Category: Family & Friends

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Family & Friends losing a parent

Update on My Mom

Thanks for all the comments and e-mails regarding my mother.  She passed away peacefully early Wednesday morning, and we were with her. 

Needless to say, this is a very difficult time and the range of emotions are many.  Losing my mother has been devastating, but there have been many positive experiences during the last week, and such an outpouring of love for my mom.  It has been a great comfort to our family.

As we leave the city my mom lived and return home this weekend, our lives have changed.   The person who has always been there for us- is gone.  We have to find that place where we can move on with our lives, not consumed by grief, but with the happiness and love she has always given to us.  

On Thursday morning my siblings and I all woke up at the exact same time in our hotel room because the sun was streaming in the room and was reflecting off a mirror.  The light was very bright and intense.  It was shinning in our faces, and it was odd how bright the room was.  My brother closed the curtain, and I looked at the clock. It was the exact time my mom passed away, 24 hours earlier.  I think she was telling us she was okay, and we are going to be okay too. 

My friend told me that my mom will always be with me- I will just have to look for her.  Maybe that’s part of how you get through something like this and live with the loss every day.  Maybe our loved ones are never really gone, but the way they express their love, and their presence in our lives changes. 

Categories
Activities Family & Friends Health losing a parent Mothering

Saying Good-Bye to My Mom

On Monday afternoon, my siblings and I found out that my mom was in the intensive care unit, in serious condition in Minnesota. We were told her condition was worsening, so my sister Mara and I decided to go to Minnesota.  We arrived on Wednesday. 

Three days later, I’m sitting next to my mom in her hospital room while she sleeps, writing this.  My mom is dying and is not going to recover. The only option available would extend her life by a maximum of 3 months, and she would be in the hospital, connected to machines. Yesterday my Aunt Laura (who is a nurse), Mara, my mom and myself talked.  My mom knows her condition but how do you just decide you are done?  How do you tell your children that you want to die?  Laura says it is very rare when someone can make that decision-fully conscious and aware like my mom is- she said it is normally just too difficult. 

Laura and my mom have been friends (not just sister-in-laws) for over 30 years.  Laura said the words that we could not- she spoke aloud what needed to be said, but we couldn’t say, “…you aren’t going to get better, and you are going to die.” 

After that Mara and I talked to my mom.  She was considering the alternative option that would give her a few more weeks, but would only be delaying the inevitable.  I don’t think anything has ever been as hard, as the conversation that followed that Mara and I had with my mom.

A bit later her doctor returned to tell her he could set up the treatment, and my mom, in a strong voice told him no.  She told him in the days she had left, she didn’t want to be on machines, with tubes in her body.  She wanted to be comfortable and pain free, surrounded by her family.  Her doctor agreed this was the best option, and she had made a wise decision. 

This afternoon my mom’s wishes will be carried out, and she is moving to a highly recommended hospice. We will be with her in the hospice.  They will allow us to bring her two cats in to visit my mom.  They will cook anything she likes, and she will be pain free, and comfortable.

The last few days have been mainly a blur.  I am so emotionally and mentally drained- I’m just in hospital mode.  My sister and I feel like we have been here for months- not days.  We knew “one day” this would happen, but I don’t think you can ever be prepared for this. 

All of my mom’s friends, and co-workers have been by to see her, and they are amazing.  They have told us how much they adore my mom, and what a wonderful and loving person she is.  They have brought my family much comfort and their kindness has touched us all. 

Our family and friends have been so wonderful as well- they step in when we can’t.  I honestly don’t know what we would have done if Laura hadn’t come.  We didn’t ask her- she just booked a ticket and came.   My sister-in-law, Kat, is taking care of us.  She makes sure we eat, she drives us where we need to go (directions are not Mara and I’s strong point), and she makes my mom laugh.  Our friends back home have sent fruit baskets, flowers, directions when we are lost, advice, and support.  One friend is coming in tonight to help Mara and I in these final days, when Laura has to go home.  My mom’s hospital roommate has bonded with our family, and she has said our mom is her hero.  Old friends of my mom that we haven’t heard from in years are calling and offering their support.  My mom has commented so many times in the last few days that she never knew so many people cared about her.  We are all so grateful for all of the love, support, and help all our family and friends have shown our family.

My mom has a few days left to live, and this time with her is precious and a gift.  We have had many good moments and conversations already.  She has talked to her grandchildren on the phone, and has been able to hear their voices one last time. 

We only get one chance to do this.  While the emotions are extremely difficult, I feel it will be a true blessing to be with my mom when the time comes for her to pass away.  I am very grateful I get this final block of time to love my mom, and say good-bye.

Categories
Family & Friends Holidays Running

Valentine’s Day 5K- A Matter of Time

On Sunday I ran in the Run Denver Valentine’s Day 5K Race.   After the hills in the last 5K race in January left me struggling at the end of the race, I have been working on more strength training, running longer distances, and more hill running.  

