I have heard the above phrase so many times, since having my second son, two years ago. It seems like whenever I meet anyone, naturally, one of the questions that comes up, is if we have kids, (yes), and then, their ages (4.5 & 2 years), and then what gender they are (both boys). Then comes the, “Oh, you have all boys.”
Sometimes it is said with a hint of surprise on the “Oh,” as if I am fibbing and I couldn’t possibly have two boys. But more often than not, the “Oh,” is usually said in a low tone, with a pause before continuing on. I can’t really tell if this is meant as sympathy, or disappointment, or a combination of both. I’m not sure why people who question me on this in the first place, can’t just say something like, “congratulations,” or “how nice,” and have to make an unenthusiastic statement about having all boys as my children.
Not to compare, but I have yet to hear anyone tell a mother of all girls, “Oh, you have all girls,” in the sympathy/disappointment tone, reserved for the mothers of all boys. (I’m not saying this never happens, just that I haven’t heard it happen). When I have heard mothers say they have all girls, or even one boy and one girl, the response is excitement and happiness. Somewhere along they way, people have decided that having all boys is a gloomy and subdued situation to be in.
As the boys get older, it seems like more and more people point out to me, that I have two boys. Complete strangers feel OK with coming up and telling me, “Oh, you have all boys,” in that tone- uh, yes I do, thanks for the newsflash.
I understand that most people probably would like the experience of having both boys and girls as children, but when this isn’t the case, why does having all boys become a negative thing?
Of course I am partial, but I adore my two boys. They are brothers, and will always have each other in life, no matter what. My brother wished his entire life that he had a brother. I think he still does, and he is almost 40. He instead, grew up with three sisters. I remember people telling my mom that it was too bad one of us girls wasn’t a boy, so my brother would have another boy to play with.
So I guess two or more boys aren’t always thought of as negative, but only if there are girls in the mix, and as long as there isn’t only one boy in a family with all sisters. It just strikes me as a very odd trait in our society that people make comments like this, when there is no control over it. Having a baby isn’t like ordering a pizza. You don’t pick up the phone and call God, or the Stork, or the Baby Fairy and say, “Hi there, I’d like to order a large-no make that a medium sized baby- I get three features? Okay, then make it a girl, with green eyes, and brown curly hair.”
I don’t understand why people comment on the gender of your children, and in my case, it is far more negative comments than positive ones. Having two boys is a blessing. Having any child is. We are so fortunate that we have two healthy, happy, smart, funny, and loving children that happen to be boys.
Usually the comments don’t bother me, but I wonder in this day and age, when we can embrace so many differences, people still feel a need to make underhanded comments about the gender of children? Being a mother of two boys or all boys is a challenge. But so is being a mother to all girls, or the mother to boys and girls. It is just a different set of challenges.
Being a parent is hard- but it can be even harder when you receive negative innuendos about your children’s gender. Maybe just hearing these over and over again, has worn me down. Maybe I should have a tougher skin. So I am curious if other parents have also experienced negative comments about their chidren’s gender?
