Tag: c-section five years later

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c-sections Current Events Health Mothering Pregnancy & Birth

C-Sections- Five Years and Beyond (Part 3)

Since the five years I have had my C-section, I was told many times that I should just be grateful my baby was okay, and I should get over the negative feelings that I had regarding the experience.  I noticed that almost every woman who responded to my questions had something about her C-section that she was not happy about, or had been unprepared for. 

I think our society is very harsh with mothers who have given birth by  C-section in this regard.  A C-section not only brings a new life into the world, but it is also a major abdominal surgery. If a heart patient has a negative experience with heart surgery, their feelings are usually not discounted and told to get over it.  Of course all mothers are happy their babies are born healthy, whether they are born vaginally or by C-section.  But that does not, and should not invalidate any negative feelings a mother may have giving birth by a surgical procedure.   

Simply saying a mother should get over it, and be happy her baby is healthy is like telling a survivor of an awful car wreck, “at least you didn’t die,” or “you should be happy you are alive.”  That is a given- but the pain and trauma from the experience also needs be to validated in order for the survivor to heal.  We acknowledge the pain and suffering of car accident victims all the time.  We do not invalidate the victim’s feelings just because they are alive.  

Yet that is what happens to women over and over again, who share their negative C-section feelings. Their feelings are invalidated and they are told and expected to dishonor any negative feelings they have about their C-section births. 

Birth is one of the most powerful things a woman experiences- what kind of message does that send to a mother when she is told her feelings she has regarding her C-section are not valid?  

The C-section rate continues to rise in the United States every year.  According to Childbirth Connection, in 1965 the C-section rate was 4.5%.  It is estimated that when the 2007 figures are released, they will show the rate over 30%, or one in three births are a C-section. In some hospitals, the C-section rate is 50%. 

My C-section made me doubt my body.  I trusted my doctor more than myself.  Doctors are experts in medical procedures, and we are all grateful to have them for medical emergencies.  However, women are the experts on their bodies.   For thousands of years, midwives- other women- assisted during birth.  Birth is normally not a medical experience or emergency.  Yet, that is how the entire process is generally approached.  Women are made to feel that they are not capable of giving birth without a doctor present in a hospital. 

Ina May Gaskin, one of the most famous midwives in the world, who has her own birthing center in Tennessee, did not have a woman who needed a C-section until the 187th birth that she attended.   The next C-section birth didn’t come until after the 300th birth.  Contrast that with one in three births being a C-section today. 

It is my opinion that women are losing the ability to believe that their bodies can give birth, and birth is not a medical condition.  Add to this, the women that are told to “get over” their negative birth experiences and not acknowledge their feelings.  How does this attitude in our society prepare a woman for her next birth?  How does this psychologically affect her?  Is she more likely to believe in her body for the next birth or decide she needs a C-section?

C-sections have their place, and I am the first to acknowledge that.  But with every C-section that is performed that is not a true medical emergency, I believe we are teaching women and girls- the next generation- that their bodies are inadequate- incapable of giving birth without a major surgery.   As long as women allow doctors to make the calls for them, the C-section rate will continue to grow, and our choices for birth diminish.

Women need to support each other and share their birth experiences.  Perhaps one story of a successful VBAC will encourage another woman to try a VBAC.  One story of a woman’s experience with a C-section will help another woman avoid one.  We can support each other and learn from one another.  By sharing the good and the bad of our birth experiences, we lay the groundwork for allowing women and girls to trust their bodies.  After all, women are the experts in childbirth.  Who better to learn about birth from than another woman who has experienced it?

Karen Walker, a midwife, believes that “obstetricians will continue to encouraging the birthing mom to sacrifice her body on the operating room table until women begin to take the responsibility of her birth upon herself.”  She says, “Doctors will get off their pedestals only when women get off their knees.” 

The Unnecesarean.com was the first place this week that I read about Lauren Plante of Thomas Jefferson University’s essay, Mommy, What Did You Do in the Industrial Revolution?   In her essay Plante compares industrial obstetrics with the industrial revolution.  One profound statement she made when comparing modern obstetrics:

Industrial obstetrics strips the locus of power definitively away from women. The history of childbirth in America reflects a persistent trend of increased control by physicians and increased medicalization. Childbirth moves, first, out of the home, and now out of the vagina.  (bold print mine)

It is interesting to note that Lauren Plante is an OB/GYN. 

