Category: Current Events

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Current Events Other

Septemeber 11th Project 2996 Tribute- Nurul Huq Miah

miah.nurul[1]

This is a tribute to Nurul Haq Miah, for Project 2996, in honor of the victims who lost their lives on September 11, 2001. 

Naurul Haq Miah was known as Miah to his friends, and co-workers.  Miah was born in Bengladesh on June 2, 1966.  He came to the United States in 1985 when he was 21. He married Shakila Yasmin (pictured above with Miah) on April 2, 2000.

Miah had worked for Marsh & McLennan for about 15 years as an audiovisual technician.  He was in Tower One, on the 99th floor, attending a meeting when the first plane, American Airlines Flight 11, crashed into the building.

What was even more heartbreaking for me to discover was Miah’s wife, Shakila, was at work on the 97th floor of Tower One, when the plane crashed, and she died too. They had only been married a year-and-a-half.  They were the only known couple who both died on September 11th.  In 2006, they were honored by the United States when the southeast corner of the 3rd Avenue and Ovington Avenue in New York was renamed after Shakila Yasmin and Nurul Haque Miah. 

When trying to decide how to honor Mr. Miah, facts and statistics only tell so much.  I obviously never met him, but I found heart-felt words from people who had the pleasure of knowing Mr. Miah and his wife. 

I discovered through their words that Miah always had a smile for his friends.  So many people spoke of his positive and upbeat attitude.  He was an avid outdoors man, who enjoyed camping, fishing, and hunting.  Many people spoke of the genuine and real love that existed between Nurul and Shakila.  One former colleague remembered Miah showing him the the executive floor in a corporate building owned by their company, where director Brian De Palma, filmed a scene with Sean Penn in the 1993 film Carlito’s Way.

Eight years is not a long period of time.  Yet, reading about the sense of loss that Mr. Miah’s friends and family have experienced, it is obvious that not a day passes where the loss of his life is not felt, and they have carried that loss every single day. 

Reading the words from people who loved him, it is clear to see that he touched so many lives and made so many people happy, just by being himself and living his life.  That is a gift, and the people whose lives Mr. Miah touched have never forgotten his gifts.

Mr. Miah gave Wendy Murray one of these gifts just one day before he died.  Ms. Murray’s account brought tears to my eyes, because I realized from her account, that we all have a Miah we know.  The person that cheers you up- the person who always says hi to you- the person who is always in a good mood- the person who goes out of their way to make your day brighter.  I think her words summarize what Mr. Miah meant to so many people- even to those of us who never met him:

“On September 10, 2001 I arrived to work with a frown on my face, frustrated by the hustle and bustle of the morning. Miah was walking doen the hall and asked me “where is my sunshine today” that is how he referred to my smile. I said “tough morning” and promised him a smile later on in the day. We talked a little bit about his weekend and went about our day. I don’t remember if I did give him a smile that day, but those words stay with me to this day. Miah was always able to make me smile, I just wish I had one that morning. I know your wonderful spirit is in a good place…”

I offer my sincere sympathy to Mr. Miah and Ms. Yasmin’s family and friends, and I am so sorry for your loss.  I believe, like Ms. Murray, that their spirits are in a good place.  

May all the innocent victims of September 11th, rest in peace.  To their families and friends, we will never forget. 

“Love is stronger than death even though it can’t stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can’t separate people from love. It can’t take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.” ~ Unknown

ShakilaYasmin

Nurul Haq Miah and Shakila Yasmin

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Current Events Other

Project 2,996- Remembering The Victims of 9/11

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I am very honored this year to participate in Project 2,996 to remember the victims of September 11th. 

I am writing a tribute to a person I never knew or never met, who lost his life eight years ago on that horrific day.  The goal of Project 2,996 is to have all 2,996 innocent victims honored and remembered for their lives.  From their blog:

9/11/09 will mark 8 years since the attacks of World Trade Center I and II, The Pentagon, Shanksville, American Airlines Flights 11 & 77, and United Airlines Flight 93 & 175.

