Author: A Mama's Blog

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Activities Family & Friends Household Mothering Parenting

Weekends- Before & After Kids Part I

  Before being blessed with two children (BK-Before Kids), I didn’t know how good we had it on the weekends.  If I woke up, let alone got out of bed before 9am, I thought I was missing my beauty sleep.  🙂  After getting dressed and ready to go in about 15 minutes (compared with usually an hour after kids) Joe and I would go out to breakfast at our favorite spot.

We didn’t care if the wait was an hour- we brought our newspaper with us, and could leisurely read the paper and drink coffee while we waited for our table.  After we had a nice breakfast, we would go home and do a few chores around the house. 

When you don’t have two small monkeys boys, cleaning and maintaining the house takes about thirty minutes a week.  When you have two small monkeys boys, it takes about 10 hours a week.  (Not exaggerating on this either.  On Friday it took me from 10 am to 8pm to clean the house- and that was leaving a bathroom undone.  But that is another post.)

Back to our weekends before kids.  Usually on Saturday afternoons, I would visit friends, go shopping, garden, exercise, or just hang out and read a book.  Sometimes I would cook dinner, and sometimes we would go out.  (If you are keeping track- NO cooking so far.) If we went out, we weren’t there at 5pm, in order to beat the dinner crowds- we didn’t need to time a meal down to the last millisecond, before one, or both kids had a major public meltdown, and the restaurant’s customers were treated to a baby’s shrieking cries, or a toddler screaming at the top of his lungs, “I want to go NOW!”

No, we had all the time in the world.  If the restaurant wait interfered with our plans to go catch a movie afterwards, now that was cause for concern.   Otherwise we were fine.  Oh, and the movies.  We used to love going to the movies.  We didn’t have to choose between the 4pm showing that would end before our boys’ bedtime, and oh- that is your only movie time choice as a parent.  If you go to the early evening movie after having kids, you usually aren’t home until 10pm, and you can hear the wailing coming from the house, as you turn your car down the street.

When you arrive home, you realize World War III has started in your living room.  Oops- that is just the two boys that absolutely will not go to bed for the babysitter, and the only way the sitter could calm them down was to let them drag out every toy they have- even the 1,000 piece Lego’s pack.  Which, you have just stepped on, and are trying not to let out a few choice words in front of the sitter, and the two very tired, sleep deprived monkeys boys. 

At this point the boys monkeys (yes, they have turned into monkeys now) are climbing on you, crying, and wailing that only mommy can put them to bed.  Two hours later, past midnight, you finally have achived the task- getting overtired children to bed.  You curse the d**n movie and wonder why in the world you just put yourself through that.  No movie is worth the war battle you just went through- all to get a night out.

On Sunday mornings BK,  Joe and I would sleep in again (really, I used to sleep?!), and then hang out some more, go grocery shopping (yes, we usually grocery shopped together), read the paper, and had a lazy Sunday, or hung out with family.  I liked cooking on Sunday’s, so I would make a nice dinner.  We had no time constraints, or demands on our time from the children.  Our time was completely ours, and as I write this, I can barely remember it.  Was it really only four years ago?  It seems like a lifetime ago. 

This is going to end up a pretty long post, so I am breaking it into parts.  Check back later in the week for Weekends Before & After Kids Part II. 

Categories
Fun Stuff Make Me Laugh Monday

Make Me Laugh Monday- Dinosaur & Pig (Boy Humor)

 

Thanks to my friend, Nicole, for posting this video on her blog.  I haven’t had a chance to show it to my boys yet, but she said her boys want to keep watching it over, and over, and just laugh and laugh.  She said it was boy humor, but I actually laughed when I watched it too- not just for boys!  It is really short (only 41 seconds) but it it is not short on a good laugh. 

 

Be sure to visit Absolutely Bananas for more short and long laughs.  Happy Laughing!

Categories
Attachment Parenting Cole Mothering Parenting

Falling Short

Cross posted at API Speaks

Last month I wrote about a sweet moment I had with Cole, when I responded to his cries, and did not allow him to cry it out.  I wish I could say that was our “happily ever after,” regarding sleep with Cole, but it wasn’t.