It is my hope by sharing my C-section experience, other women’s experiences, and by continuing to write about  C-sections,  that women who are considering a C-section for a non-medical emergency, can find real life experiences, thoughts, and information from other women that will enable them to trust their bodies can give birth. 

We each are given the power over our bodies.  The power is there- in all of us- to give birth to our babies.  We have to trust that our bodies can do what they were made for.  We have to get the information we need to feel confident in our bodies.  When will we feel we have given enough of our birthing power and choices over to the medical industry?  When the C-section rate nationally is at 5o percent? 75 percent? 100 percent?  

It is every woman’s right to attempt the birth experience that she feels is best for her baby and herself.  Please don’t give that right over blindly to a doctor simply because they are a doctor.  If you don’t want a C-section only because your baby is breech, then do what I didn’t do- fight to preserve that right.  Seek out midwives or another doctor.  If you are told your hospital doesn’t allow VBAC’s, and you want one, do what I did- find another hospital that allows it.  You don’t have to settle for a birth option, just because a doctor says that is the only way. 

If we, as women don’t demand better from our doctors and hospitals, then we, and our daughters, will never get anything better from them.  We will never get better choices, better information, better treatment, and ultimately better births.

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c-sections Health Mothering Pregnancy & Birth

C-sections Five Years and Beyond (Part 2)

This is part two of the interview with ten women on their C-section experiences.  You can find C-sections Five Years and Beyond (Part 1) by clicking on the title.   

Do you feel you were given adequate information from your doctor or health care provider regarding the C-section? (procedure, recovery time, possible complications, emotions, etc)

Justine- “Absolutely not. Granted, this was 1989 and things have come a long way since then. But whenever i asked questions (“Why is 12 hours the limit? If i don’t have a fever, then why are we worried about infection? Since the IV is in, can’t we start an antibiotic as a preventive measure instead of surgery?) the answer i got was “You can’t mess around with your baby’s health like that.” or “Our job is to take care of you, your job is to let us” I had no idea what to expect after the surgery…and they just kept pumping me full of narcotics even though I wanted to just try Tylenol…ugh.  It was simply a nightmare…and one that I could not wake up from.”

Jane- “I didn’t get the information that I would be separate from my baby for hours after birth.”

Beth G.– “Yes, I really liked and trusted my doctor. I’ve always had specialists, so my doctor did the c-section. The other Dr. who scrubbed in happened to be a good friend of my mom’s whom I’d known since I was young.”

Kristi– “Not the first time around.  Definitely not.”

Beth S.– “No one talked to me about anything! I just remember signing the papers that talked about possible complications. Fortunately, I had read everything under the sun about all the variables involved in childbirth, including C-Section, so basically everything I knew, I had learned on my own.”

If you had to do it over again, is there anything you would change or do differently regarding your C-section?

Emily– “I would have just scheduled it from the get go. But that’s easier said than done. C-sections after an induction are more likely to cause complications, which mine did. I was induced in large part because I was just over my pregnancy. I enjoyed it as a whole but I was ready for the baby to come. And my mom kept asking me when she should book her ticket to come out. So I put pressure on my doctor to induce me. In hindsight I wish I had just been more patient. If I had waiting, my son may have righted himself and the whole thing may not have been necessary.”

Renae– “I was under the care of a midwife and planned to labor and deliver at her birth center. If I had it to do over, I would research c-sections and would have sought out a doctor’s help sooner. (We knew my baby was measuring incredibly small.)”

Justine– “First of all, I would never go to the hospital unless I had a bullet wound, lost an appendage, or had a brain tumor. But, barring that scenario, I wish I had made my wishes about breastfeeding and being with my baby clear before I had the surgery, in writing…I wish I had had a doulaor a trained professional to help me navigate the medical system…I wish I had asked about what kind/type of incision was being made and why…and most of all, I wish that I had retained the services of a midwife instead of an OB. Even if the c/s was inevitable, the lack of respect was inexcusable.”

Natalie– “My first two C-sections weren’t scheduled, but my labor was induced early both times mostly for convenience sake.  If I could do it again I think I would try to hold out until I went into labor or until after my due date.  I think the babies were taken too early.  13 and 11 days early.  They hadn’t dropped and just weren’t ready to come out.  I might have been able to prevent the C-sections if I had just waited it out.”

