Category: Pregnancy & Birth

Categories
c-sections Cole Mothering Parenting Pregnancy & Birth

Two Years Old

Cole is two years old today!  I have been thinking a lot about this week about my labor, delivery, and his birth.  He was technically born on the third Monday of May, and on Monday I was remembering the time line of his birth.

Having had a c-section with Ryan, I was attempting a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarian with Cole.)  I have been through a c-section birth before, but with Cole, it was obvious my first time being in labor.  I remember after 42 hours of labor, and a successful VBAC, I finally was holding my brand new baby boy, and I couldn’t believe how small and tiny he was.  I had forgotten what a newborn looked and felt like.  The tiny toes, the tiny fingers, the microscopic finger and toenails, the way his body just nestled into mine and Joe’s- like that space existed just for him.  I relished those first few days and weeks- knowing in a blink of an eye, my newborn would be gone forever, and in its place, I’d have a baby, toddler, and then a little boy.

Two years later, a little boy has replaced my sweet newborn.  His toes and fingers are no longer tiny.  He doesn’t fit ‘just so’ in my arms, and in a sense I have forgotten again the details of a newborn.  However, two years ago, I could not even begin to imagine how much I am in love with the little boy Cole is.

While he is no longer a baby, he is such a special little boy.  His smile lights up a room.  He loves trying to make us laugh, and he succeeds every day.  From playing peek-a-boo with the kitchen towel, to trying on all of our clothes and shoes, and parading around the house, with the biggest smile on his face. 

Cole thrives on touch, hugs, and kisses.  I will never be lacking a child to hug, kiss or cuddle with.  As he turns two, Cole is learning to talk quite well, with his favorite words being, “mama,” “dada,” “me,” “eat,” and of course, “Ryan.”

Cole loves his big brother to pieces, and has to do everything just like him.  The other day, Ryan’s foot was hurting, and after I was done inspecting it, Cole came running up to me, lifting his foot up too, “whining.” 

While he tries to be just like Ryan, he is also very much his own person.  I love seeing how his personality is changing and growing.  I like to see him develop his different skills, outside of Ryan.  One thing I have noticed is how mechanical he seems to be, and can already put anything back together that he takes apart.  He also loves babies.  Everywhere we go, when he sees a baby, he yells “Baby!” and starts waving hello. 

Two years ago, I had a newborn placed on my chest, and while I knew his name, weight, and eye color, for all practical purposes, he was a blank canvas- I knew absolutely nothing about him.  Today, on his second birthday, my little boy’s portrait is being filled in with the most brilliant and vibrant colors.  Every day I discover a new color that is added to his portrait.  While I know the canvas is always a work in progress, I am so privileged and blessed to be Cole’s mother, and to see his essence being painted.

Happy Birthday, my darling Cole.  I love you so very, very much.  

                       

Categories
Current Events Health Mothering Parenting Pregnancy & Birth

Does Having A Baby Boy Cause Post-Partum Depression?

I saw this article called, How Depressing: It’s A Boy, today on MSN.  I only had time to scan over it briefly at the time, but being a mother of two boys, and having had suffered from post-partum depression (PPD), three months after Cole was born, of course I was interested in reading the study in detail.

After I read it, I was really upset for a variety of reasons.  For starters, this study only had 17 French women in it.  That is not enough of a sample to say for certain, what this study is suggesting.  Even the article pointed out that the “since the study was conducted on a very small group of women, it is possible the findings are just a statistical quirk.” 

The study also never even asked the women if they were hoping for a particular gender, yet they speculate that at least French mothers may prefer daughters to sons.  This is based on what?  Personal feelings?  There is no science backing this speculation up at all. 

I have known at least six women (myself included) who have suffered from various degrees of PPD over the years.  Four of them have been mothers of girls, and myself and one other mother, have been the mothers of boys.  If this French study studied my circle, they would have the opposite findings. 

For this study to hold any merit whatsoever, they would have to study a variety of women, on a MUCH larger scale, for several years, to see if the statistics they had,  (out of 17 mothers with severe depression, 13 of them had baby boys,) proved to be consistent with different and larger study groups.  I think this study was flawed and didn’t include enough subjects to draw a conclusion like they are claiming- that boys cause PPD. 

