Category: Family & Friends

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Activities Cole Family & Friends Holidays Parenting Ryan

Christmas and Divorce

I have chosen up to this point not to write about any aspects of my divorce.  I have had many reasons for choosing not to write about this subject.  Many of those reasons are still in place, and one of these reasons was, I didn’t see what good or what positive aspects could come from blogging about a divorce. 

This past Christmas was the first Christmas where Ryan and Cole’s time was divided between their father and I.  It was also the last holiday, since we have been apart, that we had to face, and also it is the “biggest.”  Christmas is all the holidays rolled into one, and then some- especially for children.  My boys start asking in July when Christmas is coming.  As a parent, there is nothing quite like seeing your children’s face’s light up with excitement on Christmas morning when they see the tree and the presents under it.  It is the epitome of childhood.

And the fact of being divorced is, one parent isn’t going to experience that every year.  Some divorced parents switch off years,  and some divide the time.  We decided to try to keep things as they had been in the past this year, so the boys spent Christmas Eve with me, and my family.   Ryan and Cole got to visit with my mom, who lives out of state, and their great-grandpa, who moved to Colorado this year.  Their two teen-aged cousins wrestled and rough-housed with them, which they loved and they helped them make a gingerbread house.  Of course there were a lot of presents, but for the first time, I noticed the boys were more interested in playing with people than playing with the gifts all night.   Their dad came and got them later at night on Christmas Eve, and then the boys spent Christmas with him and his family. 

After the boys had left my aunt’s house on Christmas Eve, I cried.  I haven’t cried over any holiday, but there was something very isolating, and hollow not having my children with me for this holiday.  My tears didn’t last long, because I knew the boys were going to have fun, and they were fine.  They were excited about Santa coming in the morning.  It obviously helped that I was around my immediate family too. 

On Christmas Day, I missed the boys terribly.  I imagined they were having fun, and that is what mattered.  That evening the boys called me and my heart melted when Ryan excitedly told me on the phone, “Mom, I had the best day!”  He explained what he had done, and the gifts he had received.  A part of me was sad, because I had not been a part of his day, but he was happy.  He wasn’t sad, asking where I had been, or why we couldn’t be together, or any of those type of things.  I talked to Cole, and he was happy and excited too. 

The good I think can come from sharing this experience is, despite the difficulties divorce brings, especially with children, all that mattered on Christmas was that Ryan and Cole were happy, and had the best Christmas ever.  Perhaps that says something about our Christmases past, but I think it says more about all the members of the families involved- on both sides.  All the grandparents, all the aunts, all the uncles, and all of the cousins. 

When my children are grown, I don’t want them to look back at the holidays and remember “that was my year with Mom, or that was my year with Dad.”  I want them to remember the joy, the happiness, the excitement, and the love they received from and felt for their families.  I know that was accomplished throughout the last year, and especially this Christmas Eve and Christmas. 

Thank you to all members of both Ryan and Cole’s family for this.  It could have been a very hard holiday for them, but it wasn’t.  It was magical and loving for them- just as it should be.

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Family & Friends Health Holidays Me

It’s A Wonderful Life

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photo credit by Wikipedia

It’s A Wonderful Life is my favorite Christmas movie.  Growing up, I seemed to watch it several times during the holidays. I haven’t seen it though recently in many years.   

There are so many true-to-life themes in the movie.  The main one being, you never really can know the extent that your life touches others.  Another theme is even though our lives may seem ordinary to us, no life is just ordinary.  Even if we never achieve what we set out to do, or life goes in a totally different direction that what we planned, our life still matters and can be great and inspiring to others by the course it does take.  One of the quotes from the movie is, “every man’s life is important because it touches so many other lives.”  Another theme is we don’t appreciate what we have, or truly understand the blessings we have in our life, until they are taken away.

I find it a little more than just coincidence that I’m thinking about this story and its themes this year, after what has been undoubtedly, the hardest year of my life.  The last twelve months have not been easy.  Cancer and divorce are not easy to face as separate events, and this year they ran parallel for me.  Many times during the year, I could not wait until 2009 was over, and I could put this horrible year behind me.

As I have thought more and more about it, I have realized while the year has been hard, it has not been horrible.  So many positive things have happened as well.  Personally, I have learned many valuable things over the course of the year.  One of which, is you are never really alone.  There are always family and friends that support you.  Because of my illness this year, I found this out to an extent I have never experienced before.  I am not certain that without my illness, I would have ever discovered this. 

The other night, the closing scene from It’s A Wonderful Life popped into my mind.  It is when George sees the inscription in the book from Clarence which says, “remember no man is a failure who has friends.”  This past year by itself was difficult.  But because of my friends and family, it has been a wonderful year.  My children and I are truly blessed.  Thank you all. 