Beth S.– “Because of the complications that had arisen, I couldn’t have done it differently. Had everything been fine except for the fact that he was overdue, I would have waited until he was ready to come out on his own!”

Have you had, or attempted to have a VBAC? (vaginal birth after Cesarean)  If so, what was the single most important reason you had for making that choice?

Renae– “No. I wish it possible, but because my incision is classical it is not recommended. I see the wisdom in the decision for me. At the end of my next two pregnancies both tiny babies were in distress.”

Justine– ” I have had 3 VBAC’s…1994, 2003 and 2008. My last one was a homebirth. The most important reason for me was having a gentle welcome for my baby and a healthy chance of recovery for me so that I was able to parent my baby right from the start.”

Jill– “No–my doctor advised against the 2nd and 3rd times.”

Brenna– “Yes, I attempted a VBAC with my second son. I felt that I owed to him and myself, and even my first son, to try. I knew the recovery time would be shorter and hoped that breastfeeding would be easier to start with.”

Beth S.- “I went on to have 3 more children via VBAC. The last 2 were with a midwife! I just wanted to have the entire ‘natural’ experience. As a woman, I felt it was my God-given right, I guess! I just had the instincts to do what nature had intended for me to do when it came to giving birth.”

How do you feel about your birth experience with your C-section, now that it has been five or more years? (I am including all the responses for this question)

Emily– “I actually feel fine with it. I know that C-sections are more expensive and I spent more time in the hospital than I would have otherwise but I also was super grateful for the time in the hospital with help.”

Beth G.- “Positive.”

Justine– “I have to admit, that even 20 years later, it is still a sore spot. The scar is as healed as it ever will be…and successfully birthing my three daughters has given me back confidence in my body and its ability. But I will never recover the time that my c/s [c-section] stole from my son…I cannot remember any of the sweet moments in his first few weeks…it was a living hell and he paid the price for it…I was too weak to hold him or pick him up. I was too tired to sing to him or to marvel at how perfect he was..every bit of my energy went into simply trying to get myself a glass of water, or hobble to the bathroom, or sit up and nurse. Perhaps it is different for momma’s who had a real medical issue, or needed a c/s to save their life, or their baby’s…but I went through all of this for…nothing.  I still have a lot of guilt and regret about not knowing more, or for not standing up for my rights as a patient. It is what has led me to the work I do now, so I am grateful for the point of view, but am still bitter about it.”

Renae– “I am at peace. My children are wonderful and the scar is a reminder of how my love has grown.”

Jill– “No regrets about c-section. My son is a healthy, tall for his age kindergartener.”

Brenna– “I feel okay about it. I am thankful we do have the technology to step in and help as needed. I feel that it is done far too often, but I do feel that in my case it was probably necessary. That really helps me feel at peace with the experience.”

Beth S.- “I think I’m fine with it only because I had the proof in front of me of my son’s weakening heart beat that it needed to be done.”

Kristi– “I can’t say I ever really even think about it.  I have no feeling of inadequacy or regret that I’ve heard is common.  If I planned on having six kids I think I’d be upset because I wouldn’t want to go through that surgery too many times but that’s not the case.”

Natalie– “I am completely fine with it.  I have 4 amazing kids and the fact that they were C-section babies is barely even a thought in my mind.  Only when I am answering medical questions or comparing births (which gets rarer and rarer the older I get) does it even enter my mind.  I don’t feel any less of a mom or a woman because of having to have C-sections.”

Jane– “I’m crying as I’m typing this.”

Any other thoughts, comments, or observations you would like to share? (I have included all responses received to this question)

Beth G.- “I believe there are trade-offs. While a c-section has it’s medical issues, it was nice to have a clean surgery/recovery site with no ripping, soreness, etc. from a traditional birth.”

Justine– “Next month [April] is Cesarean awareness month and I will be posting c/s [C-section] info in conjunction with my local ICAN chapter at www.JulianArts.com

Renae– “When it’s all done the little ones we hold in our arms are the focus, not how they entered our love. (And by the way, my son is fine. He was born at 35 weeks and weighed only 1 lb. 13 oz. You’d never know it now. Here’s a post that contains his birth picture {yikes!}: https://lifenurturingeducation.com/2007/11/19/more-thankful-a-decade-later/)”

Jill– “Explaining how a baby is born is easier with a c-section baby. I would say “the baby came out of mommy’s tummy.” The children never asked about mommy’s private parts. They seemed satisfied with this explanation.”