Personally, I think a major cause of PPD, is hormonal and a nutrient imbalance.  As soon as I started replenishing my levels of nutrients, especially the B vitamins and Omega-6’s, my depression went away.  I know that isn’t the case for everyone, but I think it is a really far stretch and drawing at straws to say because you have a boy you are at greater risk for PPD. 

I also think the temperament of the baby has a lot to do with it too.  Whether the baby is a boy or a girl, if a baby is a high needs baby, is a fussy baby, or cries constantly, obviously a mother’s stress level is going to increase, which could put her at a higher risk for developing PPD.  These babies are harder to take care of.  Not every mother with a baby like this has PPD, but if they want to find causes, certainly this could be another factor contributing to PPD than simply saying the gender is the cause of PPD.  How many of those mothers in the French study had babies that had colic, or cried constantly, or screamed if they weren’t being held at all hours of the day?  How many of these depressed mothers were severely sleep deprived, which can be another contributing factor to PPD.

I also have a MAJOR problem with another part of the writings in this study which claim that women want “mini-me’s” (daughters) not sons.  I find that VERY offensive, and how shallow and condescending is that to the millions and millions of mothers who have sons?  Suddenly we are all secretly longing for daughters so we can have our “mini-me’s.”  Absolutely insulting!

It gets worse- the study goes on to theorize that when a woman doesn’t get the gender (boy or girl) that she was hoping for “she is more likely to suffer from decreased quality of life or severe depression.”  Again, how insulting to every mother who may have hoped that she was having one gender over the other?  That doesn’t mean that every woman every time, who doesn’t get the gender of baby she was hoping for, is more likely to suffer from a decreased quality of life. 

Usually, the mothers who I know, (myself included), who were hoping for a boy or a girl, and then had the opposite gender they were hoping for, couldn’t imagine their life without their baby, and would not give him or her up for their “desired” gender in a million years. Their quality of life improves with their baby, not decreases.  This study paints women and mothers as so shallow- as if having a boy or a girl-your desired gender- is the key to happiness, and not having your desired gender causes mothers to suffer from severe depression.  I just don’t believe that is the case with the majority of mothers.

I also have to respond to the study’s claim that women really do prefer girls over boys, because girls are requested more often in overseas adoptions from couples in the West- especially in America.  I don’t think this claim is true at all,  just because girls are being requested to be adopted in overseas adoptions over boys. 

I believe the reason more baby girls are requested in adoptions outside the US, is in these countries, THEY (parents in these countries) don’t want girls and put them up for adoption more often than sons.  In many countries where Americans are allowed to adopt, sons are the preferred gender, and parents will abandon girls more often than sons, bringing them to orphanages. 

It seems to me that this is common knowledge, and women in the US, who want to adopt a baby from these countries know that.  They know they will have a shorter wait, and a better chance of adopting a baby if they request a girl, because there are more girls waiting to be adopted than boys.  It is a simple supply and demand situation.

I wasn’t even going to blog about this study because I think this study is complete nonsense and just something else to make mothers of sons worry needlessly about.  I didn’t want to “publicize” this study any more than it already has been.

My sister suggested I write a post about it, so if mothers who do read this study are troubled by it, and seek additional information, there would be something else- another viewpoint- to consider.  That is the only reason I am blogging about this. 

I believe most mothers love and cherish their babies, no matter what their gender is.  Post-partum depression does happen, but for it to be contributed only because a mother is depressed because she didn’t have a boy or a girl, is just so far fetched.

It is irresponsible for this study to be published  and publicized as it is, because there is no other studies that can back it up.  It can cause more harm and grief to mothers who may be suffering from depression- now they have to wonder if their baby’s gender could be causing their depression. 

Until there is evidence and several more mothers studied in this case, these types of studies serve no valuable purpose to mothers.  When the statistics in the study have a real possiblity of only being a “quirk,” don’t publish these types of “findings” until there is scientific evidence to back it up- with real, fact based, statistics. 

