Category: Parenting

Categories
Cole Holidays Mothering Parenting Ryan

“Mom, Is Santa Real?”

I was making dinner tonight when Ryan, who will be 8 next month, walked into the kitchen and asked flat out, “Mom, is Santa real?” I froze.  I had no warning or idea this was going to be a question that needed to be answered for a few years at least, let alone right now.  A million thoughts flashed through my mind in the few seconds it took me to process his question. The biggest one of course was, ‘What am I going to tell him?’

I grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness, where we didn’t celebrate holidays, Christmas included. My parents at the time, told me flat out Santa was a lie parents told their children. The “church” also pointed out that “Santa” rearranged is “Satan.”  I never received gifts from Santa, and never faced the question if he was real.   My parents relaxed some of their views years later, my mom even left the religion and we celebrated a few very happy Christmases before she passed away.  But, I realized I was never left an example to fall back on regarding how and what to tell a child about Santa.

Since I never was allowed to celebrate Christmas as a child, I have lived it for the first times, mainly through the eyes of my children.  Christmas has been some of the happiest times and best memories I have so far of the boys.  It is magical. The excitement they have when they see the presents Santa has left for them under the tree- there is nothing like it.

I also think, part of the excitement is in realizing there is something good and positive which is “bigger” than them, at work.  I think it fills their hearts with a sense of security in knowing there is this nice man who just brings good kids presents.  It is simple- simple for young children to accept and believe.  Not so simple as the children get older.

I asked Ryan if he believed Santa was real, and he said, “No.”  I quickly tried to relay the idea of Santa , before Cole came downstairs and heard. I tried to tell him Santa is everywhere if you believe.  He started to cry in frustration.  I told him we would talk about it after dinner, when Cole was playing.

I thought about all through dinner and asked my friends on Facebook for advice.  After dinner, I took him in my room, shut the door, and cuddled with him on my bed.  I still didn’t really know what to say, but sometimes all you can do is follow what your heart tells you.  I took a deep breath, and told Ryan I had something to tell him about Santa.  I told him it was only for him to know right now, and he couldn’t tell Cole, or any other kids at school.

His face lit up. So far so good. I told him Christmas is a magical time of year when we all get reminders of love. One way people do that is by giving each other gifts.  I told him Santa helps the parents give gifts to their children.  He asked, “So you are Santa?”

I didn’t want to lie to Ryan but I didn’t want to quash his hopes and belief in the good Santa stands for.  In an instant it became clear to me and I said, “We are all Santa, Ryan. The parents help Santa with presents and Santa helps the parents.  Santa is the good, magical, and love in all of us, and this gets shown so much at Christmas.  Santa needs all of our help to do this everyday, but especially at Christmas.”

He looked a little confused and I continued, “Do you know how happy you feel when you help me, or do something nice for Cole?”  He told me yes. “Well, you are being like Santa when you do these things.  You are giving to people, and that is what Santa is all about. So I think he is very real, because if you look for him, you will see him every day, not just at Christmas.”

He said he felt better and I told him he was old enough now to be trusted with this.  I told him little kids like Cole though, don’t think of all the questions he has, so this year he gets to help Santa with Cole.

He smiled and gave me a hug, and I told him once more before we opened the door, that this was an important thing to know, and Santa was counting on him now.  He said he knew, nodded his head, and off he went to play with Cole.

I realized later tonight, in the almost seven years since my baby had his first Christmas, it itsn’t entirely up to me anymore to have him believe in Santa.  He is becoming his own person, with his own ideas and thoughts.  He will have to decide for himself what he thinks about Santa.

I hope some of what I told him, helped him get a grasp that Santa may not be an actual guy in a red suit, with reindeer, who comes down a chimney.  I think that was the part he was having a hard time believing.  But I hope it opened up to him the ideas of what Santa really is, if he believes.

Ryan's First Christmas, 2004
Categories
Current Events Mothering Parenting

Penn State Scandal- Winning, At What Cost?

