The Perfect Mom

Lately I have started to notice The Perfect Mom everywhere I go.  I think it is because of a book I have been reading, Life Swap, by Jane Green.  The story asks is the grass really greener on the other side, and one of the characters in the book, Amber, is The Perfect Mom. 

The town Amber lives in, Highfield Connecticut, is so competitive among the mothers- they have to have the right clothes, the right shoes, the right running-errands look, the right car, the right body, enroll their children in all the right schools and activities, the right husband, and of course make this look effortless.

Reading the book, I thought it was a little exaggerated- or was it?

I live in Northern Colorado, where thankfully, most of the mothers I know, are more concerned about making playdates for their kids, and talking to the moms there, then checking out which moms have the latest designer handbag.  But I work in Boulder, which is a lot like the town in the book.   I get out to lunch every so often and see the mom crowd at noon, with the latest baby gear, designer diaper bags, designer clothes, and they look perfect doing it.

Today I took the boys to the Children’s Museum in Denver, where for a minute I thought I was anywhere but a children’s museum– where there are children- you know- who are dirty. 

I saw more moms than not, in designer jeans, high heeled (like several inches) boots, beautiful jewelery, gorgeous sweaters, and scarves.  Their hair was perfect- their make-up was flawless, and they had the latest designer handbags. I watched them like they were from another planet, because to me they are. I find it fascinating. 

Don’t get me wrong- I like to dress up like that when I am going out to dinner, or to a movie, or to a party, or out with friends- but to take my two active boys out with dirty hands and runny noses- not so much.  I like to save my designer jeans and my ONE beautiful expensive sweater when it will not be used as a tissue by my two-and-a-half year old.

Yet I noticed something- The Perfect Mom’s children did not wipe their hands on their mother’s 7 for All Mankind Jeans.  They didn’t drool half eaten bananas on their calfskin leather boots.  Their two year olds, didn’t tug at their just-out-of -the salon haircuts.  The children certainly were not using their mothers cashmere sweaters as tissues.  I wondered what planet were these were children from?

Since Ryan and Cole love playing on the fire engine there, I get to sit and mom-watch.  As some of these perfect children belonging to The Perfect Moms from Planet Perfect started to melt down, it was back to Earth.  Even a mother in a $500 outfit for a day at the children’s museum gets that look of dread in her face when her child starts screaming and crying.  My group of mom friends just seem to go to our kids when they are crying and hug them, or pick them up.  That is why I don’t do Perfect Mom- it isn’t very practical.  It was interesting to see that I didn’t see very many Perfect Mom’s pick up or even touch their kids, while they were crying.

I am not judging- just stating an observation that I saw today.  One mom told her daughter, who was about four, and who was screaming so loudly I wanted ear-plugs, that she was going to leave if the daughter didn’t stop crying.  The daughter did not stop crying, and true to her word, the mom started to walk away- really- like out of the room.  The girl started screaming even louder and the mom didn’t come back.  She really had left.  This was upsetting to me- I can only imagine how this little girl felt.  I was ready to go comfort her, when Mom came back and the little girl was beside herself, whimpering and telling her mom she wouldn’t cry anymore. 

Everyone in the room was watching this, and it was upsetting.  I can’t judge someone by the type of clothes they wear, but I saw a few more incidents like this as well- not as extreme, but the women who were dressed perfectly, didn’t seem to pick up or touch their children- at least not when I saw them.  I am not saying that they don’t, but I just didn’t see it when I was watching today.  

As we were leaving the museum, a little boy ran right into me. His mom came over and apologized and told me she was sorry.  She immediately swooped down, and picked up her little boy and held him.  She had on jeans (probably from Old Navy) tennis shoes, and a fleece jacket.  I smiled and told her no problem- and I felt like I was back on planet Earth-for real. 

Most moms I know, myself included are not be perfect- we struggle.  If we can get dressed, get our kids dressed, and manage to get out of the house before lunch time, we are doing well.  I know the last thing on my mind some days is how I look.  One day I was out for six hours running errands with the kids and had a playdate.  At the end of the day, when I was getting undressed, I noticed my shirt was on inside out, with the label sticking out.  I wondered how many people had noticed that, or more than likely, no one had. 

Perfect moms look beautiful, poised, and put together at all times.  I admire someone who can do that, I really do.  But I would rather be able to hug my child and not risk, ruining my outfit if he happened to have dirt on his hands, or a runny nose.  If my kids can feel free to give me hugs whenever they want, then I know I am the perfect mom to them- that is all that matters- even if my shirt is on inside out.