Brenna– “The hospital that I went to for all three of my children has an amazing nursing staff. That really made all the difference in creating positive birth experiences with each baby, regardless of the means.”

Jane– “Just get as much info as you can before hand. Try to schedule at a hospital that allows you to recover with your baby. No matter what happens, breastfeed! Babies need touch and warmth – and you can’t get that closeness with a bottle! Even if the nurses give the baby a bottle because they say it is an emergency while you are recovering, insist on breastfeeding after that and don’t allow any more bottles!!!”

Again, I would like to thank all these woman for taking the time to share their thoughts with me, and allowing me to post their experiences here. 

I will have my concluding comments and few more thoughts about C-sections in the final part of this series.  It will be posted on Thursday of this week.

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Breastfeeding c-sections Health Mothering Pregnancy & Birth

C-Sections- Five Years and Beyond- (Part 1)

Cross Posted on BlogHer

Five years has past since my first and only C-section.  I shared my experience, and my feelings about my C-section last week in the post, My C-section- Five Years Later.  This was the third part in a series of C-section posts I have written.  The first post in the series, The Reality of C-sections, has generated a wide variety of thoughts, feelings, and comments.  One comment that kept coming up was, my experience was only one out of millions.  Some readers felt that in no way, was my experience the only reality of a C-section. 

I agree.  No two C-sections are the same, just as no two births are the same.  I decided to interview a random sample of women, who had given birth by C-section five years ago or longer.  I wanted to find out how women felt about their C-sections after time had passed.  

I put the call out on Twitter, for any woman willing to answer my questions about their C-section, five years ago or longer.  At the time, I had about 2,500 followers, and posted the tweet over several days, at different times, hoping to get a wide range of women who would respond.  Some asked what angle I was looking for, but I told them the truth- I wasn’t looking for any angle- I just wanted their true feelings and thoughts.  Ten women answered my questions.     

 I was fascinated, surprised, shocked, and shed a few tears over their C-section experiences.  I have struggled on how to present their stories to you, and have decided not to.  I am going to let their own words tell you their experiences.

Brenna lives in Oregon, and owns Clementinenw.com.  Jane (not her real name) asked to remain anonymous, and is the owner of  a family magazine.  Kristi has an on-line shop, Zuzugirlhandmade.com. Emily, was the first woman to respond to my request.  Renae blogs at Life Nurturing Education.  Beth G. is the owner of the site, Confessions of a Mom. Justine runs the website, JulianArts, which provides state-of-the-heart-education during the birth years and beyond.  Beth S. blogs at Savvy Saving Mom.   Natalie, who lives in Texas, and blogs at Tell Me About It, and Jill blogs at Writing My Life One Blog at a Time.

This post is broken into two parts.  Here is part one of these women’s experiences with their C-sections:

How did you feel about your birth experience with your C-section, during the first year post-partum?

Brenna– “I was disappointed that it didn’t work out the way that I had wanted though, [I] felt that there were several circumstances that stacked the cards against me. I didn’t have my doctor as she was out of town. They had to induce with Pitocin because my water broke and labor did not really start on its own. I felt like my water broke before my son was ready to be born. Because of those things I wondered if everything was done in the best way for me and my son, although I tried not to play “what if” too much since I couldn’t go back and change anything. I did feel very lucky to have had a happy and healthy baby.”

Jane– “I was always sad when I thought about it because the hospital where it was performed kept Mom and baby apart during recovery. I didn’t get to hold my baby for more than 5 hours after he was born. And while I was in recovery, my husband kept coming in to check on me and I got so mad at him for leaving our baby alone!!! I was beside myself that our little one had only been on this planet for a few hours and he was all by himself!!! Right after he was born in the operating room, they put him by my face – but I couldn’t touch him – arms are stabilized. Very, very sad. I licked his little head a little bit – just so I could make contact with him.”