I don’t follow college football At. All.  I know nothing about who is in the top ten, nationally ranked, who has the best football program, the NCAA rules- any of that.  But I do know, what has and continues to unfold on Penn State’s football program is disturbing, sickening, and heartbreaking.

If you haven’t heard, former defensive coordinator, Jerry Sandusky, has been accused of sexually assaulting at least eight victims, young boys for 15 years, and some of the rapes and assaults were witnessed right on Penn State’s campus.  As the developments continue, is it well known by now, the athletic director, some coaching staff, and the vice president for finance and business, knew about Sandusky’s actions, never stopped him, never reported the allegations to police, and even allowed him to continue having free reign on the university campus, years after the first allegation was reported. 

On Wednesday, the board of trustees fired head football coach for 46 years, Joe Paterno.  Some rioting occurred among students over the dismissal of Paterno.  It is hard to fathom, Paterno who was in charge of the football program for almost 50 years, wasn’t aware of the allegations surrounding Sandusky.  Paterno even admitted he “wish he had done more,” and it is “one of the great sorrows of my life.”

I think Paterno and countless others at Penn State, had ample opportunities over the years to “do more,” to stop Sandusky. Why didn’t they? It appears they aren’t sorry, they helped and protected a known sexual predator for years abuse at least 8 victims who have come forward, but they are awfully sorry the whistle has been blown, and the gig is up. 

As a mother, parent, and human being, it is mind boggling how Sandusky was allowed to continue.  After a witness came forward and said he saw Sandusky raping a 10 year old in the Penn State football locker room shower, how could not just that allegation alone, send all kinds of red flags to university officials? What grown man has any business whatsoever being in a shower with a 10 year old boy?

Not reporting alleged allegations to the police speaks volumes on the culture in the Penn State football program. Football is a game. At times, an important game, but it is a game nevertheless.  Rape and sexual assault is a CRIME, and rape of children is abhorrent.  By law, every single person who suspected, was told about, had heard, or knew about Sandusky was required to report the sexual abuse allegations to police.  No one ever did.  They all kept it to themselves and within, to assumably protect their football program. That’s a crime and a disgusting commentary on placing more value on winning, being successful, etc. than following the law, and protecting children from the known and repeating sexual predator among their own.

As more and more details emerge on Sandusky and his alleged crimes, it gets more sickening.  The most disturbing part for me is Penn State, Joe Peterno, and the staff should have been looking out for these boys. Their parents entrusted their care and well being to these university officials. There comes a time in every child’s life, when we, as their parents, have to turn their care and well being over to others. Parents and children have a right to expect when their children are in the care of coaches, that position of trust will not be abused.  Penn State failed and abused this trust on every level, for years. For what? So they could have winning football seasons? This never, never, should have happend on the level it did. 

It is sad and scary as a parent to think, even when there are witnesses, reporting to officials sexual abuse is happening, it is covered up, so the precious sports program is protected.  It appears if boys have to be raped so the university can keep winning at football, then so be it.   Where is the human decency here? 

This incident will have me on the lookout for my boys’ welfare for years. It feels like the noose is tightening on assuming your children are safe with people they should be safe with.  We can’t trust them with clergy members anymore, we can’t trust them with Boy Scout leaders, and now we can’t trust them with coaches.

Has winning at all costs become so important, we overlook and turn away when young, innocent victims are being abused? If you ask the victims of Sandusky and their families, and most of the country, sadly today, the answer is “yes.”

Categories
Cole Family & Friends Holidays Mothering Parenting Ryan

“Sexy” Halloween Costumes (Wonder Woman Doesn’t Wear Garters)

A few weeks ago, I started looking at websites and Googling ideas for Halloween costumes for a party.  I’m not sure when it happened, but every single costume I clicked on is a “sexy” version of what I was thinking of.  It doesn’t matter what the costume: vampire, pirate, angel, Wonder Woman, Raggedy Ann (yes, Raggedy Ann now has her own sexy costume.) Evidently, nothing is sacred anymore, and even a good old fashioned nun can be sexy costume.

