Category: Cancer

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Cancer Cole Family & Friends Health Running Ryan

The Perfect Race- The Perfect Ending

On Saturday I ran in the Eagle’s Heart 5K race, trying for my fastest 5K time.  My previous record had been 27:07.  In my last post I explained why I wanted to achieve this so much, and the work I was putting in for it.  My dad was also running in this race as his first 5K.  I had a flood of emotions on Friday.  Everything just hit me at once- cancer, my mom, where I had been health-wise last year.  It was a lot to think about.

I was afraid of failing for a reason I describe at the end of this post.  I thought back to all the runs I have done since September.  It occurred to me I have ran in a lot of different conditions.  I’ve run in freezing cold, and heat.  I’ve run when I was feeling great, and when I was feeling bad. I’ve ran fast, and I’ve ran slow.  I’ve ran in pain, and I’ve ran pain free. I’ve ran when I felt like I could go on forever, and I’ve ran where I like I couldn’t take another step.   I told myself I can run in any condition except one- fear.  I was never going to run with fear.

I got up at 6AM on Saturday, and made breakfast for my dad and I.  He made me breakfast for my first race, so I returned the favor.  He arrived at my house at 7, and said he was feeling great.  I had gotten over my funk, and I felt calm and ready.

It was quite a bit cooler and it was windy where the race was being held.  My dad and I warmed up, and walked across the street few minutes to the race site, before it started.  I told my dad I was so proud of him for getting himself in 5K running shape.  He told me I had been his inspiration, and that made me feel good.  He told me not to worry about him, and he’d meet me at the finish line.  A few moments after that, we were off! 

The course started out flat for about 30 seconds, and then there was a hill. I barely noticed it-I just saw the other runners ahead of me running up a hill. It was very satisfying to be able to run up a hill without it affecting my pace.  I didn’t want to get tied to looking at the Garmin, but when I looked at it a few second after the hill, my pace was at 7 minutes a mile.  I was right where I wanted to be. 

I started up at the front.  There were a few men passing me, but no women.  There was a woman who was about a tenth of a mile ahead of me.  She was running really well, and I thought if I could keep the gap between us where it was, I’d be doing really well too. There was enough room on the course to run.  I didn’t have to worry about strollers, or walkers, or having to pass a bunch of people. 

Then I just let everything go from my mind, and ran.  It was like my body took over- it knew what it needed to do. I had done this so many times, and under harder conditions, everything just flowed and came together.  My mind and body were working perfectly.  The first mile seemed to fly by.  I had run it in 7:24.

The second mile had been the hardest in training.  I tended to slow down too much, and then it was hard to pick the pace up again.  The Garmin really came in handy during the second mile.  At times I felt like I was too slow, but I’d look at my pace and see I was actually running faster than I needed to.  I made myself slow down a bit, because we were running down hills, and I knew those would be uphill in the third mile.  The runners who were in the lead started passing us on their return trip back.  I counted the women, and saw there were only 3 of ahead of me.  There had only been a handful of men too, and I started to get excited that I was pretty much in the front of pack.  I passed my dad, and he gave me a thumbs up. 

I was gaining on the woman who had been ahead of me.  We were just starting mile 3, and my pacing was great.  I had planned on running mile 3 in the 9 minute range, but I was running in the low 8 minute range.   After we ran up the hills, and the course evened out, I was starting to get tired. I wanted to try to pass her, but there was still almost a mile to go, and I didn’t want to put the last of my energy into passing her, and then not having enough to finish the race strong.   

I ran a bit slower in the last mile.  But when I came over the last hill, and saw there was about a quarter mile left, I looked at the Garmin and it said 24:24.  I couldn’t believe I had a chance to finish this race in less than 25 minutes!  It was time to give it my all, and go for it! 

It was the moment I had been working and training for.  I sprinted, and ran as fast as I could.  I was getting very tired, but something my friend told me popped in my head, and that was to keep setting goals and keep knocking them down.  I was almost there, and I gave it every last thing I had- I wanted to knock down the 25 minute goal.  I was not going to let that clock turn to 25 minutes, and not be on the other side of the finish line! 

I crossed the finish line, hit stop on my Garmin and it said 24:58.  Emotion hit me then. I had done it, exactly one year after all the uncertainty the cancer diagnosis brought.  But I had just run my perfect race, and the time proved it.  I ran strong, I ran fast, and I and I ran fearlessly.   It was one of the best experiences I have had. 

