Category: c-sections

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c-sections Cole Mothering Parenting Ryan

End Of An Era- A Mama’s Blog Final Blog Post

I entered the blogosphere on January 27, 2007. My eldest son, Ryan, was 3. My “baby” Cole, was 8-months old. Eight years later, they aren’t babies, toddlers, or even children anymore. They are a pre-teen and a “tween”.

Ryan just started 6th grade and middle school. He’s now 11.5 years old- going on 60, as I like to say. He’s so responsible, caring, conscientious, and a wonderful big brother. He loves bikes, sprinting, Legos, football, Boy Scouts, and movies.

Cole just started 4th grade. He is 9. He’s funny, quick minded, and extremely good at math. He can do any impression, and has a lot of voices he likes to talk in. I think he could be the next Adam Sandler, if he wanted to. He loves bikes, lacrosse, Legos, inventing things, figuring out how things work, and movies.

I never planned to stop “Mommy Blogging.” I have truly loved it and I have a wonderful journal of many memories of my boys, these past eight years. Sometimes I’ll come across a post I wrote, read it and I really don’t even remember the event happening, but I blogged it, so I know it did happen. Some of those early years were a haze. But I’m so glad I blogged for the time I did, and have the written record of my boys’ early childhood days.

At times, blogging provided me with a much needed outlet- to share and connect with other women who I didn’t know in “real life” and of course my “real life” friends too, all of us who were trying to figure out this motherhood thing. It provided me a community of support and friends.

As I found my way, I started blogging about other issues that mattered to me as a mother and a woman. One of the most traumatic things I ever experienced was a C-section with the birth of Ryan. Writing my account of my C-section, “The Reality of C-Sections” post, what I had learned from it, sharing with other women, what I wasn’t told or prepared for, and my road to recovery from it, in January 2008 is the number one read blog post on A Mama’s Blog. It still receives over 150 page views a day. Seven years later it still is the post that generates the most views and readers to A Mama’s Blog.

That tells me, C-sections are still a real concern and subject of interest for women. If no one ever reads another post on A Mama’s Blog, the number of women who have read that post, leaves me with a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. The hundreds and hundreds of emails I’ve received from women all over the WORLD, thanking me for sharing that and helping inform about C-Sections, it was one thing that I was able to do here: share and help heal from the trauma countless women experience from C-sections, but do not feel supported to heal from. Myself included. I’m incredibly humbled from all the stories I have heard from you- over the years, on your own traumatic C-sections.

Every time I read an email from a woman telling me my post made her reconsider an “elective C-section,” well, it matters. All the women who tell me they too, pushed and demanded a VBAC for their births after a C-section, after reading my story, has been inspiring. Women are finding their “birth voices” again, and speaking up. We have found that how we give birth DOES matter. To us, to our families, and to our babies. It is one of the legacies I feel evolved from A Mama’s Blog. We as women and mothers have power- and we have a right to have our voices heard. Never just settle for something because a doctor tells you this is how it is, if you feel it isn’t right. Trust your body and your instincts- your body does know how to give birth. And in turn, we give birth to the next generation and pass this along to them, so our sons and daughters are informed on their birth options when the time comes for them, and it will. Sooner than we can imagine.

I have stopped writing about Ryan and Cole now for some time. They are both very private, and I never felt right about “blogging” about them. I think it is one thing to share stories of them with the world, when they are babies, toddlers, and young children. But at some point, not sure exactly when- but it has happened- their stories aren’t mine to tell and share. They belong to my boys. I have a wonderful relationship with them, and I would never want to betray that or have them find out and see some day I was sharing their stories about them, on a blog. It’s more important to me to have that trust with them, than to be a “Mommy Blogger.” So the past few years, I’ve blogged not about them- but issues I found interesting, my health, and my running.

I couldn’t pull the plug on blogging altogether. I couldn’t and didn’t want to say “good-bye” to A Mama’s Blog– my blog. I love writing. I have always been a writer. I found an audience and built a wonderful readership here. Writing saved my sanity when I was going through a divorce and cancer in 2009, and once again, I found a supportive community of many others, who were going through similar issues.

But it never felt like a fit, writing about these different subjects after I stopped blogging about Ryan and Cole. A Mama’s Blog is a parenting blog. It was meant to be about children, babies, birth, being mothers, and how that brought us all together as women. It’s never felt quite right to me, to totally have it go in a different direction from this.

