Category: Mothering

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Activities Cole Family & Friends Mothering Ryan

Swimming Play-date

On Sunday we had a play-date with one of Ryan’s friends, “Henry,” who we first met when they were about one, in music class.  Three months before I had Cole, Henry’s family had a baby sister, “Ella.” 

Despite us never planning it, Ryan, Cole, Henry, and Ella, always ended up in the same music class, and last fall, we discovered Henry and Ryan were in the same pre-school class.  Imagine our surprise when we ran into Henry and his dad at swim lessons a few weeks ago.  Henry is in the class before Ryan, but we were really close on the boys being in that class too.  

Henry’s mom, “Jane,” works full-time, so while I met her a few times off and on over the years, usually her children were with their nanny.  Ryan just loves playing with Henry, and vice-versa.  Henry invited Ryan to his birthday party  a few months ago, and they just had a blast. 

Jane asked if Ryan was going to the pre-school over the summer, and when I told her no, we decided they have so much fun together, we had to get them together to play.  Not to mention that Cole and Ella are almost the same age too.  We decided to meet up today for a swim play-date, at one of the kiddie pools in town.

I usually am not shy about meeting people, or hanging out with people.  I have talked to Jane over the years, but not a lot.  Even at Henry’s birthday, obviously she was busy with all the party activities and guests, but we did manage to talk there more than we ever have.  I was nervous about today though, and the reason why- THE SWIM SUIT.

On Saturday night at 9 p.m., I realized I had better decide what bathing suit I was going to wear.  Last time I checked, I had four of them- no problem.  I was sure one of them would fit.  I found out that two of them I used right after I had Cole, so they were too big.  Yay- nice problem to have.  Until I tried on the other two, and realized they were too small.  Nothing like trying to talk to someone and get to know them, while you are basically in nothing more than your underwear, which is too small at that.

I debated to go too big, but they just looked awful on me.  I looked like I was pregnant, and was trying to hide my body.  Of course, I am trying to hide my body, (at least my hips) but I didn’t want to look like I was. So I opted for one, that if I lost 3 pounds, it would have been perfect.  As it was, it is a tankini, which the bottoms ended just at the top of my “mama pooch,” and the top ended right a the top of it as well.  So I had a swimsuit that highlighted what should never be highlighted, “mama tummy.”  Great.  At least the bottoms hid my hips.  I was really close to running out to see if I could get a new suit, but realized most the stores would already be closed.  I vowed to get a new suit on Monday. 

We met Henry, Jane, and Ella at the pool.  We didn’t realize the pool didn’t open when we thought it did- it opened an hour later, but there was a playground, so the kids were fine.  Once the pool opened, the boys were in heaven. They loved the shallow water, and the sprinklers that shot up out of the ground to play in.

Jane and I got some more chances to talk and to visit, but we were busy keeping an eye on our little ones.  Fortunately Ryan and Henry were tall enough to stand in the deepest part of the pool- 2 feet 8 inches, so they had a great time playing in the “deep end.” 

Ryan was so excited when he came in for a snack- he kept saying he was swimming in the deep end.  We stayed for two hours.  Jane and I decided that we must come back and bring a lunch, so the kids could play even more.  We had so much fun. 

Ella really liked Ryan.  She wanted to play with him, and sit by him.  It was really cute.  She didn’t even hardly notice Cole.  When we were leaving though, Cole gave her a hug, and she looked at him like it was the first time she saw him all day.  Maybe they are too young still to be friends, but Jane and I both agreed that our second child, just didn’t seem to get the same amount of play time with other kids, that our first child did.  So, we are hoping we can change that. 

Ryan and Cole had so much fun, Joe is going to take them back to the pool this week, while he is on vacation.

As I was driving home, I realized that I didn’t think once about my bathing suit during the morning, and no one else there cared either.  No one had a perfect body- we were all parents, having fun with our kids.  I don’t need that new suit after all. 

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Mothering Parenting

Oh, You Have All Boys

 

I have heard the above phrase so many times, since having my second son, two years ago.  It seems like whenever I meet anyone, naturally, one of the questions that comes up, is if we have kids, (yes), and then, their ages (4.5 & 2 years), and then what gender they are (both boys).  Then comes the, “Oh, you have all boys.”