I drank some water, and then ran back to find my dad to run the rest of the race with him.  I found him with about half a mile to go.  He had taken off his coat and hat and was carrying them.  I took them from him and told him he was almost done.  We ran up that last hill together, and he saw the finish line.  I told him to run, he was almost there, and he was doing great.  He sped up a bit, and crossed the finish line at 33:12.

We were both so happy, and hung around the finish line to cheer for the other racers that were finishing.  As we were getting ready to walk back to the building, they posted the official results.  They had my time at 24:59.  My dad was the top third finisher for his age group, so he was going to get a medal!  (They combined the male and female top finishers for each age group, and they were all men in my age group, so that is why I didn’t qualify for a medal.)

I met up with woman who had been in front of me and I told her she had run a great race.  I told her I had been trying to catch her but couldn’t.  She told me she was glad to hear that, and said she had been worried about me the whole time passing her.  She mentioned she looked behind her throughout the race and saw I was right there.  She said I had been making her run faster, and I told her she had been making me run faster.  It was neat we both pushed each other to do a little better.  

I have not written the main reason why I wanted to break my record in this race.  It was for my boys, Ryan and Cole.  From the moment I found out I had cancer, I worried about them, and how it would affect them.  I worried what their lives would be like if I were sick, or could not maintain my level of activity with them.  Last summer, after my surgery and when my thyroid medication was messed up, I was so sick, and so weak, I could barely take care of them.  They watched me in this state, for almost three months.  They watched me and remember I was too sick to even walk up the stairs.  It was the absolutely worst thing about cancer- not being able to be there for them the way they needed me to. 

I wanted to show them they can overcome the hardest and unexpected obstacles life will throw at them- even cancer.  It might not come easy or instantly, and it might require a lot of hard work, but it is well worth the fight.   I never want them to feel like there is something that they cannot overcome. I wanted to show them, not just tell them, they can fight and work hard, and come back stronger than they were before, and achieve what at times, seems like the impossible. 

That is why I wanted this so much, and worked so hard for it.   So I could make this ending come true for my boys.     

Time: 24:59

Overall: 18th out of 67 runners

Overall Female: 4th out of 26

Female Age Group: 3rd place

My dad and I after the race
With the Bronze Medal Winner!

 

Categories
Cancer Family & Friends Health Running

Do You Really Want It?

“There will come a point in the race, when you alone will need to decide. You will need to make a choice. Do you really want it? You will need to decide.” ~ Rolf Arands

I came across this quote about a month ago, and I thought it was kind of corny the first time I read it, but it seemed to keep popping up.  I thought about it when my dad told me he was ready to try his first 5K race.  He’s been working really hard, and I have no doubt he’ll finish well within his goal of 35 minutes.    

My best 5K race time is 27:07.  I ran this in the second race in November, and I finished in fifth place for my age group.  I’ve wondered why I haven’t been able to run that fast since in a race.  I thought about what I did in that race, that I haven’t done in the races since then.  I have always known I pushed myself in that second race.  I started out faster than I had wanted, but I kept up the pace.  It was one of the harder races I’ve ran, but it was also my fastest.

Since then in races, I start out a comfortable pace, building up my speed for the end of the race.  I’ve been running negative splits.  I have tried several times starting out faster in training 5K runs, and every time I have done this, I’ve ran the 5K distance faster.  But I also have to work very hard during the run- much more than when I run it in negative splits.     

Then I kept thinking about this quote- how much did I really want to work for what I wanted to achieve?  What if I fail at it?  Is it better to try it and fail, or just stay in the comfortable zone, not risking much-not being disappointed?  

I’ve been concentrating on running longer distances since February.  I have to start out at slower paces for those, so switching gears to start out fast for a 5K, is like starting all over again in some aspects.  I know I have the speed to begin, and I know I can do the distance, but can I maintain the speed to get the time I want for the entire distance?  I would also have to train backwards for the 5K from what I was used to.  If I wanted to do this, it was going be a lot of work, and I kept thinking about the quote- “Do you really want it?  You will need to decide.”

I found a smaller 5K for my dad’s first race, which won’t be overly crowded.  The race is this Saturday, April 17th.  It is also the exact day to the year last year, when my surgeon called me at home, on a Saturday, and told me I had cancer.  The actual date was April 18th- my mom’s birthday.  I called my mom when I received my devastating cancer diagnosis, and told her.  I was very upset and scared.   She talked to me for what seemed like hours.  She was positive and optimistic for me.  She told me I was strong and I was going to beat it.  I couldn’t have known at the time it was her last birthday.  I am very grateful my mom saw me beat cancer and knew I was healthy when she passed away.  I am sad it was the way we had to “celebrate” her last birthday. 