 On Thursday during my training run, I ran the distance just under 29 minutes.  This was the fastest pre-race time I have had, and felt pretty confident I could run faster than that on Sunday, and get my personal best.  Later I saw the weather report for Sunday.  It called for snow and temperatures in the 20’s.  Running in the colder weather doesn’t bother me too much. I dress in layers, and usually end up shedding some of them.  But the snow gets packed down, and turns to ice.  It makes it harder to run as fast.  

I also tried to figure out a definite plan on how fast I needed to run to hit my target time. When I ran my best time, I started out at a faster pace and was able to maintain it.  But since I have been running longer distances, I have noticed if I start out slower, I get an incredible surge of energy after about 2.5 miles. After the last race, I did not want to be so tired at the end!  I was debating between a negative split, and running a steady, faster pace.  My friend gave me a good idea to break out the times on how fast I needed to run each mile to reach my target time.  I liked that, because it gave me a definite goal to hit for each mile. 

On Sunday morning it was snowing and cold.  When I got to the race, it was still snowing, and it was 18 degrees out!  The path was shoveled, but there was a lot of ice pack, because the park is a really popular park for running.  This race was a bit different for me too, because no one came with me.  My dad had a cold, and I didn’t have the heart to ask anyone else to get out of bed on a cold, snowy, Sunday, Valentine’s Day morning to come stand in snowy, 18 degree weather!

Since I didn’t have my trusty equipment manager to hold all my stuff, I jogged back to my car to put my registration stuff away, and by the time I got back to the start line, it was time to line up.  I hadn’t stretched, and since the race had a timer chip, I figured I would stay back for a few minutes and finish warming up.  The previous races with timing chips start when you cross the start line. There were probably about 25 other people who had the same idea as I.    

It was nice to start after the majority of the runners had gone. I hit the “start” on the timer on my watch as soon as I crossed the start line.  It was much less cramped.  I was shooting for a 10 minute mile for the first mile and a few minutes into it, I knew it was going to be hard to get my time. The course was really icy. When my feet landed, they slipped.  I had forgotten to bring my YakTraxs, which are awesome on the ice. 

The end of the first mile wasn’t marked, so I wasn’t exactly sure when I finished the first mile.  I was passing a lot of people, and I was enjoying running. I felt like I was running pretty well, despite the ice. There were patches where it was just wet pavement, so I tried to maneuver to these as much as I could.  

I saw the sign marking the end of two miles and my watch said 19 minutes.  I didn’t bother looking at the seconds, but I was happy with the pacing.  I focused on my breathing and trying to keep an even pace, so I wouldn’t tire out too much at the end.  It was getting a bit more difficult to get deeper breaths though because of the cold.  I kept passing people, and since I started after everyone else, there wasn’t anyone that was passing me.  That was kind of a neat psychological edge.  

I saw the marker for mile 3, and my time was just under 25 minutes.  I figured I was in good shape- I had just run a 5 minute mile!  I had never run a mile that fast.  But the end of the course was a hill- not a steep one, and I was doing okay, but I was getting tired. I wasn’t able to get any deep breaths, so my breathing was very shallow.  I was trying to pass someone a few steps ahead of me, and saw the finish line in sight.  If I gave it my all to pass, I probably wasn’t going to have enough left to finish.  So I didn’t sprint to the finish.  I held my pace, and made it to the finish line!

I wasn’t as tired as I was at the end of the last race, and felt much better. I stood for several seconds and breathed.  I went over the volunteer to have her remove the timing chip off my shoe, and remembered I hadn’t checked my watch!  I looked at it and it said 28:48.  I had waited about 30 seconds before I stopped it, but wasn’t worried about it, since the timing chip kept track of that.  I figured my time would be just over 28 minutes.  While that wasn’t my personal best, I felt great considering the weather and the course conditions.  I wanted to also finish in the top 15% for my age group, and I had a good feeling I did. 

Later in the afternoon the results were posted online and I was shocked to see my “official” time was 31:18!  I thought it was a mistake.  I hadn’t cleared the time from my watch and looked at it again, and it showed 28:48.  I e-mailed the time keeper for the race and asked him how I could have an almost 3 minute discrepancy.  The official results placed me 13th in my age group out of 58 runners and 149th out of 311. 

I was not happy with that at all!  The only race I ran slower than that was my very first race.  Even when I struggled at the last race, my time was 31:00 and I know I didn’t struggle as much during this race. I haven’t run a 5K distance over 30 minutes in over a month.  I just knew the results weren’t right, and it was frustrating!  I talked to my friend and also posted what happened on my Daily Mile account, and it made me feel a bit better to hear that sometimes the results get messed up.  But I was disappointed.

