It has been a while since I have written on the topic of C-sections. However, a post I wrote almost two years ago, The Reality of C-Sections, remains the most popular post on A Mama’s Blog. It has received over 11,000 page views to date. I decided to share my C-section experience and what I learned so others could be informed, and make decisions about C-sections based on knowledge. I would have never been able to go out and tell 11,000 plus people my experience, so I am pleased the post has been successful.
Of course not everyone agrees with me, and I get passionate comments from women on both sides of the issue. Some women have chosen to share their own C-sections stories with me privately, and in the comments. Some are horrifying. Some are heartbreaking. I have cried at many of the stories, because so many of the causes given for the C-sections seemed so unnecessary to begin with, and the toll the surgery has taken in these experiences, is extensive.
I have received many comments from women who say their C-sections were great experiences and they have no regrets. I have received accusations from other readers who think I am trying to scare women. I have been called every obscene name at least twice.
I don’t mind a difference of opinion that is conducted in a respectful manner, but after my health issues last year, I have less of a tolerance for rude comments and readers taking personal shots at me. Lately, whenever I see a comment has come in on the C-section post, I get butterflies in my stomach, and hope it isn’t a nasty comment. I have defended my position so many times in the comments there really isn’t anything new that I can offer, that I haven’t already stated. If it is a comment attacking me personally, I delete the comment. It serves no purpose to anyone to state an argument in that manner.
I have been thinking about closing comments on that post. At what point does a discussion run its course? But then I will receive a comment from someone who has thanked me for writing the post. Or a woman shares her C-section experience. So many women have said they have cried while typing out their stories, and I believe just by being able to type out the words, it helps heal. I know, because writing helped me start to heal from the unresolved issues I had from my C-section.
On Sunday a very touching story from Sarah was posted on her C-section experience. (It is the fifth to the last comment currently in that post’s comments). Her experience brought tears to my eyes, and as soon as I read this sentence that she wrote, “i am not sure that i will ever get over the emotional trauma i experienced when my daughter was born,” I realized closing the comments would be a mistake. Reading this from Sarah made me realize how deeply the emotional trauma can run from a C-section. While it lessens, it never fully goes away. Just like the positive aspects of birth never go away, the negative emotional tolls don’t either.
Six years has passed since my own less than ideal and emotionally traumatic C-section. It is disheartening on some level to read that some C-sections are even worse than mine was six years ago, and that they are still being performed at an alarming rate- almost one in three births in the United States is a C-section. (This figure is from 2007, and is probably higher for 2008 and 2009 but the rates have not been released). It seems at times for those of us who believe C-sections should be reserved for true medical emergencies, it is an uphill battle. What difference really can we have?
I found out how much of a difference one person’s experience can have this past weekend. I was getting my haircut, and only have it cut every few months now. My stylist, “Emily,” told me she was seven months pregnant, and of course I congratulated her. Emily is young- at least young from my perspective- she probably is not older than 25. She knows I have two boys, and she asked me what hospital my kids were born at. I told her, and told her I had a C-section with my first son and a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) with my second son. Emily asked me which was better- the C-section or the vaginal birth.
I told her the VBAC by far. I told Emily I was holding my baby seconds after he was born, versus not being able to hold my baby for an hour after birth with a C-section. I told her I was able to eat 30 minutes after the VBAC, versus three days after with a C-section. I told her I bonded instantly with Cole after he was born, versus five days with Ryan, after the C-section. I told her I was nursing Cole within minutes after the VBAC, versus an hour with the C-section. I told her I felt better three days after the VBAC birth versus twelve weeks, with the C-section.
Emily was quiet for a minute, and I was wondering what her reaction was going to be. She put down her scissors and told me, “Thank you.” I was a little surprised, because I was expecting her to tell me she had heard C-sections weren’t that bad. Emily told me that she wanted a natural birth, and so many people have tried to talk her out of a natural birth. She also said so many have told her that she’ll end up with a C-section anyway. Emily said she was starting to doubt if she could really give birth naturally, but hearing my comparisons, it firmed her resolve. Emily said unless she had a medical emergency, she was going to give birth naturally, and not let anyone talk her into a C-section! It was so encouraging to hear a younger mother with that attitude. I told her of a few resources that could help her even more, and she thanked me again for being honest about my birth experiences.