Sometimes it is said with a hint of surprise on the “Oh,” as if I am fibbing and I couldn’t possibly have two boys.  But more often than not, the “Oh,” is usually said in a low tone, with a pause before continuing on.  I can’t really tell if this is meant as sympathy, or disappointment, or a combination of both.  I’m not sure why people who question me on this in the first place, can’t just say something like, “congratulations,” or “how nice,” and have to make an unenthusiastic statement about having all boys as my children.

Not to compare, but I have yet to hear anyone tell a mother of all girls, “Oh, you have all girls,” in the sympathy/disappointment tone, reserved for the mothers of all boys. (I’m not saying this never happens, just that I haven’t heard it happen).   When I have heard mothers say they have all girls, or even one boy and one girl, the response is excitement and happiness.  Somewhere along they way, people have decided that having all boys is a gloomy and subdued situation to be in. 

As the boys get older, it seems like more and more people point out to me, that I have two boys.  Complete strangers feel OK with coming up and telling me, “Oh, you have all boys,”  in that tone- uh, yes I do, thanks for the newsflash.   

I understand that most people probably would like the experience of having both boys and girls as children, but when this isn’t the case, why does having all boys become a negative thing? 

Of course I am partial, but I adore my two boys.  They are brothers, and will always have each other in life, no matter what.  My brother wished his entire life that he had a brother.  I think he still does, and he is almost 40.  He instead, grew up with three sisters.  I remember people telling my mom that it was too bad one of us girls wasn’t a boy, so my brother would have another boy to play with. 

So I guess two or more boys aren’t always thought of as negative, but only if there are girls in the mix, and as long as there isn’t only one boy in a family with all sisters.  It just strikes me as a very odd trait in our society that people make comments like this, when there is no control over it.  Having a baby isn’t like ordering a pizza.  You don’t pick up the phone and call God, or the Stork, or the Baby Fairy and say, “Hi there, I’d like to order a large-no make that a medium sized baby- I get three features?  Okay, then make it a girl, with green eyes, and brown curly hair.”

I don’t understand why people comment on the gender of your children, and in my case, it is far more negative comments than positive ones.  Having two boys is a blessing.  Having any child is.  We are so fortunate that we have two healthy, happy, smart, funny, and loving children that happen to be boys. 

Usually the comments don’t bother me, but I wonder in this day and age, when we can embrace so many differences, people still feel a need to make underhanded comments about the gender of children?  Being a mother of two boys or all boys is a challenge.  But so is being a mother to all girls, or the mother to boys and girls.  It is just a different set of challenges. 

Being a parent is hard- but it can be even harder when you receive negative innuendos about your children’s gender.  Maybe just hearing these over and over again, has worn me down.  Maybe I should have a tougher skin.  So I am curious if other parents have also experienced negative comments about their chidren’s gender?

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Activities Cole Family & Friends Mothering Ryan

Little Boy Nirvana

The “big city” (about 50 miles away from us), has a great children’s museum- I’ve been told.  I have heard about it practically my entire life, since I have lived in the general area since I was eight.  I never went as a child.  I never took any kids there.  I never went with any of my nieces or nephews. 

Usually something like this for me, never lives up to the expectations.   It seems like these types of attractions get talked up and repeated, until they are stuff legends are made of, and they can’t possibly live up to the hype.  Nothing can really be that great.

I officially saw the legend for myself today, with the boys, and all I can say is WOW!  I’ll sit down now.  🙂 

We met up with my sister and my adorable 14-month old niece, Maelin.  The first thing the boys saw when we got into the museum was the REAL FIRE ENGINE, that the kids could play in.  It had all the controls, a horn, and the steering wheel.  What more, could two little boys who are in love with fire engines want?  Fire chief hats, and fire coats.  I think we reached little boy Nirvana today.  I could go on and on, but I think these pictures say it all: (you can click on the pictures to see them larger)

         

Despite this museum being on a few levels, and having countless activities, the boys did not want to leave the fire truck.  They had some benches and I could have brought a book, or work, and sat there all morning while they played only on the truck.  I finally convinced them we should go look at some other things, but only after promising them we would come back to the fire engine.