I thought about it clearly, and realized I didn’t need an “official” result to tell me how I ran.  I knew from the way I felt (and my watch), that I really ran the race in the 28 minute range- not in the 31 minute range.  While I won’t have an “official” result, it doesn’t discount my running.  Even with the weather and the ice, this was the second best time I’ve ever had.  It felt great to achieve that. 

Shortly after this, the time keeper e-mailed me back, and said the chips didn’t record individual start times- they all turned on at the same time.  He even asked if I started later than the main crowd.  Since I did, that explained the discrepancy.  I figured I started about 3 minutes after everyone else, so that would have put my time right about at 28:18- just about what I thought it would be at when I finished, and what my watch showed. 

I’m glad I got resolution on why the time was off, and it was a good lesson for me to learn.  You can’t always rely on what a clock or a timer chip says you have done.  They are devices, and even I didn’t stop my watch the exact moment I was done.  But I still knew I didn’t run a 31 minute race.  When I looked at how the 28:18 time lined up, it would have “officially” put me in 7th place for my age group, and 87th overall.  It also put me in the 12% for my age group, so I met that goal! 

I’ve joked that I have “graduated” to the next level- the 7K race, which I will be running in next month, but I’m not done with 5K’s. I am going to run in a fifth 5K and try to “officially” beat my personal best. 

After this timing fiasco, and always trying to “guesstimate” my distances, I have a very cool announcement to make soon, which will be perfect timing.  🙂

Categories
Family & Friends Health Mothering Running

Pieces of the Running Puzzle

Before I had my kids, I used to workout.  In a real gym.  With actual exercise equipment like treadmills and weights.  Not that carrying around a baby who was 15 pounds eight weeks after he was born (Cole) or a toddler who was 25 pounds (Ryan) at the same time wasn’t a good workout, but it wasn’t exactly the same.

After having kids, there wasn’t time for gym workouts.  My workouts tapered off into walks with the stroller.  This was easier when there was only one baby, because a two-and-a-half year old doesn’t want to ride in the double stroller- no, they like to walk.  Very slowly.  And while that is fun, it is not a workout.  

When it came time to renew the membership, I realized I had been there maybe once during that past year to take the boys swimming in the kiddie pool.  It couldn’t be justified to pay for something that was not being used.  I cancelled the membership.  I still took the boys for walks several times a week, and would get out at times by myself for a longer walk, a short jog, or in the summer, a bike ride. 

Over the years, I have forgotten (not sure when exactly) how much I liked and benefited from strength training.  I would spend hours each week at the gym working the various muscle groups with weights.  Fast forward almost seven years later, and that has been how long since I have done any type of strength/core exercises.

When I was trying to figure out what was causing my shin splints, it made sense that my shin muscles weren’t very strong.  When I was talking to Alison about it she made the point that my other leg muscles might not be very strong either, and that could be putting more stress on my shins than necessary.  This seemed like a logical explanation, so I have decided the seven year break from strength training is over!

Alison showed me some wonderful stretches and exercises last week her personal trainer had given her, specifically for running.  These were designed to use weights, and they targeted not just the legs, but the entire body, and core strength.  I was sore from them for a few days, but it really proved the point that several of my muscles groups could stand a lot of improvement.   

I’m really excited that Alison’s trainer is going to have a running workshop soon.  I am sure I will learn a lot more from her.  In the meantime I am taking it cautiously, and working with three pound weights to get started.  At home.  Because I still don’t have enough time for an actual gym membership, but for the times I can squeeze it in, I am now thinking along the lines of the rec. center.

I really appreciate all the helpful advice and suggestions my friends share with me.  To achieve my running goals, I feel like there are all these little pieces of the puzzle that have to come together.  By adding strength training back into my routine after all these years, it feels like I found another part of the puzzle!   Slowly but surely, I am going to solve the puzzle.  One piece at a time.

Categories
Family & Friends Health Running

The Quicker Quaker “Oatmeal” 5K Race

On Saturday I participated in the Quicker Quaker Oatmeal 5K that was part of the Oatmeal Festival in Lafayette, Colorado. 

I met up with my friend, Alison, who had decided to get back into running after a two-year break due to some injuries. I have to tell a quick story about Alison first though.  I actually only met her (so I thought) in September, but have known of her for several years.  We have friends in the same circle, but never managed to meet, or be at the same functions until last September.  But she seemed to have a lot in common with me, and when we actually met at the Mile High Mama’s social media event, we hit it off right away.  We had never ran together until Saturday.  But we ran at a very similar pace, and in fact we both finished with the exact same time.  We were talking more later on Saturday and we figured out we had actually been in the Boulder Youth Symphony together 1989!  Talk about a small world!

