Category: Mothering

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Cole Family & Friends Holidays Mothering Running

Title 9 Mother’s Day 9.9K Race

Two months ago, my friend, Alison, suggested we run in the Title 9 Mother’s Day Race.  She had ran in it two years ago, and said it was a very fun race.  They also had activities for the kids, including their Rag-A-Muffin race, where the kids could race.  In the spirit of Title IX  it was a women’s only race.  I’ve been wondering how I’d stack up against just women.  It is hard to compare your running with a man’s, even if you are in the same age group, because they can generally can run faster. 

Alison and I were certain the race was a 9K, which is 5.5 miles.  The last few weeks I’d been preparing on how to run this distance in a race. I figured out how fast I needed to run each mile, and practiced to try to get the time I was hoping for- 50 minutes.  A few days ago, I ran 5.6 miles in 49 minutes, so I decided I’d try to hit 45 minutes for the race.  Ryan and Cole have been running short distances with me to train for their race. 

So on Mother’s Day, after making a big breakfast for the boys and I, and opening the cards they made for me, we headed out to the race site at the Boulder Reservoir.  We met up with Alison, her husband, Iggy, and their little boy, Winston.  The kids race was about to start so Cole and Winston lined up for the first wave:

Then they were off!

Ryan ran in the last wave, and he was ready to run!  

Alison and I got ready for our race, while the three boys and Iggy went off to play.   They announced then the race was a 9.9K, or 6.1 miles.  Alison and I were surprised we both had missed that.  It wasn’t that much in terms of distance, but for preparation it was huge.  I have ran a lot farther than 6.1 miles before, but never in a race or in a training run.  I didn’t know when I would peak, when I would start getting tired, or any of that.  There wasn’t a lot I could do, except run and see what happened. 

Alison met up with one of her friends, Kelli, and after chatting for a bit, we were ready to line up.  The fastest starting time they had was 7 minutes, and even though I wasn’t going to try to run every mile at that pace, I decided to line up there.   They announced there were almost 2,000 runners, so it was crowded, but the race organizers had everything running very smoothly. A few moments later, we were off!

The first mile seemed to fly by. I ran the first mile in 7:34, but figured I had better slow down a bit- there was still 5 miles to go.  The course had turned into dirt, gravel, and grooved road.  Some of the spots were really loose, and I had a few issues with really getting my feet planted.  There were a few hills too that weren’t super easy for me.  I’ve ran on a lot steeper and tougher hills, but during the race, the hills were challenging me.  

A handful of runners passed me.  I was trying to run a pace of 8:30 for the next few miles to make sure I would have enough left at the end.  The scenery was really pretty, and there was plenty of room to run, but I wasn’t getting into the groove I like.  I was struggling on the gravel at points, and was too overly focused on the pacing.  

At the beginning of mile 3, I was able to see the front of the pack, and the bikes leading the runners.  I was surprised for a minute when I realized there were not that many people in front of me.  I figured there were about 100 runners ahead of me.  It made sense since I started at the front, and not that many people had passed me.  That definitely gave me a boost. The race was half over, and it looked liked I was in the top 10%. 

At mile 4, I had crossed the reservoir, and I glanced across it.  I saw a sea of runners- the path was packed.  It dawned on me even though I wasn’t having my best race, or doing my best running, I was ahead of all of those runners- almost 2000 of them by a least a mile.  I thought back to my first race last October, and never thought 7 months later, I’d be running so strongly in a hard race with good runners.  It really hit me then how far I’ve come as a runner.   

When I hit 5.5 miles, the distance I thought I was going to be running, I was right at 45 minutes.  It made me feel good that I would have hit this goal even though it wasn’t the goal anymore.  I started to run faster, and the course was not that crowded.  There wasn’t anyone I felt like I could try to pass, so I concentrated on running faster and faster towards the end, and finishing strong.  It helped the last stretch was downhill. 

