Category: Parenting

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Attachment Parenting Cole Health Parenting

Following My Instincts / Not Crying-It-Out

Last night I had Cole down sleeping, and was trying to read Ryan a story to put him in bed (Joe wasn’t home), and sure enough, Cole started crying.  I was hoping it would only last for a minute or so, and he would go back to sleep, but he started getting more and more upset. After a few minutes, it was obvious, he was now fully awake, and despite having an upset three-year-old, who was NOT happy his story was being interrupted, I had to leave Ryan to go attend to Cole.

It has been a week since I have started nursing Cole to sleep, and then putting him in his crib, next to our bed and it is working a lot better than having him sleep in the bed, but he still wakes up a lot.  So he was in his crib, and after my eyes adjusted to the darkness in the room, what I saw, just about broke my heart. 

For my kids, I don’t believe in “crying-it-out.”  I firmly believe that when a baby is crying he needs something.  He may be scared, and just need the reassurance that his mama is still in the vicinity of the house.  I certainly don’t think a couple of minutes when  I can’t get to Cole is making him cry-it-out.  I am talking about leaving him while he is crying in a crib, obviously distressed for a long-period of time.  Also, I just don’t have the stomach for it.  For me, there is nothing worse than hearing your baby scream and cry for you, while they are in a dark room- alone. 

Plus there has been some research from Harvard and Yale, that have shown “when babies who are routinely separated from parents in a stressful way have abnormally high levels of the stress hormone and  lower growth hormone levels.  These imbalances inhibit the development of nerve tissue in the brain, suppress growth, and depress the immune system.” 

This subject was also brought up on a recent Dr. Phil episode that featured three of the Dr. Sears’s. 
Dr. Bob Sears said this about crying-it-out on the show:  

“When a baby screams for 10, 20 minutes, or a half-hour night after night, what actually happens to the baby’s brain?” asks Dr. Bob Sears. “The blood pressure goes up. The pressure gets so high, new blood with oxygen can’t flow into the brain. So the brain can be deprived of oxygen, you guys. And that’s not all. It gets worse. The brain can be flooded with stress hormones, and we know that stress hormones can damage sensitive developing nerve tissue. So, night after night, weeks and weeks of crying can actually harm a baby’s brain. That’s why we encourage you both to respond to your maternal intuition.  Robert, develop your fatherly intuition, so you can both really thrive as a family. Respond to your baby. “

So back to Cole- in the few minutes before I could get to him, he had stood up in the crib, put his hands through the slots, and was feeling / squeezing my mattress.  I knew he was trying to find me.  Even though he is in his crib now, he knows where I sleep, and he was looking for me- he needed me.   

I picked him up, and instantly the crying stopped.  I sat down with him on the bed, and even though his eyes were closed, he started cooing.  I nursed him for a few minutes to calm him down.  Then the most amazing thing happened.  His eyes were still closed, and he took his hand and started tracing and feeling my face, the way a blind person would.  It was like he was trying to memorize my face by feel. 

I am in awe on the way babies brains work, and I think there is so much we still don’t know about this.  As he was feeling my face, I got a tear in my eye, and I felt so grateful that I have been able to follow my instincts on what feels right. 

I couldn’t help but think, as my sweet baby was stroking my face, if I had gone against my instincts and had allowed him to cry-it-out,  yes, he may have curled up and gone to sleep, after it was clear to him, his mama wasn’t going to come to him, but the way it was going, he would have just become more and more upset anyway.  He would have been very distressed, and he was looking for me!  Two, I would have completely missed this tender moment with him, that I will never forget. 

Categories
Cole Parenting Ryan

Are You Happy?

Ryan’s latest thing is asking Joe and I if we are happy.  This started with a potty-training thing; he was blowing off going #2 in the potty for a few days, so Joe told him it made him very unhappy when he went poop in his pants.  So Ryan though about it, and the next time he went on his potty and jumped up and asked, “Are you happy, Daddy?”

He did that for a week or so, and then he started asking me if I was happy at various times. The other day, he pushed Cole down, and I told him  “That makes me very unhappy.”  He actually started crying.  I didn’t set out to make him cry, but that really got to him.  After we talked (for the zillionth) time on why we don’t push Cole down, he asked me in almost a whisper, “Are you happy now, Mama?”  Of course, I had to tell him “yes.”