Now I am getting off my soapbox, and going to go tuck my two, loveable, sweet, adoring, sons who have brought me so much joy and happiness- whom I’d give my life for- into bed. 

Categories
Current Events Health Little Pumpkin Sweet Pea Designs Mothering Pregnancy & Birth

Global Giving

BlogHers Act: Donate Now to Save Women's Lives

BlogHer has announced that it has teamed up Global Giving in an effort to save as many women’s lives as possible between now and Mother’s Day. 

We are so very fortunate to live in an area in the world, where we as women, have access to world class health care.  Unfortunately for many women across the globe, just basic health care, let alone specialized maternity care is not available.  Consider some of the statistics hundreds of thousands of women (and their babies) have to face (as posted on BlogHer):   

* Every year, 529,000 women die from pregnancy-related causes.
* Children who have lost their mothers are up to 10 more times more likely to die prematurely than those who haven’t.
* Most maternal deaths (61 per cent) take place during labour, delivery or in the immediate post-partum period. Some 3.4 million newborns die within the first week of life.
UNFPA

From the Mother and Child Clinic in Nepal, to helping mothers safely birth healthy babies in Afghanistan, (where a woman dies of pregnancy-related causes every 27 minutes), the Global Giving projects can help save women’s lives in these desperate areas. 

BlogHer has joined forces with Global Giving to make a difference in maternal health, and help save lives. BlogHer wants to find out how many women’s lives can be saved from donations between now and Mother’s Day.  

I am joining Amy from Crunchy Domestic Goddess, and will donate 50% of the sales from my on-line store, Little Pumpkin Sweet Pea Designs,  for the rest of April until Mother’s Day to the BlogHers Act/Global Giving project. 

If you have browsed my store before, and have had your eye on something, now is a perfect time to go for it.  Obviously you will have a cute shirt, but more importantly you will be helping to make a difference in maternal health for women who greatly need it. 

If you have never browsed the store before, click here (or at the above link,) or on the store button in the right hand sidebar.  This isn’t a post to promote my store, only a way to help raise money for this great cause, so I am only providing the link to the store, and not showing any pictures or links to any of the items. 

You can also make a donation directly to the Global Giving project, by clicking here (or on the button at the top of the post).  Please consider helping out in anyway you can.  After reading what some of these women have to endure, it puts it all in perspective how very lucky we really are.

 

Categories
Attachment Parenting Family & Friends Pregnancy & Birth

Almost Famous

A few months ago my good friend, Amy (from Crunchy Domestic Goddess), informed me that Attachment Parenting International (API) was in the process of re-designing its website. 

Amy is also photographer, and asked me for permission to submit some maternity photos she took of our family when I was pregnant with Cole for API to consider using for their new website.  Of course I told her yes, not really expecting any of them to be used.

Tonight Amy informed me that API’s new website is finished, and our family is on the homepage!  I was pleasantly surprised when I went to the site and saw not one, but two photos from our session on the homepage, and a banner link.

Obviously I am very happy and surprised that our photos were chosen, but I am very proud that the images captured by Amy for our family will be used for Attachment Parenting International to help promote parenting practices that create strong, healthy emotional bonds between children and their parents.

Attachment Parenting is a philosophy based in the practice of nurturing parenting methods that create strong emotional bonds, also known as secure attachment, between the infant and parent(s). This style of parenting encourages responsiveness to the infant or child’s emotional needs, and develops trust that their emotional needs will be met. As a result, this strong attachment helps the child develop secure, empathic, peaceful, and enduring relationships.

API is a non-profit organization, and I volunteer as the treasurer for my local group.  API now has several exciting changes they would like to announce, including:

  • A newly redesigned web site and new logo at Attachment Parenting.org;
  • Attachment parenting worldwide support forums;
  • Parent Education Program – a comprehensive series of classes for every stage and age of child development from infancy through adulthood;
  • A new book based on API’s Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting by API co-founders Lysa Parker and Barbara Nicholson which is expected to be available this summer;
  • A series of podcasts, webinars, chats, and forums with API Advisory Board members and other supporters of AP. Future events are scheduled with Dr. Bob Sears, Dr. James McKenna, and Kathleen Kendall Tacket. Check out the events page for more information.

