It doesn’t seem possible that, this day is here already- Ryan’s first day of school. How did five and a half years pass so quickly?
Ryan was so excited to start school. He has been asking everyday when school starts. The other day he said he wished he could stay home and play with Cole, but he had to go to school. He said it in such a grown up voice. Yesterday he was sitting at the kitchen table with his backpack on. When I asked him what he was doing, he said he was practicing riding the bus to school.
We went yesterday to meet his teacher, and Ryan got to sit at his desk, and get a feel for the classroom. He is going to school two and a half days a week, and there are 19 children in his class. His teacher, Mrs. G., seemed wonderful, and was very organized. All the children seemed nice, and I am positive Ryan will have a great year.
From the day Ryan was born, I wanted him to be confident, and happy when new experiences arise. I was painfully shy as a child, and the first day of school every year filled me with dread and anxiety. So I am very happy Ryan was so excited and confident to take this next step.
But as a mother, it is bittersweet. This is my baby and starting school is a very real reminder that, well- he isn’t a baby anymore, and never will be again. I knew this day was coming, but yet- it still seemed very far off- other people’s children grow up and go to school. There is a part of me that wished Ryan (and Cole) could stay little forever- there is nothing in the world like a baby. If you are a parent, you know what I am describing.
But every milestone your baby reaches, brings them closer to this day- the day they go off to school and start their life more independent from you. When Ryan was born, a friend gave me a book- mediatations for new mothers. In those early days, as I sat for hours rocking and nursing him, this passage stuck in my mind- for every milestone Ryan took as a baby, and today:
“Yes, it hurts when buds burst, there is pain when something
grows.”–Karin Boye
I shed tears of joy when Alexander first crawled across the
floor. I clapped and cheered. Moments later, I realized that life
with him would never be the same. His baby days were over, he would
soon be a toddler. Then I cried again as a sense of loss washed
over me.
We provide support and encouragement for our little ones. we
help them learn to crawl, to walk, and to stand. Yet, with every
accomplishment, there is a twinge of sadness. Maybe our children no
longer need us? They do need us, but they must keep growing,
developing, changing.
(From Meditations for New Mothers by Beth Wilson Saavedra)
Ryan waved good-bye to us as he walked into the school- not with me, or his dad, but by himself, following Mrs. G., I silently said good-bye to my baby, and hello to a confident, independent little boy. This is the way it is supposed to be, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Here are a few pictures from the last five and half years:
Ryan in Feb. 2004- he was just barely a month old
First day of pre-school- Sept. 2008
Yesterday, at Meet the Teacher
Cole says good-bye to his big brother
First day of kindergarten- Aug. 2009