A Mama's BlogWith spring upon us, this is one of my favorite pictures of Ryan when he was a baby. I took it in May of 2005- he was almost 1.5 years old. He was playing in the wheelbarrow at his grandparent’s house.
See a variety of other pictures at Wordless Wednesday.
This is part two of the interview with ten women on their C-section experiences. You can find C-sections Five Years and Beyond (Part 1) by clicking on the title.
Do you feel you were given adequate information from your doctor or health care provider regarding the C-section? (procedure, recovery time, possible complications, emotions, etc)
Justine- “Absolutely not. Granted, this was 1989 and things have come a long way since then. But whenever i asked questions (“Why is 12 hours the limit? If i don’t have a fever, then why are we worried about infection? Since the IV is in, can’t we start an antibiotic as a preventive measure instead of surgery?) the answer i got was “You can’t mess around with your baby’s health like that.” or “Our job is to take care of you, your job is to let us” I had no idea what to expect after the surgery…and they just kept pumping me full of narcotics even though I wanted to just try Tylenol…ugh. It was simply a nightmare…and one that I could not wake up from.”
Jane- “I didn’t get the information that I would be separate from my baby for hours after birth.”
Beth G.– “Yes, I really liked and trusted my doctor. I’ve always had specialists, so my doctor did the c-section. The other Dr. who scrubbed in happened to be a good friend of my mom’s whom I’d known since I was young.”
Kristi– “Not the first time around. Definitely not.”
Beth S.– “No one talked to me about anything! I just remember signing the papers that talked about possible complications. Fortunately, I had read everything under the sun about all the variables involved in childbirth, including C-Section, so basically everything I knew, I had learned on my own.”
If you had to do it over again, is there anything you would change or do differently regarding your C-section?
Emily– “I would have just scheduled it from the get go. But that’s easier said than done. C-sections after an induction are more likely to cause complications, which mine did. I was induced in large part because I was just over my pregnancy. I enjoyed it as a whole but I was ready for the baby to come. And my mom kept asking me when she should book her ticket to come out. So I put pressure on my doctor to induce me. In hindsight I wish I had just been more patient. If I had waiting, my son may have righted himself and the whole thing may not have been necessary.”
Renae– “I was under the care of a midwife and planned to labor and deliver at her birth center. If I had it to do over, I would research c-sections and would have sought out a doctor’s help sooner. (We knew my baby was measuring incredibly small.)”
Justine– “First of all, I would never go to the hospital unless I had a bullet wound, lost an appendage, or had a brain tumor. But, barring that scenario, I wish I had made my wishes about breastfeeding and being with my baby clear before I had the surgery, in writing…I wish I had had a doulaor a trained professional to help me navigate the medical system…I wish I had asked about what kind/type of incision was being made and why…and most of all, I wish that I had retained the services of a midwife instead of an OB. Even if the c/s was inevitable, the lack of respect was inexcusable.”
Natalie– “My first two C-sections weren’t scheduled, but my labor was induced early both times mostly for convenience sake. If I could do it again I think I would try to hold out until I went into labor or until after my due date. I think the babies were taken too early. 13 and 11 days early. They hadn’t dropped and just weren’t ready to come out. I might have been able to prevent the C-sections if I had just waited it out.”
Beth S.– “Because of the complications that had arisen, I couldn’t have done it differently. Had everything been fine except for the fact that he was overdue, I would have waited until he was ready to come out on his own!”
Have you had, or attempted to have a VBAC? (vaginal birth after Cesarean) If so, what was the single most important reason you had for making that choice?
Renae– “No. I wish it possible, but because my incision is classical it is not recommended. I see the wisdom in the decision for me. At the end of my next two pregnancies both tiny babies were in distress.”
Justine– ” I have had 3 VBAC’s…1994, 2003 and 2008. My last one was a homebirth. The most important reason for me was having a gentle welcome for my baby and a healthy chance of recovery for me so that I was able to parent my baby right from the start.”
Jill– “No–my doctor advised against the 2nd and 3rd times.”
Brenna– “Yes, I attempted a VBAC with my second son. I felt that I owed to him and myself, and even my first son, to try. I knew the recovery time would be shorter and hoped that breastfeeding would be easier to start with.”