When I approached the finish line, I saw the official clock was at 50:58.  I ran as fast as I could, hoping to finish under 51 minutes, but I didn’t quite make it.  I saw the clock turn to 51 minutes and then I hit stop on my Garmin, so I wasn’t exactly sure what the official time would be, but knew it would be 51-something. I grabbed some water, and a few minutes later, I saw Alison running to the finish line.  We were both very happy we had run well and finished strong.   

We found the kids and Iggy, and visited some of the booths. Then we let the kids play on the beach, get their feet (and pants) wet, make sandcastles, and we had a picnic. 

Cole playing in the sand
  

Ryan, Cole, & Winston being silly
 
Kelli joined us when she was finished, and we all had a nice time visiting and playing with the kids.  We all agreed it was a great race, and it was one of the most professional and organized ones I have participated in.  I hope to run it again next year.
 
I’m very fortunate to have a friend like Alison to run with and learn from, and I’m very grateful to Iggy for watching Ryan and Cole for me during the race.  My dad was going to come and watch the boys while I ran, but he had a situation arise and he couldn’t make it.  It was also very nice to get “good luck” and “Happy Mother’s Day” texts and messages before and after the race from my friends and family. It was a perfect way to spend Mother’s Day.  
 
Alison, Kelli, and I (after the race)
 
Official Results
  
Time: 51:02
  
Overall Place: 110th out of 1785 finishers (top 6%)
  
Division Place: 34th out of 393 finishers
  
Average Pace: 8:20
Categories
Cole Mothering Parenting Ryan

“Not In Front of People, Mom”

Childhood is full of milestones: first smile, first laugh, crawling, first word, walking, and the list goes on.  Sometimes it seems with a baby, new milestones are reached every day and are noted.  Now that my kids are getting older, these events seem fewer and far between.  Or maybe as parents, we just grow accustomed to our kids doing new things, so not everything they do draws the attention like it did when they were babies.

Recently, Ryan had two milestones that made me stop and take notice.   The first one was last week, on the day I pick him up from school.  The class was lined up outside, like they always do, and his teacher, Mrs. G., excuses the kids to go with their parents.  When she called Ryan’s name, he went and gave her a big hug.  Then he walked over to me, and I started to hug him, like I always do, and he pushed me away.  Then he said, “Not at school, Mom.” 

I was a little puzzled since he had just hugged Mrs. G.  I guess it is okay to hug your teacher, but not your mom.  As we walked to the car, I asked him if he was too big now to hug me.  He kind of avoided the question, until we were in the car, and then said, “I still want to hug you, but not in front of people, Mom.”  I joked with him and told him he was too cool now to hug me, and I understood.

But wow.  That happened fast.

The second event started last week.  We were at Costco getting the tires rotated, and Ryan told me he had to use the restroom.  I started to take him, and then asked him if he was okay going to the men’s room.  He told me yes, he could read, and he knows which one is the men’s room.  I didn’t want to follow him too closely, but I watched him from afar, and he went into the men’s room, and came out a few minutes later.  He told me he washed his hands, and he added, “I am a man now, because I use the men’s room.”

I told him he wasn’t quite a man yet, but he was on his way, and he was big enough to go to the restroom by himself when we are out- he just has to tell me.  So today we were out, and he told me he was going to go use the men’s room. 

It seems funny but also a bit sad at the same time.  As a mother, seeing your children become a little less dependent on you, it reminds you of how helpless they once were, but also how incredibly far they have come.  It’s a part of life.  It doesn’t mean though at times, it isn’t bittersweet. 

It makes me cherish the time I have with Cole, who can’t hug me enough, and doesn’t want to use the men’s room by himself-yet.

Categories
Activities Cole Mothering Parenting Ryan

The Iron Scooter Challenge

Ryan and Cole have been asking for scooters.  Their friends in the neighborhood all have scooters and they have been wanting to join them on their scooter rides.  I held off to make sure they really wanted them, and they have kept asking for them, so Wednesday night I got both boys a new scooter.    

Thursday after work was scooter inaugural day.  It was drizzling off and on, but they still wanted to try them out.  Ryan’s scooter popped out of the box.  There was a release lever I had to adjust, and his was ready to go.  He zipped around in the kitchen while I opened Cole’s. 