Kristi– “I went through a terribly long and painful labor with inadequate medical attention.  My first c-section came at a point in the labor that I was so exhausted and  scared and really just wanted the baby out.  I did not have any regrets and honestly didn’t think about it much!”

Emily– “For the most part I felt ok about my birth experience with my C-section during that first year after it. I went through a few moments every so often where I thought that I hadn’t gone through real labor and therefore may have missed something. But those moments were few and far between.”

Justine– “I was pretty traumatized. I really felt (and still do) that the OB was trying to “teach me a lesson” about my situation. I was a teen mother, but a well informed one. I wanted natural childbirth, and planned to breastfeed…etc. I asked a lot of questions and didn’t really care if the OB liked me or not. He gave me a vertical outer incision, for no reason that anyone has been able to explain since. It runs from my navel to my pubic bone and is still very raised, bright red, puffy, and ropey even 20 years later.  When any health care provider sees it, they usually gasp and ask if i was in an accident. When i tell them that it is from my c/s, a few have accused me of lying. They say “no doctor would do that” But indeed, one did. At my 6 week visit, when i asked if the scar was going to heal alright, the OB said “well, i guess motherhood isn’t going to be as fun and glamorous as you thought it was” Nice guy.  So, it is really difficult for me to separate the c/s from the treatment from the OB. He was judgmental and rude, and I can’t help but feel that he acted out his judgment on my belly and created a scenario in which his predictions about my parenting abilities would be likely to come true.”

Did you suffer from complications from your C-section? (infections, torn stitches, long recovery, numbness, pain, emotional issues, etc.)

Renae– “I did not have any medical issues with my first c-section. (After my 3rd, [c-section] infection set in.)  Having a c-section was the opposite of the birth I planned though, so disappointment resided in my heart for awhile. It didn’t take long for that to slip away. It was worth it to give my son every chance for life.”

Jill– “1996 numbness lasted months. Still have some parts that are not fully recovered. 2003 infection from incision, pulled stitches.”

Natalie– “After my first C-section I had some major gas issues.  I know that is a problem after many deliveries, but it was bad.  They kept telling me if I would pass gas they would feed me real food instead of just broth.  I just couldn’t do it.  I ended up having a procedure to help alleviate the pain I was in.  I also ran a fever. 

There was some numbness in the scar area after all of them, but it wasn’t anything different from what one would feel after any other invasive surgery.

My 4th and final C-section came with complications.  After each successive C-section scar tissue built up.  It took longer to get to the babies each time.  During my final C-section I was given a spinal instead of an epidural.  That was different than all the other deliveries.  Right after they gave me the shot the woman in the room next to me needed to have an emergency C-section right then.  We had the same doctor so he went to deliver her baby.  When he came back they checked me to make sure I was still numb.  I gave them the go ahead to proceed with the surgery.  Unfortunately because there was so much scar tissue in the way of the baby I started to feel things way before the surgery was over.  When they actually got to my daughter I felt like my insides were being ripped out.  The poor anesthesiologist felt horrible.  He got a shot ready to put in the IV to put me out completely as soon as they had her out.  I was having a tubal ligation as well so it was still going to be a bit before my surgery was done.  I saw my daughter for a couple of seconds before I fell asleep.  I don’t remember how long it was before I actually had a chance to hold my daughter, but since it was my 4th C-section I knew I would have plenty of time with her.  Those first couple of hours weren’t going to make or break our relationship.”

Beth G.– “No, I didn’t have any complications.”

Beth S.– “I remember feeling a little “ripped off” after the fact, for not having the total birth experience. But it was always a vanishing thought because I knew that the C-Section had become necessary and was done for all the right reasons. My overwhelming joy toward my first born always overpowered any thoughts of sadness or negativity.”

Do you feel your C-section interfered at all or delayed bonding with your baby?

Justine– “YES! Although I was committed to breastfeeding, the nurses had already bottle fed my son several time before I saw him. They fed him sugar water, and formula, and sterile water…it was terrible. And frankly, i was too drugged up to do much about it. That episode of impotence set the tone for many weeks of my early parenting experience. I looked to experts to give me the final answer when it came to parenting choices because I had no faith in my body, there was almost no trust between my baby and I, and it was so hard. Finally, I found a LLL and began to strengthen my skills. Thank goodness! But it was only once I ditched the medical model that parenting became anything but this overwhelming, scary responsibility. I found my footing, and my son and I got on track. I still wonder if and how it might have damaged our long term relationship though.”