I have thought about this exchange for a few days now, and after reading Sarah’s sentence, the realization became very clear. Emotional trauma from a C-section does not ever completely vanish. It will always be- to some extent or another- with us. It doesn’t matter if it was a week ago, twenty years ago, or if it was a medically necessary C-section or not. We can never go back and undo what was done. But our honest experiences with C-sections can be more powerful to someone who is seeking information than any books, or medical professional.
When women are told they need to “get over” their traumatic C-section births, by ignoring the parts of their birth experience which were negative, or traumatic, it doesn’t “magically” make everything better. It harms the women again, because now it isn’t acceptable to share or to talk about anything that isn’t a positive birth experience.
There are still women, like Emily, who believe their bodies are capable of giving birth the way they were intended to do so. There are women who don’t believe insurance companies, hospitals, drugs and surgeries are the answer to birth. These women want to know the truth, and are seeking answers. On the opposite side, there are so many women who had no one who shared their C-section experiences with them, when they had to make their decisions. There are women who have lost so much, and and have been hurt from C-sections. How do these two sides come together?
By telling our stories. It doesn’t matter that some won’t agree with you. It doesn’t matter that some will tell you to get over it. It doesn’t matter that some will tell you, you should be grateful your baby is healthy. It doesn’t matter that some will accuse you of trying to be overly dramatic. It doesn’t matter that not all C-sections are traumatic for everyone. What does matter is ours was. What does matter that someone else’s will be too. What does matter is we talk about it. It matters that we share our stories, and honor our birth experiences- all of them.
For the women who refuse to accept a C-section is the normal way to give birth, by sharing our experiences, we confirm their instincts, and they confirm ours- a surgical birth is not usually the best way to give birth. Most importantly, by talking about it your spirit starts to heal. A little at time. Never completely, but enough. Our experiences become patched together like a quilt. This is enough to make a difference, one birth at a time.
30 replies on “The C-Section Difference”
Thank you so much for this perspective. I just read through both this and the original post. Incredibly valuable.
In the original post, you mention planning to work on a post on helping moms to prepare for a cesarean, should one be truly necessary. Did you ever complete this? I didn’t find it here. I’m actually working on a post addressing c-section birth plans right now, and would love to link you.
Great post, Heather. I have another perspective as a mom of 2 sets of twins.
With both pregnancies, I was strongly encouraged to schedule a c-section. The first time around, my OB seemed pleased to learn that I wanted to avoid a c-section, and I had a fabulous, vaginal delivery. For my second twin pregnancy, I had a different OB (a switch from private insurance to Kaiser) and both my OB and perinatologist tried to “scare” me into doing an elective c-section, even though I’d JUST gone through an uneventful vaginal twin birth just a year and a half prior. I KNEW I could do it, but they warned me over and over that I was taking risks with my babies health and wellbeing. And by the end of my pregnancy, when a c-section was imminent due to the positioning of the babies, they seemed downright smug about it.
As it turned out, both babies figured out when they needed to come out and flipped head down in the days before I was to deliver, and I canceled my c-section and delivered naturally. Yay! I can’t even imagine the recovery from a c-section while caring for newborn twins AND toddler twins.
Just wanted to share. 🙂
Laura, thank you so much for sharing that!
As a soon to be mother who will give birth shortly – and preferably at home – and whose baby is currently the wrong way around, these issues are in the back of my mind at present. Although here they will deliver breech babies, it’s good to know he or she might flip at the end and all the headstands will be worth it 🙂
And your experience sounds amazing. I think if you want something that much you often get it and you and the babies made it happen for yourselves. XX
Thanks very much for posting that.