I suspected a few hours after Cole’s birth that he might be a high needs/fussy baby.  Within a few days, I knew we had our own high needs baby.  One of the characteristics Cole displayed, was I could not put him down, without him instantly starting to cry.  This of course, carried over to sleep time as well.

For the first six or so months of Cole’s life, he literally slept ON me.  I would lie down, and he would instantly fall asleep on me.  Any other method I tried to get him to go to sleep resulted in intense screaming. 

Needless to say, this was exhausting.  I never slept that well with him on me, but at least this allowed me to doze and snooze, and was the better alternative to being up all night with a screaming baby.  As Cole continued to grow, his laying on me was not working anymore.  I knew it was time to come up with a different sleeping arrangement.

Having Cole sleep in the bed with us, didn’t work.  The moment we moved, he woke up and started crying.  We were also getting midnight visits from Ryan too, (who was three at the time), and he would just jump in the bed, half asleep.  Obviously, this wasn’t a safe situation, because Ryan could have jumped on Cole and hurt him.

We finally decided to move Cole’s crib into our room, and place it next to our bed.  At least he could still hear me breathe and would know I was near him, even though he wasn’t sleeping on me.  I figured this was going to take some adjustment, but I was determined out of sheer desperation, to get Cole to sleep in his crib.

The first night, after nursing Cole, I placed him in the crib.  I sat on the edge of my bed, and patted his back, while I softly whispered to him.  He fussed for about a minute, and then went to sleep.  As I tried to leave the room, he would notice that my hand was no longer on his back, and he’d start crying.  As long as I sat on the edge of the bed, haunched over the crib, with my hand on his back, he was fine and would sleep.  Even after an hour, when I thought he had to be asleep, as soon as I took my hand off his back, the screaming started. After a few nights of this, Cole finally got to the point where I could get him to sleep, take my hand off his back, and leave the room. 

The only thing that was predictable with Cole was he was unpredictable.  Some nights he loved the crib and would fall asleep instantly, and other nights sleeping just didn’t happen-for him or for me.  I would not be honest if I didn’t say that some nights I was so incredibly frustrated with Cole.  I could not understand why my baby would not sleep, even though I was doing everything I could think of for him.  The nights I sat up with him in the living room at 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am, crying because I was beyond sleep deprived, were countless.

Shortly before Cole turned one, we were having a particularly bad night.  Nothing was working to get Cole to sleep, and he had been crying for hours.  I was so incredibly frustrated, exhausted, and the end of my rope.  I wanted to make Cole stop crying, so I could go to sleep.  That exhausted and drained part of me wondered what would happen if I just gave him a shake to see if he would stop crying.  Instantly, I felt like the worse mother on the earth. 

Thank goodness that was just a fleeing thought that did not manifest itself, but it scared me.  That night I put Cole in his crib, where he was safe, sat on the floor in the room and let him cry.  I think that was the hardest night ever for me a mother, because I was totally out of options and was completely and utterly burned out. 

After 30 minutes, Cole finally fell asleep. It was hard to listen to him cry, but in the state we were in, it was the only thing left to do.  As I sat on the floor in his room, I thought about how close I had been to ‘losing’ it with Cole, and realized he was safe in his crib, and this is what we needed to do to get through the night. 

After that night, it was still hit or miss with getting Cole to sleep, but around 18 months, it was like a switch just went off in him where he finally turned the corner.  Instead of a baby who never slept, and was constantly waking up, he was sleeping, and staying asleep.

Cole just turned two, and his sleep issues are gone. I nurse him for a few minutes before bed, and then place him in the crib, still awake.  He smiles at me, pulls me in for a hug, rolls over and goes to sleep on his own. It is a rare night now if he wakes up, not the rule.  I never thought we would get to this point. 

I thought long and hard about how to write this post, because having your baby cry-it-out, isn’t generally accepted as AP parenting.  However, I wanted to be honest, and relay a true experience.  I have realized for me that it is OK to admit that I am not a perfect mother, nor will I ever be.  That doesn’t mean that I don’t try, but sometimes I fall short of the ideals that I want to raise my children with.  When that happens, I have learned that it serves no useful purpose to beat myself up and tell myself I’m a bad mother. 

