Category: Activities

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Activities Cancer Cole Family & Friends Health Ryan

Attitude & Medication

On Saturday, I took Ryan and Cole to the North Pole (a Christmas themed amusement park for kids), which is about 100 miles from my home.  We spent the night at my dad’s house in Denver, and then drove the rest of the way outside Colorado Springs on Saturday.  My sister, her daughter, my sister-in-law, and my dad came too.  The weather was perfect, and the kids had the best time.  Watching the kids having so much fun made the day for the adults.

The only negative aspect of the trip for me, was while I was unpacking at my dad’s house on Friday night, I discovered I had forgotten to bring my Synthroid (thyroid replacement medication) with me.  The medication has to be taken every day in the morning, and we were staying until Sunday, so that meant two days without it. 

I was wondering how I was going to feel by Sunday night.  I wondered if I had enough built up in my system that I would hardly notice it, or if I would immediately start feeling tired, and out of energy. 

On Saturday evening, after walking around the North Pole all day, I felt pretty much the same. I felt a little more tired than usual, but nothing I couldn’t handle.  While my dad and the boys were enjoying a marshmallow roast in the backyard, I decided to go for a run; unsure if I would have enough energy for my usual Sunday run.  I only planned to run until I got tired, but I was able to do 3.2 miles. 

I had some plans with a friend for later on Saturday night, but I canceled- I decided it was more important to get a really good night’s rest.  I woke up on Sunday, and I could tell right away I had missed the dose of Synthroid the previous day.  I felt tired, and sluggish.  I ate some protein for breakfast, hoping that would give me a boost, and my dad had a vitamin drink he gave me.

It was another beautiful Indian Summer day on Sunday, and the boys and I walked to a neighborhood park and played. After running around with the boys, walking, carrying Cole for part of the way home, and making lunch for them, I was out of energy.  They boys played in the back yard, while I sat on the patio and watched them, and I felt like I was having a flashback to the summer.  They played, and I sat and watched because that was all I could do.

It has been almost three months I have been on Synthroid, and I have never missed a dose. I also have felt wonderful since the day I started taking it.  I absolutely hated sitting in that chair, feeling fatigued again, and knowing  if I don’t take that tiny pill every day- the result is I end up out of energy- no matter what I do.    

I let myself feel sad for a few minutes.  Then I came to the final terms with not having a thyroid anymore and being on medication.  It isn’t my first choice.  I hate feeling like I am dependant on a medication in order to feel well.  However, I am sure it will not be the only time in my life I will forget a dose.    

As I watched my boys play, I knew it all comes down to my attitude and it always will.  Other than canceling my plans on Saturday night, I did everything I had planned to do for the weekend- Synthroid or no Synthroid.  I could have gotten a cold, or the flu, and felt even worse.

Living life to the fullest, after an illness takes some adjustments, but they are worth making, worth getting through.  If not you give up.  There isn’t anything that I can’t do for myself, or for my boys that I couldn’t do before my illness.  If taking medication allows me to this, it is a small price to pay, and one I am happy to pay- over and over again. 

Here are some pictures from the weekend:

Cole, Maelin, & Ryan Flying010

The Motorcycle Gang

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Row of Fall Maple Trees in Denver

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Activities Cole Mothering Parenting Ryan

The Mother of all F-Bombs

It was about a year-and-a half ago, that I experienced for the first time, my child dropping the F-bomb.  We weren’t exactly in public, but it was close enough.  

Since that day, I haven’t had the joy of a repeat.  Ryan seems to have the memory of an elephant, and never forgets anything he overhears, so I have become VERY mindful of watching what I say.  To the best of my memory, I don’t recall any questionable words coming out of my mouth since that incident- even when I step on the pointed blocks, or one of the thousands of other toys that pierce my foot.  I bite my tongue and say “ouch!”  Yes, I’ve been the perfect model of appropriate language.  

You can imagine my dismay then, when over the course of the last few weeks, I have heard Cole say softly, under his breath, when he gets hurt, “mother f*****r.”  The first time I heard him say it, I tried not to react negatively, so he wouldn’t think that word would get a reaction out of me.  I simply told him that was not a word we use.  A few days passed, and I heard it again.  Once when he fell down, another time in the tub, when he got water in his eyes.  I keep trying to reiterate to him not to say that word, while trying to stay calm.  

A week ago I heard it again and I stepped it up.  I told him (calmly, but firmly) that I do not want to ever hear him say that word again.  Since it is getting close to Christmas, and I can start using Santa Claus, I told him Santa doesn’t like to hear anyone say that word either.  Ryan was standing nearby listening to everything, and added that the elves don’t like that word either.  Cole turned very solemn, and when I asked him if he understood he is to never use that word, he nodded very seriously.