On that day 2,996 people were ripped from their lives. But as the media and society tend to do, they have focused on the killers. We’ve all learned more about them than we wanted to. On that day many of us made a pledge to never forget what happened.

The bloggers… are trying to keep that promise by learning about the people who died that day.

 On Friday morning I will have my tribute to a man whose life ended just as it was begining.  I am devoting the time I have this week for blogging to writing his tribute. 

Project 2,996 has about a thousand bloggers signed up to honor a victim.  If you can help remember a victim you can sign up here. 

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Current Events Family & Friends Mothering Parenting

Michael Jackson- Victim or Victimizer?

With the passing of Michael Jackson today, one of our generation’s biggest icons, my initial response was sad.

A few minutes later that had passed and I started to think about the child abuse allegations that he had been accused of in the last few years. 

I loved Michael Jackson growing up. I think he had talent.  I think he was an amazing dancer and entertainer and he took “rock star” to a new level.  I still turn the radio up when I hear his songs.  I am not questioning his talent nor his contributions to the entertainment industry, but as a mother his child abuse allegations are extremely disturbing to me.

Michael Jackson was a great singer and a pop icon- I liked his music and my family and I actually met him through a family friend in 1984. 

However, I feel Michael Jackson (MJ) was a *serial* child molester / pedophile, or whatever term you want to use.  

Non-molesters don’t have young boys over to sleep in their beds & then pay out millions to keep it quiet. Michael Jackson befriended young boys, sometimes from disadvantaged backgrounds, and then took them to his ranch, banning their parents.

This is a HUGE red flag.  If MJ loved children so much, why didn’t he befriend them at Disneyland? Take them to public places, have their parents along, or just even go hang out at these children’s homes?

Giving MJ the benefit of the doubt, and assuming he was victimized by these families out to destroy him and get money from him, which is what MJ claimed, he should have never had put himself in a situation like this again after the first allegation. But he did, and he chose to do this- still taking the boys to his private ranch.  

It is interesting how so many other celebrities like Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Madonna, Meg Ryan, Mia Farrow, etc., can have big hearts for children and work with them, and yet none of them have been “victimized” claiming they have been falsely accused of molestation for money.  No child can describe Brad Pitt’s genitalia like one of  Michael Jackson’s alleged abuser could. I don’t consider Michael Jackson bigger than “Brangelina”, and there have been no claims of inappropriate sleep overs from the Jolie-Pitt house.  So I don’t buy into the money claim.  

The FACTS are MJ was arrested once and accused twice of child molestation.  He settled out of court once, and found not guilty once. Both times the details have been sealed, and millions of dollars were paid out.  If he had nothing to hide, why not let the facts get out there to clear his name? Celebrities get accused of false things all the time, but very few of them get arrested, and hide the details-twice.

The case would never have gone to trial without sufficient evidence in the 2005 case, where Michael and the boy were discovered sleeping in bed together. How many other celebrities are having sleep overs with minor children in their houses with doors locked, and parents banned?

How many just normal parents have sleepovers like this with their children’s friends?    I can imagine the outrage if a Boy Scout leader was found sleeping in his tent with boy scouts on on an overnight camping trip.  Parents and the public would be outraged-as we should be.  But since this is MJ and he could do the moon-walk, these facts are pushed to the background-suddenly a 40 year old man who has 13 year old boys sleep with him in bed, doesn’t matter.   

I view this like OJ Simpson. He never got convicted and was found not guilty either of killing his wife and Ron Goldman, but he had a lot of money, and was able to create doubt. Even if he could run with a football.  Are there any people out there ten plus years later that don’t think OJ had something to do with the murders of his wife and her friend?  Even though the jury said he didn’t?   

