Category: Mothering

Categories
Cole Family & Friends Holidays Mothering Parenting Ryan

Happy Mother’s Day

I read a great blog post today From Daily Mish Mash on the commercialism on Mother’s Day, and how it can make us feel when our expectations aren’t fulfilled. 

I admit that I too, had unrealistic expectations of Mother’s Day, when I first became a mother.  I assumed it would be like a commercial, with my husband thinking and planning that “perfect” day for me. 

Fast foward four years, and I have learned.  Mother’s Day is not about just one day of having a perfect day.  For me, Mother’s Day happens year-round, when my four-year old gives me an unexpected hug, or tells me something super sweet, like, “Mommy, you are my best girl.”  Or when the boys play together and actually have fun, and don’t bicker.  Or when they both do something I ask, just because I asked them, or when Cole looks into my eyes to give me a hug, and I see pure love in his big, blue eyes. 

Oh, surprises are nice too- who wouldn’t love a diamond necklace, like Daily Mish Mash mentions?  But I agree with her that expecting these amazing, thought out, well planned gifts, is just setting ourselves up for disappointment.  I have also become way more proactive, and instead of hoping and then getting mad that I don’t get the Mother’s Day I am hoping for, I have started to let Joe know what I would like to do. He makes it happen, and he is happy, because he is doing what I really want to do, and I am happy-obviously.  This seems to work out well for us. 

My husband is not the world’s best surprise planner.  I have learned that about him.  But he will drop whatever he is doing at a moment’s notice to help me with the children.  He will go to the grocery store for me at 11pm at night, if I have a dessert craving, and he will do anything for his family.  I may not get a diamond necklace on Mother’s Day, but I will take the little- and never ending gifts I receive every day, from my family over a diamond necklace any day.

Besides, where would I wear a diamond necklace to anyway?  I suppose the cashiers at the grocery stores would be very impressed, if they manged to notice it over my mom-stained shirt.  🙂

Happy Mother’s Day to everyone.  I leave you with some quotes I like for Mother’s Day.

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  ~Rajneesh

Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs… since the payment is pure love.  ~Mildred B. Vermont

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts.  A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.  ~Sophia Loren, Women and Beauty

It kills you to see them grow up.  But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn’t.  ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. ~Unknown  

And my favorite, since I am part Irish, and have two boys: 

A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest.  ~Irish Proverb
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 

 

Categories
Cole Family & Friends Mothering Ryan

Motherhood in a Picture

 This picture is of Ryan, Cole, and myself, about 14 hours after Cole was born.  It was the first time Ryan met and held his new brother.  This picture represents the essence of motherhood for me.  I not only had a brand new life, but also my firstborn, and two brothers before me, who are my sole responsibility.  I am still in amazement that I have been entrusted with these two precious little lives, and looking at this picture reminds me what a miraculous experience motherhood is. 

I am participating in 5 Minutes For Mom’s Giveaway with this photo, on what motherhood means for me. 

Categories
Cole Mothering Parenting Ryan

The Princess & The Baby

The past few days, Ryan has started telling me I am his princess.  He’ll give me a hug and say, “You are my princess, Mommy.”  Tell me that wouldn’t melt your heart. 

Tonight as I was tucking him in, he told me that again, so I asked him what he wanted me to call him.  He said, “You can call me “Prince.”  So I gave him a hug and said, “Goodnight, prince.”  He got a huge smile, and then said, “Okay, you go away now Mom- I need to go to sleep.”  I guess the fair princess has been banished out of the prince’s room.  🙂

Cole is starting to talk up a storm.  Yesterday he started saying his name, very clear- at least Joe and I think it is clear.  Before this, when we would ask him his name, he would always say, “Me.”  He calls Ryan, “Eye-in,”  which is pretty good for an almost two year old. 

Cole’s latest dramatic antic when he wants something-anything, to pucker his face up, start whining, and cry, “Baby, Baby,”  while pointing to himself.  The boy is good- it gets my heartstrings every time (and Joe’s), but he still is my baby, and I guess he knows it, and is working it to his advantage.  At least  I haven’t been banished by him-at least not yet. 

Categories
Health Mothering Ryan

What’s In Your Skin Care Products?

A few days ago, I wrote about Ryan having keratosis pilaris (KP).  One of the solutions that has helped Ryan, which I didn’t go into a lot of detail on, was our switch to natural skin care products.