My goal is to get a new personal best (PB) time for this race.  I decided I was going to put in whatever work- whatever effort into training and running this race I needed to achieve this goal.   The last few weeks have been the hardest I have ever worked physically.  My focus had always been to finish the race, and get a decent time.  This time my focus has been to train hard, and carry that through the entire race.        

Two weeks ago, I ran the 5K distance and I had cut a full minute off my PB.  I was down to 26:07.  Last week, when I ran it again, my time was 25:56.  My goal is to run the race on Saturday in less than 26 minutes.  I’m not content to say I’ve done my best, and I’ll see what time I get on race day.  I’ve been training and running with this goal in mind for weeks.  I know exactly what kind of race I have to run, to cross the finish line in less than 26 minutes.  I am not going to be content until the race is over, and I have accomplished this goal. 

I was sad, terrified, and uncertain of my future, when I received my cancer diagnosis.  I want to replace that awful day with feelings of happiness, hope, and health.  I got through cancer with love, help, and support from my family and friends.  I want to achieve this for myself, what I have been working so hard for, one year after cancer. 

The choice has been made.  I have decided.  Yes, I really want it.

Categories
Cancer Cooking Health Parenting

Maple Syrup- The New Anti-Cancer Food

I never gave much thought before having kids to maple syrup.  Once I started paying more attention to ingredients in food, I found out that most “maple syrup” from the grocery store isn’t really maple syrup at all, and contains artificial ingredients.  I used to use Mrs. Butterworth syrup.  It contains: High fructose corn syrup, corn syrup, water, salt, cellulose gum, molasses, potassium sorbate (preservative), sodium hexametaphosphate, citric acid, caramel color, natural and artificial flavors.

I have grown increasingly concerned about the effects of high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) in my family’s diet.  It is in almost everything.  Manufacturers like to say HFCS is a “natural sugar,” but the body processes HFCS totally different than sugar.   A new study from Princeton on HFCS released a few days ago, found “Rats with access to high-fructose corn syrup gained significantly more weight than those with access to table sugar, even when their overall caloric intake was the same.  In addition to causing significant weight gain in lab animals, long-term consumption of high-fructose corn syrup also led to abnormal increases in body fat, especially in the abdomen, and a rise in circulating blood fats called triglycerides. The researchers say the work sheds light on the factors contributing to obesity trends in the United States.

My kids like waffles and pancakes and I make them from scratch as a special treat, once a week.  As a mother and a cook, it didn’t seem right to take the time to make these and then pour a mix of artificial and potentially harmful ingredients over them.  A few years ago, I decided I was going to make the switch from the fake syrup to real, 100%-from the tree, maple syrup.  It cost a few more dollars, but I loved knowing we weren’t eating yet another thing with HFCS, and it tasted so much better too.  If you have never tried real maple syrup, do so when you can.  I have noticed I can use about half as much of it, compared to the commercial brands, because it is so rich and flavorful. 

The fact there is no HFCS in real maple syrup was reason enough for me to switch.  Now it turns out that researchers from the University of Rhode Island have discovered 13 new compounds in maple syrup they say are anti-oxidant rich, and contain anti-cancer, anti-bacterial and anti-diabetic properties.  The summary of the study is a short read, and is very interesting.   

The lead researcher, Dr. Navindra Seeram, is quoted as saying, “At this point, we are saying, if you choose to put syrup on your pancakes, it may be healthier to use real maple syrup.”  He also points out that real maple syrup costs more than syrups that use maple flavoring or have little or no maple syrup.  He adds, “But you pay for what you get and you get what you pay for, meaning there are consequences for what you eat.”

Sometimes making drastic changes to our lifestyle and diet are hard, and can be overwhelming.  It may be impossible to eliminate every thing that has HFCS in it, but when you can make a change to buy something, like pure maple syrup, it is a step in the right direction.  Not only are you not eating a mixture of processed ingredients, and as this study shows, pure maple syrup may also end up helping your health- not harming it.

Categories
Cancer Health Me

Facing My Health Fears

As the last week of 2009 starts, I am struggling with a few health matters I keep putting off.

I “fired” my endocrinologist in November.  I was supposed to have a follow-up apppointment 4 weeks after I started on Synthroid to make sure my dosage was correct, which means I should have been seen in September.  However, they couldn’t fit me in until November.  Fortunately, I had a follow-up appointment with my surgeon in October, and he was able to order the test and confirm my dosage was correct. 