I never thought about C-sections as traumatic. But I guess it is a perspective thing. I was all set to give birth naturally, although the thought of passing a bowling ball was not encouraging, when I was diagnosed with a previa. For those not in the know, a previa is when the placenta is in the way of the baby, meaning baby may die and mama may die as the placenta passes first and just snuffs the life out of each. Mine was marginal … it could recede by 40 weeks or it could stay the same … maybe a C, maybe not. Well, long story short – after 10 days on hospital bedrest, 3 hemorrhages, many bleeding episodes, 4 transfusions, a round of magnesium sulfate, 4 ultrasounds, and 2 vasal-vagal responses (each of which caused my BP to crash), I was scheduled for an emergency C-section. An hour and a half later, I was all sewn up and high on morphine, waiting to go to the NICU to see my 28 gestational-week-old son (those of you not in the know, that is a tiny, immature baby – looks like a baby bird with no feathers). I was held off for 5 hours in recovery while they tended to him … all the while hearing other women hold their children, coo over fingers and toes. When I finally got to hold my son, he was 6 days old and hooked up to monitors and machines, an oxygen tube in his nose. When I finally got to breast feed my son, it was 6 weeks later. (I’d been pumping every 3 hours in the meantime.) And I found out that my previa was not the cause … my bleeding was coming from an abruption and that finally, after 10 days, the slight tear had become a raging hole, hemorrhaging 1/3 of the blood in my body in 2 hours. My son and I BOTH would have died without a C-section. So was it traumatic? Nah, almost dying was. I guess the trauma comes from perspective. If I hadn’t had 10 days to think about my own mortality and that of the child inside me, I’m not sure I would be as carefree about the C. But as it was, the decision was taken from me, thank goodness, and presented as “You are now 28 weeks. We are taking you and no, you don’t have time to call your birth coach.” But I am alive, my son is doing well when you consider all that he went through, and a scar is nothing when you consider the soppiness of his grin each morning.
Thanks Heather, again for posting about this very real and legitimate issue. I think I posted a comment on your original post, and as a labor nurse in a hospital setting, this hits home for me. I see many women go through c-sections for different reasons, some have trouble and some don’t, like you mentioned. I just want to say that we as caregivers are not out to get you. We care about you and your experiences and we would never want to ruin anything for you…especially in a way that causes trauma to you. I’m so sorry that it happened like that to you. I can’t speak for every establishment, but generally physicians are frowned upon for conducting C-Sections for any reason that is not a worthy medically necessary reason…and are held to this by the Joint Commission. I am optimistic in expecting that you will see the c-section rate decline. I’m sorry that you were hurt, and I applaude you for pointing out that the feeling happens to a lot of women. Yes, c-sections are considered major surgery…and should be treated with that respect. One suggestion I have, and this may be on a tangent, I would caution anyone who is interested in VBAC to really consider the benefits and risks for themselves. I have seen the risks happen and they are scary. I’m glad it went well for you, and yes we do them successfully all the time, but please tell your readers to research it well before they decide on this option for themselves. Anyway, I wish you the very best in working through your hurt with this issue, and I’m sorry on behalf of your caregivers if we have caused it for you. God bless.
Thanks, Jani. I appreciate your comments. 🙂 I researched my VBAC extensively and talked it over with my OB as well, and I agree with you, that it should be researched. I was told I was a great candidate for it, since the only reason for my first C-section was the breech presentation. Obviously, that isn’t the case for every woman and why it should be researched.
I cannot tell you how many women told me I would HAVE to have a C-section or I couldn’t do it without an epidural. They would tell me I was too small to deliver a baby. I and a very petite (about 105 pounds) 23 year old women. I had my baby girl, Ella, December 22nd 2008 completely natural without complications. She was 6 pounds 4 ounces and 18 3/4 inches long. I felt so great after her birth, I went home only 5 hours after she arrived! I gave birth to her at a birth center with a midwife. If was the best decision I could have made. Even though insurance would have paid for a hospital birth, we decided to pay out of pocket to have Ella in a calm and welcoming environment. I have a video of the birth that I hand out to mothers who think they can’t have natural childbirth. They always come back with the same comment, “you made it look easy.” That’s because I knew I could do it and I wasn’t going to let anyone tell me I couldn’t.
@Jani…
if that were true, if doctors are frowned upon for conducting unnecessary cesareans, then why do our hospitals “ban” VBAC’s? VBAC’s have proven over and over again to be safe in MOST cases….but yet they are “banned”?????
Color me confused, but that seems unnecessary! The risk of rupture…is very small.
I had 2 easy vaginal births, and a horribly traumatic cesarean with my breech 35 week triplets. Was it necessary? yes. It was still traumatic, with a horrible recovery (especially compared to a vaginal birth!. I cant imagine the trauma of a rough Cesarean that was not completely necessary.
The cesarean saved my life, saved my babies life, and yet….it was STILL traumatic. Not being able to say that without feeling like I am being “ungrateful” for the birth of my babies makes me upset. I am very thankful to my OB for delivering my babies safely. DO I grieve the fact that I was unable to have a vaginal birth? Yep. Sure do, and that was 2 years ago.