As I wrote, this has been such a change and learning experience for me.  Growing up with 3 other siblings, money was tight, and my mom bought the least expensive skin care products she could.  This usually meant the typical products you would find at any drug or grocery store. 

I am a beauty product junkie I’ll admit it.  So I love trying out new shampoos, conditioners, make-up, lotion, and skin care products.  Over the years I have gravitated towards more natural brands.  I have very, very, dry and somewhat sensitive skin, and these products just work on my skin better. 

I don’t know why I didn’t connect the dots, -if I was getting better results with natural products, then they were probably better for my baby, when Ryan was born.  Like a lot of new mothers, I stocked up on Johnson & Johnson baby products.  I also had received a Burt’s Bee Baby Starter Kit.  I noticed right away after using J&J lotion on Ryan, his skin seemed very rough and dry.  After using the Burt’s Bee lotion, his skin was softer and never felt dry.

I noticed this with all the skin care products we used on Ryan.  The “traditional” products were always drying and somewhat irritating, where the more natural ones were not.  I tried out a lot of lotions to try to keep Ryan’s skin hydrated, to reduce his KP flare-ups. 

About two years ago, I came across this eye-opening, and educational website, Skin Deep, which is a cosmetic and personal skin care data base.  It breaks down the ingredients in thousands and thousands of products, and lets you know which ones are the most dangerous based on ingredients in the products that are linked to cancer, developmental/reproduction toxicity, violations, restrictions, and warnings, and other issues like skin irritation.   The most dangerous ones are a 10, down to 0 (with minimal hazards).   It will tell you too, if the company tests its product on animals and if they have signed the Compact for Safe Cosmetic pact. 

I was SHOCKED and quite honestly, appalled to see the rankings of some of the products I was using on Ryan at the time.  Johnson & Johnson’s Baby Lotion had a hazard of ranking of 7.  In fact, 95% of baby lotions on the market have lower concerns.  It is one of the most hazardous baby lotions, and how many millions of people are using it on their babies?  No wonder Ryan’s skin always seemed stressed after using it. 

 I started to feel deceived by these baby companies, because so many of the products that sound natural, and sound good, like something you would want on your baby’s skin, is anything but.  Like Huggies Baby Lotion with Shea Butter– sounds good but it also has a ranking of 7, which is a high hazard.  The Burt’s Bee’s Baby Buttermilk Lotion has a ranking of 4, which put it in the moderate hazard category.  I had to conclude that the lower the ranking on the products we were using, were not only better for my son’s skin, but also better for his potential health.  What mother would want to knowingly expose her baby to potential toxins?

I was also surprised to find some products I thought would be high on the list actually weren’t.  An example was Vaseline 100% Petroleum Jelly.  Its ranking is 0, which is considered a low hazard.  Another one was Johnson & Johnson Baby Oil. I thought it would be at least a 7 or 8, but it is a 3, with a moderate hazard.  There are some baby oil’s that ranked at 0’s though, so baby oil wasn’t as bad as I had thought.

All of this taught me that I have to read ingredients on skin care products.  I can’t just assume because a company claims the product is “natural” or because it says “baby” on it, it is safe and non-toxic to use on my children.  I feel like my kids will be exposed to so many toxins in life anyway that I can’t control, but I want to cut down on the amount they are exposed to at home by using less toxic products in their bath, and on their skin.

Of course for Ryan this also means his KP doesn’t flare-up as much, and that is reason enough for me to have made the switch to less toxic skin care products for our family. 

 

Categories
Current Events Health Mothering Parenting Pregnancy & Birth

Does Having A Baby Boy Cause Post-Partum Depression?

I saw this article called, How Depressing: It’s A Boy, today on MSN.  I only had time to scan over it briefly at the time, but being a mother of two boys, and having had suffered from post-partum depression (PPD), three months after Cole was born, of course I was interested in reading the study in detail.

After I read it, I was really upset for a variety of reasons.  For starters, this study only had 17 French women in it.  That is not enough of a sample to say for certain, what this study is suggesting.  Even the article pointed out that the “since the study was conducted on a very small group of women, it is possible the findings are just a statistical quirk.” 

The study also never even asked the women if they were hoping for a particular gender, yet they speculate that at least French mothers may prefer daughters to sons.  This is based on what?  Personal feelings?  There is no science backing this speculation up at all. 

I have known at least six women (myself included) who have suffered from various degrees of PPD over the years.  Four of them have been mothers of girls, and myself and one other mother, have been the mothers of boys.  If this French study studied my circle, they would have the opposite findings. 

