Category: Parenting

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Cole Mothering Parenting

Parenting Mistakes

My sister wrote a blog post about a parenting mistake that she had recently made with her 17-month old daughter.  My sister was trying to get her to eat, and she wouldn’t.  She started throwing a fit, so they put her in time-out.  Turns out, my little niece was only throwing the fit because she didn’t like the tuna fish, my sister was trying to get her to eat.

My sister is a first-time mom, and of course, we all make mistakes like this.  I’ll even let you in on a little secret, little sister…we keep making mistakes even with our second and subsequent children too.

My parenting mistake was on Tuesday night.  I was having a hard time falling asleep, and I had to be up before dawn- like at six for work on Wednesday.  The last time I looked at the clock before falling asleep, it was 2am. 

I woke up at 4:30am, and heard Cole crying a bit.  Sometimes he does this in his sleep, and I usually wait a minute or so, and nine times out of ten, he just goes back to sleep.  Since I had only been sleeping about two and a half hours, I was sooo tired.  I tuned out his cry, and figured he would be back asleep in a minute or so.

As I felt myself falling back to sleep, I could still hear him fussing around.  The next time I woke up, it was a full half-an-hour later, and now Cole was crying out, “Mommy, Mommy!” He was really loud, and upset.  He had not gone back to sleep, and I really resented having to get up to see what the problem was.

When I got to his room, he was standing up in his crib, just sobbing, and saying, “Mommy, Mommy,”  It broke my heart.  I thought he had, had a bad dream.  I picked him up, and he was SOAKED.  He was wet from the top of his shirt, to the bottom of his pants.

Clearly he had, had a bed wetting accident.  To top that off, it was a bit cool in the room, and his blanket was wet too.  I felt awful.  My little boy was soaked from top to bottom in pee, and I couldn’t be bothered to get up to check on him.

I cleaned him up, changed his sheets, and he was eager to get back to sleep.  Before I put him back in his bed, he put his arms around my neck, kissed me and said, “Love me Mommy.”  He says ‘love me’ instead of ‘love you,’ but that just made me feel worse.  He wasn’t trying to interrupt my sleep- he just wanted out of his wet pajamas.

Parenting is like driving to someplace without a map.  Sometimes you nail it right on, and sometimes you hit a bump or two, or three, or more, along the way.  Sometimes you just end up, flat-out lost.  I think about episodes like this, and wonder if this will seem like child’s play, when my boys are teenagers, and we are dealing with very complex issues.

Eventually, even if you are lost for a while, you figure it out, and get going again- ready for the next trip down the parenting road.

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Activities Family & Friends Mothering Parenting Ryan School

PreSchool Dropout, No More

A few weeks ago, I wrote about my preschool dropout, Ryan.  The comments telling me not to worry, were so appreciated, but we felt like we still needed to explore the option.

I suppose I am the one mother who didn’t get the memo that you cannot wait until back-to-school time to register your child for preschool.  Our school district has about six preschools in some of the elementary schools, and I assumed I could register Ryan at the one in the town we are hoping to move to.  WRONG.

When I called, the lady was very nice, but laughed.  She said I had to register for preschool back in January.  What?  I can’t even plan ahead to next week, let alone eight months ahead of time.  She told me they were completely filled, but they would put Ryan on a waiting list. 

I tried the other schools, and it was the same story.  One school that did have an opening, would have been in the farthest possible location from where we live now, and if we move.  The days they had open also did not work with our schedule.  Since I work two days a week, it was going to be tricky at best, to find something that worked.

So, I resigned myself that Ryan was a preschool dropout, and I was going to homeschool him for preschool.  We have been working on his name, numbers, letters, shapes, and colors anyway. Recently, he is starting to pick out a few words out of books that he recognizes, so I thought we were on the right track. 

The director at the farm program where Ryan went last year e-mailed me as well and said she had a few afternoon openings, so I signed him up for some sessions, just so he could be around other kids, and get the experience of being in a class.

But it was still bothering us.  Neither Joe or I, are teachers.  We were worried that we would be missing something.  What if we brought him to kindergarten next year, and he was the only kid that couldn’t do X, because we didn’t enroll him in preschool? But our options were severely limited.