These are just a few of many exciting things going on at API. I hope you’ll stop by and check it out for yourself.

The pictures of our family are the first two pictures in the block of three, from left to right, and the first banner link on the right side bar which says, “API News.” 

**Edited on April 3rd- After I wrote this post, API changed the pictures on the website and used a different photo in the second spot.**

Categories
Breastfeeding c-sections Health Mothering Parenting Pregnancy & Birth

Recovering After a C-Section

ryan-batch-019-copy2.jpg

This is a follow up post to the post I wrote about C-sections, The Reality of C-Sections.  While writing that post, the thought occurred to me that it may be helpful to share some tips and ideas that could help mothers recover from a C-section.  Some of these tips I learned first hand, while I was in my recovery period, and some I learned and heard about after the fact.   If you have any other tips or something that is not mentioned here that worked for you, please let me know and I’ll add it to the post.  If you have had a C-section, it can be a long process to get “back to normal,” so any ideas we can pass on to other mothers recovering from their C-sections, I am sure will be appreciated.  🙂 

  • Rest and Do Not “Over Do” It– I know this is easier said than done, especially since there is a new baby, but I believe, in general, this is THE most important factor in determining how fast your recovery time will be.  Not only have you just had major abdominal surgery, but you are caring for a brand new baby, whose existence depends on you right now.  The laundry, and housework can wait.  Give yourself permission to rest at least for a week, and not take on all the housework too. Focus on your baby- that will be tiring enough, without worrying about the housework.  Your body needs rest to heal properly. 

If you are finding it hard to do this, (like I did), pretend that you just had major abdominal surgery for any reason other than having a baby.  Pretend that you had to have a hysterectomy (which is very similar to a C-section).  Would you be up and trying to cook dinner?  Would you be stressed your towels weren’t washed, or your bathrooms weren’t clean?  Chances are, no.  You would forget about these tasks for a while, and would be resting.  More than likely, you would have your husband, friends, or other family members helping out.  That brings me to my next tip:

  • Let Others Help Out– Again, I know this can be easier said than done.  No one likes to admit that we need help, but the one time in your life where you will need help is after having a C-section with a new baby.  Let your husband cook dinner, and put away the laundry.  No, he won’t do it exactly like you do, but in the end, it will get done.  Or if you have a friend or family member nearby, and when they ask how you are doing (which they will) tell you need some help, or tell them it would be wonderful if they could come over and help with a small task.  Make a short list for them, so they know what you would like help with. This also ensures they won’t start cooking something for dinner, trying to be helpful, when your husband is bringing take-out home. 

It is hard to ask for help, but again consider if your friend just had a baby, and asked if you could help her with a load of laundry.  Wouldn’t you jump at the chance to help her out?  Most people want to help, and it makes them feel good and useful.  If they can’t do it, or don’t want to, they will find an excuse not to come over.  But I believe that would be an exception.  Besides, they are all dying to see your new baby, and if I have to throw a load of laundry in the dryer to see a cute new baby, no problem. 

Don’t forget that you can ask for help with the baby too.  Maybe you are just dying to take a shower, or grab a short nap.  If your baby is okay being held by someone else, ask them to come over for an hour.  Believe me, most people will jump at the chance to come over and hold your baby.  Having a few minutes or a shower in peace, is not being a bad mother- it is a necessity for you to keep going, and to heal.  Friends and family are wonderful and can help so much.  You only have to ask, and let them know a little help would be greatly appreciated.

  • Don’t Overdo It With Visitors– Didn’t I just suggest to have friends and family help out?  Yes I did, but there is a big difference in having a few trusted friends and family over who you know will help out with what you ask them to, say hi briefly, and be gone.  You will be wiped out from the surgery and taking care of a newborn.  Now is not the time to have your chatty Aunt Cathy over for hours, or all your college roommates.  There will be plenty of time for you to have extended visits with these family and friends.   You need time to rest and heal.  You can’t do that when you have a constant stream of visitors in your house. 