For this study to hold any merit whatsoever, they would have to study a variety of women, on a MUCH larger scale, for several years, to see if the statistics they had,  (out of 17 mothers with severe depression, 13 of them had baby boys,) proved to be consistent with different and larger study groups.  I think this study was flawed and didn’t include enough subjects to draw a conclusion like they are claiming- that boys cause PPD. 

Personally, I think a major cause of PPD, is hormonal and a nutrient imbalance.  As soon as I started replenishing my levels of nutrients, especially the B vitamins and Omega-6’s, my depression went away.  I know that isn’t the case for everyone, but I think it is a really far stretch and drawing at straws to say because you have a boy you are at greater risk for PPD. 

I also think the temperament of the baby has a lot to do with it too.  Whether the baby is a boy or a girl, if a baby is a high needs baby, is a fussy baby, or cries constantly, obviously a mother’s stress level is going to increase, which could put her at a higher risk for developing PPD.  These babies are harder to take care of.  Not every mother with a baby like this has PPD, but if they want to find causes, certainly this could be another factor contributing to PPD than simply saying the gender is the cause of PPD.  How many of those mothers in the French study had babies that had colic, or cried constantly, or screamed if they weren’t being held at all hours of the day?  How many of these depressed mothers were severely sleep deprived, which can be another contributing factor to PPD.

I also have a MAJOR problem with another part of the writings in this study which claim that women want “mini-me’s” (daughters) not sons.  I find that VERY offensive, and how shallow and condescending is that to the millions and millions of mothers who have sons?  Suddenly we are all secretly longing for daughters so we can have our “mini-me’s.”  Absolutely insulting!

It gets worse- the study goes on to theorize that when a woman doesn’t get the gender (boy or girl) that she was hoping for “she is more likely to suffer from decreased quality of life or severe depression.”  Again, how insulting to every mother who may have hoped that she was having one gender over the other?  That doesn’t mean that every woman every time, who doesn’t get the gender of baby she was hoping for, is more likely to suffer from a decreased quality of life. 

Usually, the mothers who I know, (myself included), who were hoping for a boy or a girl, and then had the opposite gender they were hoping for, couldn’t imagine their life without their baby, and would not give him or her up for their “desired” gender in a million years. Their quality of life improves with their baby, not decreases.  This study paints women and mothers as so shallow- as if having a boy or a girl-your desired gender- is the key to happiness, and not having your desired gender causes mothers to suffer from severe depression.  I just don’t believe that is the case with the majority of mothers.

I also have to respond to the study’s claim that women really do prefer girls over boys, because girls are requested more often in overseas adoptions from couples in the West- especially in America.  I don’t think this claim is true at all,  just because girls are being requested to be adopted in overseas adoptions over boys. 

I believe the reason more baby girls are requested in adoptions outside the US, is in these countries, THEY (parents in these countries) don’t want girls and put them up for adoption more often than sons.  In many countries where Americans are allowed to adopt, sons are the preferred gender, and parents will abandon girls more often than sons, bringing them to orphanages. 

It seems to me that this is common knowledge, and women in the US, who want to adopt a baby from these countries know that.  They know they will have a shorter wait, and a better chance of adopting a baby if they request a girl, because there are more girls waiting to be adopted than boys.  It is a simple supply and demand situation.

I wasn’t even going to blog about this study because I think this study is complete nonsense and just something else to make mothers of sons worry needlessly about.  I didn’t want to “publicize” this study any more than it already has been.

My sister suggested I write a post about it, so if mothers who do read this study are troubled by it, and seek additional information, there would be something else- another viewpoint- to consider.  That is the only reason I am blogging about this. 

I believe most mothers love and cherish their babies, no matter what their gender is.  Post-partum depression does happen, but for it to be contributed only because a mother is depressed because she didn’t have a boy or a girl, is just so far fetched.

It is irresponsible for this study to be published  and publicized as it is, because there is no other studies that can back it up.  It can cause more harm and grief to mothers who may be suffering from depression- now they have to wonder if their baby’s gender could be causing their depression. 

Until there is evidence and several more mothers studied in this case, these types of studies serve no valuable purpose to mothers.  When the statistics in the study have a real possiblity of only being a “quirk,” don’t publish these types of “findings” until there is scientific evidence to back it up- with real, fact based, statistics. 

Now I am getting off my soapbox, and going to go tuck my two, loveable, sweet, adoring, sons who have brought me so much joy and happiness- whom I’d give my life for- into bed.