I don’t care what talent in life you have- if you put yourself in compromising positions when you are under a spotlight, especially with minor children, you create suspicion on yourself.  You have to be even more careful.     If they ever release the evidence and the facts of the cases about these boys and Michel Jackson comes to light that he was completely innocent, I will be the first to apologize for doubting Mr. Jackson’s innocence.  

Michael Jackson’s family has my sympathy- no family should have to lose a loved one, but I am more sorry for the families of MJ’s victims and the position these young boys were put in by an ADULT man who should have known better not to have young boys locked in his bedroom sleeping in the same bed with him. Some things in life, you just don’t get to do- and this is one of them.   

I don’t care if you can throw a football, raise money for children in Africa, run with a football, dance, sing, or are the greatest entertainer in the world.  Putting yourself in compromising positions over and over again with young children, that raises a question of inappropriate behavior with them is wrong.  No matter who you are.   

There is no free pass for taking advantage and molesting children. Don’t take them in your bed to sleep with them.  Don’t lock the door to the bedroom, and don’t ban the parents.  Seems pretty simple to me.  We all make mistakes, and no one is perfect. How could MJ NOT have known or had not been advised to do this-  but he chose to do it anyway.   

The world lost a great entertainer, but his victims have lost their innocence too.  They will never get that back.  Victimizing the most vulnerable in our society is unforgivable, and I for one, can’t help but feel somewhat relieved that there is one less person putting innocent children in compromising situations.

Note: for more information, read The Smoking Gun: The Case Against Michael Jackson: https://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/010605jackson.html

**NOTE: If you don’t share my opinion with me fine-feel free to leave your thoughts.  I don’t allow swearing or profanity on my blog and if you leave profanity in your comments I will delete the comment and block your IP. Let’s discuss but also be civil. Thank you.**

October 19, 2009-

Thank you for all the respectful comments and discussion.  It is very evident from the comments that people feel passionately about MJ’s innocence or guilt, depending on what they personally believe.  Many readers provided evidence for both sides, and these added greatly to the discussion.  My intention on this post was to never debate the legal matters and dig up every document ever produced on the case.  It was my opinion, as a mother, on how I felt about MJ’s behavior with children.  It seems more and more people are becoming very hostile, rude, and disrespectful when offering their opinion, and since I have less and less time to monitor the comments closely, I have decided to close the comments on this post.  I thank everyone again for the civil discussion.

Heather

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c-sections Current Events Health Mothering Pregnancy & Birth

C-Sections- Five Years and Beyond (Part 3)

Since the five years I have had my C-section, I was told many times that I should just be grateful my baby was okay, and I should get over the negative feelings that I had regarding the experience.  I noticed that almost every woman who responded to my questions had something about her C-section that she was not happy about, or had been unprepared for. 

I think our society is very harsh with mothers who have given birth by  C-section in this regard.  A C-section not only brings a new life into the world, but it is also a major abdominal surgery. If a heart patient has a negative experience with heart surgery, their feelings are usually not discounted and told to get over it.  Of course all mothers are happy their babies are born healthy, whether they are born vaginally or by C-section.  But that does not, and should not invalidate any negative feelings a mother may have giving birth by a surgical procedure.   

Simply saying a mother should get over it, and be happy her baby is healthy is like telling a survivor of an awful car wreck, “at least you didn’t die,” or “you should be happy you are alive.”  That is a given- but the pain and trauma from the experience also needs be to validated in order for the survivor to heal.  We acknowledge the pain and suffering of car accident victims all the time.  We do not invalidate the victim’s feelings just because they are alive.  

Yet that is what happens to women over and over again, who share their negative C-section feelings. Their feelings are invalidated and they are told and expected to dishonor any negative feelings they have about their C-section births. 

Birth is one of the most powerful things a woman experiences- what kind of message does that send to a mother when she is told her feelings she has regarding her C-section are not valid?  

The C-section rate continues to rise in the United States every year.  According to Childbirth Connection, in 1965 the C-section rate was 4.5%.  It is estimated that when the 2007 figures are released, they will show the rate over 30%, or one in three births are a C-section. In some hospitals, the C-section rate is 50%. 