Ryan’s wonderful grandmother (Joe’s mom) came to the rescue.  She told us about a center in town that caters to children with special needs.  She informed us that they have a preschool, where they combine special need kids and non-special needs kids in the classes.  She said it had a great reputation. 

Right off the bat, I loved the idea of that type of environment for Ryan.  I think he is at the perfect age to start learning about differences and in turn, learning tolerance and empathy.  I looked up the website, and was thrilled to see they were advertising at the top of their page, that they still had openings for non-special needs kids in his age group.  I read about the program, and became even more impressed.

We called the school the next day, took a tour, and even though they normally request that the four-year olds attend school four days a week, they said they would still love to have Ryan come for two days a week.  Because of my work schedule, there is no way I could bring him four days a week, but with some help from Ryan’s grandparents we will be able to do the two days a week.

The school was amazing.  All the teachers have bachelor degrees and or masters in early childhood education.  All the assistants at a minimum, have certificates in early childhood education too.  The ratio in the class is half the kids with special needs, and half the kids without.  There is one teacher, and two teaching assistants.  They are very organized and send home a lesson plan every week, so you know what is happening and what the kids are learning.  They have field trips.  One is coming up to a farm to see animals, take a hayride, and pick vegetables.  It just seemed like the perfect place for Ryan.

Today was his first day, and he was excited to go.  He told me he was a little nervous, but he was happy that he wouldn’t have to take a nap, since he’d be at school.  When we arrived, the director walked us to the class, where he met some of his classmates.  Ms. A., (his teacher), gave him a hug, and told him she’d show him where he could put his backpack.  Ryan barely gave me a hug, and he was off with Ms. A. 

Cole and I watched for a minute, and Ms. A., sensing I  needed another good-bye, pointed Ryan in my direction.  My little boy gave me a hug, and he was back off to Ms. A. Outside the classroom, there is a one-way window, and the director told me I could stay and watch as long as I wanted.  Cole was getting tired, so we left. 

It is odd turning your child over to someone else, to take over teaching them, even for just a few hours a day.  But this school seems so nurturing and supportive-it felt right. 

When we picked Ryan up, he had, had a blast.  He told us about the stories they had read, the snack they had, and the toy front-loader he got to ride during recess.  He was also happy to see that his name in his cubby, was attached to a yellow triangle.  That was very important. 

Ms. A. called us tonight and told us how comfortable Ryan seemed and how well he did today.  His first day couldn’t have gone better. It should be a fun year, and I can’t wait to see and hear about all the exciting new things he learns.  Here are a few pictures before we left for the first day:   

                             

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Mothering Parenting Ryan School

Pre-School Dropout

Since we weren’t sure if we would be living somewhere new this fall, I have put off enrolling Ryan in pre-school.  He went to an enrichment type school last year on a farm, and we have been thinking about sending him there again for the fall and winter.  However, since he will be starting kindergarten next fall (gulp), we have also been thinking about enrolling him in a more formal pre-school setting.

Not knowing what to do, I have taken to asking Ryan what he wants-just to hear his thoughts on the matter.  Every time I bring up the subject, he tells me he is not going back to school.  The first few times he said this, I brushed it off, but it is a little concerning to me that he is not excited or has any desire to go back to school. 

I brought up the subject again with him today:

Me: Are you ready to go back to school?

Ryan: I am never going back to pre-school ever again.  I am going to stay home and play all day.

Me: Why don’t you want to go to school?

Ryan: There are too many kids, it is boring, and I get straw in my shoes.

(Light bulb moment for me- at last I felt like I was getting to the root of the problem)

Me: What if we go to a new school where there aren’t as many kids, and you aren’t bored?

Ryan: Nope.  I’m not going back.

Me: Well, what are you going to do for a job when you get older if you don’t go to school?  You have to make money one day, and you can’t do that if you don’t go to school.

(Silence from Ryan.  I finally broke through to him- or so I thought.)

Ryan (after several moments of thinking): I can get a job at McDonald’s.

(Silence from me.  I have nothing left to say.)

