Category: Parenting

Cole Family & Friends Household Me Mothering Parenting Ryan

Five Years Ago Today

Five years ago today, Joe and I were married. All of my wedding pictures are in storage right now, so I took a picture of the two pictures we have in the house of our wedding. Interestingly, the photographer told us our wedding was the last wedding he was shooting with traditional 35mm film- after our wedding he was upgrading to digital. I remember thinking that sounded so technologically advanced, and never thought I would have a digital camera- how things can change in only five years.

Yes, how things can change in five years. Looking back at our wedding day, it almost seems like it was another lifetime ago! At times it seems like that our lives five years ago was the “calm before the storm,” and the “storm” being the wonderful two children we are blessed to have. Some of the obvious big differences between our lives in September 2002 and September 2007-

2002: I was a compulsive neat freak.

2007: Now if there is a teeny, tiny path, through my house, which I can walk through without stepping on a toy, I think my house is clean enough.

2002: Three loads of laundry a week was a lot.

2007: If I don’t have three loads of laundry a day, it has been a “light” day- (no one threw up, or covered themselves in jelly, dirt, mud, etc.)

2002: I thought tired meant not getting 8 hours of sleep. I actually have a degree in floral design (a new fact about me!), and I did the flowers for our wedding. I stayed up until 4am the Thursday night into Friday morning doing them. I got up around 9 or 10 the next morning- the day before the wedding, and I was just dragging all day.

2007: Getting five or six hours of sleep at a time is a GOOD, FULL night of sleep. I don’t plan on getting 8 hours of sleep in a row until the boys move out.

2002: Joe and I go out every weekend- usually starting around 8pm on Friday night for dinner, and a movie. Who cares if it was the late movie? We could sleep in as late as we wanted on Saturday.

2007: At 8pm Joe is usually giving the boys a bath, while I am doing the bedtime prep for Ryan and Cole. We have eaten hours ago; in fact when we go out to dinner now, we are usually eating with the senior citizens at the early bird special, because our kids like their dinner at 5.

Sleeping in on Saturday means 7am IF Ryan decides to sleep that late. Otherwise he wakes us up at 6:30, telling Dad especially he needs to get up and make him waffles.

2002: Joe and I had time for dates and quiet dinners at our favorite restaurants, sometimes with family and or friends.

2007: A date now is dinner with the kids at Noodles, and the only time we see friends is if I run into another Mom I know at Noodles, while she is trying to juggle her kids and food! Quiet dinner- yea right! I guess if neither boy is talking, screaming, laughing, crying, or banging their silverware against the table for more than 10 seconds that would count.

2002: I thought my life was complete- children would only add to it.

2007: My children are my life- I could not have imagined how much I love them- not only do they add so much each and every day, they are the best of Joe and I.

2002: I didn’t think I could love my husband more than on our wedding day.

2007: I love my husband more than on our wedding day. He is the best father I could have hoped and dreamed of for my children. I never considered my love would grow for him, when he became a father.

2002: I thought I was so fortunate to be marrying Joe, who I loved with all my heart. I thought I was pretty lucky!

2007: I am so fortunate to be married to a man, who I still love. Even when we are stressed, sleep deprived, and argue, we always manage to make-up, and get back to where we are “okay.”

Happy Anniversary!

Cole Family & Friends Household Mothering Parenting Pregnancy & Birth Ryan Work

Am I Lucky?

WARNING

The post below is what it took for us to have me be a stay-at-home-mom. I know that isn’t everyone’s choice or circumstances. I am not judging anyone for their choices in this post- but it is my frank and honest thoughts, and experiences. I wanted to “warn” anyone who may have torn feelings about not being able to stay-at-home, what this post is about. I have listed some benefits, and observations on staying home that have been true for us. I don’t want to accidentally make anyone feel bad if they read this post, not knowing what it is about. If you are still interested in reading the post, please continue below. Thank you.

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We had a lot of family events this summer, where I constantly heard, “You are so lucky,” in response to the question you always get asked at parties: “What do you do?” Of course my answer was, “I’m a stay-at-home-mom.”

The first few times I heard “You are so lucky,” I nodded my head and agreed. However, once I kept hearing it over and over, I started to wonder, was I really lucky, and how do you define luck? Webster’s defines luck, lucky, and so forth as: 1: having good luck, 2: happening by chance, 3: producing or resulting in good by chance. It also says lucky stresses the agency of chance in bringing about a favorable result.

After reading these definitions, I decided that I am not lucky because I am a stay-at-home-mom. I know these people were just trying to be nice and make conversation, but the more I heard “You are so lucky,” the more annoyed I became. Obviously, luck is random. It is not something that you can plan for, and it usually just happens.