I wish all my family, friends, and blog readers the happiest of holidays, and much happiness, love, and friendship in 2010.  All of us really do, have a wonderful life.

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Family & Friends Running

Rest and Rebuild

I made a decision on whether I am going to continue running or not.

I went on a 5K walk last Tuesday and thought.  Up to that point, I really did not know how to get back to where I had been, and I felt like my fitness level was slipping.  I had not had a positive run in almost a month.  I felt it slipping through my fingers, but couldn’t stop it.  I was missing something, but didn’t know what.

I appreciated the comments left on the blog post, and the encouraging  e-mails readers sent me.  When I read one though, it clicked because I realized I had no plan, no course of action, and no structure to what I have been doing.

The advice I had been reading in various articles all say to let shin splints heal, and the “get back out there.”  It doesn’t say how to do that.  What do you do in the meantime?  How do you keep your fitness level up?  How do you keep your breathing and pacing?  How do “get back out there” again, without getting injured?

Not knowing how to do this was causing me so much frustration and was causing me to lose confidence.  After I read a message from my friend, who gave me some great ideas on how to actually “get back out there,” I felt excited again.  I felt like I finally had a plan and some ideas that would work.

One of the suggestions was I walk.  I walk fast while my shins are healing and I can work on breathing and pacing at the same time.  I decided to try walking the 5K distance. 

While I was walking, things came together.  I found a great stride, and I found my breathing and pacing working together again.  One of the things my friend said was I had to “rest and rebuild.”  I thought about that while I was walking in the second mile. 

I knew deep down, rest and rebuild was what I had to do, but I was afraid.  I was afraid while I was resting I would slip so far back, there wouldn’t be much left to rebuild with.  

In the third mile, I realized my breathing was heavy.  Walking fast is work and it is fitness.  I also had no shin pain and no cramps.  I knew then I could rebuild and comeback.  The fear was gone.  I checked my time when I was finished and I walked the 3.2 miles in 39 minutes.  This was faster than I had been able to run this distance when I was starting out.

On Saturday, I went for another 5K walk, before arctic weather moved in.  It had snowed and there was a lot of ice on the sidewalks.  I am getting over bronchitis, so I had to be careful and breathe differently. 

I found my pacing and stride immediately.  It felt like I was almost running, but I wasn’t.  I had no shin pain, and no cramps.  I forgot about time, and running, and just had fun and enjoyed my walk.  I hadn’t felt that good- that confident, in a month. 

After the walk, I checked my time, and I had done the 5K distance in 35 minutes.  Four minutes faster than on Tuesday, and faster than my finishing time in my first 5K running race.

I have to continue to rest and rebuild, which is hard- I’m going to have more challenges.  But as my friend pointed out, and as I have begun to discover, it is the foundation where you heal, learn, and gain confidence.   

I don’t know how long it will take before I can start running again. But I’m not going to give it up.  Rest and rebuild isn’t the end, but the begining.

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Activities Family & Friends Holidays

Wanted for Christmas: “I Don’t Want Nothing But My Sider (sister) Needs a Coat”

Last year my sister, Mara, who is a second grade teacher at a very impoverished school outside of Denver, had her students write a letter to Santa Claus.  She had never done this before, and was expecting typical requests from eight and nine year-olds.  The letters were anything but typical- they were heartbreaking.  She sent an e-mail to her family and friends with some of the requests, asking if there was any way we could help out these kids.

The letter that touched me the most last year was from a little boy who asked Santa for “socks with no holes in them.”  I posted her letter in a blog post, and asked my readers if they could help.  The response was overwhelming, and you can read about it here, if you missed it. 

Last year, Sergeant Alex from Buckley Air Force Base read about these kids on my blog, and showed up with four other officers with presents for these children.  Many readers sent gift cards and care packages- people that had never met these kids or my sister.  Family and friends in the area helped as well, with the result of every child in my sister’s class having a Christmas they never expected and will never forget.  

This year the entire second grade has written letters, and my sister has decided to try to make sure every child in her school’s second grade receives not only the items they need, like “socks with no holes,” but also a fun toy. 

Sgt. Alex, along with other Air Force officers and their families have already offered to help out, but there are 110 children in second grade, in a school that has several homeless kids, and where over 95%  of the students qualify for the reduced and free lunch program.  Some of the letters are even more desperate than they were last year.  Here are some of the requests, as the children wrote them:

“I nide food for my famli beause my dad has a boss woo doesnt want him to work anymor.”

“…a penciles and an eraser because I have none.”