Jill– “No, not really. With the 1996 [c-section] I had difficulty breastfeeding. It lasted 4 weeks and [then we] gratefully switched to formula. I bonded better with the baby once I was not in pain from breastfeeding and the c-section.

Brenna– “I really don’t. I was able to breastfeed my son within the first hour, which I think helped immensely. He also stayed in the room with us at all times. Luckily my husband was great and was able to change him and bring him to me when I wanted. I just held him for most of the time until I got too tired. We bonded very quickly.”

Renae– “Yes. My son was whisked to the neonatal unit 2 hours away, and I had to stay in the hospital to recover.”

Beth S.– “They brought me my son while I was in recovery, but I was so out of it that I couldn’t totally enjoy that small moment that we had. I took comfort sending my husband out to go be with him until I was fully awake and in my room. Yeah, I was unhappy about that! In that sense, the bonding was delayed. But there were no repercussions from that except for my own unhappiness. I didn’t get to nurse him until the next day either, but that didn’t cause any physical or latching on problems. Just my own discontent!”

 How long was it after your C-section before you felt “back to normal?”

Kristi– “It was much harder to recover from my first c-section in ’03.  They used big metal staples that had to be removed.  I had far more pain the first time around and spent four days in the hospital.  The second time around I was begging to leave on day three and they let me go.  I did not take any pain killers after leaving the hospital with either birth.  It’s hard to recall but I think the pain getting up and down lasted about two weeks.”

Natalie– “Well I felt mostly fine as soon as I got home.  I have a pretty high pain tolerance.  With my 2nd I was the maid of honor in a wedding 11 days later.  I was sore of course, but I didn’t let the fact that I had a C-section stop me from doing what I wanted.  I had my 3rd C-section on a Tuesday and was in church on Sunday.  Other than a few headaches I recovered fairly quickly.”

Emily– “I don’t remember but I didn’t feel like it was awful. It was definitely a number of weeks. Because I never had anything but a C-section I have little to compare my recovery to, but I do know that the epidural I had during the first one took much longer to recover from than the spinal block I got for my second one. At the time of my first C-section I lived in a three-story apartment: door on ground level, kitchen on second level, bedrooms and bathrooms on top level. So that whole you can’t walk up and down stairs thing really wasn’t working for me.”

Beth S.– “I think it took a while! For the longest time I kept feeling like my insides might fall out if I got up wrong! I remember slowly starting to do things again like cleaning the house, etc. I probably took longer out of my own fears.”

Justine– “It was about a year before I felt like I was used to the new state of things. I lost the “weight” within a few months, but the scar was/is a lingering issue for me. I have spent 20 years being deeply embarrassed and ashamed of my stomach…so “back to normal” for me never happened. But I was able to participate in exercise and normal activities without pain within 6 months.”

Was your C-section planned or scheduled?

Jill– “The first was unplanned, but not an emergency.  The second and third were planned.”

Renae– “Emergency c-section. I was not awake for the birth of my baby and didn’t see him until I was released from the hospital 3 days later.”

Justine– “No. My waters broke at 6am. I was making progress and had reached 6cms by about 5:30pm that night. However, ‘hospital policy’ at the time was that there was a 12 hour time limit on ruptured membranes. I had the c-section at 6pm and the staff got to get home by 7pm on a Saturday night.  How convenient!”

Emily– “My C-section was an emergency. I was given cervadilon Monday evening, threw up all night long, was given pitocin on Tuesday morning, started pushing sometime around Jeopardy, pushed for an hour, he wouldn’t turn his head in the right direction (he wasn’t breech, but was facing up when she should have been facing down), so the doctor told me I should just go for the C-section.”

Beth S.- “Mine was not planned. According to my Dr., my son was 10 days overdue and his amniotic fluid was lessening. I went to the hospital for a stress test after which time they decided to admit me to induce labor. I was induced for a day with no results. My son started showing signs of distress on the heart monitor, so it was decided that a C-Section was necessary.”

I will have the second part of these interviews posted next week.  Please check back, and I would love to hear any comments you have.  Feel free to share your own experiences as well.