That is the total opposite of what and how Joe and I planned for our lives as parents. When we were dating, we both agreed wholeheartedly that we did not want to leave our children in daycare. We know some people don’t have an option, but at that point in time we did. That was a very important priority for us, so we planned our lives around this belief.

We didn’t spend beyond our means. We didn’t take elaborate vacations, building up debt. We both worked full-time jobs and tried to save as much as we could. We didn’t go out and buy every new electronic gadget that came out. We never charged anything that we couldn’t pay off that month. Both of our cars were older; I finally got a new car a few months after we found out I was pregnant with Ryan. We bought a year old used car, and my previous car by that time was 11 years old and had over 150k miles on it.

Joe worked his way through college after high school, lived at home, and he worked full-time. I wasn’t fortunate to go to college after high school, and didn’t start attending college until I was 25. I paid as I went, never taking out one student loan, because I didn’t want the obligation of being in debt for years. It took me 4 years of working full-time and attending school at night to complete an Associate’s degree, and I finished that when I was 8.5 months pregnant with Ryan. Not the educational path most choose to take. I do hope to complete my Bachelor’s degree one day, but in the meantime I have no student loans I have to pay back.

When Ryan was born, I was able to take four months off, and return to my job part-time. Joe’s schedule allowed him to be home when I went to work, so Joe watched Ryan when I was at work. In February 2005, my job ended when the company I worked for was sold. Thus, I entered into being a full time stay-at-home-mom. Did that all happen by chance? Was it just pure luck that I found myself unemployed, and didn’t need to rush right out and find another job, so we could make ends meet? Well no, frankly, Joe and I planned for this moment, and we lived our lives for six years, being able to achieve that plan.

As almost any family living on one income knows, it is hard. You have to be careful and watch your nickels and dimes. Not to say that Joe and I don’t spend money, because we do- we are planning on buying a new house in the near future, but for day-to-day, we watch what we spend it on, and try not to get sucked into the media’s version of what they tell us we need to be happy. We don’t need a new car every few years. We don’t need an iPod, or an iPhone. Yes, I would love new gadgets, but making those little choices on how to spend money today, allows us to keep the lifestyle that we value tomorrow.

So, when I hear, “You are lucky,” it bugs me. We are not lucky, but self-disciplined, and have made sacrifices so we can afford to have me stay at home. It was hard for me to give up Starbucks whenever I had the whim, getting my hair highlighted and cut every six weeks in a cushy salon. It was hard not buying new clothes, when I wouldn’t have thought twice about it when I was working (I like to shop), and new things for the house, when I stopped working, and we no longer had a dual income. It is hard when we have to shell out money for unexpected expenses that we haven’t planned on. It means we have to watch our money that much closer.

However, being at home and being with my babies right now, while they are young is priceless. No house, car, gadget, or vacation, can compare with knowing that we are doing what we feel is best for our children, which is my being home with them. My friend, Amy, wrote once on her blog something to the effect that she may have lots of regrets in her life, but she knows that choosing to stay home with her children will not be one of them. I echo that. Money, and material things only go so far. If I give up this precious time with my children to work full-time, I know one day, when they are grown up and gone, I will wonder what it would have been like to be at home with them, for this short window of time. I know I will regret it.

So I am not lucky that Joe and I planned and worked hard so that I could be a stay-at-home mother. However, I am fortunate, blessed, and thankful, that Joe and I had the foresight to realize years before we had children, that we wanted them to be at home with one of us. Not everyone realizes that, and when they do, they may not be able to work out circumstances to stay at home.

Having said all of this, I am lucky there are so many choices for stay at home mothers today. I am extremely fortunate that a very part-time job found me. Today, I go back to work one day a week, at an accounting firm. At some point it may work out where I can work a half-day as well on Saturday, and Joe will be able to watch the boys. Because of my wonderful in-laws who will be watching the boys, I was able to accept this opportunity that will allow me to keep my skills current, and to keep my foot in the door in my industry.

Joe and I talked about it a lot, and we feel because his parents are watching the boys, it was too good of an opportunity to pass on. The boys will still be with family, and we know they will still have the environment that we wanted for them. I get to have some hours every week where I am using what I already know, and learning more for my career. If and when we decide the time is right for me to increase the amount I work, like when the boys are in school, this firm has already told me I can do that. Ryan and Cole get to spend a full day every week with their grandparents, who they absolutely adore- who really are like second parents to them. I could not have asked for more. Now that is being lucky!