As a girl, I loved Wonder Woman.  Compare these two pictures.  Wonder Woman as I remember her:

and a Wonder Woman costume available today:
I don’t recall Wonder Woman ever wearing a skirt, thigh highs, garters, and high heeled shoes on TV.  Did I miss those episodes?
 
I’m all for looking fashionable, modern, and having fun.  But unless I’m going to dress up (or down in this case) as a stripper for Halloween, I don’t want a costume that looks like I’m ready to do a pole dance.  After I looked at so many of these costumes, I realized they are pretty much the same version.  A skimpy top, a short skirt, knee high, thigh high, or fishnet stockings, garters for Wonder Woman, and high heel shoes.

Last year John and I were Pugsley and Wednesday Addams for Halloween.  The Wednesday costume I ordered in my size, the skirt was so short, it didn’t even cover the essentials.  I ended up getting another skirt that was just above my knees, but still matched the costume.  The costume was still fun, I got a lot of compliments on it, but I didn’t look like I had just finished a shift at a strip club.

I did a quick random “Halloween Costume” Google search and BuyCostumes.com was the first site that came up.  I went to their page and clicked on “Adult Costumes.” There are 1931 costumes for females listed under gender.   The very first category they have listed is “Sexy.”  Out of the 1931 female costumes, 966 of them are in the “sexy” category.

Do 50% of the female costumes really have to be sexy versions? What is wrong with an original version? Not every woman wants to dress up as a “sexy” superhero, fairy tale character, historical figure, vampire, nun, or any other costume you can think of.  My boys have been asking what I’m going to be for Halloween.  I couldn’t envision dressing up and having them see me in any of these “sexy” costumes.  Yet, that is what is being sold.

If I could sew, I would start a business just making normal, fun, costumes, that are stylish and fashionable, but where other party guests wouldn’t feel like they needed to put dollar bills in part of the costume.

To be fair, on BuyCostumes.com there are 1581 male costumes total, and 104 of those are “sexy.”  However, that is only 6.5%.  Quite a difference.  The policemen and sailor costumes for men had shorts and pants that were to the knees and covered everything.  There was no Batman, or Superman wearing thigh highs, or fishnet stockings instead of tights. 

The other thing I noticed about these costumes was how expensive they are for barely anything.  Most of the costumes start at $25 and go up from there.  BuyCostumes.com’s most expensive “sexy” costume was $259!  If I wanted to wear my underwear to a Halloween party, I could do it a lot less than for hundreds of dollars.

I finally found a Halloween costume l think will be fun for the party.  Finding it though, did not come easy.  Every single costume sold by the costume on-line retailers and even Amazon in the category was “sexy” and not something I would ever feel comfortable wearing as it was, to a party- around people, or having my sons see me in. I want to keep the costume a surprise for the party for now, but I will write a follow up post, with the pictures of the “sexy” costumes, and what I actually ended up with.

In the meantime, if you are facing the same problem, just think outside the box a bit.  Check eBay, or thrift shops for different ideas and versions.   I ended up getting my costume on eBay, for a fraction of the cost of the retailer’s costumes and went with an original, vintage outfit, versus the “sexy” take on it.

You may need the patience and determination of a Superhero to make it work, but it’s worth it.  My costume arrived in the mail a few days ago, and I’m really happy with it.  I’m adding a few more accessories to it, and it is playful, fun, cute, and it actually covers everything it is supposed to.  Best of all, I showed it to the boys the other night, they loved it, had some ideas on how to wear certain parts of it, and learned more about the time period the costume is from. Take that Wonder Woman in garters!  😉

I’m curious to hear readers’ thoughts on this, and if others have experienced a problem trying to find a decent costume.

Have a Happy and safe Halloween!