My palms turned sweaty, and my heart started beating fast, when I opened the box to Cole’s scooter and saw a bag of nuts, screws, washers, and other silver things, I had no name for.  There was also something that looked like a hybrid wrench, a piece of paper with a drawing of a scooter that looked like it was made by a 3-year old, the handle bars, and the front wheel.  It all clunked out of the box. 

I am NOT mechanical.  Assembling things together is one of the things I hate most.  There is ALWAYS a part missing, or part of the directions that don’t make sense.  If I had known I had to actually attempt to assemble Cole’s scooter, I would have waited until someone could help me.  But I was already too far in it.  I had my 6-year old zipping around in the kitchen on his scooter, and my almost 4-year old, with his big blue eyes looking at me, asking me when I would have his scooter together.  This is what “they” mean when “they” say parenting challenges you in ways you never imagine.

I picked up the directions, and the first step was:

Assemble back wheels with washers, axle, and spring washer 

What is a spring washer exactly? Are there summer and winter washers too?  The wheels were already on the deck.  Did this mean they weren’t really on securely, or someone nice from the factory did the first step for me?  I decided the latter, and moved on to step 2:

Insert axle through rear axle bearings

Uh-yea. I had no idea what that meant, so I hoped it was still a step I could skip thanks to the nice person in the factory in China.  Step 3:

Slide a plastic spacer and third washer onto axle bolt followed by second wheel

Yay- it was my lucky day. Clearly this step was also done too. Step 4:

More mumbo-jumbo about axels, washers, and nuts.  Then I noticed on the bottom of the directions, it said the assembly is for general use, and you may need to refer to the back side for more specific directions.  I knew it was too easy.   I read through the “specific” directions once, than twice, and then a third time.  They should have had a class in this mechanical language in school.  Step 1:

Slide metal washer down over the stem of the front forks.  Slide the stem of the front forks up into the main frame until it is seated on the metal washer at the base of the front forks stem.  Place the clamp bracket assembly over the stem of the front forks so that the nut and bolt face towards the foot deck.  Ensure the slot in the fork stem of the front forks faces towards the foot deck.

Dear God…what did I ever do to deserve this?  Forget Iron Chef- they should make a reality show on who can assemble kid’s stuff in under an hour.   

I won’t bore you with steps 3 and 4 of the instructions, but it got down to clamp nuts, 13mm spanners, and minimum / maximum heights.  Ryan was a great help- he held a lot of parts still for me while I twisted the hybrid wrench around the bolt. I just kept hoping,-somehow- when I was done, it would be a scooter. 

I finally had it together and had Cole get on it to try it out.  I was feeling pretty proud of myself, until he touched it, and the front handle bars, slid down all the way into the front pipe-thing.  If Cole was about 24 inches shorter, he would have had one cool scooter.  Instead he said, “I don’t think that is right Mommy.” 

So I took the damn scooter apart and started all over again.  Somehow the directions made just a little more sense, but that was probably because now I had read them fifty times, instead of just three times.  Half way through, I realized my error.  Silly me.  It was right there in step 1: Ensure the slot in the fork stem of the front forks faces towards the foot deck.  The small slot was not facing the foot deck- I had put it on backwards. 

I was humming “Hallelujah” as I screwed the final nut or bolt back on again.  My kids were not impressed.  Ryan was looking at me, and pointed to the front wheel. The handle bars were now turned backwards.  If Cole had Inspector Gadget arms, he would have had one cool scooter.

“They” say the third time is the charm.  I unscrewed all those fricking bolts, nuts, and autumn washers- again.  This time I had Ryan hold everything- the frame, the handle bars, and the front wheel while I assembled it.  Finally, when I was done, I kid you not, sun streamed in through the window, and I knew this was a sign.  The moment of truth came when he stepped on it.  Nothing fell down.  His arms worked with it.  Everything lined up right.  Cole had one cool scooter!

I am not going to go crazy and start buying stuff to assemble myself like bookcases, and desks, but I am glad I was able to figure it out. It only took three times, I had a slight headache when I was done, I had a washer left over- not sure if it was a spring or winter washer- but my son finally had his scooter.   

