bullying – A Mama's Blog

A wrote a few weeks ago about two neighborhood boys that were bullying Ryan at the park. When I wrote that post, I had no idea what was going to happen.

Since then, I am very happy that the younger boy, C., seems like a new kid! I saw him at the bus stop the very next morning, after he had been pushing Ryan, after he had stared me down, and I had talked to him. I said hi to him, and he said hi back. I still make it a point to say hi to him every morning at the bus stop. I say hi to the older boy too, but he ignores me.

After about a week, C., started coming to the park in the afternoons without his “friend,” the older boy. He would play with Ryan and the other younger kids really well. He showed the younger kids his skateboard and let them try it a few times. One day he was playing football with Cole, and another little boy who is also three, and he was great with them.

Another mom comes to the park a lot in the afternoon as well, and one day she brought her quilt pattern she was working on, along with the fabric squares. I was asking her about quilting, and C., came and sat down next to us and listened and asked about quilting too. The other mom explained the patterns to him, and he really seemed interested in it.

Another day C. ran up to me and told me had a new GPS. When I asked him if it showed him where he was, he said no, it played music. I realized he had an MP3 player. I asked him what kind of music he liked, and he talked to me for several minutes about music. On Tuesday afternoon, Ryan, C., and some of the other kids in the neighborhood played for an hour at all of our houses- skateboarding and riding down the driveways on their scooters. I no longer see C. with the older boy, and the older boy if he is at the park, stays away from the younger kids.

I have never seen C.’s parents around though. I am not sure what the situation is, but I can see that C. just soaks up attention from adults. I think sometimes any attention, even negative attention is better than nothing. I am happy that our neighborhood- the kids and parents have been able to give C. some positive attention, and he has responded so well!

I have no reason to believe that C. would be bullying any kid now. He told me after I started talking to him that first night after he had pushed Ryan that he “was a good kid.” These past few weeks have proved that C. was right.

I live right next door to the pocket park for the neighborhood. I can look out the kitchen window and see the playground equipment. The kitchen window is right where I prepare meals, so many times Ryan is playing at the park while I am making dinner. I can watch him right from the window.

This evening, as he was playing at the park (he was the only one there at the time), I noticed two older boys arrive at the park. I try not to stereotype kids, but they immediately caught my attention. First of all, they were a lot older than the usual neighborhood kids who play there. Second, one of them was wearing really baggy pants, and his baseball cap was on backwards. I haven’t seen one kid in the neighborhood dress like this before either.

I watched them as they interacted with Ryan. I thought it odd they were even talking to a little kid like him. They were smiling as Ryan was talking to them, but it was like a mocking smile. Ryan ran up on the playground equipment and the older boy, Baggy Pants Boy, ran right up behind him. He started to block Ryan’s way. Ryan turned around, and went down the slide, and then the second boy stood in his way. I went outside at this point to the backyard, and stood at the fence, where I could still see and hear everything that was being said. There is a tree there, so I wasn’t too obvious standing there.

Ryan said “Let me through,” and Baggy Pants Boy, said mimicking him, “Let me through.” Then the other boy pushed Ryan on his back, while Ryan was climbing up a ladder. Baggy Pants Boy got to the top of the ladder, purposely to block Ryan’s way. Ryan said, “Let me get past you,” and he mimicked him again. Ryan was trapped with Baggy Pants Boy in front of him, and the other boy behind him.

I was so mad when I saw the second boy push Ryan. I don’t want to fight my son’s battles for him, but this clearly was not a case of two similar aged children having a squabble on the playground. I stepped out from behind the tree and told the boys to get off the ladder. They looked surprised and stood there looking at me, but moved out of the way. I told them I had been watching them, and it was not appropriate to treat kids the way they were treating Ryan. Baggy Pants Boy got off the equipment, and started walking away. I looked straight at the second boy, and told him he is not to push any child either, and to get away from Ryan.

He stood there glaring at me. I glared back, with my newly found, hell-hath-no-fury-like-a mother-watching-her-son-being-picked-on-glare. It seemed surreal I was staring down a young kid. After a minute he turned away, and ran off to join his friend.

I had Ryan come home and I talked to him. He said the boys had been mean to him, and one had been repeating everything he had said. Then he told me another one pushed him. Then he told me the most disturbing part that I had not heard- he said the boys had told them they had guns, and they were going to shoot him.

I had no reason to doubt Ryan- everything he had told me up to this point was what I had seen and heard happen myself. I also know that Ryan doesn’t make up stories like this. Then Cole started crying and said he was scared the boys were going hurt Ryan. I calmed him down and told Ryan and Cole no one was going to hurt them. I went outside, and saw the two boys riding their bikes way down at the end of the street.

I thought about trying to go find their parents, but I wasn’t sure if that was the right thing to do. I went back inside, and we finished eating. After dinner, my boys went to play in the backyard, and I went outside again. I saw the two boys still riding their bikes, but they were just a few houses away. I started to walk towards them. The boy I had the stare-down with was the closest. When I was sure he would hear me, I called out to him, that I would like to talk to him.

He rode over to me, and I flat out asked him, if he had told my little boy he had a gun and he was going to shoot him. He said no, and told me he was a good kid. He said he had only told Ryan he had a toy gun. I asked him why he had pushed Ryan, and he denied that. I told him I had seen him push Ryan’s back. He looked down at his shoes. I asked him what his name was, and how old he was. He told me his name, and then told me he was all of eight years old. I asked him if the other boy (Baggy Pants) was his brother and he said no-they were friends. He then told me his name, and told me he was ten.

At this point Baggy Pants Boy rode over. The boy I was talking to, C., told Baggy Pants what Ryan had said, and he looked very surprised and told me they never had told him they were going to shoot him. I asked Baggy Pants why he was blocking Ryan, and mimicking him? He denied that too. I told him I had seen him do it, and he looked at me sheepishly.

I told the two boys that they were a lot older than Ryan. I told them Ryan was only in kindergarten. I told them that even if they had been talking about toy guns, younger kids don’t always understand when someone is joking or not. I told them not to talk about guns to Ryan, and I told them that if they ever saw Ryan again at the park and they could not play nice with him, then to stay away and leave him alone. I told them that if I heard or saw them picking on Ryan or any other little kid, I would have to talk to their parents. They told me okay, and they nodded.

In the back of my mind, I was thinking that they could possibly be being bullied themselves. Before they rode off I told them my name, and if they ever needed anything, to let me know. I thanked them for listening to me and told them to have a good night. Then they rode off.

I was debating on whether I should tell their parents now, but I think I was very clear and firm with the boys. I feel like I should make the “I’ll be watching you” sign in that movie, Meet the Parents, every time I see them from now on. Hopefully by explaining to them what the boundaries are, they will not pick on Ryan or any other child again.

That was very hard to watch, and I just hope the point was taken. I guess all I can do now is wait and see.

******Edited 9/24/07: I have an updated post to this situation.**********