults.

The only negative aspect of the trip for me, was while I was unpacking at my dad’s house on Friday night, I discovered I had forgotten to bring my Synthroid (thyroid replacement medication) with me.  The medication has to be taken every day in the morning, and we were staying until Sunday, so that meant two days without it. 

I was wondering how I was going to feel by Sunday night.  I wondered if I had enough built up in my system that I would hardly notice it, or if I would immediately start feeling tired, and out of energy. 

On Saturday evening, after walking around the North Pole all day, I felt pretty much the same. I felt a little more tired than usual, but nothing I couldn’t handle.  While my dad and the boys were enjoying a marshmallow roast in the backyard, I decided to go for a run; unsure if I would have enough energy for my usual Sunday run.  I only planned to run until I got tired, but I was able to do 3.2 miles. 

I had some plans with a friend for later on Saturday night, but I canceled- I decided it was more important to get a really good night’s rest.  I woke up on Sunday, and I could tell right away I had missed the dose of Synthroid the previous day.  I felt tired, and sluggish.  I ate some protein for breakfast, hoping that would give me a boost, and my dad had a vitamin drink he gave me.

It was another beautiful Indian Summer day on Sunday, and the boys and I walked to a neighborhood park and played. After running around with the boys, walking, carrying Cole for part of the way home, and making lunch for them, I was out of energy.  They boys played in the back yard, while I sat on the patio and watched them, and I felt like I was having a flashback to the summer.  They played, and I sat and watched because that was all I could do.

It has been almost three months I have been on Synthroid, and I have never missed a dose. I also have felt wonderful since the day I started taking it.  I absolutely hated sitting in that chair, feeling fatigued again, and knowing  if I don’t take that tiny pill every day- the result is I end up out of energy- no matter what I do.    

I let myself feel sad for a few minutes.  Then I came to the final terms with not having a thyroid anymore and being on medication.  It isn’t my first choice.  I hate feeling like I am dependant on a medication in order to feel well.  However, I am sure it will not be the only time in my life I will forget a dose.    

As I watched my boys play, I knew it all comes down to my attitude and it always will.  Other than canceling my plans on Saturday night, I did everything I had planned to do for the weekend- Synthroid or no Synthroid.  I could have gotten a cold, or the flu, and felt even worse.

Living life to the fullest, after an illness takes some adjustments, but they are worth making, worth getting through.  If not you give up.  There isn’t anything that I can’t do for myself, or for my boys that I couldn’t do before my illness.  If taking medication allows me to this, it is a small price to pay, and one I am happy to pay- over and over again. 

Here are some pictures from the weekend:

Cole, Maelin, & Ryan Flying010

The Motorcycle Gang

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Row of Fall Maple Trees in Denver

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Activities Cole Mothering Parenting Ryan

The Mother of all F-Bombs

It was about a year-and-a half ago, that I experienced for the first time, my child dropping the F-bomb.  We weren’t exactly in public, but it was close enough.  

Since that day, I haven’t had the joy of a repeat.  Ryan seems to have the memory of an elephant, and never forgets anything he overhears, so I have become VERY mindful of watching what I say.  To the best of my memory, I don’t recall any questionable words coming out of my mouth since that incident- even when I step on the pointed blocks, or one of the thousands of other toys that pierce my foot.  I bite my tongue and say “ouch!”  Yes, I’ve been the perfect model of appropriate language.  

You can imagine my dismay then, when over the course of the last few weeks, I have heard Cole say softly, under his breath, when he gets hurt, “mother f*****r.”  The first time I heard him say it, I tried not to react negatively, so he wouldn’t think that word would get a reaction out of me.  I simply told him that was not a word we use.  A few days passed, and I heard it again.  Once when he fell down, another time in the tub, when he got water in his eyes.  I keep trying to reiterate to him not to say that word, while trying to stay calm.  

A week ago I heard it again and I stepped it up.  I told him (calmly, but firmly) that I do not want to ever hear him say that word again.  Since it is getting close to Christmas, and I can start using Santa Claus, I told him Santa doesn’t like to hear anyone say that word either.  Ryan was standing nearby listening to everything, and added that the elves don’t like that word either.  Cole turned very solemn, and when I asked him if he understood he is to never use that word, he nodded very seriously.

I haven’t heard it in several days, and I figured problem solved.  One lesson you learn over and over as a parent is, never figure on anything.

Yesterday, my two sweet little boys and I were in Target, in the very busy toothpaste aisle.  There were at least ten other people in the aisle with their kids of various ages.  Ryan and Cole were a few steps away from me looking at the toothbrushes.  It had grown silent in the toothpaste aisle, as everyone was contemplating their purchases.  At that very moment, Ryan say in a loud, clear, crisp voice, “Mom, Cole said MOTHERF****R again!” 

I didn’t think the toothpaste aisle could get any quieter but I was wrong.  I think everyone, (myself included) just stood there for a moment, like time standing still, wondering if they really heard what they thought they did.  And to remind us that we did, Ryan started to say again, “Mom…” this time his mother hushed him.

Then people started laughing.  One lady was turning red, she was laughing so hard.  I was turning red, but not because it was funny (okay it is funny, but not when your child is the one talking like a sailor, and not in the moment.)  I apologized to everyone in the aisle, and no one seemed really offended. Thankfully, they all seemed to think it was funny, because it wasn’t their child that had just said it. 

I kneeled down in front of the boys, in my most serious voice, (forget the calm, rational voice) and we had a very intense talk.  The result being both boys promised me they wouldn’t say the mother f-bomb again. 

You can’t control every word that is uttered from your children, but you can take steps to teach them why certain words are not used, and make sure they understand.  Sometimes (as in this case), it is a fine tuning process. 

I’m not going to bring up Santa anymore either with Ryan and Cole.  They are capable of behaving well, without the “threat” of Santa not bringing them presents.  Besides, Santa has it easy.  The elves don’t talk.