Pictures of the final products & the kids enjoying them:

Love his curled tongue

They found mud, and the scooters were now 4X drive scooters. Their first ride gets thumbs up 

Categories
Family & Friends losing a parent Mothering

My Mom’s Memorial Service

My mom’s (Linda- “Linnie”) memorial service was held on Saturday.  The day was sunny, cool, and a bit breezy.  It was the kind of day my mom would have loved, especially with the Flatiron Mountains of Boulder as the backdrop.  My mom’s older brother, John, passed away in 1952, when he was just seven, and is buried in Boulder.  My mom wanted to be laid to rest with him, and we were very happy we could carry out this last request for her.

 My siblings, Jeff, Mara, Vanessa, and I, were very touched by all the people who attended.  From our bosses and co-workers, to old friends who remembered my mom when we had all been children.  Two of our friends are members of a choir, and they organized some members to sing.  They sang one of my mom’s favorite songs, Somewhere Over the Rainbow. 

 My cousins, Mary and Emily, along with their dad, Mike, read some quotes, and thoughts.  My aunt, Laura, and friend, Christina, read two touching letters from two of my mom’s friends in Minnesota.  My siblings and I all spoke briefly about my mom, and we found out that was harder and more emotional than we thought it would be.  I gained a new perspective though on my mom from hearing what my brother and sisters, and others remembered about her.   

The choir sang another song while my mom’s three grandchildren, Ryan, Cole, and Maelin, each put a rose on John’s gravestone to symbolize their grandmother’s wish, and also how she will live on in them.   

After everyone had left the service, my siblings and I, watched as the interment took place.  It was simple, and it was final.  

We held a reception afterwards at Laura’s house, and it was so nice to see more friends who couldn’t attend the service.  They laughed, cried, listened, and shared memories with us.  I know I speak for my family, in thanking everyone who has supported us through the loss of our mother.  We appreciate all the condolences, prayers, cards, flowers, plants, notes, and well-wishes. It has made a very difficult time a bit easier. 

I have never lost any one so close to me before.  Like most people, I’ve had some hard situations in life, but those seem to cease in comparison to this.  My favorite time of the day now is the first three seconds I wake up in the morning.  Because I don’t remember for those few seconds she is gone.  

During the time I had with her in Minnesota,  I felt like I was forgetting to tell or ask her something.  I couldn’t shake that feeling, and yesterday I realized what it was that I never got to ask her: my mom lost her mom when she was 16.  I keep finding myself wanting to call my mom and ask her advice- how do you get through this? How do you move on after your mother dies?

For the first time ever in my life, I am going to have to figure this one out without her.  

Below is what I spoke at my mother’s service: 

Thinking about my mom, it is hard to narrow down her life, but I remember her always telling me, “you will never know how much I love you, until you have your own children.”  When I was a little girl and heard this, I didn’t understand.  When I was a teenager and she told me this, I rolled my eyes and said sarcastically, “whatever moth-errr”  When I was in my 20’s, and heard this, I thought it was sweet, and when I was in my 30’s and had my own children, I finally understood the magnitude of this simple sentence I had been told my entire life.  I also realized how true her statement was. 

My mom told me about ten years ago, she had regrets in her life, and wished she could have done some things differently.  But she said in her clear, strong, voice that having us- her children- was the only completely perfect thing she had ever done.  She told me we were the best things to ever happen to her.  Then she added, “you’ll never know how much I love you, until you have your own children.” 

During our last days together, I thought about all the times she stayed up with me when I was sick, or was there when I needed to talk, and all the other millions of things a mother does over a lifetime.  I remember she helped me get my first job- at McDonald’s- I was too shy to call the manager back to check on my application, maybe I knew something she didn’t, but she called for me and I got the job.  She was the first person I called after my sons were born, and the one person I could call at 3AM when I had a screaming, sleepless baby up, for advice.  I’ve watched her incredible strength, and determination and her mistakes and downfalls.   My mother taught me how to live, and how not to live. She wasn’t just my mother- she was my friend too. 