So I have made the decision to let all the posts I wrote from my heart and shared with the world, through A Mama’s Blog, stand on their own, and leave it. As it was meant to be- a blog about a new mother figuring out parenting, and evolving, hoping one day her sons would want to read some it, and see who their mother was, as a person- beyond as they saw me as “Mom.” Going through life’s up’s and down’s, but remembering no matter what- my boys were the best and most important thing that ever happened to me. That is how I want A Mama’s Blog to stand, to be remembered, and come across in Google searches. 🙂

As for Ryan and Cole- one day- they will have this blog that their mother wrote- for them really, from my heart. It was always about Ryan and Cole- no matter what. My goal with writing A Mama’s Blog, is complete now.

This means me closing the book on my very successful (for me) blog, that I spent years creating. I remember thinking when I started writing my blog, if I had 50 readers one day, well I would consider myself happy and that would be great. When I checked my stats, one last time today, and I’ve not checked them for a very long time, my mouth fell open when I saw I had 50 readers of course but also had almost TEN THOUSAND times that to date. Over the years almost half a million visitors have read my blog, and they have generated almost one million page views! That wasn’t me- that was you, the readers, who made A Mama’s Blog part of your lives. As a sleep deprived mom, just starting to write about her life as a new mom, that was a dream I never thought I possible, but it filled my heart with a lot of joy today, realizing what the blog has grown to.

A Mama’s Blog opened up opportunities for me I never imagined. I was a blogger for the American Cancer Society for a year in 2010. I was able to help so many people going through thyroid cancer. I got to go to New York for this. I have met so many wonderful mothers and bloggers over the years, some of who have turned into very good friends. I had more opportunities open up to me that I just never had time to take on, but it always touched me that others resonated with what I was blogging and wanted to work with me. I never would have imagined the success I had, writing that first blog post about Ryan and Cole, one January evening in 2007. I have loved every minute of blogging.

Like many aspects of motherhood, we sacrifice our personal preferences at times, for our children. I would love to write about my boys- they are truly amazing- but I don’t come first. They do. They always have and always will. They were my inspiration and reasons for starting A Mama’s Blog, and they are my inspiration and reason for concluding it now. It’s time. It’s the end of an era.

So the time has come for me to write this final post. I can’t really find the words to thank all my readers and subscribers over the years. So many readers write and thank me for writing a post. But, really without my readers, I wouldn’t have had a successful blog. The “thanks” is mutual. There are no words to really express my appreciation and gratitude for my blog readers. There were many times, when I really didn’t know what I was going to do- when I was sick, or in a hard spot. I’d receive an email from a reader, or a comment, and it gave me such hope or inspired me some way.

That is another aspect I love about blogging- it’s not just one sided. I may write, but I learn just as much from reading comments and emails my readers send to me too.

I am leaving A Mama’s Blog as it is. I’m not closing down the site. I have closed all the comments though, and I’m not going to write new content. I will leave all the posts up and I know it will still continue to reach women. Maybe that new mother up at 3AM one night, searching for a topic about her new baby or motherhood, that she’s concerned about, will be guided to A Mama’s Blog. A woman suffering from a post traumatic C-section will come across my posts about C-sections. A scared cancer patient may find something I wrote about it, helpful, and feel not so alone or scared. Or a mother will just read something and realize she isn’t in this by herself- others have been through where she is now, made it through, and she will too. One quote I used a lot in my posts were, “This too, shall pass.” It always does, and we all have incredible resilience as women and mothers- more than we know at times. I always wanted to help women and I feel leaving A Mama’s Blog site up will continue to do that.

I’m going to leave A Mama’s Blog’s Facebook Page up for now, but I’m not going to be active there anymore either. It’s a public site and there are some links to various issues relating to motherhood I’ve found interesting, but it isn’t where my passion is.

Thinking about what to do about A Mama’s Blog over the years, has lead me to a new experience and a new blog. I never wanted to give up blogging, but never felt as passionate about any other subjects like I did mothering, to motivate me to put the energy into starting a new blog.

But, sometimes it’s not the right time for a new venture. When it is- you know it. While A Mama’s Blog is ending, I’m very excited to announce I’m starting a brand new blog. This isn’t about my children, it’s about me. I know it will require starting all over again- from the first reader, but I found an audience for A Mama’s Blog, and I know I will find an audience for my new blog.