A few ways of keeping visitors to a minimum are, stay in your pajamas, get into bed,  or put a robe on when someone is coming by for a visit.  You can tell them that you were going to take a nap, and if they see you in your PJ’s, or even laying down in bed, or on the couch,  they usually will get the hint not to stay too long.  Another great suggestion is you can say your doctor advised you to rest, and not have visitors right now, so you can recover from surgery.  It is pretty hard for that insistent relative who has decided she needs to see your baby *right now* to argue with doctor’s orders.  I also had a friend who had her baby at home.   Her midwife put a sign on the door saying something to the effect while the family appreciates shorts visits, this is time for the family to bond, and for the mother to heal and rest.  It specifically asked that visitors stay no more than 10 minutes, and if you see something that needs to be done, it would be appreciated if you could do it. 

The point is, that it is your house, your body that needs to heal, and your baby.  You don’t have to play hostess right now.  You can call the shots, so to speak, on which visitors you take, and how long you would like the visits to be.  Don’t feel bad, guilty, or feel like you are being rude.  People who want to see you and your baby will understand you need to rest, heal, and bond with your baby now.  The baby will still be there in a week or two, or even three for them to visit.

  • Follow the Doctor’s and or Nurses Suggestions– This one may seem obvious, but because some of us (okay, me) think we know better, we may try to ignore some of the discharge instructions.  Obviously, the health-care providers have lots of experience and tips.  They are not telling you not to climb stairs to be mean and confine you to one area of your house.  There is a reason for the suggestions, and having learned the hard and painful way, the suggestions really are given to ease pain, and speed up your recovery.   

For me, it was driving.  I was told not to drive for at least ten days.  Ridiculous, I thought.  One night about a week after I was home, I really wanted to have some pictures of Ryan printed.  Joe was exhausted, so I told him I would hop in the Jeep (an automatic too) and drive the 3 miles to my closest Walgreen’s.  He reminded me I wasn’t supposed to drive.  I told him I would be fine.  BIG mistake.  I never knew you used the muscles that were cut during the C-section to drive, but you do.  Every time I hit the gas and brake, it hurt- a lot.  After I got home, I was very sore, and even during the next few days, it felt like I had stretched the muscles in the incision area, and they were very tender.  I learned that night there was a good reason I was told not to drive while I was healing- it hurt, and it was like taking five steps backwards with my body healing.

  • If You Have Stairs, Move What You Need Into One Area– Stairs can be excruciating to walk up right after a C-section.  I have 14 of them leading to my upstairs.  My bedroom, bathroom, and Ryan’s nursery are all upstairs.  Walking up and down the stairs killed me.  I thought my incision was going to rip open, with every step I took.  After two days of this, when I came home from the hospital, I sat down in the glider in Ryan’s nursery and told Joe I was staying right there.  I was NOT walking up and down the stairs anymore.  I had all of Ryan’s clothes, blankets, and diaper items right there in the room.  Joe would bring me water, and food.  Because of a technicality with our bed (it is very high off the ground), I could not climb up into it or get out of it, without intense pain.  So I slept in the glider for three nights as well.

Have your husband or all those friends and family who want to help, move your items on one floor for at least a few days so you don’t have to stress your incision by climbing stairs.  There may be cases where you have to climb stairs, but you will not want to make any trips up the stairs that are not necessary.  My baby’s room worked well for me, since all his items were there, it was pretty easy to “set shop” up there for a few days.  Joe just kept a monitor on downstairs, and whenever I needed him to bring me something, I just called him.  This may seem like a small point, but it will help your body heal.

  • Follow Your Pain Medication Instructions– I forgot often to take my pain meds.  It wasn’t like I was busy or anything with a new baby.  A nurse told me when your body has pain, then your blood pressure goes up and it will take more medication  and it takes longer to stop the pain, than if you had stayed on top of the schedule.  This was really true.  When I forgot to take my pain medication, it took more medicine and it took longer for the pain to stop.  When I took it on schedule, I virtually had no pain- there wasn’t time for the dosages to wear off.   