I haven’t heard it in several days, and I figured problem solved.  One lesson you learn over and over as a parent is, never figure on anything.

Yesterday, my two sweet little boys and I were in Target, in the very busy toothpaste aisle.  There were at least ten other people in the aisle with their kids of various ages.  Ryan and Cole were a few steps away from me looking at the toothbrushes.  It had grown silent in the toothpaste aisle, as everyone was contemplating their purchases.  At that very moment, Ryan say in a loud, clear, crisp voice, “Mom, Cole said MOTHERF****R again!” 

I didn’t think the toothpaste aisle could get any quieter but I was wrong.  I think everyone, (myself included) just stood there for a moment, like time standing still, wondering if they really heard what they thought they did.  And to remind us that we did, Ryan started to say again, “Mom…” this time his mother hushed him.

Then people started laughing.  One lady was turning red, she was laughing so hard.  I was turning red, but not because it was funny (okay it is funny, but not when your child is the one talking like a sailor, and not in the moment.)  I apologized to everyone in the aisle, and no one seemed really offended. Thankfully, they all seemed to think it was funny, because it wasn’t their child that had just said it. 

I kneeled down in front of the boys, in my most serious voice, (forget the calm, rational voice) and we had a very intense talk.  The result being both boys promised me they wouldn’t say the mother f-bomb again. 

You can’t control every word that is uttered from your children, but you can take steps to teach them why certain words are not used, and make sure they understand.  Sometimes (as in this case), it is a fine tuning process. 

I’m not going to bring up Santa anymore either with Ryan and Cole.  They are capable of behaving well, without the “threat” of Santa not bringing them presents.  Besides, Santa has it easy.  The elves don’t talk.

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Activities Cancer Family & Friends Health Me Mothering

Cancer’s Unexpected Blessings

“…experience will convince us that those things which at the time they happened we regarded as our greatest misfortunes have provided our greatest blessings.” ~ George Mason

Finding out you have cancer, or a health ailment is shocking.  It is like having a tornado rip your life apart.  It seems as if the foundation that your life is built on- your health- has been demolished.  It is one of the biggest trials a person can face.  In the initial stages, there are far more questions than answers.  You go into “survival mode,” doing what you need to do to get to the next day. 

While I was in this stage, I thought about almost everything- from surviving to dying.  One thought that did not cross my mind was the blessings that I would discover existed in my life. 

I have written in previous posts the overwhelming support I received from family and friends starting the day I found out I had cancer.  That has, and continues to be a source of strength and encouragement for me. 

Over the Fourth of July weekend, I received an e-mail from someone I didn’t know, and had never met, but who had been directed to my blog.  Her name was Jessica, and she told me we had a lot in common.  My first thought was it was a marketer trying to pitch something.  As I kept reading, Jessica told me she too, had thyroid cancer and she had surgery to remove her thyroid on the exact same day I did.  She shared her experience with her cancer and surgery with me.  She told me she lived in a town about 60 miles from me. Jessica has a three-year old daughter, who is about six months older than Cole. 

After I read Jessica’s e-mail, I remember sitting down, and feeling something switch in me.  I felt really happy.  Not because Jessica had cancer, but because there was someone else that felt the same way I did about cancer, and was going through almost the exact same thing I was.  Jessica had a great support system, as did I, but now we had each had someone else who was experiencing the same thing.  We didn’t have to explain anything to each other- we just knew.   

 We e-mailed each other during the next month to stay in touch.  When I was extremely hypothyroid, Jessica confirmed what had happened to me was not right, and she had been receiving Synthroid (the thyroid replacement hormone) since three days after her surgery. 

We discovered we were both scheduled for our radioactive iodine treatments (RAI) within days of each other.  Jessica started hers on a Friday, and I started mine the following Tuesday.  We both hated being quarantined and being away from our children for so long.  We told each other when we were both finally recovered and better we were going to meet and celebrate.

Jessica had some awful side effects from the RAI that lasted for a while.  One of which was her taste was completely gone for a month.  We both had our full body scans (to determine if the cancer had been contained) within days of each other in August.  We both received the news in the same week that we were cancer free!  

We will continue to have our six month check-ups at the same time, forever. We both did what we had to do to get healthy, but having Jessica’s support and friendship during this time was a blessing I never anticipated.  How many people are able to have a friend like this, at the exact time when they are needed?   Jessica is my cancer fighting partner in crime!  We were finally able to meet each other in person on Saturday.  