Beth S.- “I went on to have 3 more children via VBAC. The last 2 were with a midwife! I just wanted to have the entire ‘natural’ experience. As a woman, I felt it was my God-given right, I guess! I just had the instincts to do what nature had intended for me to do when it came to giving birth.”
How do you feel about your birth experience with your C-section, now that it has been five or more years? (I am including all the responses for this question)
Emily– “I actually feel fine with it. I know that C-sections are more expensive and I spent more time in the hospital than I would have otherwise but I also was super grateful for the time in the hospital with help.”
Beth G.- “Positive.”
Justine– “I have to admit, that even 20 years later, it is still a sore spot. The scar is as healed as it ever will be…and successfully birthing my three daughters has given me back confidence in my body and its ability. But I will never recover the time that my c/s [c-section] stole from my son…I cannot remember any of the sweet moments in his first few weeks…it was a living hell and he paid the price for it…I was too weak to hold him or pick him up. I was too tired to sing to him or to marvel at how perfect he was..every bit of my energy went into simply trying to get myself a glass of water, or hobble to the bathroom, or sit up and nurse. Perhaps it is different for momma’s who had a real medical issue, or needed a c/s to save their life, or their baby’s…but I went through all of this for…nothing. I still have a lot of guilt and regret about not knowing more, or for not standing up for my rights as a patient. It is what has led me to the work I do now, so I am grateful for the point of view, but am still bitter about it.”
Renae– “I am at peace. My children are wonderful and the scar is a reminder of how my love has grown.”
Jill– “No regrets about c-section. My son is a healthy, tall for his age kindergartener.”
Brenna– “I feel okay about it. I am thankful we do have the technology to step in and help as needed. I feel that it is done far too often, but I do feel that in my case it was probably necessary. That really helps me feel at peace with the experience.”
Beth S.- “I think I’m fine with it only because I had the proof in front of me of my son’s weakening heart beat that it needed to be done.”
Kristi– “I can’t say I ever really even think about it. I have no feeling of inadequacy or regret that I’ve heard is common. If I planned on having six kids I think I’d be upset because I wouldn’t want to go through that surgery too many times but that’s not the case.”
Natalie– “I am completely fine with it. I have 4 amazing kids and the fact that they were C-section babies is barely even a thought in my mind. Only when I am answering medical questions or comparing births (which gets rarer and rarer the older I get) does it even enter my mind. I don’t feel any less of a mom or a woman because of having to have C-sections.”
Jane– “I’m crying as I’m typing this.”
Any other thoughts, comments, or observations you would like to share? (I have included all responses received to this question)
Beth G.- “I believe there are trade-offs. While a c-section has it’s medical issues, it was nice to have a clean surgery/recovery site with no ripping, soreness, etc. from a traditional birth.”
Justine– “Next month [April] is Cesarean awareness month and I will be posting c/s [C-section] info in conjunction with my local ICAN chapter at www.JulianArts.com
Renae– “When it’s all done the little ones we hold in our arms are the focus, not how they entered our love. (And by the way, my son is fine. He was born at 35 weeks and weighed only 1 lb. 13 oz. You’d never know it now. Here’s a post that contains his birth picture {yikes!}: https://lifenurturingeducation.com/2007/11/19/more-thankful-a-decade-later/)”
Jill– “Explaining how a baby is born is easier with a c-section baby. I would say “the baby came out of mommy’s tummy.” The children never asked about mommy’s private parts. They seemed satisfied with this explanation.”
Brenna– “The hospital that I went to for all three of my children has an amazing nursing staff. That really made all the difference in creating positive birth experiences with each baby, regardless of the means.”
Jane– “Just get as much info as you can before hand. Try to schedule at a hospital that allows you to recover with your baby. No matter what happens, breastfeed! Babies need touch and warmth – and you can’t get that closeness with a bottle! Even if the nurses give the baby a bottle because they say it is an emergency while you are recovering, insist on breastfeeding after that and don’t allow any more bottles!!!”
Again, I would like to thank all these woman for taking the time to share their thoughts with me, and allowing me to post their experiences here.