My C-section made me doubt my body.  I trusted my doctor more than myself.  Doctors are experts in medical procedures, and we are all grateful to have them for medical emergencies.  However, women are the experts on their bodies.   For thousands of years, midwives- other women- assisted during birth.  Birth is normally not a medical experience or emergency.  Yet, that is how the entire process is generally approached.  Women are made to feel that they are not capable of giving birth without a doctor present in a hospital. 

Ina May Gaskin, one of the most famous midwives in the world, who has her own birthing center in Tennessee, did not have a woman who needed a C-section until the 187th birth that she attended.   The next C-section birth didn’t come until after the 300th birth.  Contrast that with one in three births being a C-section today. 

It is my opinion that women are losing the ability to believe that their bodies can give birth, and birth is not a medical condition.  Add to this, the women that are told to “get over” their negative birth experiences and not acknowledge their feelings.  How does this attitude in our society prepare a woman for her next birth?  How does this psychologically affect her?  Is she more likely to believe in her body for the next birth or decide she needs a C-section?

C-sections have their place, and I am the first to acknowledge that.  But with every C-section that is performed that is not a true medical emergency, I believe we are teaching women and girls- the next generation- that their bodies are inadequate- incapable of giving birth without a major surgery.   As long as women allow doctors to make the calls for them, the C-section rate will continue to grow, and our choices for birth diminish.

Women need to support each other and share their birth experiences.  Perhaps one story of a successful VBAC will encourage another woman to try a VBAC.  One story of a woman’s experience with a C-section will help another woman avoid one.  We can support each other and learn from one another.  By sharing the good and the bad of our birth experiences, we lay the groundwork for allowing women and girls to trust their bodies.  After all, women are the experts in childbirth.  Who better to learn about birth from than another woman who has experienced it?

Karen Walker, a midwife, believes that “obstetricians will continue to encouraging the birthing mom to sacrifice her body on the operating room table until women begin to take the responsibility of her birth upon herself.”  She says, “Doctors will get off their pedestals only when women get off their knees.” 

The Unnecesarean.com was the first place this week that I read about Lauren Plante of Thomas Jefferson University’s essay, Mommy, What Did You Do in the Industrial Revolution?   In her essay Plante compares industrial obstetrics with the industrial revolution.  One profound statement she made when comparing modern obstetrics:

Industrial obstetrics strips the locus of power definitively away from women. The history of childbirth in America reflects a persistent trend of increased control by physicians and increased medicalization. Childbirth moves, first, out of the home, and now out of the vagina.  (bold print mine)

It is interesting to note that Lauren Plante is an OB/GYN. 

It is my hope by sharing my C-section experience, other women’s experiences, and by continuing to write about  C-sections,  that women who are considering a C-section for a non-medical emergency, can find real life experiences, thoughts, and information from other women that will enable them to trust their bodies can give birth. 

We each are given the power over our bodies.  The power is there- in all of us- to give birth to our babies.  We have to trust that our bodies can do what they were made for.  We have to get the information we need to feel confident in our bodies.  When will we feel we have given enough of our birthing power and choices over to the medical industry?  When the C-section rate nationally is at 5o percent? 75 percent? 100 percent?  

It is every woman’s right to attempt the birth experience that she feels is best for her baby and herself.  Please don’t give that right over blindly to a doctor simply because they are a doctor.  If you don’t want a C-section only because your baby is breech, then do what I didn’t do- fight to preserve that right.  Seek out midwives or another doctor.  If you are told your hospital doesn’t allow VBAC’s, and you want one, do what I did- find another hospital that allows it.  You don’t have to settle for a birth option, just because a doctor says that is the only way. 

If we, as women don’t demand better from our doctors and hospitals, then we, and our daughters, will never get anything better from them.  We will never get better choices, better information, better treatment, and ultimately better births.