The subjects are quite different, and while some of A Mama’s Blog readers may follow my new blog, and of course I would love that, I realize a different subject, different audience. I wanted to let my readers know though; I’m not just completely vanishing. I am a writer and my new blog is the subject that I’m passionate about now and is a subject I can share and write about.

My new blog is Running Free Blog. It is about my transitioning from traditionalist running to minimalist running style, and my journey to finally run a marathon with this running method. It isn’t a “running blog” per say, but I hope it will inspire and motivate my readers to follow their dreams, whether that is running, or looking for a new job. My dream is to run a marathon injury free. If you aren’t a runner, it doesn’t matter- we can achieve whatever we want, if we allow our minds to believe we can. That is part of the journey and the process. I’m going to be writing about that, as much as I am about running.

I’m also going to be providing tips for people who are running the traditional way and sharing what I’m learning about minimalist “barefoot” running too. I’m going to share how you can run low cost as well- you don’t have to spend a lot of money to run. I am going share my love of running and how I inspire and train myself, as a busy single mother, who works full time, and has other things going on in life. It will be my next journey- from the first steps I run minimalist- to the finish line of a marathon- and everything in between.

So while I hope you join me at Running Free Blog, I realize sometimes you can’t take the past with you. It’s a new chapter for me. I look forward to connecting with many of my A Mama’s Blog reader’s at Running Free Blog and Running Free Blog’s Facebook Page. I look forward to all the new connections I will make too, who will hopefully allow me to inspire and motivate them- even just a little bit- to achieve anything they can dream of. I know in turn, you will help continue to inspire me- you always have.

It’s the end of an era for A Mama’s Blog, but what an era it has been! The last thing I have left to say to my readers is THANK YOU! Thank you from my heart, for the last 8 years and 7 months, being my blog’s readers, subscribers, supporters, but most of all- my friends. ♥♥♥

********************************************

Now for the final pictures.

These were the first two pictures I ever posted of Ryan and Cole in my first ever blog post. Ages 3 and 8-months. Their first appearance on the blog.

ryan 1

cole 1

This is Cole and Ryan on August 19, 2015 on the first day of school. Ages 9 and 11.5. Their final appearance on the blog.

ryancole

“What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from”~
T.S. Eliot

Categories
c-sections Mothering Parenting Pregnancy & Birth

Interview With AOL Health on C-Sections

A month or so ago, I was contacted by a reporter, Justine van der Leun, who told me she was a reporter with AOL Health.  She said she had come across my blog while doing research for a story on C-sections.  She said she found my experience interesting and asked if I would be willing to be interviewed for her story.

I haven’t written about C-sections for a while.  I haven’t had a lot of extra time for several months to write a lot of blog posts.  This sounded like a good opportunity that could help raise awareness on C-sections, so I agreed to the interview.  Justine called me a few days later and we spoke for about 30 minutes.  She asked great questions, and said she had been learning a lot about birth because some of her friends were having babies, and also because of the story she was working on. 

Justine thanked me as we were concluding and told me she was going to interview a doctor and then write the story.  I felt like Justine would write a balanced story, but I was cautiously optimistic until I could read the final story.  Sometimes viewpoints and words get misconstrued or used out of context.  

Last week Justine notified me the story was finished and published.  I was on my way out of work, and skimmed it quickly on my phone and I was pleased.  But I wanted to read it when I had more time. When I did I was extremely happy.  Justine did a terrific job with conveying my thoughts on C-sections and birth.  I posted the link to my FaceBook Fan Page, and finally had time tonight to post the link to my blog.

I’d like to thank Justine here, for writing an accurate and balanced story on C-sections.  I hope it will assist women who are researching C-sections.

Here is the link to Justine’s story on AOL Health: Unwanted Cesarean Sections, Getting The Birth You Want

Categories
c-sections Family & Friends Mothering Parenting Pregnancy & Birth

“Good-Bye” to Julie

In September, I met my friends for a girl’s night out.  We all met each other and became friends within 6 months or so of us having our first babies- way back in 2004. 

There are nine of us, Brandy, Amy, Nicole, Heather, Alison, Melissa, Danit, myself, and Julie.  I met Brandy, Amy, Heather, and Julie through a Yahoo parenting group Brandy had started.  Ryan was about 6 months old, and I had no friends who were moms.  I had no idea, or could have known at the time, how vital these friends would become in my life.  Eventually our group branched out into a mom’s night out, and I met Melissa, Nicole, Danit, and Alison. 