Back to the race- it started at 9:30, and we ate a great oatmeal breakfast with every topping imaginable with Alison’s husband and little boy.  We finished breakfast and had about 45 minutes before the race started so we got organized and started warming up.  We stopped at my car to put our free oatmeal swag from the breakfast away, and got someone to snap a picture of us:

We lined up about 10 minutes before the race started, and it was crowded!  We were in the front, and it just kept getting more and more crowded.  The temperature was probably about 30 degrees.  We heard a loud “GO!” and everyone started running, so that was the big start.

This race had some elite runners in it, so they started a few minutes before everyone else.  Because of this, the roads were sectioned off.  At some point, all the timed runners were going to have to merge into a single lane, so as not to run into the elite runners.  The race course started with a nice downhill, and I was pretty certain we would be running up that hill later! 

The course was really crowded, right about the time Alison and I felt warmed up and ready to make our move, we had to get in the single lane.  There was no room to pass, or proceed at a faster pace.  We basically had to just keep running slower than the people in front of us.  I found this really frustrating.  I hadn’t experienced this before, so I didn’t know what to do, other than just keep going and hope there would be a chance later to pass. 

We got to the lake about the half way point, and had to run up a hill to get to the trail on the lake.  Once on the trail, it was narrow and there wasn’t any room to pass.  I was also a little more tired, because I am not used to running up hills. I made a mental note that I was going to have to start training on more hills!  Here’s a picture of Alison on the lake trail:

 photo by Steve Gandy

As we started running downhill, the course opened up a bit, and we started to pick up the pace, and break away some. By the time we were finished at the lake and back on the street, the entire street was opened (since the elite runners were finished by this time) so there was a lot more room to run and find a pacing.  But now, all the “little” downhills we had run at the beginning were coming back as uphills.  I glanced at my watch, and saw we were at 22 minutes. 

I was getting really tired!  As we ran up that first hill that was so nice at the beginning,  but was now making my thighs burn, I told Alison the hills were killing me.  She asked me if I wanted to walk for a while.  That snapped me out of it!  I wasn’t going to wimp out and walk!  I told myself I could get through the hills, and we finally reached the top.  Then we just had to keep turning down street blocks that thankfully, were flat.  My mind seemed to think every time I turned the corner, that would be the finish, but every time we turned the corner, it was another corner.   I didn’t look at my watch again, because I didn’t want to know.  It seemed like this race was taking forever! But we were passing people.  I felt like my pacing, timing, and overall presence of mind was a bit off.   

There was finally a volunteer as we turned another corner who said it was the last corner, and as we turned, I could see the finish line, probably a block away.  Here’s me heading for the finish:

 photo by Chris Gilstrap

It was very satisfying crossing that finish line!  The clocks there said 30:56, and I was really surprised.  I thought it would be more like 35 minutes at least.  I heard Alison right behind me.  We gave our timing paper to the volunteer, and it was over!  Alison’s husband and little boy were at the finish. 

Then I heard  “Hi Heather, I saw you pass me there at the end,” and it was a friend from high school.  He told me his time, and I had finished a few seconds ahead of him.  Then another friend from high school joined us a few minutes later, who had also run.  It was like a mini high school reunion, and it was fun catching up.  We talked about the course, and I was told even the Bolder Boulder doesn’t have as many hills in it as the course we had just ran.

The official results were out a few hours later, and  both Allison’s and my time was exactly 31 minutes. I ended up 18th in my age group out of 78 runners. Out of 663 women, I finished 197th, and out of 1086 total runners, I finished 444th.   I was really happy with the results.  I told my sister before the race, my goal was to finish in the 30th percentile for my age group and I finished in the 23rd.

I learned so much from this race.  First, I need to train on a little steeper terrain.  Not all the time, but enough so that a few hills don’t throw me or tire me out next time.  Second, Alison said she noticed I wasn’t breathing as effectively as I could be.  Thirdly, I need to have a mental plan on how to adjust for the race, if I can’t get my pacing down, or have room to run like I want to for the next race.

I was very happy that I had no shin pain during the race.  Afterwards, my shin bones felt slightly sore to the touch, but I had no muscle pain like I did after the last race.  

Alison and I enjoyed running together and figured we are perfect running partners, so we are going to start running together once a week.  I plan to enter at least one 5K race a month, and hopefully get faster times each race.  Alison and I are going to start training for a 7K (4.3 miles) race in March.  This is for the longer term goal of competing in a 9K (5.6 miles) race in early May.  If I can handle these distances, and my shins hold up, I am going to run in the Bolder Boulder on Memorial Day, which is a 10K (6.2 miles) race. 

One thing I can say about running is it is never boring.  There are always challenges to conquer.  I like that part.  Each race presents a new set of challenges.  By eliminating them limitations are peeled away.  What is uncovered in the process, a layer at a time is strength.