I will have my concluding comments and few more thoughts about C-sections in the final part of this series. It will be posted on Thursday of this week.
My grandmother lives on the Old Mission Peninsula, in Traverse City, Michigan. This is a picture I took at one of my grandmother’s friend’s yard, a few summers ago. I love the Old Mission Peninsula. If I ever win the lottery, I am buying a house there. 🙂
More great pictures at Wordless Wednesday.
I was by myself on Saturday morning- it was raining and it was my mom’s 60th birthday. I decided to have a gadget free morning. I didn’t turn my phone on and I was enjoying a quiet morning. Around 11, I turned my phone on and saw I had a voice mail. I checked it and my heart sunk as I heard my doctor tell me he had the results of my biopsy, and he would call me back on Monday. Doctors don’t call you on Saturday unless they have bad news.
I suspected the news was not good, as I called the answering service to see if they could have Dr. S. call me back. I didn’t want to think about it for the next two days- I just wanted to know. Dr. S. called me back about ten minutes later. He told me he didn’t have my chart with him but he said,
“I have your results from the biopsy and it shows you have papillary thyroid cancer.”
Cancer. How can that be? How can I have cancer?
I had no idea what papillary thryroid cancer was- I was only processing “cancer.” I heard Dr. S. tell me I need to have a total thyroidectomy- which is the removal of my entire thyroid. I heard him tell me he was sorry he had to give me this news. He told me it is very treatable and we caught it early. I heard him tell me I will have to have surgery, and it should get scheduled this week. I heard him tell me I’ll be in the hospital 1-3 days, and the recovery time is about a week. I heard him tell me I will have to be on medication for the rest of my life. I heard him tell me I might have to have radioactive iodine therapy, depending on how big the nodule in my thyroid is. I heard him tell me all of this, and I was trying not to cry.
After I hung up, I just sat in the kitchen staring out at the rain. Then I cursed, and then I cried. Then I was scared. This is what I had been trying to find out if I had or not, and now I knew. I didn’t have to wonder anymore if I had cancer- I have it and I have to have surgery to remove it. And yet, it didn’t seem- still doesn’t seem quite real.
I thought of Ryan and Cole. My two babies. The thought that kept popping in my mind was, ‘what am I going to do?’ I looked up papillary cancer on the Internet, and the first sentence I read was the survival rate statistics. That was not what I needed to read. I started crying all over again.
How do you ruin your family and friends days by telling them you have cancer? I decided to send an e-mail to a close friend, and figured that was a good way to start telling my family and friends. I wouldn’t have to say it- I wouldn’t have to speak it. But then I had to type out the phrase- I have cancer. It didn’t matter if I had to say it or type it. Seeing it made it real for me in that moment. I called my sisters, but neither one of them were home. I didn’t leave a message, and that was all I could do. My body needed to shut down, so I stopped reading, started a fresh wave of crying, took my phone with me, and crawled into bed. I lost track of how long I laid in bed crying. I could only think of Ryan and Cole, and if I was going to be around to see them grow up.
I stared at the wall and cried, and heard the rain pounding against the window. I kept thinking ‘what am I going to do?’ I was exhausted. My arms and legs felt like they had cinder blocks on them. A few minutes later, I heard my phone and my friend had sent me an encouraging e-mail back. It said I would never have to worry about the nodule developing cancer later. That was something positive. I closed my eyes and fell asleep.
About an hour later, my sister Vanessa called. She was very encouraging and made a lot of good points. She said she would be there for me. She lives in Seattle, and told me it didn’t matter how soon the surgery was- she would be here for me and she would help me- help me recover and help me with the boys if needed. After that call, my other sister, Mara called. She told me a lot of the same things Vanessa did, and she found the website I provided the link to for papillary cancer. She told me to get myself going and make myself come down to her house that night. I told her I would- I didn’t want to be alone. She said we could go out to dinner with my sister-in-law, and a close friend.
I called the rest of my family and let my friends know. As more and more people started talking to me and encouraging me, I felt better. I finally got to Denver- to my sister’s house, and my friend, Christina was there waiting. She gave me a big hug and told me I was going to be fine. Kat, my sister-in-law gave me a hug next, and let me cry. My brother, Jeff, was there, and hugged me, as did my brother-in-law, Kevin. Everyone told me I was going to be fine.