Categories
c-sections Cole Health Me Mothering Pregnancy & Birth Ryan

My C-section-Five Years Later

Ryan, my oldest son, turned five in January.  It also marked the fifth anniversary of my only major surgery- a Cesarean or C-section.

I have written and shared my experience with my C-section in a few posts.  The post, The Reality of C-Sections, is by far, the most read post on my blog.  It averages 700 page views a month.  Its follow up post, Recovering After a C-Section, is the third highest read post on A Mama’s Blog. 

In the fifteen months since I wrote The Realty of C-Sections, the comments have varied a lot- from readers supporting my views, and expressing similar experiences, to readers who have nothing but the most positive and wonderful C-section experiences.  There were many readers who felt I was portraying all C-sections in a negative light, and I was scaring women.  I added a prelude to the post in September, to address this issue. 

The comments have shown me that no two women’s birth experiences are the same.  It has also taught me that no matter what side of this issue you fall on, the feelings involved are real, and authentic.  Finally, by the amount of page views these posts receive, there is a lot of interest in the subject.    

Five years later, I still feel that my C-section should not have happened.  Ryan was breech, and that was the only reason for my C-section.  Years ago, breech babies were delivered vaginally.   Breech deliveries were no big deal, and doctors performed breech deliveries all the time.  It seems unconscionable in the 2000’s, doctors are no longer being taught breech deliveries in medical school, and the only option offered when a baby is breech, is major abdominal surgery.  I feel like the medical community failed me in this regard.  An OB/GYN ought to be able to perform a vaginal breech baby delivery, if there are no other reasons warranting a C-section, besides the baby being in a breech position.  

I am still resentful that the medical community approaches breech baby births as a “problem” which the only solution for is major surgery.  This is a huge psychological aspect that has taken me a long time to resolve.  No one has major surgery unless there is a major problem.  Having a baby in a breech position, usually does not present a major medical issue in itself.   Having been there, I heard a C-section is the only safe way to deliver my breech baby, and it subconsciously affected me. It frightened me.  I thought if my baby was born breech, it was not safe.  It also made me feel like there was something wrong with me and my body because my baby would not turn. The only way to “fix” this was to have major surgery. 

My doctor told me after Ryan was born that his umbilical cord was short, and it was wrapped around his wrist several times, more than likely preventing him to turn.  She told me there was a reason he didn’t turn.  That amazed me.  Thinking about that over the months, I came to realize that my body and Ryan’s body were working exactly as they should be.  There was no “problem.”  His cord was too short and if he had kept trying to turn, he could have gotten the cord even more twisted around him.  I can’t be sure, but I believe there is something in a baby that if it can’t make that turn it knows it is not safe to do so.  By Ryan not turning and remaining in a breech position, it probably prevented more complex problems.  I don’t understand why doctors can say something like this after a birth, but before the birth it is presented as a problem and a high risk delivery.

I am mad at myself that I accepted a C-section was the solution to this “problem.”  I wish I would have done more research and had more confidence in my body.  But in the state I live in, Colorado, even midwives cannot attend a birth that they know is breech- it is against the law.  It still makes me sad that we have come to this point, where more or less, a woman’s only choice for delivering a known breech baby is a C-section. I am still upset for the time I lost to the recovery.  I felt so bad for so long, and had so much pain.  Even five years later, if I move in a different way, I feel pain in my abdomen. 

However, I don’t think about the C-section as much as I used to.   All numbness in the scar area has faded.  I was really worried I was going to be numb at the incision point forever.  All the redness at the incision site is gone too.  Today, it is a very small, thin, white line. I barely notice it anymore. 

But the biggest affect on me from my C-section, to be perfectly honest, was I felt cheated out of the birth experience. I know not every woman feels this, but I did.  I wanted to experience childbirth by being in labor, and I feel it was taken away from me.  The experience of childbirth- with my first baby- I will never get that again.  I lost that, not because of a true medical emergency, but because of the way the birthing business is run today.  I was left to process it, and to make peace with the experience I did have. 

