Last Saturday, June 12th, was the one year anniversary of my thyroid cancer and neck dissection surgery. A few months ago, I had a goal- a definite way I wanted to “mark” this day. I was going to run in a tough half marathon in the mountains of Estes Park, Colorado. Although I have run a half marathon distance before (13.1 miles) it would have been my first half marathon race. I thought if I could run a mountain terrain half marathon at an elevation of 7,000+ feet, it would be an excellent foundation to build on for a full marathon.
I would have had to put in some major training, and if you read my last post, it was obvious it wasn’t going to happen. I thought a lot about the two races I’ve missed now, because of the time I needed to rest and regroup-physically and mentally. It is hard missing out on a goal you really want to achieve, when your body won’t let you.
Thinking back on my surgery from last year, it is amazing to me how much my body has been through, and really-that I can even push it to the limits I do. I still have shoulder pain from the nerves they had to move in my neck, to get to my lymph nodes. I’ve recently been told I need to have physical therapy on my shoulder because the muscles are so shortened and out of place. I hardly notice the pain anymore, and this arm feels just as strong to me as my other arm, which was not affected by the surgery. In just a year-365 days-my body has made a remarkable recovery.
But I have realized over the last month, I can’t expect my body to recover from a major surgery, heal from cancer, process radioactive iodine, function with almost 100 less lymph nodes, kill off microscopic cancer cells, adjust to thyroid hormones, be a mom, daughter, sister, friend, employee, deal with enormous amounts of stress through a divorce and losing a parent, and push physically as hard as it ever has, and not expect to ever be tired and need a break.
I missed two goals I really wanted to accomplish, but I have also gained something I never would have otherwise. Perspective. My body last month was telling me it needed to rest. I am glad I listened, because I think it will make me a better and stronger runner overall.
Last Thursday, I finally had a run where I had a consistent pace again, some distance, and I wasn’t tired. I had a bit of knee pain still, which I am convinced, is tied into running somehow. It only started hurting a little over a month ago, when I was running. I noticed the knee pain, before I tuned into how my body was feeling. I hiked two weekends ago almost 10 miles on a tough trail, carrying 20+ pounds of equipment, and I had no knee pain whatsoever over the course of two days. It might sound silly, but on that hiking trip, I decided when my knee didn’t hurt when I ran, the time would be right to come back to race training.
On Monday I ran. I wanted to run fast. I wanted to run a shorter distance and see how it went. I ran at a fast pace so I had to work, but I did not go “all out.” I ran on grass, which is harder to run on. I felt good. I ended up with one of my fastest times ever for the distance in a training run. There was only a tingle of knee pain.
And so, I am beginning again. I am going to gradually and consistently push forward. I have a new short-term goal I will write about next week.
I’ve learned a lot in the last year, but over the last month I have learned one of the most important lessons: Sometimes by not doing anything, listening to your body, and just being, is the best way to choose you.
(Cross posted at Choose You Blog– a new campaign by The American Cancer Society to help encourage and support women to put their health first in the fight against cancer.)