Then Mara came in the room, and called me into her bedroom. Kat and Christina were in there too. My sister shut the door and they gave me a beautiful card, and lucky bamboo plant. (this is the picture at the begining of the post.) They told me bamboo is strong and regenerates itself. Christina told me about her mom’s journey with stage three lung cancer, and how she is healthy and fine today. I know- I met her a few weeks ago.
As I processed all the encouraging comments everyone had given me all afternoon, being with my loved ones, and looking at the bamboo plant, it occurred to me I had found my answer to ‘what am I going to do?’
I am going to be strong. I am going get through this. I am going to get this taken care of so I can be there for my boys. I am going to get the cancer out, and then move on. I am going to be healthy.
I had a nice night out with the girls. At one point Christina took a picture of her and I, and posted it to Facebook. The caption she put under the picture said, “Cancer Shmancer.” My thoughts exactly.
Five years has past since my first and only C-section. I shared my experience, and my feelings about my C-section last week in the post, My C-section- Five Years Later. This was the third part in a series of C-section posts I have written. The first post in the series, The Reality of C-sections, has generated a wide variety of thoughts, feelings, and comments. One comment that kept coming up was, my experience was only one out of millions. Some readers felt that in no way, was my experience the only reality of a C-section.
I agree. No two C-sections are the same, just as no two births are the same. I decided to interview a random sample of women, who had given birth by C-section five years ago or longer. I wanted to find out how women felt about their C-sections after time had passed.
I put the call out on Twitter, for any woman willing to answer my questions about their C-section, five years ago or longer. At the time, I had about 2,500 followers, and posted the tweet over several days, at different times, hoping to get a wide range of women who would respond. Some asked what angle I was looking for, but I told them the truth- I wasn’t looking for any angle- I just wanted their true feelings and thoughts. Ten women answered my questions.
I was fascinated, surprised, shocked, and shed a few tears over their C-section experiences. I have struggled on how to present their stories to you, and have decided not to. I am going to let their own words tell you their experiences.
Brenna lives in Oregon, and owns Clementinenw.com. Jane (not her real name) asked to remain anonymous, and is the owner of a family magazine. Kristi has an on-line shop, Zuzugirlhandmade.com. Emily, was the first woman to respond to my request. Renae blogs at Life Nurturing Education. Beth G. is the owner of the site, Confessions of a Mom. Justine runs the website, JulianArts, which provides state-of-the-heart-education during the birth years and beyond. Beth S. blogs at Savvy Saving Mom. Natalie, who lives in Texas, and blogs at Tell Me About It, and Jill blogs at Writing My Life One Blog at a Time.
This post is broken into two parts. Here is part one of these women’s experiences with their C-sections:
How did you feel about your birth experience with your C-section, during the first year post-partum?
Brenna– “I was disappointed that it didn’t work out the way that I had wanted though, [I] felt that there were several circumstances that stacked the cards against me. I didn’t have my doctor as she was out of town. They had to induce with Pitocin because my water broke and labor did not really start on its own. I felt like my water broke before my son was ready to be born. Because of those things I wondered if everything was done in the best way for me and my son, although I tried not to play “what if” too much since I couldn’t go back and change anything. I did feel very lucky to have had a happy and healthy baby.”
Jane– “I was always sad when I thought about it because the hospital where it was performed kept Mom and baby apart during recovery. I didn’t get to hold my baby for more than 5 hours after he was born. And while I was in recovery, my husband kept coming in to check on me and I got so mad at him for leaving our baby alone!!! I was beside myself that our little one had only been on this planet for a few hours and he was all by himself!!! Right after he was born in the operating room, they put him by my face – but I couldn’t touch him – arms are stabilized. Very, very sad. I licked his little head a little bit – just so I could make contact with him.”
Kristi– “I went through a terribly long and painful labor with inadequate medical attention. My first c-section came at a point in the labor that I was so exhausted and scared and really just wanted the baby out. I did not have any regrets and honestly didn’t think about it much!”