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Activities Family & Friends Mothering Parenting Ryan

Ryan’s First Musical/Play

If you have been reading my blog for awhile, you know that Ryan loves “The Music Man.”  Here is a previous post explaining how he came to love this movie so much.

I have been trying to find a theater in our area that would be presenting “The Music Man,” for a while now.  We discovered a dinner theater about half an hour away which was finally showing this musical.

So today Ryan, his Nana (my mom), Uncle Jeff, and Aunt Mara escorted Mr. Ryan to his first play/musical performance. 

Ryan was SO excited all week for this.  Today when he woke up he said with a big smile on his face, “Today we get to go see Music Man Mommy!”

I wasn’t quite sure how he would do- if he would get bored, or fidget, or just not get the whole play concept.  But, I could not have been more pleased.  He was just perfect.  He ate his lunch, using the best manners I have ever seen, and his eyes never left the stage for the entire performance.  He was enthralled with it all. 

He was such a little gentleman- it was really fun to see him be a big, grown up boy.  During the intermission, I took him to the restroom, and on the way out, he held the door open for all the ladies entering and exiting. 

While the performers were serving dessert, he said a line in the play, “Ya wild kid-ya!”  I saw a few of the performers laugh when they heard him say that- he mimicked the line very well.

Here is a picture of Ryan “reading” the program before it started:

We had a great time, and it was really nice my mom, brother and sister could come with us.  I know Ryan will always remember the first time he got to see “The Music Man” in person.  As his mother, I will too, but more that that- I will remember this as the first really grown-up event Ryan went to as a big boy.  

Now he can go back to just being a little boy- as great as today was, I don’t think I’m ready for him to act so grown-up every day- not yet.

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Mothering Parenting

She Has Let Herself Go

CrossPosted on BlogHer

I admit it- I like to scan People.com a few times a week.  It requires no thought, and I like looking at the pictures of the latest styles- styles I will not have the good fortune to wear, but I like to look at them anyway.

Last week I saw this article on Eva Longoria’s new look.  Evidently she has gained some weight and has cut her hair to play her character on Desperate Housewives.  I haven’t watched DH in a few years, and it sounds like her character, Gabby, has kids now.

Longoria’s rep made this comment to People on her client’s new look, “She’s making herself look like that as her character has let herself go. Gabrielle has gained weight and cut her hair,” Liza Anderson tells PEOPLE of Longoria Parker’s character. “She’s a worn out mother with two kids.”

Anderson continues on Longoria’s weight gain, “And even that was not enough. She’s also wearing butt pads and a stomach pad to play the part.”

Is this what TV and networks think of mothers now?  That we let ourselves go, and the only way to accurately portray this, is to have a petite actress who is now playing a mom, don butt pads and a stomach pad to look like a tired, worn out, mother who has let herself go?

I don’t argue that a lot of mothers are tired and worn out- show me a mother who isn’t and I will say she is probably in the minority.  But the assumption that a mother may have put on weight, because she has automatically has let herself go is insulting, and degrading.  Maybe the mother just doesn’t have time to work out like she used to.  Maybe it is taking longer for her to lose baby weight- there could be plenty of reasons why a mother has gained weight.

I also take exception to the whole “letting yourself go” concept.  Women are held to such a high standard, and are under such a microscope at times when they become mothers.  If they don’t look adorable, cute, and look like they have gained enough weight during pregnancy, then they are looked down on because certainly they are not eating for two and risking their baby’s health.  Yet, women that don’t immediately shed their baby weight in less than a month, are viewed as “letting themselves go.”  God forbid if a mother decides to simplify her life a bit and get her hair cut short too!

Most mothers I know, would love to go to the gym and work out.  Reality is they can’t- they are taking care of their children and are working.  Most mothers do have a period where they have to adjust to being a mother, and figure out how to balance it all again in time.  

But in the meantime why the double standard?  Why single out mothers like this?  No one says a fit-in shape, and stylish mother is a bad mother, because if she has time to work out, then she isn’t taking care of her kids.  Why do we have to assume that a mother who has less than a perfect body “let herself go?”

What do you think- is this fair to put women into this category, or is this just a situation a lot of women are in that Desperate Houswives is trying to portray?