I didn’t like taking the pain medication and I know that contributed a lot to me forgetting to take it.  It was a big psychological block for me too.  I felt “sick” taking medication several times a day.  I tried to wean myself off of it for a few days, before I allowed myself to just take it. I had to tell myself I wasn’t sick, and I wasn’t going to be taking it forever, but for the time being, my body needed it to help control the pain, so it could heal. 

  • Have A Pillow Nearby You Can Hold Up Against Your Incision– I was sick to my stomach after my C-section, due to the anesthesia.  Throwing up after a C-section, is NOT fun.  It was the worst pain I have ever had in my life.  Coughing, and laughing after a C-section is not fun either.  More intense pain. 

After I was home, my aunt, who is a nurse, came to see me.  I told her how much it hurt when I coughed, sneezed, or laughed.  Actually, I was trying not to laugh to avoid the pain.  She told me to hold a pillow into the incision/stomach area.  She said that would help support the muscles in that area.  I tried it and it worked great!  It was a great tip- I only wish I had known about it when I was in the hospital.

  • Have Something To Prop Yourself Up In Bed With– While I was in the hospital, any time I wanted to sleep or rest, I could just hit the button on the bed, and it would adjust into a position I could be comfortable in with no pain.  After coming home, trying to lay down flat in bed was awful.  I needed to be reclined somewhat, but the pillows I had weren’t working.  Finally one of those reader pillows with the armrests to the sides, did the trick, when I was able to finally climb into bed and tolerate the pain. 

 Of course we didn’t have one, and no stores in our area had them, so my aunt saved the day when she brought me hers to borrow.  This was one of those things that I never even thought about, until I was faced with reality that I couldn’t lay down flat to sleep.

  • Eat Nutritious Food and Beverages– This goes without saying, but not only will you feel better if you eat nutritious and healthy meals, but your will be giving your body the best energy sources you can, to help it do its job of healing.  Drink as much water as you can, especially if you are breastfeeding. 

Eat as much organic everything that you can afford.  You can certainly have some treats if you feel like it, but the more nutritious food you supply your body with, the better and faster job it will do in repairing itself.      

  • Hire A Post-Partum Doula– If you have family and friends nearby, this may not be necessary.  But if you don’t, or don’t have anyone you feel comfortable with asking to help out, a post-partum doula can be a lifesaver and the best money you will spend.  PP doulas will come to your home and will follow up with you, see how you are doing, check on the baby, hold the baby, cook, clean, do laundry, and general housekeeping.  I think a PP doula services would come in very handy as well, if say you only had your husband to help out.  He will be tired too, will be adjusting to the baby, and trying to keep you happy.  A PP doula can help ease his work load as well, and give him a much deserved break. 

In my area, the PP doula’s will come in for as little as one hour a day, up to forty hours a week.  Even if you think you can’t afford a PP doula, in actuality, you might be able to for a few hours a week.  Keep in mind too, it isn’t forever- just until you have recovered enough to start taking on the chores yourself.  Different doulas charge differently, so it may be helpful to interview a few several weeks before your due date, so you can have someone in mind.  Even if you don’t have a C-section, a PP doula is wonderful.  Consider how much it would cost if you overdo it, and end up back in the hospital for a few days.  You would have to pay for a hospital stay again, and most doulas fees don’t come anywhere near what you would pay for a hospital visit.  A PP doula can help you manage tasks, and ensure you don’t end up over doing it. 

If you have an unplanned C-section, you may not have even thought of many of these tips or ideas, but hopefully you can incorporate as many as you can, depending how far along in your recovery you are.  However, if you know you have to have a C-section, do what you can before the C-section in terms of moving things in one area, lining up friends and family to help, etc. and it will make it that much easier and restful for you, and your family when you come home. 

I know first hand how hard it is to be out of commission for a while.  If you overdo it, you will be out even longer.  Allow yourself the time you need to feel better, and recover from your C-section.  You will feel better faster, and you will be a much happier and healthier mama for your baby.