Emily– “For the most part I felt ok about my birth experience with my C-section during that first year after it. I went through a few moments every so often where I thought that I hadn’t gone through real labor and therefore may have missed something. But those moments were few and far between.”
Justine– “I was pretty traumatized. I really felt (and still do) that the OB was trying to “teach me a lesson” about my situation. I was a teen mother, but a well informed one. I wanted natural childbirth, and planned to breastfeed…etc. I asked a lot of questions and didn’t really care if the OB liked me or not. He gave me a vertical outer incision, for no reason that anyone has been able to explain since. It runs from my navel to my pubic bone and is still very raised, bright red, puffy, and ropey even 20 years later. When any health care provider sees it, they usually gasp and ask if i was in an accident. When i tell them that it is from my c/s, a few have accused me of lying. They say “no doctor would do that” But indeed, one did. At my 6 week visit, when i asked if the scar was going to heal alright, the OB said “well, i guess motherhood isn’t going to be as fun and glamorous as you thought it was” Nice guy. So, it is really difficult for me to separate the c/s from the treatment from the OB. He was judgmental and rude, and I can’t help but feel that he acted out his judgment on my belly and created a scenario in which his predictions about my parenting abilities would be likely to come true.”
Did you suffer from complications from your C-section? (infections, torn stitches, long recovery, numbness, pain, emotional issues, etc.)
Renae– “I did not have any medical issues with my first c-section. (After my 3rd, [c-section] infection set in.) Having a c-section was the opposite of the birth I planned though, so disappointment resided in my heart for awhile. It didn’t take long for that to slip away. It was worth it to give my son every chance for life.”
Jill– “1996 numbness lasted months. Still have some parts that are not fully recovered. 2003 infection from incision, pulled stitches.”
Natalie– “After my first C-section I had some major gas issues. I know that is a problem after many deliveries, but it was bad. They kept telling me if I would pass gas they would feed me real food instead of just broth. I just couldn’t do it. I ended up having a procedure to help alleviate the pain I was in. I also ran a fever.
There was some numbness in the scar area after all of them, but it wasn’t anything different from what one would feel after any other invasive surgery.
My 4th and final C-section came with complications. After each successive C-section scar tissue built up. It took longer to get to the babies each time. During my final C-section I was given a spinal instead of an epidural. That was different than all the other deliveries. Right after they gave me the shot the woman in the room next to me needed to have an emergency C-section right then. We had the same doctor so he went to deliver her baby. When he came back they checked me to make sure I was still numb. I gave them the go ahead to proceed with the surgery. Unfortunately because there was so much scar tissue in the way of the baby I started to feel things way before the surgery was over. When they actually got to my daughter I felt like my insides were being ripped out. The poor anesthesiologist felt horrible. He got a shot ready to put in the IV to put me out completely as soon as they had her out. I was having a tubal ligation as well so it was still going to be a bit before my surgery was done. I saw my daughter for a couple of seconds before I fell asleep. I don’t remember how long it was before I actually had a chance to hold my daughter, but since it was my 4th C-section I knew I would have plenty of time with her. Those first couple of hours weren’t going to make or break our relationship.”
Beth G.– “No, I didn’t have any complications.”
Beth S.– “I remember feeling a little “ripped off” after the fact, for not having the total birth experience. But it was always a vanishing thought because I knew that the C-Section had become necessary and was done for all the right reasons. My overwhelming joy toward my first born always overpowered any thoughts of sadness or negativity.”
Do you feel your C-section interfered at all or delayed bonding with your baby?
Justine– “YES! Although I was committed to breastfeeding, the nurses had already bottle fed my son several time before I saw him. They fed him sugar water, and formula, and sterile water…it was terrible. And frankly, i was too drugged up to do much about it. That episode of impotence set the tone for many weeks of my early parenting experience. I looked to experts to give me the final answer when it came to parenting choices because I had no faith in my body, there was almost no trust between my baby and I, and it was so hard. Finally, I found a LLL and began to strengthen my skills. Thank goodness! But it was only once I ditched the medical model that parenting became anything but this overwhelming, scary responsibility. I found my footing, and my son and I got on track. I still wonder if and how it might have damaged our long term relationship though.”