After the errors that the endocrinologist’s office made after my surgery in the summer, I lost a lot of confidence in them.  They did get my initial dosage correct though- the first time, which is almost unheard of.  I was told it could take almost a year for my dosage of Synthroid to be fined tuned.  Several thyroid cancer survivors I know have had their dosages adjusted no less than 6 times, and one person has told me her dosage has been adjusted 12 times in less than a year.

When I knew my dosage was correct in October, I called my endocrinologist’s office and canceled my appointment for November and told them I was going to find a different doctor closer to my home.  I told them I was disappointed with the errors they made, but thankful they were able to determine my correct dosage so accurately. 

So here I am- almost two months later and I haven’t started a search, or let alone been in to see a new endocrinologist.  My surgeon recommended two at the health clinic in town, who he said were trained at the facility of my former endocrinologist.  It would be very easy for me to call and get an appointment, and yet I find myself hesitating. 

Last week I received a reminder postcard from my doctor’s office for my annual exam.  I am due to see her in January.  This was the appointment where she first felt an abnormality in my thyroid last year.  I have put off scheduling that appointment too, because I’m nervous.  I know in reality, the chances of any other major health issue being discovered, is very slim, and I know early detection is the key to everything.  But again, I am hesitating.

I feel like I have just put all the cancer and health issues behind me, and these appointments are reminders that I have to start thinking about it again.  It also is like a  bright flashing light into a dark room, reminding me there are no guarantees, and anything can happen.  I might think I am in good health, and everything is fine, only to discover I have an illness that is out of my control.  The thought has entered my mind more than once- what if they find I have another type of cancer?

I have never been nervous or afraid doctor appointments- I used to like going, to hear everything was fine.  I am not sure  I will ever have that feeling again.  I’m not sure if I will always hear everything is fine anymore.  Not scheduling these appointments means I don’t  have to deal with these feelings right now.   

But yet, by not dealing with these feelings, and not making the appointments, the uncertainty stays with me, and my fears grow- not occupying my thoughts, but just below the surface.  It settles in my mind when I am falling asleep, or it is the first thing I think of when I wake up- am I really okay, or has it been a mistake?

The only way to find out for sure, and to get rid of this doubt is to just make and go the appointments.  I promised myself I would make the appointments before the end of the year, so I now have four days left.  Despite my fears, I know this is a promise I have to keep.     

Categories
ACS Blogger Advisory Council Cancer

Bloggers for More Birthdays

MoreBirthdays_blogbadge

One of the first things I’ve been asked to do as a member of the American Cancer Society Blogger Advisory Council is to dedicate a blog post to someone I love with cancer.  The first “person” who came into my mind was all of my blog readers who have thyroid cancer and have written to me with their stories. 

I could write about Holly who is 37, and a mom of three, who after having a thyroidectomy in September, and radioactive iodine last month, is facing the possibility her cancer has spread into her lymph nodes.  Holly had been told her lymph nodes were fine, but they discovered an area of high iodine intake.  If this spot turns out to be lymph nodes, Holly could be facing another surgery to remove them. 

Or I could write about Patricia who is also 37, and a mom of two.  During the past year, Patricia had a huge lump in her neck and with the urging of her children’s father, she decided to follow up on it. It turned out to be a 6.5 inch goiter.  She had a biopsy done on October 15th, and found out early this month it is cancer.  Patricia is facing a thyroidectomy surgery within the next two months. 

There is Nicholas, who is a physician with three small children, who had a thyroidectomy and a neck dissection in June.  He is still having drainage and medication issues. 

These are just three people out of the many who write me about their experiences with thyroid cancer.  A common theme in many of their letters, is they are looking for support and someone who understands what they are going through.  Despite their cancer, and challenges, these cancer patients and survivors continue on in with their lives.  They are there for their children and spouses.  They are there for their parents who have medical issues themselves, and for the others that rely on them.  Most importantly, they continue on for themselves. 

I have never met Holly, Patricia, or Nicholas, or many of the other people who have written me.  But I admire and love their spirits of determination and knowledge that they will beat their cancer and will be healthy to be around for countless birthdays.  Just the fact that they are sharing their stories, shows that they have taken control of their cancer, so they can fight it. 

Anyone can join the American Cancer Society in the effort to celebrate More Birthdays.  Just dedicate a blog post to someone you love who has been affected by cancer and celebrate them.  You can check out other posts on the American Cancer Society’s Birthday Blog for inspiration. 

Birthdays are good!  Let’s have as many of them as we can!