Once a month we would meet to just have some time away from the kids, to talk, and to compare notes.  This was before Facebook was up and running, so we stayed in touch every day through the Yahoo parenting group board. I remember at times that seemed like my life-line.  Whenever there was an issue I was facing with parenting, one of my friends was dealing with the same thing.   

Even though we couldn’t meet every day and chat in person, we had access to each other through the phone, computer, the occasional play-dates, and that support helped all of us. We all invited each other’s kids to birthdays, baby showers, and family events.  Most everyone’s husbands became friends too.  We met each other’s parents when they were in town, and somewhere along the line, we became more than just friends- we became a kind of a family-a community. 

Brandy, Julie, and I told each other on the same day in September 2005, that we were pregnant with our second children, and we were all due within weeks of each other in May.   Some days it seemed like we could barely manage what we had, and now we were going to be adding another person to the mix.  Julie and I had also had C-sections with our first children, and we were both determined to have a VBAC birth with our second baby.  That was a leap of faith- going against what the medical “norm” advises and deciding to trust my body.  I was fortunate to have Julie right there with me, as she decided the same thing.

As the weeks turned into months, and May rolled around, I remember sitting with Julie one morning in her beautiful garden. Julie is a master gardener and always has the most amazing yard.  She was hosting a play group, and our two-year olds were off playing the sand.  Julie and I’s belly’s were so big, it was warm out, and we had a hard time even sitting.  We talked about the impending births, and the way our lives were going to change with a second baby.  After that morning most of my fears were washed away.  I saw an extremely strong, determined, confident, and capable mother in Julie. I knew if she could manage I could too.

Julie had her daughter, Lily, a few weeks before Cole, and she had a successful VBAC.  I was so happy for her.  Her successful VBAC encouraged me that much more that I could avoid another C-section.  When Cole was born two weeks later, it was via VBAC, and when Trajan, Brandy’s son was born a week later, he was born at home. 

In July, 2007 our little group got smaller.  Brandy and her husband, Dax, were moving to Georgia, so he could attend graduate school.  It felt weird we were losing the person who had brought us all together.  We had new moms come and go through the group. But our core was always there.  This was our last girl’s night out before Brandy moved:

Back to front, clockwise, Amy, Me, Nicole, Brandy, Julie, w/ Lily, Heather

Brandy and her family eventually moved back to Colorado last year, but to another part of the state.  Even so, we’ve been able to see her a few times since she has moved back.

 April 2009,

Back to front, clockwise, Heather, Amy, Julie, Nicole, Me, Brandy, Melissa, Danit

In January of 2009, I started a difficult divorce process.  In April I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, had surgery and recovery for it in the summer of 2009, and in February of this year, my mother passed away suddenly.  My immediate family lives about 50 miles away and was not always able to help me- especially when I was recovering from cancer.

My friends became my family in the town I live.  I would not have emerged from a divorce, cancer, and my mom’s death without their support and love.  Anything I needed, they provided. I didn’t even have to ask- they just came over and did what they saw needed to be done.  One day when I was recovering from cancer, I was barely strong enough to get up from the couch.  I had the boys and it was all I could do to look after them.

There was a knock on my door, and when I opened it, it was Julie.  Julie always has a smile on her face.  I think “sunshine” when I see her.  She had food for me, a book, and flowers.  She had done all the prep work so all I had to do was open the container and eat.  All my friends did things like this for me, but I mention Julie, because this post is about her.  🙂

Julie, her husband, and their two children, are moving to Finland this month for an incredible job offer her husband received.  This was the news Julie told us a month ago at our girl’s night out.  I am thrilled for her and her family- but I am also sad.  I don’t want Julie to move for purely selfish reasons- I am going to miss her.  We all are going to miss Julie- more than I think we care to admit. 

For 6 years now, we have gone through everything together.  From having infants, to post-partum depression, to toddlers, to preschoolers, to school age children, to losing our parents, to adoption, to soccer practices, to cancer, to other medical issues, to moves, to relationship issues, to divorce, to fitness, to Twilight (and Twizzler’s in the nose) obsessions, to once-in-a-lifetime-opportunities-when it has happened to one of us, all of us have felt it.  And we have been there for each other through everything. 

Last week we had our last girls night out for awhile with Julie.  It was fun, and it was like it always had been.  It’s our time to reconnect, talk, discuss, laugh, relax, and enjoy the brief pause in our lives when we aren’t in mom-mode. 