Being the parent of a high needs baby, tests you in ways you never dreamed of.  Most of the time you pass the tests successfully.  But, sometimes as any parent-high needs baby or not- can tell you, sometimes you don’t.   Sometimes in the moment you do the best you can, so you can get through the day or the night.  Then all you can do is continue on, learning from the experience. 

If everyone practiced all the AP ideals all the time perfectly, we wouldn’t have much to write or talk about, and be able to offer support to others.  “Failing” at an AP ideal, doesn’t make us “bad” or non-AP parents-it makes us human parents. 

When we don’t parent quite the way we want to at times, it is disheartening, but it also is a good learning experience, and it helps us grow.  These experiences help us grow into the kind of parents we want to be.

Categories
c-sections Current Events Mothering Pregnancy & Birth

Insurers Denying Coverage to Women Who’ve Had C-sections

If you have read my blog for a while, you know that I write frequently about c-sections.  It is my opinion that Cesarean sections are over performed in this country.  Previous posts I have written, discuss many of the complications that can arise from c-sections.  Despite the many risks and complications associated with c-sections, the c-section rate continues to rise.  Last year in the US, it was 31.1 percent of births.  That is a little more than one in three births.

The New York Times had an article on Sunday reporting that many insurance companies will no longer accept mothers who have had a previous c-section.  The thinking behind this is, once a woman has had one c-section chances are, she will have another one.  Because VBAC’s (vaginal birth after cesarean) are banned and prohibited in so many hospitals, the only choice basically left for women birthing another baby after a c-section, is another c-section.  Because so many c-sections are not medically necessary, the insurance companies don’t want to pay for them. 

Insurance companies are rejecting these mothers coverage, and some insurers even consider having a c-section, a pre-existing condition.  What makes this even scarier, is once someone has been denied coverage and rejected by one insurance company, they have to disclose that to subsequent insurance companies they apply to.  Once an insurance company sees the mother has been rejected, a red flag goes up, and makes it even harder to get coverage.  If they do get coverage their premiums are extremely pricey and expensive.  In Colorado it was estimated some premiums would be 140% more than standard rates. 

The article quoted Pamela Udy, from the nonprofit group, International Caesarean Awareness Network, (ICAN) whose mission is to prevent unnecessary Cesareans.  “Obstetricians are rendering large numbers of women uninsurable by overusing this surgery.”

There are a few “exceptions” some of the insurance companies are making, where they will cover a woman who has had a previous c-section, such as:  

  • If the woman has been sterilized after the cesarean section
  • If the woman is over the age of 40 AND at least two years had past since the c-section
  • If after five years, there has not been a complicated pregnancy AND another c-section

These hardly seem like fair options.  You can only get coverage after a c-section if you have been sterilized? 

This is definitely a fall out from c-sections being performed unnecessarily.  The article mentions that women are caught in the middle of this mess between insurance companies and doctors. Pamela Udy says,  “Women are caught in the middle of a dysfunctional system. Doctors are telling them they need surgery, even when they don’t, and insurance companies, who are tired of paying the bill for so many frivolous surgeries, are punishing women for the poor medical care of doctors.”

This situation should be alarming for every woman in their child bearing years.  Even if you have no intention what-so-ever of having a c-section, in the rare case that you did need a medically necessary one, you can be denied insurance coverage now, because the procedure has been over performed.

Doctors and hospitals must start allowing VBAC’s, and return to delivering breech babies, in order to lower the ever rising c-section rate.  If nothing else, c-sections should be reserved for true emergency situations.  Something has to change- now more than ever, our very health depends on it. 

Categories
Fun Stuff Make Me Laugh Monday

Make Me Laugh Monday- Model Falling Down

 

In honor of the Sex and the City movie, which I got to see on Saturday, I decided to show an unfortunate fashion model falling down.  This has to be pretty close to being “fashion roadkill.”  What makes this even more funny are the anchors…well, you’ll see.  By the way, I loved the movie.  If you haven’t seen it yet, make sure you go.  There were lots of funny scenes in it as well.   Head over to Absolutely Bananas for more funny stuff.  Happy Laughing.