Categories
Current Events Fun Stuff

Third Annual Academy Awards Fashion Review

For the 81st Academy Awards, I was expecting great and beautiful fashion.  This is the event to go all out on.  I am always looking for that WOW factor, and I have to say, I am a little disappointed this year. 

Last year it was hard to pick the best dressed- there were so many great choices.  I couldn’t even decide last year and declared a tie for best dressed.  This year it seemed the ugly, or what-where-they-thinking won over the WOW factor.  There were so many on my list for worst dressed, it was hard to pick until I saw it- then it was the clear winner.  I think most the dresses were kind of boring.  They seemed safe to me, and the ones that weren’t safe, were ugly or didn’t work. 

Like last year, I am also including the best and worst dressed couple and best tuxedo.  It didn’t seem that any pregnant mommies were out tonight in their pretty maternity dresses, so that category is on hold for this year. 

Here is A Mama’s Blog Academy Award Fashion Review for 2009:

BEST DRESSED

What a difference two years can make!  Two years ago, she was my worst dress pick, but this year, her dress was the only one that  I said WOW when I saw it. Maybe she saw my plea to her, not to wear feather dresses anymore!  At any rate there was not a feather in sight  on my best dressed pick for this year:

  • Penelope Cruz.  This dress is gorgeous.  It is a 60-year old vintage Pierre Balmain dress.  Not everyone can pull off a vintage look, but Penelope Cruz does it effortlessly. I love the antique detailing in the dress.  She looks like a princess, without overdoing the look.  As an added bonus she has almost 3 million dollars of diamond jewelry on.  This outfit is divine, and and even without the diamonds, it would still be the clear winner.

penelope

                                   photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

HONORABLE MENTION-BEST DRESSED

  • 1.  Kate Winslet. This dress shouts glamour with a bit of a twist.  Kate wears it so elegantly, and radiates classic Hollywood beauty.  The dress is by Atelier Yves Saint Laurent by Stefano Pilati. These asymmetrical dresses are hard to pull off (see worst dressed).  But Kate wears this look flawlessly, and the overall look is stunning.

  kate

                                   photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images
  • 2.  Angelina Jolie.  While this dress seems a little on the safe side, I love black dresses, and if anyone does a black dress right, it is Angelina!  I love how she added a little color with her 115 carat emerald earings  and her ring.  I think Angelina could make a burlap sack look glamorous, and she definitely was one of the best dressed of the night in her Elie Saab couture little black dress!

angie

                                photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images
  • 3.  Alicia Keys.  I loved this splash of color and the light, airy feeling of this chiffon gown by Armani Prive, Alicia Keys wore.  Plus her make-up, her hair, and her jewelry tie it all together.  This was one dress that I thought was not boring and it was a bit of a risk.  But Alicia pulls the look off beautifully. 
    alicia
                                           photo by Steve Granitz/WireImage.com
  • 4.  Meryl Streep.  How can anyone not love Meryl Streep?  She doesn’t always dress great, but this year I loved her off-the-shoulder gray dress by Alberta Ferretti.  She looks age appropriate, and beautiful.  I love that Meryl can look her age, and her face isn’t all botoxed!  All I can say is Meryl is the Queen of Hollywood!

meryl

                                    photo by Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

WORST DRESSED

I thought I saw the ugliest dress ever last year, and it just couldn’t get any worse than Tilda Swinton’s dress.  I stand corrected- she has been out done this year, and the result is absoulutely hideous.  It is the most unflattering, unattractive, and horrible outfit, that I have EVER seen.  My worst dressed pick goes to:

  • Tilda Swinton.  I suppose only someone who had the worst dress last year, could outdo her self for this year.  Seriously, what runs through her mind, where she would think this looks good?  It looks like she is sick.  The taupe color of her top, does nothing for her face.  She is so pale, she could pass as an albino.  The droopy top and skirt reminds me of curtains.  Please, please, Tilda- get a different stylist!  If Penelope can go from worst dressed to best dressed in two short years, I know you can do it!  You are gorgeous, but the clothes and their colors you are wearing are doing nothing for you.    We want to see a unique and non-traditional dress on you, but this is not it.  WOW us in a good way!