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Jessica and I

Cancer has taught me there are always unexpected blessings in life, no matter how bad, or shocking, or dire the situation is.  I thought cancer had shattered my health, my foundation.  Cancer and diseases can destroy health, and take away almost everything.  But they will never destroy fortitude, and the love that family and friends provide, and this is the real foundation in my life.

Blessings can be found in the most unexpected places, from the least expected sources.  They are there waiting to be found, sometimes hidden beneath the seemingly broken pieces.  It all depends on where you look.

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Activities Cancer Family & Friends Health Me Running

The Race for the Cure

On Sunday morning, I participated in my first running race ever.  It was the Denver Komen Race for the Cure.  If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, than you probably already know some of the details, but here are the rest:

I got up at 5am on Sunday, and my dad made me breakfast.  That was very nice, and he drove me to the race.  We got there at 6:30, and it was dark and cold!  The half hour went by fairly quickly- I stretched and ate a banana while I was waiting.  The sun was just coming up as 7am approached:

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My dad said he was going to go find the finish line and wait for me, so he wished me luck and we took this picture before he left:

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I lined up pretty close to the front of the starting line, and before I knew it, they were counting down to start.  I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but once the countdown hit 0, I started off, and pretty much got run over.  It didn’t seem like anyone was on a pace, at least from where I was.  Everyone was just running as fast as they could, full speed ahead.

People were running into me, and when a lady ran into me from behind with her baby stroller, I thought that was enough.  It seemed crazy.  I was near the sidewalk, so I stopped.  I stood on the sidewalk for a few minutes and let all these people run ahead.   I started again, and it was much better.  The course was uphill for the first mile.  I felt it in my shins and ankles some, but I slowed down just a bit, and concentrated on my breathing. 

I felt everything just come together, and and I found a really easy, comfortable pace and I was able to get my breathing in sync too.  I ran.  It felt great and freeing.  As I ran downhill after the first uphill mile, I  grabbed some water, and it spilled all over my hand and my jacket.  I had forgotten gloves and my hand were already cold- that didn’t help, but I didn’t think about it and kept running.

I was looking around at the neighbors that were out along the race route cheering everyone on, and I was enjoying the moment.  I noticed though, I started passing a lot of the people that had blown by me at the start.  I passed the lady that had hit me with her stroller, and I admit it- it felt good to pass her. 

The race seemed really short.  I knew we were getting to the last mile or so, and I tried to pull my jacket over my hands to keep them warm.  My jacket wasn’t long enough and my earphones got all messed up.  So I was running and fixing that, and as I ran down a hill, I saw the beginning of the runners- I knew I was in the first quarter of runners getting close to finishing.  The sun had come out from behind the clouds, so I got my earphones fixed, forgot about my cold hand, and put my sunglasses on.  I picked up the pace and started running faster.

The pace felt really good, and there was a surprise at the end- another steep hill.  I sped up again, and I passed a lot of people on this last hill.  I thought there was another half mile or so, but I turned to my right and saw my dad standing behind the median!  I called out to him, and waved.  He took this picture:

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I ran over to him and gave him a hug!  It was an emotional moment for me.  My dad helped me so much over the summer when I was sick and recovering from thyroid cancer and surgery.  He was there with me when I received the devastating news that the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes, and I had to have a neck dissection.  He was there when I was too weak to take care of myself.  He was there to help me with my boys.  He had been there to help me prepare my low iodine foods.  He had been there for me at my absolute worse, and my weakest.  It was the best feeling to be able to have this moment with him.  I’ll never forget it.

I looked at the finish line and saw that they had a clock- I hadn’t officially finished the race yet!  But I didn’t care.  I was thrilled to see the clock said 36:25 minutes.  I had been standing there with my dad for at least a minute, and I had stopped for a few minutes at the start of the race.  I told my dad, I was going to go cross the finish line.    So my “official” time was 36:35, but if I hadn’t stopped the two times, I think I would have finished around 34 minutes.  Here’s a picture my dad took as soon as I finished:

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The time didn’t matter to me- I was just so happy I had been able to run the entire race, and finished it well under my goal of 40 minutes.  As my dad and I walked over the booths, he told me had just gotten to the median about 15 minutes before he saw me.  He said no one had finished yet, and he was standing next to a guy who said the first finishers would be coming soon.  Sure enough he said two guys came blazing by to be the first men to finish.  Then he said the first woman finished just behind them, and he said she was incredibly fast.  As soon as he said that, I just had a feeling it was my friend, Sonja.  I told her last week, I knew she was going to be the first woman to finish- she’s that good!