I don’t feel like saying “good-bye” is quite the right thing- I know we will see Julie again, and thanks to Facebook, and blogs, we will all be able to stay in touch  just like we have always done.  But it is her presence – her smile, her laugh, and her warmth, that will be gone from our group- for now. 

 We’ve been through more things in six years thatn some people ever face.  We were all new, clueless, sleep-deprived, scared, and isolated moms when we became friends.  Six years later, we are stronger, wiser, healthier, and less sleep deprived (except for Nicole who has a 4-month old)  :-), and we are all still friends.  Our children brought us together, but it is our characters that have kept us all friends. That is a unique gift we have all found in each other. 

It is a new start for Julie and her family, and a new adjustment for us.  It would be very easy to put some sad parting words here,  but as I told Julie the other night, I like this quote when thinking about her moving away:

Don’t cry because it’s over.  Smile because it happened. ~Theodor Seuss Geisel (Dr. Seuss)

October, 2010

Left to Right: Alison, Heather, Amy, Julie, Melissa, Me, Nicole

Categories
c-sections Current Events Health Pregnancy & Birth

Maternal Death Rates Rise- C-Sections Now Considered a Factor

On February 2, 2010 California Watch, published a story about California’s maternal mortality rate.  It reported the maternal mortality rate in California had increased from 4.3 deaths per 100,000 births in 1996 to 16.9 deaths per 100,000 births in 2006 (the last year statistics are available).

The article cites some factors that are thought to be contributing to this upward trend, and it was not a surprise to me to read that C-sections, and repeat C-sections are one of the main factors officials are finally now considering for the increase in deaths.   The article points out that C-sections are now the number one surgical procedure performed in the United States.

How can California, have such a high maternity mortality rate?  One would think, after the way modern medicine is used in birth today, that the opposite would be true.  This trend is actually not just being seen in California- the entire US maternity mortality rate has also been increasing to the point that it is worse than in some developing countries.  As of 2007, the United States ranked 41st in maternity mortality out of 171 countries.

Officials are now conceding that the increasing C-section rate, might have something to do with the maternal mortality death rate.  As the California Watch article points out, “doctors face a condition called placenta accreta, where the placenta grows into the scar left by a previous C-section. In surgery, doctors must find and suture a web of twisted placental vessels snaking into the patient’s abdomen, which can hemorrhage alarming amounts of blood. Often, doctors must remove the uterus.”

Along these lines, while researching this blog post, I came across an interesting report from The Joint Commission dated January 10, 2010 on preventing maternal death.  It cited a study by the CDC which listed the six leading causes of maternal deaths between 1991 and 1997. The second leading cause was was hemorrhaging, causing 17% of the deaths. The fourth cause was infection at 13%.   The report goes on to identify and cites two out of the four common preventable errors that lead to death were: failure to pay attention to vital signs following a C- section, and hemorrhaging following a C-section.

It is interesting that a leading cause of maternal death is hemorrhaging, and one of the most common errors that leads to death is hemorrhaging after a C-section. The CDC reported on these findings thirteen years ago, and officials are just now seriously considering there could be a link between C-sections and a significant rise in the maternal death rate?   It doesn’t seem like this has been a hidden fact, or that the research wasn’t being done.  This seems more like a case where statistics and research has been emerging for years, but has been largely ignored or brushed off by medical officials.  Until now.  When California’s maternal death rate is worse than some countries like Bosnia or South Korea.

I have my own theory that the higher a state’s C-section rate is, the higher the maternal death rate will be.  While the CDC reports on the C-section rate for every state, not every state publishes their maternal death rates.  I could only come up with an handful of state statistics for 2006 on maternal death rates.  It’s not enough to draw a definite conclusion.  But consider that  Pennsylvania had 19 maternal deaths and their C-section rate was 29.7 percent.  Washington had 20 maternal deaths and their C-section rate was 28.4 percent.  Compare that to California who had 95 maternal deaths and a 31.3 percent C-section rate, and Texas, who had 90 maternal deaths with a 33.2 percent C-section rate.

It’s no secret that other countries who have lower C-section rates also have lower maternal death rates.  In Ireland for instance, the C-section rate averages around 21 percent.  A joint UN/WHO report in 2007 found that Ireland also had the lowest maternal death rate in the world for women dying during or after pregnancy.  Only one out of 47,600 women died, compared with one in 4,800 in the United States.  The C-section rate in the United States in 2006 was 31.1 percent.  It has been projected (but not confirmed yet) that the C-section rate in the US for 2007 will be 31.8 percent.