Activities Cole Family & Friends Me Parenting Ryan

Social Weekend

On Friday night, I met up with my very good friend, Mary, We used to work together, and now she is an RN and lives about 40 miles away. I wish we could say we are great staying in touch, but we are both so busy, we don’t get together as often as we like, but when we do, it is like we pick right up from where we left off, from the last time we talked. I have two sisters, but Mary feels like my “third” sister.

We met for dinner at a delicious Italian restaurant- we sat outside on the patio and it was just a lovely evening. At one point the wind started up, and it looked like it was going to rain, and there was no room inside the restaurant for us to be reseated, but it never did rain. We got to visit for about three hours, and when I arrived home, just past the boys’ bedtime, I expected to find Joe trying to put one or both boys to sleep. Instead, he was watching TV, and there were no little boys in sight. He got them both down, and they were soundfully sleeping.

On Saturday night, my dad and step-mom generously treated my sister, my two teen-age cousins, and myself to a musical-The Little Mermaid, produced by Disney (of course) and it was wonderful!

I really didn’t expect too much, but it had everything-good story, exceptional singing- wonderful characters, excellent music, awesome dancing (there is even a tap dance number in it- I love tap dancing, and it doesn’t seem like you see very much of it any more), and very touching song lyrics and dialogue. This was different from The Little Mermaid movie, allthough they “borrowed” parts from the movie. There was a lot of added dialogue that frankly made it more “adult” and less for kids. There was a scene at the end, where Ariel’s father, King Titian, talks about loving your children and how you love them so much you can’t let them go, but because you do love them, you have to let them go. It was so moving- there wasn’t a dry eye in the place, especially among the parents!

Of course they had all of classic songs from the movie, like “Under the Sea,” and “Kiss the Girl.” Another cool aspect was there was not a drop of water on the set, and the actors were not on lines, trying to make them look like they were swimming- they used the Healey shoes- to roller blade across the stage, to mimic the swimming, and it worked! It was very creative.

It was so entertaining, and there was something for everyone. It was a wonderful night!

When I was getting ready to leave, Ryan gave me the once-over and asked me, “Where are you going dressed like that?” As I was walking out the door, I called goodbye to him. He was in the kitchen with Joe, and he called back, “Okay, good-bye, have fun, and be careful.” Sometimes I think he is 3.5 going on 30!

I got home rather late, and of course Joe had the boys bathed, and sleeping once again. Should I have expected any less? He was terrific with them, and it was very nice to actually go out for two whole nights kid free. I’m very fortunate Joe is such a terrific father and hubby.

Today we went back to the same town to visit Joe’s brother and help him with some household projects. The boys did great visiting their uncle and playing with their two doggies. They were asleep in the car five minutes after we left. They briefly woke up when we got home, but they both fell back asleep within minutes.

Joe has to work tomorrow, and I have to go grocery shopping and get things ready for the week. We had a very nice weekend, and I hope everyone has a great Labor Day tomorrow. Here are two pictures from last night:

Me with my niece, Maelin, who is five months old.

(L to R) Maelin, Me, My sister, & My sister-in-law. We all three ended up wearing black (and very dark navy) lacy outfits, but did not plan this. I guess we were all on the same wave length! 🙂

Parenting Ryan

Ryan’s Moon

Today Ryan was back to his little sweet self. He told Joe and I at dinner that last night the moon came in his window to cuddle with the little boy in bed. He said the moon slept on his tummy and kept it warm, and when it was morning, the moon flew out his window. I was in the middle of making dinner, and couldn’t get the video camera, but I hope to have him tell me this again tomorrow, so I can record it.

Joe had some work to do tonight, so I put Ryan to bed. He asked me to close his curtains, because the moon was coming in. He said the moon was coming to visit the boy again, and he needed the curtains closed, so the moon didn’t fly away until the morning!

What a little imagination. If he keeps going with this, I should write it down, and maybe write a children’s story about it one day! It is so fun to see his personality and creativity come out when we are least expecting it.

Cole Household Mothering Parenting Ryan

Pity Party

I just posted today about Cole being sick again, and then the day went from bad to worse!

I only got three hours of sleep last night, so I was hoping I could catch a nap today when the boys took theirs. I put Ryan down at 1:30, and at 2, he was still up, and then Cole woke up. No nap for this Mama today!

While Cole was sleeping he had an incredibly foul diaper, which leaked through some, so there was another mess to clean up. He did manage to drink some water, and breastmilk and keep it down, but he was terribly fussy. I don’t know how I managed to get all my consignment sale tags done, but I did. (Yea for small miracles!)