Then two nights ago, I came downstairs, and Ryan was sitting on the couch, and Cole was playing on the floor. Ryan had his legs crossed and was holding his chin, like a great thinker, contemplating something very deep.  I asked him what he was doing, and he said, “I am NOT happy- Baby Cole is playing with my truck.”  

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Cole Parenting

Weird Parenting Events Not Found in Books

What is the weirdest way you have been injured by your child?

Tonight, as I was feeding Cole, I was kissing his chubby little cheeks, and he responded by jamming his thumb clear up my nose (I think he hit my brain), resulting in a big, bloody nose for me.

I suppose this is one of those weird things you never even think or read about in any parenting book until it happens.  A few other ones:

Things You Never Thought You Would Say: Get your finger out of your… (you can only imagine the body part).

Things You Never Thought You Would Do: Leaning over a crib at 2am trying to nurse a half-awake baby back to sleep.

Something You Swore Would Not Happen With Your Kids, But Now Does: Living room filled from top to bottom with toys.

I know there are more, but these are the only ones I can think of right now considering my brain still hurts from my, Way I Never Thought I would Be Hurt By My Baby.

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Parenting Ryan

You Know it Has Been A Long Winter…

You know it has been WAY to long of a winter, when you are taking off your three-year old’s clothes for the night, and after taking off his sweater, he looks down at his short-sleeved shirt, looks at his bare arms, looks at his Mom & Dad, and bursts out in tears saying,

“Hey, who took my sleeves off my shirt? My arms aren’t covered.”

Joe and I started to laugh, and then he stopped crying, and we told him no one took his sleeves-he had a short-sleeved shirt on under his sweater.  He smiled and said,

“Oh yeah.”

Think Spring!  🙂 

Categories
Parenting Ryan

The Great Escape

Now that I have stopped shaking, and calmed down a bit, I just had the most terrifying thing ever happen. 

Ryan got out of the back yard and was wondering out in the front by himself!

 We have an 8 ft. fence around our entire yard- the gate is a big door, with a lock on it, but we have another gate that swings open with a bar lock.  Last night, Joe took Ryan outside w/ him to pull in the trash cans, and he must have seen how it works.  I am wrapping up a present for my sister’s shower, and had just seen him outside on his scooter.  I finished wrapping the gift- maybe took me 5-7 minutes, and I looked out the windows, and didn’t see him.  I went to the other windows, and still didn’t see him in the back yard, so I opened the door, and called him- and nothing.  He usually answers me if he is back in the corner of the yard, and then I turned my head, and saw the recycle bin pushed up to the gate to reach the bar, and the bar off the gate, and the gate open! I grabbed my shoes, and ran out yelling his name, and I didn’t see him, and he didn’t answer me.  I was one second from losing it, and calling the police.  There was a girl walking on the sidewalk, and I asked her if she had seen a little boy, and she said yes, on the other side of the house, on the driveway (which is our front yard.) I don’t think I have ever been so grateful to hear someone say “yes.”

I ran around the corner, and Ryan was standing in the driveway, crying and scared.  I somehow managed to keep calm, and soothe him.  He said he had wanted to go out side to “bust up the ice,” and “get the mail”, but mommy and daddy weren’t out there with him.

I just hugged him over and over, and told him he is to never open that gate again!  I don’t know who is looking out for us, but I am so lucky, he got scared and didn’t wander off- we live by the train tracks, and near a very busy street, or someone could have just grabbed him in a second.  He was also out in the back yard playing, while I put Cole down for his nap, which took me like 15 minutes.  I don’t even want to think about what could have happened if he had gotten out then, or even what could have happened in the 5 minutes he was out there by himself.

I paged Joe and he is bringing home a lock tonight. It is amazing how much a child can learn by watching something once in the dark.  I think we are done playing outside for today. 

After talking to Joe, he suggested I take Ryan back outside and show him how to ring the doorbell.  He knows how to do this anyway, but I took him out and told him if ever is in the yard by himself, with out Mommy or Daddy, to ring the doorbell.  I don’t know if he would remember to this, but I guess it can’t hurt. Hopefully we will NEVER have another incident like this.