I respect your opinions, and honor everyone’s right to speak their personal truths. That said, many women who don’t have sections end up with some form of birth trauma. However it happens, it must be said that there can be some benefit to getting some counseling about the matter. I teach pre and post natal yoga, and it really does concern me that even in the face of having beautiful, healthy babies, many women are sitting around after class mourning what they term a less than ideal birth experience they had. After a point, we have to heal. We have to take ourselves out of the past in order that we can be present. We can become whole again. We can breathe through what were bad experiences and choose to not stay stuck in those few awful hospital days.
By no means am I discounting the pain, but at some point, we have to move on. Hearing women talk about their c-sections and bad birth stories sometimes three years after the fact is depressing. It makes women who are happy with their pregnancies or excited about impending births scared and despondent. There is no reason to make our sisters fearful. We are here to be community–to embrace it when wonderful things happen, and to hold each other when things fall apart.
Namaste.
to Jani – would you say that same thing about a woman considering a repeat cesarean? Why don’t you tell HER to research the risks of THAT decision? I’ve seen first hand the devastating effects that multiple cesareans can have on mom and baby (and let’s just say I’ve seen some dead ones, and some seriously devastated families, as a result of this surgery.) You cannot tell someone to research the “risks” of VBAC without telling them they also better research the risks of those multiple uterine scars.
Thank you for posting this, and thank you for keeping your other post open for comments. I must admit today is my first time to your site, I was linked though facebook to this post from an ICAN Chapter’s page I follow.
I myself have had two c-sections, one more traumatic than the other, and hated both of them with every ounce in me.
There are so many people I come across in the world that just don’t understand what the big deal is about having a c-section and most just think I should get over it and move on. But from someone who hasn’t been through it, it is nothing short of ignorant to suggest that.
I am SO happy I found your blog and I am going to put your button up on mine.
I just had “cesarean awareness week” on my blog last week, I wish I had found you sooner, and I will post my cesarean stories too!
Liv,
Apparently you missed this part of the post:
“When women are told they need to “get over” their traumatic C-section births, by ignoring the parts of their birth experience which were negative, or traumatic, it doesn’t ”magically” make everything better. It harms the women again, because now it isn’t acceptable to share or to talk about anything that isn’t a positive birth experience.”
I do agree with you that some women have traumatic vaginal births–which is ALSO an issue that needs to be addressed. But I challenge you to consider that the reason why many women are still contemplating and talking about the trauma of their births 3 years (or more!) after the fact is that:
A) birth is a hugely pivotale point in a woman’s life.
B) Their feelings are repeatedly discounted, so they are not allowed an opportunity to really work through them.
I agree with knitted, Liv…
I had a traumatic vaginal birth. It was 3.5 years ago, and I still talk about it. For a while I talked about it because I needed to let it out, to heal, because holding it in was eating me away from the inside. Now I talk about it because new mothers NEED to know.
In other societies, other cultures, girls and women see and hear each other birth regularly. Girls go into their womanhood knowing what to expect, so it’s not a shock or surprise. One day, I hope our society mirrors this.
But right now, most women go through pregnancy unaware what the political climate is in the hospital where they are delivering. They don’t know why a c-section rate is important. They don’t understand the need for a vaginal trial. And even those who do the research, as I did, still find themselves in these situations without help, advocacy, or compassion from the staff around them.
And WOMEN NEED TO KNOW.
So I will continue to talk about my birth experience. I’ll keep telling others what I went through, what I know others go through. Our babies, our mothers, need this.
Thank you for posting about c-sections. It saddens me that doctors are omitting information regarding c-sections and that most women are manipulated into getting them. I was okay with my c-section (it was NOT my choice) but after educating myself AFTER the fact I realized that I had options. I wish more women knew that forcing a woman to have a c-section is against the law.
Of course it’s a perspective thing! When a mother feels like she had a section unnecessarily, it’s infuriating! When you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your C/S saved either your life, the baby’s life, or both, it’s much easier to process. Mothers need to feel like their birth team did everything they could possibly do to give the mother the birth she wanted. Yes, things suddenly arise, but it’s the birth teams job to do everything they can to accomodate the paying client. Patients are human beings, not potential law suits.