I called Joe at 4:30 to ask him to bring some Jell-O home for Cole, and he said he’d be home in half an hour. Then my dad called and said he’d be by for a short visit on his way home from work. I was happy that my dreadfully long day was ending, and was hoping I could make a quick dinner for the boys and then rest for a little bit.

At 5, the phone rings and it is the massage therapist Joe has been working with since the car accident, wondering where he was. S***! He had an appointment at 4:45, and we both totally forgot, even though it was written on the calendar. I told her I’d try calling him, and he could probably still make it. He did end up making it, but now Ryan was wondering where Daddy was, and to top that off he said his stomach was hurting, and now Joe wouldn’t be home for another hour.

Fortunately, my dad still stopped by, but Cole & Ryan wanted nothing to do with him. I have to hand it to Grandpa- he pulled out his work cell-phone / walkie-talkie, and made it beep and the boys flocked to him like bees to honey. I was trying to get some dinner made while my dad was here, and got it finished just as he had to go.

By the time I freshened up a salad for my dinner, Cole was done with his rice and wanted out of his chair. I got him cleaned up and thought I could finally sit down and try to eat. Ryan said his stomach was feeling better so he was up and down from the table, playing with Cole.

I wrote a few weeks ago about their Drinking “Beer” game and they started playing that again. But this time the 3.5 year-old took it a step further and threw one of the cans of Coke back into the pantry, and then I heard it- the can of Coke exploding.

Ryan looked stunned- Cole looked stunned- I looked stunned- time stood still. I slowly made myself look at the Coke dripping down the pantry walls, the door, and over absolutely every thing and item in the pantry. I saw my two boys covered in sticky, gooey, Coke from head to toe. I saw Coke puddles all over the floor. I saw Cole splashing in the Coke, making an even bigger mess. I heard Ryan saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry- it was an accident,” over and over, and I heard myself starting to cry. I heard myself asking why did this have to happen today– haven’t I had to clean up enough messes during the last 24 hours? I heard myself saying, I just wanted to sit down for five minutes and eat, and now I have to clean up another gross mess.

What else could I do, but start? I rinsed the boys off in the sink. Ryan told me it was almost night-time and I would feel better in the morning. He kept saying he was sorry, and said he wanted to give me a hug to make me feel better. I told him it was okay, it was an accident, but I was upset and didn’t want to hug him right now. I told him I needed him to play with Cole in the living room, so I could clean up.

As soon as I put Cole in the living room, he started to scream. He dashed back into the kitchen to be with me. I put him back in the living room, and he screamed again, trying to get back in the kitchen. I grabbed a chair and blocked the entrance to the kitchen with it- you can imagine how much Cole loved that, and what kind of screaming fest I was treated to!

I asked Ryan again, to see if he could sing a song or play with Cole, and I was crying again. He told me he was very, very, sorry, and that just made me feel worse! I finished filling up the mop bucket and went to Ryan. I hugged him and told him he didn’t need to be sorry anymore, I loved him, and Mommy was just very tired. He looked so relived and it reminded me how much power I have right now over him, and how utterly miserable he looked before I told him everything was okay. I never want him to think that I don’t love him, but sometimes it is so hard to keep everything running and having to think about everyone else’s feelings when I am just beyond exhausted. I am glad that I took those few seconds with him, so he knew everything was okay, and I was not mad at him.

As soon as I was done hugging him, Joe walked in the door to our lovely situation. He offered to clean up the mess, but I told him I’d get it, and he picked up Cole, who immediately stopped screaming. Joe read to the boys and then took them upstairs to play, while I cleaned up. Joe also had a talk with our oldest son, on why we don’t throw pop cans. 🙂 It took half-an-hour to clean everything up.

Later while I was cleaning up Ryan’s bedtime snack dishes, he gave me a big hug and said, “I love you Mommy.” Then when I was putting on his pajamas he told me I was his number one girl. I don’t know where he picked that up from, but it melted my heart. I really do have a sweet little boy, who is very good. This was just a very bad day for an accident to happen, but under the circumstances I am happy that I didn’t yell at him, or lose my temper.

This is the type of day as a mother you can’t prepare for- you just find yourself in the middle of this tempest, like a hurricane, with more and more problems brewing, and gaining momentum. You can’t predict these days, you just have to go with it, and hope in the heat of the moment when you think you have taken all you can take, and then more and more crap happens, you can get through it the best you can, without taking it out on your children.

I have to admit that I am so glad these 24 hours are over, and Cole has stopped vomiting. Even though only one can of Coke exploded, I threw away the other can, and it will be a long, long, time before pop cans make another appearance around two little boys in our house.

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WARNING