I have about a half-hour commute to work, twice a week. I get to listen to what I want to on the radio (no Music Together, Barney, or kiddie music CD’s.) So I like to listen to the popular talk shows, to stay up on what is happening in the world.
During the past month, I have heard every talk show talking about stay-at-home moms who have or get an “allowance.” This is money their husbands give them to spend each week, and once it is gone, it is gone- no more buying anything. At first I thought this only applied to a few people, but I was amazed by the calls the radio shows were receiving, and these were all on different stations.
The allowance “rules” based on the women, who called in, seem range from the wife receiving a large allowance to buy groceries, gas, and other household necessities to only $20 a week to buy “emergency” items like diapers, or to splurge on herself.
One woman said her husband gives her $50 a week for her allowance and with this she has to buy gas, diapers, and formula. If there is any money left over, she said she can spend it on herself, like on a haircut, or clothes. She said with gas prices being so high though, she barely has enough of her allowance left after buying gas.
Another woman said her husband gives her $20 a week that she can spend on whatever she wants for herself, but if she needs money for diapers, or a doctor’s appointment, she has to submit the amount to him ahead of time, and he writes a check for that exact amount. Some women had to even get trips to the grocery store, dry cleaners, etc. “approved” ahead of time from their husbands, so their husbands would know how much gas they were using.
The calls went on and on, and evidently there are a lot of households in my area who are doing this. Some of the women loved it- they said it helped them stay on a budget, but some women said they hated it, but felt like they had little choice, since their husband was the one who was earning the money.
I’m all for budgeting the household money, and maybe if a wife requests the finances be run this way, I don’t have a problem with it. Whatever works, if both parties are happy. I do have a problem with the whole allowance issue if the wife is not happy, or feels like she has no choice in how finances are spent, even if her husband is the sole wage earner.
Stay-at-home moms contribute so much to the family- I am sure I don’t have to list it all out. To be made to feel like you are a teen-ager asking your father for an allowance, just seems degrading to me. I am of the thought (and my husband is too), that we both contribute to the household, and we don’t need “permission” to spend money. Of course we run bigger purchase items by each other, but my husband doesn’t want or demand an accounting of every dollar I spend, and I don’t expect that of him either.
I am really curious now, what do you think about this? I would love to hear if you have an allowance, if so, is it your choice, and what are the benefits or drawbacks to this.
8 replies on “Do You Have an “Allowance?””
OMG, NO! I don’t have an allowance 😉 We have a budget where everything comes out of our checking account. We each get $50 per month in cash to do whatever we want with. We started that bc DH was going out to lunch and dinner and it was coming out of our eating out budget and that bothered me since his co-workers reap the benefits. So now we each have a little bit of free money.
Honestly, I mostly spend the money and DH mostly balances the check book and this works for us! In the grand scheme of things I’m more frugal than he is so this system is a good balance. I’m not sure how I’d feel about him controlling the money like that and doling it out!
This reminds me of some relatives of ours who have separate accounts and split the bills 50/50. When she was unemployed he paid the bills and ran a tab for her (they are married and have a child). It actually REALLY bothers me because they do not make the same so he has a lot more “free” money than she does. And he doesn’t even try to do 50% of the child care or the house work. Like, how is this fair!? I can’t believe that she tolerates it, honestly. It makes me appreciate my DH who never sees things as “mine and yours” but always OURS.
This is pretty amazing.
I do! I get $100 a month. That’s the official number–but often I get more. Like last month I got $200.
It works nicely for me; I feel if there wasn’t an allotted amount that I could spend I either wouldn’t spend any money on myself at all, or I would spend too much. Gas and grocery don’t come out of the allowance.
You’re right, it does have to be something that both partners agree on.
All relationships are different–my mom for example is in charge of managing their household finances and my dad’s money from his business. He made the money and she made sure that somehow it was enough to keep us all clean and fed.
I work out of the home, and had not heard about this, but I agree with everything you said. If it works for the family, – hey, fine. But otherwise, I find it insulting. It’s not like the man (or breadwinner, whoever earns the cash money) is actually doing it all on their own. It’s a team effort. If the stay home person wasn’t there, money would be out the door for care.
Laura- thanks for sharing your situation, and I’m glad it works out for you and your family. You are right- that different things work for different people. 🙂
Aimee- I totally agree with you too- running a household is a team effort.
I don’t have an allowance for things that we have to buy (gas, groceries, etc..). That just seems a bit extreme and unfair especially since everything has gone up so much in price recently. We do have an allowance for spending money (fun stuff) for each week. I would actually like it to be lower for my husband but I’ve given up trying to convince him. He thinks he’s entitled to eating out every day for lunch since he works so hard. I think its just throwing money down the toilet. I’m obviously the more frugal one.
I have a friend who gets an allowance from her husband like this and she’s constantly unable to buy anything for herself (because there’s nothing left over after the needs of the family are filled).
I keep recommending to her that she do a little freelance work (data entry, or something through https://www.odesk.com or something) a few hours a week just to get some extra money. I wouldn’t be horribly upset if she didn’t tell her husband about the extra cash either. Every now and then you have to treat yourself!!!
Funny you write about this cause my husband and I have been talking about our finances.
I run the finances in our house. With his deployments it’s just easier. We right now are going on an allowance, both of us. We will both get a cash allowance every pay day and that is what we get to spend.
Also, I’m taking away his plastic. My husband’s job with the Navy requires him to make big purchases all day. He then goes out in town and thinks he can still be a big spender. He’s just not good with his own money. He has accepted this, admitted this, and now I’m holding the money reigns.
We are only on an allowance for a little while. We have some fincial goals we are trying to meet by the end of the year. If he makes rank we will get there much faster.
Right now for us an allowance works. When we are at a good place financially we will re-evaluate and go from there.
I personally think how we handle our money is going to ebb and flow. We will be more free to spend what we like at some point and some times we will have to restrain ourselves.
My husband though and I share the money he makes. I may not be at an office all day but I am raising our daughter. I’m working on be better at the household things and hopefully it will get easier soon. My daughter is very much of a hold me baby and that makes it very tough to clean the tub lol. We share it though cause we are a family, we both do our parts.