The California Watch article tells of a medical director in California, Dr. David Lagrew, who in 2002, banned elective inductions at his facility before 41 weeks  or pregnancy, except in rare incidents.  Inductions more than double the chances of C-sections.  The article says,  “as a result, Lagrew said, the operating room schedules opened up, and the hospital saw fewer babies admitted to the neonatal intensive care unit, fewer hemorrhages and fewer hysterectomies.” (bold print mine)

This should have been great news, but as expected, the hospital lost money.   On average a C-section costs twice as much as a vaginal birth.  Yet, we are constantly told that revenue has nothing to do with the increasing C-section rates.  It is because the C-section is “medically necessary.”

If Dr. Lagrew was able to decrease “medically necessary” C-sections in California, right when the maternal death rate was increasing, it ought to be done elsewhere. If Ireland can have the lowest maternal death rate in the world, despite not having all the technological advances that the United States has, and has a considerably lower C-section rate than the United States, that should tell all the officials out there who are trying to figure out why the maternal death rates are increasing, that C-sections are a significant factor in maternal death rates.

It is the white elephant the medical community, and hospitals in general won’t admit, despite research pointing them in this direction for years-decades in some instances.  And yet, the C-section rate continues to climb, and more women are dying during pregnancy and childbirth.

I looked up the modern version of the Hippocartic Oath that doctors take upon graduation.  After reading these, it is hard to be convinced that most doctors have these oaths in mind in regards to C-sections and births in the United States:

I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures [that] are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism.

I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon’s knife or the chemist’s drug.

I will not be ashamed to say “I know not,…”

and the last one:

I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God.

Maybe it is as simple as that.  Maybe if more doctors and hospitals realized a woman’s body is capable in most cases of giving birth without surgery, and let their bodies do what they are capable of doing-just like Dr. Lagrew did, maternal mortality rates would drop in our country. Maybe when “Big Business” gets out of the birthing process, C-section rates will decline, improving maternal health.

The answers to solving the increasing maternal death rate are out there, and have been for years. The question that demands an answer is, when will the majority of the medical community stop ignoring the answers?

Categories
Breastfeeding c-sections Health Mothering Pregnancy & Birth

The C-Section Difference

It has been a while since I have written on the topic of C-sections.  However, a post I wrote almost two years ago, The Reality of C-Sections, remains the most popular post on A Mama’s Blog.  It has received over 11,000 page views to date.  I decided to share my C-section experience and what I learned so others could be informed, and make decisions about C-sections based on knowledge.  I would have never been able to go out and tell 11,000 plus people my experience, so I am pleased the post has been successful. 

Of course not everyone agrees with me, and I get passionate comments from women on both sides of the issue.  Some women have chosen to share their own C-sections stories with me privately, and in the comments.  Some are horrifying.  Some are heartbreaking.  I have cried at many of the stories, because so many of the causes given for the C-sections seemed so unnecessary to begin with, and the toll the surgery has taken in these experiences, is extensive.

I have received many comments from women who say their C-sections were great experiences and they have no regrets.  I have received accusations from other readers who think I am trying to scare women.  I have been called every obscene name at least twice.  

I don’t mind a difference of opinion that is conducted in a respectful manner, but after my health issues last year, I have less of a tolerance for rude comments and readers taking personal shots at me.  Lately, whenever I see a comment has come in on the C-section post, I get butterflies in my stomach, and hope it isn’t a nasty comment.  I have defended my position so many times in the comments there really isn’t anything new that I can offer, that I haven’t already stated.  If it is a comment attacking me personally, I delete the comment.  It serves no purpose to anyone to state an argument in that manner.

I have been thinking about closing comments on that post.  At what point does a discussion run its course?   But then I will receive a comment from someone who has thanked me for writing the post.  Or a woman shares her C-section experience.  So many women have said they have cried while typing out their stories, and I believe just by being able to type out the words, it helps heal.  I know, because writing helped me start to heal from the unresolved issues I had from my C-section.