 

Categories
Activities Cole Mothering Parenting Ryan

Angry Birds vs. Imagination

Angry Birds- it’s the latest (addictive craze).  I admit it- I love Angry Birds. When I finished the regular levels, I moved on to Angry Birds Seasons, and Angry Birds Rio.

At times, Ryan and Cole would see me playing and ask what I was doing.  I showed them the game, and it and wasn’t too long after they were asking me if they could play Angry Birds.  As a kid, the first real video game I played was Atari Pong.  My brother and I would bounce that dot between the rectangles what seemed like for hours, and we had so much fun.  Thinking back on it, I doubt kids today would even spend 10 minutes on Pong.  Our society moves too fast now- there’s lights, colors, graphics, and noises everywhere- video games included.  Simple video games like Pong, had their time, and it’s over.

That being said, I think Angry Birds can teach kids a little bit about physics and resolve. The boys didn’t want to stop until they had gotten all the pigs, and had gotten three stars on every level. They high fived and cheered when one of them achieved this, and they reminded me of my brother and I. Except they were crouched over a phone screen, instead of laying on the living room floor, looking at a TV set.  Nevertheless, it was fun seeing them play a “video” game together.

It’s been several weeks since they have played Angry Birds.  We are so busy at night with homework, and when homework is done, the boys have wanted to spend the last few precious minutes of daylight at the park, riding their bike, scooter, and playing with their friends.

A few days ago, we were hanging out on Sunday morning, and Cole asked me (make that begged) me if he could play Angry Birds.  “Please Mommy, please- can I play Angry Birds?”  I let Cole play, and within a few minutes Ryan had joined him, and they were working on the levels.  I started doing some chores and before I knew it, 30 minutes had passed.  I told the boys they had been playing the game long enough, and it was time to stop.  They objected and asked if they could keep playing. I told them no, and they weren’t happy. They didn’t exactly throw a fit, but they went in their room and shut the door.

I assumed they were moping, and discussing what a mean mom they had.  A few minutes later I heard a thump.  Then another one, laughing, and a “Ryan, I know what will make this even better-dynamite!”  Whenever you hear a phrase like that as a mother of boys, you go a running to check.  It’s second nature by now. It’s like the mother drill: No questions asked, you just go- the sooner the better.

In their room, I assessed the situation.  I saw Cole setting up their blocks around stuffed animals.  Ryan was stringing a rubber band across his dresser knobs, about 3 feet away from the animals and blocks, and he was holding a pencil.  I have seen a lot of funny, odd, weird, etc., things my boys have done, but I had no idea what they were up to.

“Look Mom, since you won’t let us play Angry Birds anymore, we made our own real life Angry Birds.”  Ryan told me, as he lined up his pencil, through the rubber band.  “This is the slingshot.”

“These are blocks and pigs, but this game is really called Angry Stuffed Animals.” Cole informed me.

Thump! Ryan let the pencil go, it hit the top of his bed frame, which was the backdrop.  It landed on the block, and it grazed an “angry” pink dinosaur.

The boys squealed in delight.  They laughed and did it again. And again.  They knocked down the blocks, and angry stuffed animals- monkeys, dinosaurs, and giraffes.  They arranged the blocks, Angry Stuffed Animals in various ways, and in different patterns and they would work on shooting the pencil from their “slingshot” until they knocked down all the animals and blocks. When they succeeded they said they had earned three stars, and constructed a new level.

They played Angry Stuffed Animals for an hour.  I think they had more fun too.  My brother and I never tried to construct Pong in real life, but we would play tennis.  As I left their room to their laughing, it occurred to me as much as things change, they stay the same.  Video games keep progressing and in any generation are fun, but they can never take the place of real life imaginings.

I have a new favorite “video” game.  It doesn’t have fancy music and sounds, and it isn’t found in an app store. It has laughter, fun, excitement and creativity.  It is found in the imagination of my boys, and that makes it the perfect game.