I was able to be with my mother in her final days, hours, and moments, and it was a gift.  My mom was there when I took my first breath, and I was there holding her hand, when she took her last one.  Her life is complete and the circle ends where it began- with us, her children. 

I told my mom in our last conversation, she had been right about her statement, she smiled and she also added “I will love you forever.”  

I believe she will and I have started to tell my own children, Ryan and Cole, “you will never know how much I love you, until you have your own children.”  They look at me and smile now when I say this.  They will roll their eyes at me in a few short years when I tell them this.  They don’t understand now, but one day they will.  That will be the legacy of my mother that lives on in her children and grandchildren.  Love. 

My mom and I- 1998

Categories
Activities Family & Friends Health losing a parent Mothering

Saying Good-Bye to My Mom

On Monday afternoon, my siblings and I found out that my mom was in the intensive care unit, in serious condition in Minnesota. We were told her condition was worsening, so my sister Mara and I decided to go to Minnesota.  We arrived on Wednesday. 

Three days later, I’m sitting next to my mom in her hospital room while she sleeps, writing this.  My mom is dying and is not going to recover. The only option available would extend her life by a maximum of 3 months, and she would be in the hospital, connected to machines. Yesterday my Aunt Laura (who is a nurse), Mara, my mom and myself talked.  My mom knows her condition but how do you just decide you are done?  How do you tell your children that you want to die?  Laura says it is very rare when someone can make that decision-fully conscious and aware like my mom is- she said it is normally just too difficult. 

Laura and my mom have been friends (not just sister-in-laws) for over 30 years.  Laura said the words that we could not- she spoke aloud what needed to be said, but we couldn’t say, “…you aren’t going to get better, and you are going to die.” 

After that Mara and I talked to my mom.  She was considering the alternative option that would give her a few more weeks, but would only be delaying the inevitable.  I don’t think anything has ever been as hard, as the conversation that followed that Mara and I had with my mom.

A bit later her doctor returned to tell her he could set up the treatment, and my mom, in a strong voice told him no.  She told him in the days she had left, she didn’t want to be on machines, with tubes in her body.  She wanted to be comfortable and pain free, surrounded by her family.  Her doctor agreed this was the best option, and she had made a wise decision. 

This afternoon my mom’s wishes will be carried out, and she is moving to a highly recommended hospice. We will be with her in the hospice.  They will allow us to bring her two cats in to visit my mom.  They will cook anything she likes, and she will be pain free, and comfortable.

The last few days have been mainly a blur.  I am so emotionally and mentally drained- I’m just in hospital mode.  My sister and I feel like we have been here for months- not days.  We knew “one day” this would happen, but I don’t think you can ever be prepared for this. 

All of my mom’s friends, and co-workers have been by to see her, and they are amazing.  They have told us how much they adore my mom, and what a wonderful and loving person she is.  They have brought my family much comfort and their kindness has touched us all. 

Our family and friends have been so wonderful as well- they step in when we can’t.  I honestly don’t know what we would have done if Laura hadn’t come.  We didn’t ask her- she just booked a ticket and came.   My sister-in-law, Kat, is taking care of us.  She makes sure we eat, she drives us where we need to go (directions are not Mara and I’s strong point), and she makes my mom laugh.  Our friends back home have sent fruit baskets, flowers, directions when we are lost, advice, and support.  One friend is coming in tonight to help Mara and I in these final days, when Laura has to go home.  My mom’s hospital roommate has bonded with our family, and she has said our mom is her hero.  Old friends of my mom that we haven’t heard from in years are calling and offering their support.  My mom has commented so many times in the last few days that she never knew so many people cared about her.  We are all so grateful for all of the love, support, and help all our family and friends have shown our family.

My mom has a few days left to live, and this time with her is precious and a gift.  We have had many good moments and conversations already.  She has talked to her grandchildren on the phone, and has been able to hear their voices one last time. 

We only get one chance to do this.  While the emotions are extremely difficult, I feel it will be a true blessing to be with my mom when the time comes for her to pass away.  I am very grateful I get this final block of time to love my mom, and say good-bye.