If a woman conceives a baby under violent circumstances, she is allowed to grieve the rape AND celebrate her baby. We can find space for women to grieve their births (vaginal or cesarean) AND celebrate their babies. People are complex enough to honor all of it.
Cesarean section has got to be a surprising way to be born. It’s not what babies have been prepared for by evolution. They may be grieving, too.
Let the circle be wide round the fireside, and we’ll soon make room for you. Let your heart have no fear, for there’s no strangers here, just friends that you never knew~Tommy Sands.
Leta, my second c-section which was a 26+ hour VBAC attempt not only saved my life, but saved my son’s life also and I still hate EVERYTHING about his birth.
For some it may be easier to process or accept, but certainly not in all cases.
To Liv:
It is frustrating to hear women who are trying to help other women heal essentially tell the women to get over it.
I did not expect to feel deep emotional trauma from my cesarean. My c-section was an alleged emergency, but not a super-scary one. My baby was born about as perfect as babies are born, and I had complications but they were relatively minor. I had struggles, but none that are too far out of the realm of other women, in particular those with medicalized births. I was not one who was counting on a natural birth – my plan was to go with the flow and take whatever was given to me. I wish I’d found a site like this because it would have saved me a lot of time trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me.
In the aftermath, I did everything I could to get over it. I prayed. I prayed for the pain to stop. I prayed to understand my purpose, and to make good use of it – do something positive. I sought resources to help me understand why I felt the way I did. I executed a plan to help other women so they wouldn’t have to suffer the pain of being blindsided like I had, and have been personally credited for helping many have much more positive experiences (a HUGE and humbling honor.) I eventually had a very imperfect but very healing VBAC two years later.
Eventually, I moved on. I guess I just kind of graduated from that part of my life, and I moved in a different direction. It has been nearly seven years since I was cut. There are no more babies being made in my uterus. Time has moved on and I have chosen to move with it. I am living a beautiful life, doing amazing things I never thought I’d be able to do.
Two weeks ago, while living very much in the present, I had a nightmare about my cesarean.
I also have a scar on my left pointer finger from a bagel incident – about 10-15 years ago, I sliced it and got four small stitches. As I type, I can still feel numbness there and am sometimes reminded of how it happened. Though the wound has healed, it is a mark on my finger to remind me that there are better ways to cut a bagel. I will teach my daughters to cut away from their fingers when they cut a bagel, and I will teach them to value and trust their bodies as the sacred works they are. And if they do suffer trauma, I will teach them to process it in a healthy, realistic way.
You are right, we should live in the present; but sometimes our feelings from the past drop in to remind us where we’ve been and keep us moving forward. A person should never be denied that opportunity.
I appreciate the discussion on this topic, and even though I wrote the post referring to C-section births, certainly traumatic vaginal births also apply.
To Liv, when you write: “but at some point, we have to move on.” Of course we move on. We have to. I doubt any of us would have gone on to have more children if we were truly “stuck.” The point that I was making is we do move on, but we don’t forget, and as many others have pointed out, we shouldn’t. We don’t expect women who have had positive birth experiences to “move on” from that, and forget about it, so we can’t expect women who have had traumatic birth experiences to “move on.”
You also write: “Hearing women talk about their C-sections and bad birth stories sometimes three years after the fact is depressing. It makes women who are happy with their pregnancies or excited about impending births scared and despondent.” I respectfully say, I disagree with you on this point. I have never “rained” on someone’s birth experience or pregnancy. I don’t keep it a secret that I had a C-section and then a VBAC. If someone asks me further questions, I answer them honestly, like I did with Emily in this post. I have had women tell me they were going to go in for a scheduled C-section, and they felt good about it. I wish them all the best, and leave it at that.
Part of why I decided to write about C-sections and my experience was there was very little real-life information I found. I was scared before my C-section, and no one had to do that for me. I was just scared. This was despite the fact, that I had people talk C-sections “up”, telling me it was great I wouldn’t have to be in labor. I saw countless episodes of “The Baby Story,” where most of the births were C-sections, and everything turned out well (at least what they chose to portray). I didn’t read one negative word about C-sections in “What to Expect When You Are Expecting,” or in any other main stream birthing books, and funny- I was still scared. Looking back now, it was my instincts trying to tell me that a surgical birth is not natural, and it is not normal.