tilda

                                     photo by Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

HONORABLE MENTION- WORST DRESSED

  • 1.  Beyonce Knowles. There is nothing I like about this dress.  Beyonce is beautiful, and this look makes her look like a mermaid-robot from the 80’s.  Seriously, my mom had friends in the 80’s whose living rooms had black laquor furniture with gold trim. This dress reminds me of that decor, or a very cheap shower curtain.   Are those gold roses on the dress?  This dress needs to go to the graveyard of dresses that should never be seen again-ever.  Beyonce and Tilda’s dresses this year can share a coffin. 

beyonce

                                    photo by Steve Granitz/WireImage.com
  • 2.  Heidi Klum.  This is the exact opposite of how NOT to wear an asymmetrical dress.  Unlike Kate Winslet, this look is horrible.  It looks like a bad prom dress from the late 80’s.  Or a devil’s Halloween costume that went wrong.  I read that Heidi designed this dress herself.  Maybe that is why I never got into Project Runway.  The only reason she beat out Beyonce, is because I LOVE her red shoes.  That is the only thing that is right about this outfit.  Too bad the dress ruins the shoes. 

heidi

                                      photo by Steve Granitz/WireImage.com
  • 3.  Melissa Leo.  The dress is just ugly.  Plain and simple.  It is an ugly color, and it doesn’t fit Melissa right.  The torso looks off center, the neckline is way too wide, and I don’t understand the jewel clips creeping into the armpits.   I wonder if there is still room in that coffin holding Tilda and Beyonce’s dresses- this dress needs to be in there too!

melisaa

                                     photo by Jeff Vespa/WireImage.com
  • 4.  Miley Cyrus.  I don’t think the dress itself, is all that bad, but on Miley, it just doesn’t work. First of all, Miley is 16.  This dress is too old for her.  If an older actress was wearing it, it could be a great dress.  But with a teenager wearing it, it looks like a young girl playing dress up.  My cousin is 16, and this dress would look ridiculous on her.  I can’t make up my mind if this dress reminds me of fish scales or a Christmas tree with glittery snow painted on it.  I have a great idea- maybe next year Tilda could wear this dress, and we can see if it looks any better on an older actress, and Miley can wear something a little more age appropriate. 

miley

                               photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

BEST DRESSED COUPLE

  • Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie.  This wasn’t even close this year.  These two just match and go together.  They look great separately, but look phenomenal together, and very Hollywood glamorous. Is there anyone who doesn’t like looking at Brad and Angelina, especially when they are all perfectly dressed up?  I didn’t think so. 

brad-angelina

                                  photo by Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

WORST DRESSED COUPLE

  • Phillip Seymour Hoffman &  Mimi O’Donnell. It’s the knit cap Phillip is wearing, that makes these two the worst dressed.  The dress Mimi has on isn’t really doing her any favors, and Phillip’s tuxedo is too shiny.  They don’t look horrible, and without the cap they might not look too bad together.  But the hat just pushes their look together over the edge.  It looks sloppy and seems to magnify all the flaws their outfits have.  We would NEVER see Brad wearing a knit cap on the red carpet.  It just doesn’t work.   

    phillip-seymore

                                            photo by Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

  BEST TUXEDO

  • Brad Pitt.  There is just something about that classic tuxedo with a bow tie.  There were a lot of different and unique tuxedos this year, that looked good, but I don’t think anyone looked as nice as Brad this year in a tux.  I’ll just let the picture speak for itself.   

 brad_pitt
                                        photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

That  concludes the review for 2009.  I hoped you enjoyed it.  Let me know what you think- do you agree with me, or did I miss someone who you thought was best/worst dressed?