Jill– “No, not really. With the 1996 [c-section] I had difficulty breastfeeding. It lasted 4 weeks and [then we] gratefully switched to formula. I bonded better with the baby once I was not in pain from breastfeeding and the c-section.
Brenna– “I really don’t. I was able to breastfeed my son within the first hour, which I think helped immensely. He also stayed in the room with us at all times. Luckily my husband was great and was able to change him and bring him to me when I wanted. I just held him for most of the time until I got too tired. We bonded very quickly.”
Renae– “Yes. My son was whisked to the neonatal unit 2 hours away, and I had to stay in the hospital to recover.”
Beth S.– “They brought me my son while I was in recovery, but I was so out of it that I couldn’t totally enjoy that small moment that we had. I took comfort sending my husband out to go be with him until I was fully awake and in my room. Yeah, I was unhappy about that! In that sense, the bonding was delayed. But there were no repercussions from that except for my own unhappiness. I didn’t get to nurse him until the next day either, but that didn’t cause any physical or latching on problems. Just my own discontent!”
How long was it after your C-section before you felt “back to normal?”
Kristi– “It was much harder to recover from my first c-section in ’03. They used big metal staples that had to be removed. I had far more pain the first time around and spent four days in the hospital. The second time around I was begging to leave on day three and they let me go. I did not take any pain killers after leaving the hospital with either birth. It’s hard to recall but I think the pain getting up and down lasted about two weeks.”
Natalie– “Well I felt mostly fine as soon as I got home. I have a pretty high pain tolerance. With my 2nd I was the maid of honor in a wedding 11 days later. I was sore of course, but I didn’t let the fact that I had a C-section stop me from doing what I wanted. I had my 3rd C-section on a Tuesday and was in church on Sunday. Other than a few headaches I recovered fairly quickly.”
Emily– “I don’t remember but I didn’t feel like it was awful. It was definitely a number of weeks. Because I never had anything but a C-section I have little to compare my recovery to, but I do know that the epidural I had during the first one took much longer to recover from than the spinal block I got for my second one. At the time of my first C-section I lived in a three-story apartment: door on ground level, kitchen on second level, bedrooms and bathrooms on top level. So that whole you can’t walk up and down stairs thing really wasn’t working for me.”
Beth S.– “I think it took a while! For the longest time I kept feeling like my insides might fall out if I got up wrong! I remember slowly starting to do things again like cleaning the house, etc. I probably took longer out of my own fears.”
Justine– “It was about a year before I felt like I was used to the new state of things. I lost the “weight” within a few months, but the scar was/is a lingering issue for me. I have spent 20 years being deeply embarrassed and ashamed of my stomach…so “back to normal” for me never happened. But I was able to participate in exercise and normal activities without pain within 6 months.”
Was your C-section planned or scheduled?
Jill– “The first was unplanned, but not an emergency. The second and third were planned.”
Renae– “Emergency c-section. I was not awake for the birth of my baby and didn’t see him until I was released from the hospital 3 days later.”
Justine– “No. My waters broke at 6am. I was making progress and had reached 6cms by about 5:30pm that night. However, ‘hospital policy’ at the time was that there was a 12 hour time limit on ruptured membranes. I had the c-section at 6pm and the staff got to get home by 7pm on a Saturday night. How convenient!”
Emily– “My C-section was an emergency. I was given cervadilon Monday evening, threw up all night long, was given pitocin on Tuesday morning, started pushing sometime around Jeopardy, pushed for an hour, he wouldn’t turn his head in the right direction (he wasn’t breech, but was facing up when she should have been facing down), so the doctor told me I should just go for the C-section.”
Beth S.- “Mine was not planned. According to my Dr., my son was 10 days overdue and his amniotic fluid was lessening. I went to the hospital for a stress test after which time they decided to admit me to induce labor. I was induced for a day with no results. My son started showing signs of distress on the heart monitor, so it was decided that a C-Section was necessary.”
I will have the second part of these interviews posted next week. Please check back, and I would love to hear any comments you have. Feel free to share your own experiences as well.