Angry Stuffed Animals

Categories
Current Events Family & Friends Parenting

A Historical Day- Why I’m Happy Bin Laden is Dead

It would be hard to not have heard the news by now: On Sunday May 1, 2011, the United States killed Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.  As I heard the news, it almost sounded too good to be true.  This was the most hunted man in the world for almost a decade.  He had eluded capture from one of the most sophisticated and advanced armed forces in the world.  Two leaders of the free world had failed to capture him (until today).  I think many Americans might have given up hope of ever finding Bin Laden alive, but hoping he had died somewhere in a cave, while we prayed the US would never see another 9/11.

As the news filtered in, it was hard to believe until we could hear it from President Obama. As I listened to the President tell the world, Osama Bin Laden, was indeed dead, so many feelings were recalled.  The terror of 9/11.  I don’t think anyone who saw images from that day will ever forget them. Seeing people jumping out of the World Trade Center as it burned from airplanes being purposely crashed into them by terrorists.  Seeing the scorched earth in Pennsylvania where Flight 93 had collided- not fully realizing what had happened.  Watching the Twin Towers crumbling, and realizing our innocence, and security had crumbled right along with them.  The lost innocence- our world had changed in a matter of minutes.  We all were in shock and mourned these things, but the majority of American’s hearts were broken on 9/11 for the loss of innocent lives, and for the pain and suffering the victim’s famlies, friends, and loved ones were left with. 

I was 28. I cried like most people did.  I knew the world would never be the same.  My unborn children would never know what it would be like to live in a pre 9/11 world. As the days, months, and years followed, we, as a nation were horrified.  Bin Laden’s attacks on the United States did change our world, and we have lived with them every day since.

Last year while I was in New York, Amy and I thought about going to Ground Zero.  Neither one of us could do it.  I got emotional just thinking about it.  Almost 9 years later- it was too painful, too fresh, and too sad.  Having lost my mom a few months before, I could not contemplate having to live with the fact every day that a loved one was murdered by terrorists.

I had tears in my eyes as I listened to President Obama’s announcement tonight.  This man, this evil coward terrorist, who murdered thousands of innocent people, was truly dead and gone from our world forever. It doesn’t bring back the innocent, nor can we ever go back to the world before 9/11, but somehow, all of a sudden, the world feels a little safer than it did this morning.  I heard on the news, one 9/11 victim’s son say, “The face of evil is dead.”

To all the armed forces and their families: thank you for all the work you have done over the years, with much sacrifice at times, to accomplish this feat.  Politics aside, it is the hard work of these people, who put their lives on the line who are truly heroes every day.  Politically, I think this is bigger than just one political party.  It obviously took both parties a lot of effort, determination, leadership, and help from other countries to kill Bin Laden. It wasn’t a Democratic or a Republican victory, but it is a victory for the United States, and really the world. 

The events put into motion on 9/11 are not events to be happy about.  But is the death of the man who started these events reason to be happy?  Yes. I am happy Osama Bin Laden is dead. I am happy that he will not live another day to murder another innocent person.  I am happy the master mind of the evilest terrorist group in the world will not have another chance to personally influence another person.  I am happy the victim’s families of all the innocent people he murdered directly or indirectly can go to sleep tonight, knowing he is gone.  As a mother, I’m elated as the world changed for the worst on September 11, 2001, today, my children now have a world where Osama Bin Laden’s sickening and evil influence has been reduced. 

The world has suffered with Osama Bin Laden in it, and I can only hope it improves with him out of it.  This is hope, and this is our future.   

I was reminded of a quote tonight, and I’m not quoting it to be political, but I think it sums up the events of May 1, 2011 perfectly. 

“Great harm has been done to us. We have suffered great loss. And in our grief and anger we have found our mission and our moment. Freedom and fear are at war. Our nation – this generation – will lift a dark threat of violence from our people and our future. We will rally the world to this cause by our efforts, by our courage. We will not tire, we will not falter, and we will not fail.”

George W. Bush,  9/11/2001