Many women are scared of childbirth. It is the big taboo in our society. We aren’t supposed to know about it, or ask questions about it, or question the norm, and certainly not question the doctors- they know best. Usually the attitude is you do what your OB/GYN says.
I have found the opposite of what you wrote true in most cases: the women who ARE informed, who HAVE asked questions, who HAVE heard about the downsides of C-sections, who HAVE researched the facts and birthing methods for themselves, are NOT scared of childbirth. They are informed, and they are confident in their decisions.
Finally you write: “There is no reason to make our sisters fearful. We are here to be community–to embrace it when wonderful things happen, and to hold each other when things fall apart.” I agree with you on this point, but without limitations. Who is anyone in our society, whether it is a doctor, a nurse, a midwife, a yoga instructor, a counselor, a friend, a relative, a spouse, a boyfriend, or another woman, to tell someone when the appropriate time is for her is to “move on,” or “get over it?” If we truly are to have a community of support like you say, then we should be “willing to hold each other up when things fall apart”- no matter how long it takes- even if a part of that person is never completely healed.
When our society accepts childbirth with ALL the negative and traumatic affects it can have- especially from C-sections- and it is acceptable to have less than ideal births, women will finally be able to heal more completely. It starts with us. With every birthing story, and every voice that speaks up and tells her story, and doesn’t accept that she should “move on” or “get over it,” fear is replaced with knowledge, and knowledge is power.
I read this post with extreme interest. 14 and a half years ago I had an emergency c/section with my oldest son. I have no doubt it saved his life, and most likely mine as well, for which I am eternally grateful, but, I hated it. I felt for so long afterwards that I could no longer trust my body, that I had failed at my first important task as a mother. Meanwhile all around me my friends were popping their babies out naturally with no trouble. I was an outcast in mother’s group, the only c/section.
When I fell pregnant with my second child I researched VBAC intensely. I spoke with a number of OB’s plus my trusted GP. With much regret I agreed to another c/sect as the reasons for my first were still present as I have a weird shaped pelvis, and nothing as big as a baby was going to get through safely. While I was researching I found a book in my local library called “Caesarian Birth” by Zena Armstrong, eleven years later and I still remember the name and author. I sat on the floor in the library and cried while I read it, for the first time I found others who had the same feelings about their births as I had.
I don’t dwell muchly on it anymore, my youngest is nearly 9 so we are many years from my birth traumas, there are scars, both physical and mental, but they are faded and slick with age, and trouble me little these days.
The reason I respond here is to commend you, I wish there had been someone to talk to me about these things 14 years ago. I now feel an acceptance of what happened, almost healed, but everynow and then something will take me back, and I remember. I no longer feel defined by my c/section, but it is always there. It happened and it shaped a part of the mother I became.
Thank you
Leta —
I could not agree with you more!! Well said!!
I have had 2 unwanted c-sections, the second a “failed” vbac that definitely saved me and my son’s lives. It is still very emotional sometimes for me 2 years on and I don’t think I will ever “get over it” and I hope that I would never be told I should. The only times I feel sad are reading about other people’s experiences that are similar – it is still so raw sometimes. So then it is time to talk some more, though I know now there is always a part of me that will feel sad about the birth experience my children and I had. I truly hope that no-one has to go through the same as me.
I am so glad you shared this in your blog. In 99 I had my 1st child I had hoped for a natural hospital birth, but after being put through the hospital system, my 1st child was born via C/S. Hindsight I know it could’ve and should’ve been prevented. In 01 I wanted to VBAC, but I was coerced by my O.B. to have a repeat C/S. I was even made to feel bad about wanting a VBAC as a mother who would put her child at risk, I was given scare tactics and they worked. My hope was replaced by fear, and I trusted my Doctor. My 2nd C/S yielded a much longer surgery time w/ scar adhesions on my bladder, I remember being so afraid, and afterwards being overcome w/ emotion as I once again watched my baby being taken away from me. I don’t really remember anyone acknowledging my birth as a negative experience, they were all just so happy that I had healthy children. And though I felt robbed of the birth experiences I had longed for, I just kept pushing those feelings down deeper. It seemed like my feelings didn’t matter. I tried to justify things to myself and just try to be thankful, I mean who was I to say my Doctor was wrong. Some time passed and I remember hearing a postive story about my friend’s sister who had a VBA2C. I was amazed and couldn’t stop thinking about it. Soon I became absorbed w/ it wanting to read more about VBAC and find more postive success stories. What I began to find was hundreds of women who had been through the same thing that I had. I remember the cascade of emotions I began to experience, from regret,sadness,anger,hurt,fear,hope,joy. I poured out my heart to the Lord and determined that I would have a VBA2C with my next pregnancy. I began to educate myself more about VBAC and the real numbers. Pregnant w/ my 3rd child I had already began looking for support, to discover it was going to be quite a search. Sadly,I lost that baby a few months into my pregnacy. Some time passed and I became pregnant again. I continued my plans to VBA2C. I was turned down by so many Doctor’s and even some Midwives that practiced w/ Doctor’s and had to follow their policy’s. So many door’s kept closing and I began to wonder if I’d ever find support.
