In September, I met my friends for a girl’s night out. We all met each other and became friends within 6 months or so of us having our first babies- way back in 2004.
There are nine of us, Brandy, Amy, Nicole, Heather, Alison, Melissa, Danit, myself, and Julie. I met Brandy, Amy, Heather, and Julie through a Yahoo parenting group Brandy had started. Ryan was about 6 months old, and I had no friends who were moms. I had no idea, or could have known at the time, how vital these friends would become in my life. Eventually our group branched out into a mom’s night out, and I met Melissa, Nicole, Danit, and Alison.
Once a month we would meet to just have some time away from the kids, to talk, and to compare notes. This was before Facebook was up and running, so we stayed in touch every day through the Yahoo parenting group board. I remember at times that seemed like my life-line. Whenever there was an issue I was facing with parenting, one of my friends was dealing with the same thing.
Even though we couldn’t meet every day and chat in person, we had access to each other through the phone, computer, the occasional play-dates, and that support helped all of us. We all invited each other’s kids to birthdays, baby showers, and family events. Most everyone’s husbands became friends too. We met each other’s parents when they were in town, and somewhere along the line, we became more than just friends- we became a kind of a family-a community.
Brandy, Julie, and I told each other on the same day in September 2005, that we were pregnant with our second children, and we were all due within weeks of each other in May. Some days it seemed like we could barely manage what we had, and now we were going to be adding another person to the mix. Julie and I had also had C-sections with our first children, and we were both determined to have a VBAC birth with our second baby. That was a leap of faith- going against what the medical “norm” advises and deciding to trust my body. I was fortunate to have Julie right there with me, as she decided the same thing.
As the weeks turned into months, and May rolled around, I remember sitting with Julie one morning in her beautiful garden. Julie is a master gardener and always has the most amazing yard. She was hosting a play group, and our two-year olds were off playing the sand. Julie and I’s belly’s were so big, it was warm out, and we had a hard time even sitting. We talked about the impending births, and the way our lives were going to change with a second baby. After that morning most of my fears were washed away. I saw an extremely strong, determined, confident, and capable mother in Julie. I knew if she could manage I could too.
Julie had her daughter, Lily, a few weeks before Cole, and she had a successful VBAC. I was so happy for her. Her successful VBAC encouraged me that much more that I could avoid another C-section. When Cole was born two weeks later, it was via VBAC, and when Trajan, Brandy’s son was born a week later, he was born at home.
In July, 2007 our little group got smaller. Brandy and her husband, Dax, were moving to Georgia, so he could attend graduate school. It felt weird we were losing the person who had brought us all together. We had new moms come and go through the group. But our core was always there. This was our last girl’s night out before Brandy moved:
Back to front, clockwise, Amy, Me, Nicole, Brandy, Julie, w/ Lily, Heather
Brandy and her family eventually moved back to Colorado last year, but to another part of the state. Even so, we’ve been able to see her a few times since she has moved back.
April 2009,
Back to front, clockwise, Heather, Amy, Julie, Nicole, Me, Brandy, Melissa, Danit
In January of 2009, I started a difficult divorce process. In April I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, had surgery and recovery for it in the summer of 2009, and in February of this year, my mother passed away suddenly. My immediate family lives about 50 miles away and was not always able to help me- especially when I was recovering from cancer.
My friends became my family in the town I live. I would not have emerged from a divorce, cancer, and my mom’s death without their support and love. Anything I needed, they provided. I didn’t even have to ask- they just came over and did what they saw needed to be done. One day when I was recovering from cancer, I was barely strong enough to get up from the couch. I had the boys and it was all I could do to look after them.
There was a knock on my door, and when I opened it, it was Julie. Julie always has a smile on her face. I think “sunshine” when I see her. She had food for me, a book, and flowers. She had done all the prep work so all I had to do was open the container and eat. All my friends did things like this for me, but I mention Julie, because this post is about her. 🙂
Julie, her husband, and their two children, are moving to Finland this month for an incredible job offer her husband received. This was the news Julie told us a month ago at our girl’s night out. I am thrilled for her and her family- but I am also sad. I don’t want Julie to move for purely selfish reasons- I am going to miss her. We all are going to miss Julie- more than I think we care to admit.
For 6 years now, we have gone through everything together. From having infants, to post-partum depression, to toddlers, to preschoolers, to school age children, to losing our parents, to adoption, to soccer practices, to cancer, to other medical issues, to moves, to relationship issues, to divorce, to fitness, to Twilight (and Twizzler’s in the nose) obsessions, to once-in-a-lifetime-opportunities-when it has happened to one of us, all of us have felt it. And we have been there for each other through everything.
Last week we had our last girls night out for awhile with Julie. It was fun, and it was like it always had been. It’s our time to reconnect, talk, discuss, laugh, relax, and enjoy the brief pause in our lives when we aren’t in mom-mode.
I don’t feel like saying “good-bye” is quite the right thing- I know we will see Julie again, and thanks to Facebook, and blogs, we will all be able to stay in touch just like we have always done. But it is her presence – her smile, her laugh, and her warmth, that will be gone from our group- for now.
We’ve been through more things in six years thatn some people ever face. We were all new, clueless, sleep-deprived, scared, and isolated moms when we became friends. Six years later, we are stronger, wiser, healthier, and less sleep deprived (except for Nicole who has a 4-month old) :-), and we are all still friends. Our children brought us together, but it is our characters that have kept us all friends. That is a unique gift we have all found in each other.
It is a new start for Julie and her family, and a new adjustment for us. It would be very easy to put some sad parting words here, but as I told Julie the other night, I like this quote when thinking about her moving away:
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened. ~Theodor Seuss Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
October, 2010
Left to Right: Alison, Heather, Amy, Julie, Melissa, Me, Nicole