“…two pair of shoos because my are ripet on the botom. I also need a bed because I never had one.”

“……I need some new sock and shoes because mine sock are riped back at home.”

“…I would please like to have some more frute and some glofs because I did not have some before.”

and the request that made me tear up:

“…I don’t want nothing but my sider needs a coat.”

I imagine my own two boys and how they love each other, and when one of them is hurt or upset, it pains the other one.  I can only imagine how sad and desperate this child feels to have to watch her sister go without a coat. 

Here is the information if you can help, as stated by my sister:

We’ll take anything EXCEPT cash/checks. Gift cards to Wal-Mart would be the most helpful because we could trade them in for gifts and the Wal-Mart here in Commerce City gives us tax-exempt status. We’d also love any chapter books, school supplies, etc. I will take care of making sure every child in the entire 2nd grade will get something new this Christmas.

Please send what you can to:

Alsup Elementary School
c/o Mara Corzine
7101 Birch Street
Commerce City, CO 80022

Again, thank you for caring about these kids. Anything you can send us will be greatly appreciated!! Let’s show these kids that people do care about them and that they matter!!

If you have any questions, feel free to leave a comment and I will respond.  I’ll be writing an update when we go shopping for the kids again, and this year I hope to be able to be there the day the kids receive their gifts. It was the highlight of my Christmas last year, and I want to see the look on the little’s girl face when she sees that her “sider” finally has a coat!

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Activities Family & Friends Health Me Running

The Second Race

Last week, on Monday, I blogged that I was ready to run, and I was going to push myself in my second 5K race on Saturday to see what I could accomplish. 

On Tuesday when I started to run, felt the start of shin splints in both my shins.  The pain wasn’t bad, but it was there.  I kept running and after the first mile or so, the pain went a way.  Later, I read up on the causes of shin splints, and I believe I was developing them because I had added several sprints after my normal runs to increase my speed.  The week before most of the path  I ran on was covered in snow and ice, and running on such an imbalanced course may have increased the pressure my shins were taking. 

I asked on Facebook what to do for shin splints, and I received a lot of good advice: from evaluating my shoes, to stretching,  to using ice and heat, to looking into ChiRunning, to stop running and rest my shins.  I looked up some specific stretches for the shins and calves, and started doing those immediately. 

On Wednesday and Thursday, the pain came and went.   Normally, I would have just stopped running for the week, but I had been looking forward to this race, and  I really wanted to run in it.  However, I knew it was not worth getting a serious injury, or having to sit out for months, just for one race.  I made the decision reluctantly on Thursday night, that if I had any more pain in my shins before the race, I was not going to run in it.  I started using heat and ice on my shins. 

I woke up on Friday and they felt great.  If I touched my shin bone, there was a tiny bit of discomfort, but it wasn’t painful.  I did not run on Friday, but Friday night I did some stretches and the heat and ice again before I went to bed.  Saturday morning I woke up, and there was no pain- not even when I touched my shin bones.  I was so excited, and was ready for the race!

The weather in Denver on Saturday for the Denver Veteran’s Day 5K Race, was beautiful.  It was sunny and in the high 30’s.  The race started at 8AM, and it was a perfect morning for running.  My dad was excited to come with me again, and he is now the “official” race photographer!

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Right after I had warmed up- about 15 minutes until race time!

I discovered that I was in the age category for 35 and older, but I had no idea how many people were in my age group. The top three winners in each age group, both male and female would be awarded a medal.   Most of the runners looked young- the race was on a college campus, so the vast majority of runners were college aged.  I lined up in the 8-10 mile group, or the second group to start:

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You can see my “secret weapon” I mentioned in my Ready to Run blog post in these two pictures P.S- the black ankle bracelets everyone is wearing is the timer chip

Since I started in the second wave, we had to stand around for about a minute waiting.  I was trying to visualize running the course, but it is really hard to stay calm, when you just want to start running!  They told us the course was two laps around, and it was time to go!

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This race was so uncrowded, I was able to run right by my dad when I started.  That was nice.  There was also a barefoot running club that had several runners running in their bare feet, as you can see in the picture above.  My dad got quite a kick out of that- he didn’t think anyone should be running on a public street in their bare feet! (that is a hint to my “secret weapon” too, if you haven’t guessed, or noticed yet. 🙂  )

As I started running, I realized I started out too fast. My pacing was off.  I was mad that I had let the excitement distract me.  I also felt hot immediately.  I had been debating taking my jacket off before the race, but it was cold.  The first few minutes I was already hot, but I didn’t want to take the time to mess up my pacing anymore by taking the jacket off.  I decided to run with it and then dump it at the start of the second lap.  