I started going to one of the 3 O.B.’s from my prior O.B’s that now had a solo practice. I told him my plans to VBAC and he was nonchalant about it. He tried to go into some risk of Uterine Rupture, convienently forgetting to mention the risk of a 3rd Cesarean, so I kindly informed him that I was well aware of both. He agreed to “LET ME”..BTW I hate hearing those words. As long as I would sign his pretty consent forms.
I wasn’t ready for a homebirth, though I had read and seen many VBAC homebirths. I guess I still had that fear instilled in my head. The Local Birth Center wouldn’t allow VBA2C’s. So a hospital Birth was my last option. I did know that hiring a Doula and labouring at home would increase my chances of success.
Though several doors had closed one finally opened that led me to a Homebirth Midwife who was willing and enthusiastic about acting as my doula while I laboured at home. I began to labour the night of my DDate. Though I had did my best to prepare, this labour was very hard and draining. At 5cm, I was ready to go to the Hospital. My doula called to let them know we were on the way, and we were informed ofhe Doctor on call, that
just happened to be the Doctor who had coerced me w/ my Repeat C/S and done it as well. I went into stress mode and was so scared. When we arrived I was having such a difficult time relaxing. Scared of a repeat C/S, I caved to an epidural. Though I didn’t want to do so, It did help me greatly at the time. Thankfully the hospital was wrong, and my O.B. arrived. 8hrs later, I had a successful Hospital VBA2C. It was a challenging experience, and though it didn’t go as exactly planned, I was very joyful of having a VBAC. I learned a lot through that experience, I had learned that my body did know how to birth, and that I didn’t need to be afraid anymore. And yes..I was pregnant again. This time I knew it would be different. I planned a peaceful homebirth w/ my midwife, surrounded by those in tune w/ women’s ability to birth. I never felt safer before. Even after my VBA2C, I was healing w/ this pregnancy. I had to let go of that regret, and realize that I did the best w/ what I knew at the time. I had learned that my feelings were legitimate. I had every right to all of them. I had discovered knowledge is power. I my knowledge had been powered by experience. I had never felt safer. And I wanted to feel everything. So Christmas Day 2008, my 5th child was born at home in a waterbirth pool in my bedroom. Feeling my baby descend down my body was the most amazing and exhilirating experience. My body was doing her great work. I lifted my baby to my breast and watched him take his first breath. I did it! I did it! Just like I was made to do. I was holding my baby, no one was going to take him away. I wasn’t going to be left alone in some recovery room, I wasn’t going be in excruciating pain, not able to walk, eat, sneeze,etc. This was the moment I had longed for. This was it. And it was amazing.
What is so sad is that like me so many women are being robbed of the birth experience that deserve. Birth is not just about getting the baby out and leaving the mom behind. “Birth if Let Be is a beautiful and natural process of bringing life into the world, in the most peaceful, gentle and loving way…It has taught me, changed me, and empowered me forever.” Trebor Sutler
I forgot to add a link to my birthstory slideshow.
https://www.archive.org/details/Birth..ifLetBe
Trebor , thank you for sharing your story. It is beautiful, and brought tears to my eyes. I felt like you, I wasn’t quite ready for a home VBAC, w/ my second child, and I had an epidural as well in the hospital. I felt like if anything could help me avoid a C-section, that was what I was going to do.
I always knew if I had a third baby, I was going to have a home water birth. A third baby does not look like it will ever happen for me, but I am so thrilled for you, and your beautiful birth stories. I’ll check out your slide show.