On Sunday a very touching story from Sarah was posted on her C-section experience. (It is the fifth to the last comment currently in that post’s comments).  Her experience brought tears to my eyes, and as soon as I read this sentence that she wrote, “i am not sure that i will ever get over the emotional trauma i experienced when my daughter was born,” I realized closing the comments would be a mistake.  Reading this from Sarah made me realize how deeply the emotional trauma can run from a C-section.  While it lessens, it never fully goes away.  Just like the positive aspects of birth never go away, the negative emotional tolls don’t either. 

Six years has passed since my own less than ideal and emotionally traumatic C-section.  It is disheartening on some level to read that some C-sections are even worse than mine was six years ago, and that they are still being performed at an alarming rate- almost one in three births in the United States is a C-section.  (This figure is from 2007, and is probably higher for 2008 and 2009 but the rates have not been released).  It seems at times for those of us who believe C-sections should be reserved for true medical emergencies, it is an uphill battle.  What difference really can we have?

I found out how much of a difference one person’s experience can have this past weekend.  I was getting my haircut, and only have it cut every few months now.  My stylist, “Emily,” told me she was seven months pregnant, and of course I congratulated her.  Emily is young- at least young from my perspective- she probably is not older than 25.  She knows I have two boys, and she asked me what hospital my kids were born at.  I told her, and told her I had a C-section with my first son and a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) with my second son.  Emily asked me which was better- the C-section or the vaginal birth.

I told her the VBAC by far.  I told Emily I was holding my baby seconds after he was born, versus not being able to hold my baby for an hour after birth with a C-section.  I told her I was able to eat 30 minutes after the VBAC, versus three days after with a C-section.  I told her I bonded instantly with Cole after he was born, versus five days with Ryan, after the C-section.  I told her I was nursing Cole within minutes after the VBAC, versus an hour with the C-section.  I told her I felt better three days after the VBAC birth versus twelve weeks, with the C-section.

Emily was quiet for a minute, and I was wondering what her reaction was going to be.  She put down her scissors and told me, “Thank you.”  I was a little surprised, because I was expecting her to tell me she had heard C-sections weren’t that bad.  Emily told me that she wanted a natural birth, and so many people have tried to talk her out of a natural birth.  She also said so many have told her that she’ll end up with a C-section anyway.   Emily said she was starting to doubt if she could really give birth naturally, but hearing my comparisons, it firmed her resolve.  Emily said unless she had a medical emergency, she was going to give birth naturally, and not let anyone talk her into a C-section!  It was so encouraging to hear a younger mother with that attitude.  I told her of a few resources that could help her even more, and she thanked me again for being honest about my birth experiences. 

I have thought about this exchange for a few days now, and after reading Sarah’s sentence, the realization became very clear.  Emotional trauma from a C-section does not ever completely vanish. It will always be- to some extent or another- with us.   It doesn’t matter if it was a week ago, twenty years ago, or if it was a medically necessary C-section or not.  We can never go back and undo what was done.   But our honest experiences with C-sections can be more powerful to someone who is seeking information than any books, or medical professional.

When women are told they need to “get over” their traumatic C-section births, by ignoring the parts of their birth experience which were negative, or traumatic, it doesn’t “magically” make everything better.  It harms the women again, because now it isn’t acceptable to share or to talk about anything that isn’t a positive birth experience. 

There are still women, like Emily, who believe their bodies are capable of giving birth the way they were intended to do so.  There are women who don’t believe insurance companies, hospitals, drugs and surgeries are the answer to birth.  These women want to know the truth, and are seeking answers.  On the opposite side, there are so many women who had no one who shared their C-section experiences with them, when they had to make their decisions.  There are women who have lost so much, and and have been hurt from C-sections.  How do these two sides come together?

By telling our stories.  It doesn’t matter that some won’t agree with you.  It doesn’t matter that some will tell you to get over it.  It doesn’t matter that some will tell you, you should be grateful your baby is healthy.  It doesn’t matter that some will accuse you of trying to be overly dramatic.   It doesn’t matter that not all C-sections are traumatic for everyone.  What does matter is ours was.  What does matter that someone else’s will be too.  What does matter is we talk about it.  It matters that we share our stories, and honor our birth experiences- all of them. 

For the women who refuse to accept a C-section is the normal way to give birth, by sharing our experiences, we confirm their instincts, and they confirm ours- a surgical birth is not usually the best way to give birth.  Most importantly, by talking about it your spirit starts to heal.  A little at time.  Never completely, but enough. Our experiences become patched together like a quilt.  This is enough to make a difference, one birth at a time.