I have chosen up to this point not to write about any aspects of my divorce. I have had many reasons for choosing not to write about this subject. Many of those reasons are still in place, and one of these reasons was, I didn’t see what good or what positive aspects could come from blogging about a divorce.
This past Christmas was the first Christmas where Ryan and Cole’s time was divided between their father and I. It was also the last holiday, since we have been apart, that we had to face, and also it is the “biggest.” Christmas is all the holidays rolled into one, and then some- especially for children. My boys start asking in July when Christmas is coming. As a parent, there is nothing quite like seeing your children’s face’s light up with excitement on Christmas morning when they see the tree and the presents under it. It is the epitome of childhood.
And the fact of being divorced is, one parent isn’t going to experience that every year. Some divorced parents switch off years, and some divide the time. We decided to try to keep things as they had been in the past this year, so the boys spent Christmas Eve with me, and my family. Ryan and Cole got to visit with my mom, who lives out of state, and their great-grandpa, who moved to Colorado this year. Their two teen-aged cousins wrestled and rough-housed with them, which they loved and they helped them make a gingerbread house. Of course there were a lot of presents, but for the first time, I noticed the boys were more interested in playing with people than playing with the gifts all night. Their dad came and got them later at night on Christmas Eve, and then the boys spent Christmas with him and his family.
After the boys had left my aunt’s house on Christmas Eve, I cried. I haven’t cried over any holiday, but there was something very isolating, and hollow not having my children with me for this holiday. My tears didn’t last long, because I knew the boys were going to have fun, and they were fine. They were excited about Santa coming in the morning. It obviously helped that I was around my immediate family too.
On Christmas Day, I missed the boys terribly. I imagined they were having fun, and that is what mattered. That evening the boys called me and my heart melted when Ryan excitedly told me on the phone, “Mom, I had the best day!” He explained what he had done, and the gifts he had received. A part of me was sad, because I had not been a part of his day, but he was happy. He wasn’t sad, asking where I had been, or why we couldn’t be together, or any of those type of things. I talked to Cole, and he was happy and excited too.
The good I think can come from sharing this experience is, despite the difficulties divorce brings, especially with children, all that mattered on Christmas was that Ryan and Cole were happy, and had the best Christmas ever. Perhaps that says something about our Christmases past, but I think it says more about all the members of the families involved- on both sides. All the grandparents, all the aunts, all the uncles, and all of the cousins.
When my children are grown, I don’t want them to look back at the holidays and remember “that was my year with Mom, or that was my year with Dad.” I want them to remember the joy, the happiness, the excitement, and the love they received from and felt for their families. I know that was accomplished throughout the last year, and especially this Christmas Eve and Christmas.
Thank you to all members of both Ryan and Cole’s family for this. It could have been a very hard holiday for them, but it wasn’t. It was magical and loving for them- just as it should be.