I wrote in the original post, (The Reality of C-sections) that “Ignorance is NOT bliss- it just keeps you from having to face the reality of this surgical procedure until you are in the thick of it, with nothing left to do, but see it and its consequences through.” I think your story, and so many other women who have gone from C-sections to natural births, proves beyond a shadow of a doubt, that knowledge IS power, it eliminates fear, and it installs confidence, hope, and healing.
Good article! Thanks very much for posting that.
I posted recently on your first blog post regarding my first c-section after many vaginal births. The c-section was medically necessary – originally it was called for a cord prolapse (my water hadn’t broken yet but there was cord between the baby’s head and uterus), but upon repairing my uterus, that yes was exteriorized, they found it had twisted 180 degrees at the cervix. The baby would not have come out vaginally – period. In fact the uterus was incised on the posterior side.
But, the way I was treated was incredibly dehumanizing – from having a catheter placed while people were chit chatting across my body, to the worse, after the baby was taken to the nursery and no one – absolutely no one talked to me again!
I have the contrast of many vaginal births – I got to see my babies take their first breath, I watched them open their eyes to the light for the first time, I watched them spread their limbs out for the first time. I saw none of that with my last baby – of course they are all minor things – of course I’m grateful for a healthy baby – but there were losses – things that I will never be able to experience w/ her again.
I don’t know if she was covered in vernix – a useless piece of information – but – important to me, I didn’t get to smell her before she was all sanitized w/ baby shampoo.
If I had it to do again – still a necessary c-section, I would have asked to not have her cleaned up / bathed before I had her with me in recovery, I would insist they either lower the drape so I could see her being removed from my uterus, or at least lifted over the curtain. If the apgars were ok, I’d insist they bring her to me and let me count fingers and toes and check gender – quickly understanding that it’s cold in the OR. I would have taken pictures. I would insist that once the baby left (and sometimes it’s not even necessary if the baby is ok) with daddy, that an additional support person come in to be with me.
I find it unacceptable to be not be treated as a human being – to not have questions answered. The anesthesiologist is usually in that role, but once the baby is out, they start chatting and often times forget about mom. In my case, the nurse anesthetist found my twisted uterus so interesting, that she stood and watched the whole closing. I was very short of breath and while I was told it might happen, I was also told I could check the pulse ox to assure myself that I did have enough oxygen. Well … I couldn’t see the panel once she stood up – and – she refused to answer my questions. I hated being treated like a non-person.
I would insist on no narcotics being administered after the baby was removed because it often makes moms groggy and unable to clearly recall holding their babies for the first time. Again, it was incredibly dehumanizing. But, I am convinced it doesn’t have to be like that.
Hello everyone
My husband just directed me to this blog after seeing Jocelyn’s comment about my book on caesareans, which I wrote after the birth of my first child (who is now 26 years old!). So many of the comments here sound so very similar to those that I heard from women who had their babies by C-section over two decades ago. It doesn’t seem that much has changed in that time. I now own the rights to my book, which was called “Caesarean Birth: A reassuring guide for Australian parents”. It was originally published by Viking O’Neill but is now out of print. There may be a few copies in libraries but it seems that the information it contains may still be helpful. Maybe I should update it and reissue it as a web-based resource. Would that be helpful do you think? I included many personal accounts from women who had experienced C-sections. I received a large number of letters from so many wonderful women.
Don’t worry, no negative comments here, just wanted to share my experience as well. I ended up with an emergency c-section with my daughter after pushing for 4 hours and the vacuum not working. She ended up having a cracked skull because of my efforts to push her out the natural way. I am just thankful that c-sections are around for those of us that don’t have the correct ‘anatomy’ for vaginal births. I was going to do VBAC for my son but ended up with a c-section due to some other issues. He was also angled funny and would not have descended properly. I had no issue recovering from either one, the 2nd was even ‘easier’ than the first since I was not exhausted from labor. Now I am haivng a 3rd child and will just go for the c-section since I have accepted my body does what it does. I really do wish it would have worked out for a vaginal birth, but it wasn’t in the cards for me and I’m just happy I am alive and my kids are alive because I had the option. I DO want to commend every women for speaking up for what is right for them and being their own health advocates whether it’s for natural birth or accepting your body just can’t birth ‘naturally’. 🙂 I feel really bad that so many women had ‘bad’ birth experiences. I felt my wishes were kept and I was in control of my decisions as events changed during my birth experience and so I think that really helped me.