One of the biggest events that helped me in this regard was attempting a VBAC (vaginal birth after Cesarean) with my second son, Cole, in 2006.  I was in labor for over 40 hours. I hadn’t slept during this time.  I had a few complications arise.  I was “stuck” at 4 cm. for several hours, and Cole was faced the wrong way for birth.  I was told if I wasn’t dilated to 10 cm. in the next hour, and if Cole hadn’t flipped back around.  I would be facing a C-section.  When I heard that, something that was more powerful than a surgeon’s knife kicked in, and I told myself I could do it.  My husband and doula encouraged me too.  I knew at this point I had to be strong and confident, and this time it was up to me how my baby was going to be born.     

After the hour was up- I knew.  I knew before the nurse checked me that I would be at 10 cm. and Cole’s head would be in the right position for birth, and it was.  They told me it was remarkable after being “stuck” for so long, that I was now fully dilated. 

I pushed with Cole for two hours. It was the hardest thing, physically, I have ever done.  My contractions lasted two to three minutes, and they told me they normally last about 30 seconds.  When I thought I couldn’t push anymore, I would feel another contraction, and I had to find it in me to push again.  Even though I was beyond exhausted, I knew my body was made for this, and I could do it.  I never knew I had that kind of physical endurance.  But that endurance that was in me all along.  It gave me the strength to keep going- to keep pushing- because I had to.  That endurance and strength brought me to the end, when the doctor told me to give one more push, and Cole was born.

I have never felt more proud of myself, and my body.  I was able to hold Cole right away and look over all his miraculous details.  I wasn’t tired anymore. I was euphoric. These feelings felt normal, natural, and the way it should be.  Not lying in a recovery room by myself without my baby, groggy, and barely able to move.   

I called my mom, who has four of her own children- all delivered naturally.  I cried on the phone with her as I told her I had done it- no C-section this time.  I will never forget what she said to me: “Isn’t it gratifying?  To be able to give birth to your baby- there is nothing that made me feel more powerful as a woman.”  That was exactly how I felt. Not every woman needs to feel this way, but I did.  A C-section did not allow me to experience this natural process. 

When C-sections are performed as routine, and not reserved for true medical emergencies, I feel it takes a piece of something away from women that is sacred.  The right to experience what our bodies were made to do.  The experience of childbirth can build enormous confidence in yourself, and in your body.  For some women (like myself and my mom), it goes deeper- to very essence of our power as women.  This should not be taken lightly, and I feel as the C-section rates continue to increase in this country, women are losing this right and experience. 

Having had both a C-section and a vaginal birth, I would compare my experience, to hiking up a difficult mountain you have never hiked before.  You want to climb this mountain, but it seems impossible.  It is intimidating and you aren’t sure how you are going to do it.  Many “experts”  in mountain climbing tell you it is very hard, and there could be many complications and problems.   However, many people have climbed this mountain before you, and will climb it after you.  You start to think that maybe you can do it too.  You prepare, you read up on the mountain, you buy the appropriate gear, and you take classes to help you prepare.  You have confidence that you will be able to make it to the top.  You know it won’t be easy, but you are ready to try.

Then a climbing “expert” stops you, before you even begin.  He or she tells you that you are endangering your life, because you don’t have the proper hiking boots.  They tell you this is a serious problem. You become scared.  You believe them- after all, they are the expert.  The climbing expert never offers you the proper pair of hiking boots,  but they make it very clear, the only safe way to summit the mountain is if they get a helicopter and fly you to the top.  Somehow this seems like overkill, and doesn’t really make sense, but after all- they are the expert, so you believe them, and do what they suggest.

The flight up the mountain goes fine and you are safe.  You are finally at the summit, and yet the experience doesn’t feel whole.  As you see others climbing up the mountain,  and reaching the summit, you wonder if you really could have made it, by hiking.  Even though you are happy you made it to the summit, you wonder what the experience would have been like, if you had been “allowed” to try- if you had the proper pair of hiking boots.  

I am so grateful that my VBAC was successful with Cole. It gave me back the experience of hiking to the summit of the mountain myself- which I had not been allowed to do with Ryan’s birth.  I know I can do it, and that knowledge gave me power within, that will always be with me.     

I realize I am only one person-one mother- and these are my feelings five years after my C-section.  I have interviewed several women, who have also had C-sections five years or more ago, and I will share with you their thoughts, experiences, and feelings. They are fascinating, and I plan on having the post up next Thursday.

As always, please feel free to share your own experiences, and thoughts.  Birth is different for everyone, and I think there is a great benefit in being able to share our different experiences in a respectful manner.