I tried to make the adjustment to get my pacing back on track.   A lot of people passed me, but I wasn’t paying too much attention to them.  I was focusing on getting my stride and breathing back to where I know it needed to be.  I was very happy though, I had not felt any pain in my shins.

After about half a mile, I felt like I was back on my pacing, and started to relax and just enjoy the run.  I noticed one female runner who had passed me at the beginning, looked about my age and she was about 50 yards ahead of me.  The course was great- there was lots of room to run, and there was no one around you.  It was very easy to concentrate and focus on running.  The only issue I was having was I was hot.  I had unzipped the jacket and that helped some, but I couldn’t wait until I could shed it.

I noticed a lot of younger guys were passing me, but that was okay.  I passed a few people too, but I wasn’t paying too much attention to their ages.  The only person I kept my sights on was the  female runner that was still ahead of me.

As I approached the end of the first lap, I started trying to take my jacket off, and it got stuck!  Then it wouldn’t go over my gloves! I was so frustrated, but was trying not to let it break my concentration.  I passed the start line, saw my dad, and finally got the jacket off!  I was very happy to throw it in the grass.  But then my earphones got twisted up and were dangling off of me.  I had to take my gloves off to fix the earphones, and then put the gloves back on.

By the time these issues were fixed, I felt like I had lost some time.  Having been around the course once already, I started making a mental plan on when I could make some time up, or at least try not to slow down.  A female barefoot runner passed me, and that seemed to give me a shot of motivation.  I didn’t want anyone else to pass me.  Around 2.5 miles, I started to speed up slightly, trying to making up some of the time I felt I had lost. 

I focused on my breathing, and stride.  I was tired, but I told myself I was almost done, and this would show me what I could do. I started running faster.  We were coming down the last 300 yards or so, and I was right about to pass the female runner that had been ahead of me the entire run. I thought for a second if my shins could handle it, but I had been training sprinting 400 yards.  I decided to go for it!!

As soon as I started sprinting she did too. I told myself I didn’t work that hard on my sprinting for nothing.  This was the moment I could give it my all- my absolute best now, and see what would happen.  This is a picture of that moment:

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I passed her with about 100 yards left to go (she’s wearing the cap), and I crossed the finish line!  I heard the announcer say my number and name, and she added, “What a finish!”

I was elated and thrilled!  Despite all the issues I dealt with during this race, I was able to work them out, and had a strong finish.  I also knew without checking the clock or time, that it was the fastest I have ever ran!

My dad gave me a hug, and I told him I had to keep moving for a few minutes.  He walked with me, and told me had timed me for the first lap and he thought I was about 14 minutes.  He said if I had done that for my second lap, I’d be right around the 28 minute mark.  My goal for this race for time was under 30 minutes.  I had only hit this once before- the Tuesday before the race- I had run the distance in 29:53.

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Moments after I had finished the race

I ate some food and talked to my dad while we waited the results.  He was happy to tell me that the first few people that had crossed the finish line were runners that were wearing shoes!  We walked around looking at the vendor’s swag, and I got some cool whistles for Ryan and Cole.  I was going to go put my jacket in the car, when I saw they had the results posted.  I had to wait about five minutes before I could work my way in to the table to check.  It took me a few minutes to find my name, and when I did, I checked, double checked, and triple checked.  I thought I was reading the results wrong. 

My dad was a few feet away from the table, and he was dying to know my time.  I had my results memorized by now, and I left the result table to tell him.  My results were:

Time: 27:07. My personal best!   I finished at 36:35 at the Race for the Cure.  I dropped 9:28 off my time in a month!

Lap 1 Time: 13:34

Lap 2 Time: 13:33

I was in 5th place for my age group out of 32 runners. 

I finished 64th overall out of 135 runners.

I finished 16 seconds behind the 4th place finisher, 1:08 behind the third place finisher, 6:02 behind the second finisher, and 6:32 behind the first place finisher. 

I missed a medal by only two people.  I wasn’t sad, but amazed that I finished that close to runners who medaled!  I never would have thought that this was possible three months ago, when I barely had enough energy to function!

I pushed myself, and I was on cloud nine with the results! 

I had no shin pain after the race, but on Saturday night, the tendons above my right ankle hurt.  On Sunday my shins felt great, but on Sunday night I woke up in the middle of the night and they were throbbing.  On Monday, they hurt again, like they did last week. 

I am taking at least a week off from running to let my shins, and tendons rest.  I have some good news about my dad, that I’ll share in another blog post soon. 

I’m eyeing another 5K in December- the ColderBolder at the CU campus in Boulder, or the Rudolph Ramble in City Park in Denver.

To be continued…