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I got some water and some food, and called Sonja. It turned out she was really close to where we were, and we found each other.  I asked her how her race went, and she said with a smile that she had won, she came in first for the women, her time was 20:40, and the news station interviewed her. She was able to talk about her friend, Amy’s breast cancer and explain why she had shaved her head two nights ago- to support Amy during her upcoming chemotherapy.

My dad told Sonja he had seen her finish, and he had no idea that she was the Sonja I kept telling him about. 🙂  I decided to stay and walk the mile race with Sonja, Amy, and more of their friends.  My dad left at that point, and as Sonja and I were walking towards the meeting place for the mile race, she was stopped several times by people who had seen her interviewed on the news. Here we are, waiting for the mile walk to begin:

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We walked the mile race with Amy, and a large group of Amy’s supporters.  As we finished the walk, we intersected with the 5k walkers and this is what I saw:

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It was remarkable and astounding to see that many people walking over I-25 (major highway in Denver) all for breast cancer.  I was not able to connect with Erika or my other friend, Nicole, but Nicole signed up for the run and ran the entire course as well!  We all accomplished our goals for the day, and that made it all the more special!

The entire experience for me was wonderful.  It was one of the best things I have ever done for myself.  I was walking around the rest of Sunday with a smile on my face, and I was smiling all day today.  My grandmother called me yesterday and congratulated me and told me how proud of me she was.  My entire family was very supportive, and to all my friends, Twitter friends, and Facebook friends, thank you for all the support and encouragement you gave me! 

Before the race, I fully expected to do this race and be done running.  I don’t have any plans at the moment, but I can say that I am not done running yet.  Besides, I just got new running shoes.  I can’t retire them until they are worn out. 

To be continued…

P.S.- Sonja is the guest blogger today at Mile High Mamas where she shares her story on her friend, Amy’s, breast cancer and her Race for the Cure experience.

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Activities Cancer Cole Family & Friends Health Running Ryan

Ready, Set, GO!

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I never thought I would be writing that I had fun preparing for the Komen Denver Race for the Cure.  I have never liked running- it was always my last choice for exercise.  I wrote previously why I decided to sign up to run my first ever race, and why I chose the Race for the Cure. 

On Thursday evening, following the advice of my triathlete friend, Sonja, I ran the last full 5k (3.2 miles) before the actual race on Sunday.  It was cold and windy, and I was dreading doing the run.  I wanted to just stay home and stay warm.   I bundled the boys up and we went to our trusty bike path / playground. They were immediately occupied by checking out all the debris that had been trapped by the tennis court fence, so I took off running. 

It was one of the best exercise sessions I have ever had.  I felt everything come together.  The last few times I have ran, I have gotten a cramp in my side almost the moment I started running.  I really concentrated on breathing, and there was no cramp.  Everything was in sync- my breathing, pacing, and body.  I can’t recall ever feeling like that before when running.  I finished the distance and felt like I could have kept going.  I knew I had run faster than normal and when I checked my time it had been 38 minutes- a personal best.  

While I was running, I was enjoying the moment and the feeling of everything coming together.  I knew I had done the work, and now it was time to just let it be.  I realized I was at a point that I didn’t think possible just two months ago while I was suffering from hypothyroidsm, recovering from thyroid cancer and surgery.  This is what I wrote on my blog on August 1: 

Today I had an exceptionally hard day- I just had no energy, and I mean none.  Sitting in a chair was making me tired. …I literally have to get through the days, hour by hour, because waking up and facing a whole day in its entirety is too overwhelming. I honestly don’t know how I am going to make it hour to hour, let alone an entire day. 

Reading that seems like it was a lifetime ago, and I am beyond happy that I am healthy enough again to meet this goal.  I feel at this point I have done everything I could have done to prepare, and some of Sonja’s pre-race advice was: “the training is done and the race is the reward, it’s the celebration. It’s your chance to thank your body for persevering through this last year.” 

To all my family, friends, and the boys’ family, thank you once more for helping me beat cancer.  I couldn’t have done it without all of you.  

Ryan and Cole were wonderful while I was running, and were great coaches!  They won’t be at the race, but I hope to have lots of pictures of it to share with them.  They told me several times that I must be feeling better since I was running so fast!  I am thrilled after they saw me so sick over the summer, they were able to see that illness doesn’t have to define you, and you can come back stronger than before. 

So on Sunday morning, I am going to put time and finishing out of my mind. I am going to enjoy the race, and celebrate the moment.  I beat cancer!  There isn’t anything left to say except ready, set, GO!

(Thanks to J., for the blog post title)