We went to the smaller child area, where my sister and Maelin, were playing.  Cole seemed a little overwhelmed at first (or else he was just mad he wasn’t on the fire truck anymore), but he quickly got over it and had fun playing on the padded slides, and carpet.  We ventured further back, and found a play tree house with a kitchen.  There was also a play garden, store, and food.  Here is a picture I got of the three kids together (a small miracle, considering how fast they all moved around):

We also made it to the play grocery store, critter area, (where Ryan dressed up like a squirrel), and a train room.  Did I mention little boy Nirvana?  My sister had taken Maelin back to the small kid area, and eventually Ryan had to use the bathroom.  Of course the fire truck is right by the bathroom, so as soon as they saw the fire truck again, they were hooked.  I just sat on the bench, and knew we weren’t going to see any more of the countless rooms we hadn’t made it to.

I was getting hungry, so I told the boys we would go eat our picnic lunch outside that I had packed, and then we would come back in for a while. Of course, they said they wanted to play on the fire engine after lunch.

My sister had to get going, so after our good-bye’s, we had our lunch under a tree, watching the rides from an amusement park nearby.  It was a beautiful day- not to hot, or cold.  We were getting ready to go back in, when we saw a trolley car pull up, just down the hill from us.  We weren’t quite done eating where we could take a ride, but the conductor walked up towards us to place a sign, and told us they were every half-hour.

We finished lunch, and then the boys played at the playground, which was right there until it was time for the next trolley.  We took the ride around the area, and I learned a few interesting facts about the “big city.” 

The boys were so tired after this, that it was time to go home.  Ryan asked when we could come back and get back on the fire truck, as I was putting him in his car seat.  I was able to tell him very soon, because my sister told me that she got me a season pass!  She knew someone who ended up with an extra one, and she is generously giving it to us!  That means we can come anytime we want for an entire year, for free!

We are so excited.  I just wish we were closer, but I know it is something we will really look forward to doing on the hot days of summer, and in the cool days of fall and winter.  

It isn’t every day you get to see your children so happy and care-free.  I know with that fire truck at the museum, I’ll be able to see little boy Nirvana, a lot more often.   

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Activities Cole Family & Friends Mothering Parenting Ryan

Weekends Before & After Kids Part II

(Part I, in case you missed it.)

Having kids definitely changes your weekends.  During the last four years, I can probably count on one hand the relaxing entire weekends we have had.  This past weekend was one of those. 

On Saturday, Ryan started swimming lessons.  The pool is within walking distance, so him and I walked to the pool.  He was so ready and eager to have his lessons again, and he almost put his head underwater.  Last year, after two sessions, he was not ready to put his head underwater.  What a difference a year makes.

Joe was watching Cole, and was including him on some projects he was trying to get done around the house.  Cole loves spending time with Dad, so he was having a blast, getting Dad’s one-on-one attention.

Remember the language research study Ryan is participating in? The researchers scheduled an hour observation session for Ryan, where they could asses and observe his language skills and vocabulary.  I decided to take Ryan out to lunch before hand.

We had such a fun time.  We went to a nice pizza place, and we were seated in a booth for two.  Ryan came and sat next to me, and held my arm.  We colored, talked, and Ryan got two chocolate milks- a treat for sure.  We had a great time at lunch, just sitting, coloring and talking.  I get little glimpses into Ryan’s head during rare times like this, and it is so neat.

We had a few minutes after lunch, before we had to go to the research office, and there was a toy store next door.  Ryan played with the trains, and didn’t even argue or stall when I told him it was time to go.

The research appointment proved very interesting.  I was in the room, but was asked to not cue Ryan.  So I sat and observed as the speech therapist researcher asked Ryan hundreds of questions.  She used pictures, used riddles, and just asked him other questions verbally.  I realized that Ryan knows a lot more words, ideas, and concepts than I gave him credit for.  Some of the material she was testing him on, she said was for six year olds, and he wasn’t missing any questions.  She said she had to go until he missed eight questions in a series.  He missed six and seven questions several times, but didn’t miss eight questions until we were there for an hour and a half. 

Since this is research strictly for the company’s purposes, we don’t get any official feedback, but I asked her when we were done, how Ryan’s speech in general was, and if there was anything we should be working on.  She gave me one area to work with him on, that she noticed, but other than that she said he was doing great. 

We went home, and the boys played outside, while Joe and I completed some tasks around the house.  (Some things like housework never change.) 

On Sunday, thanks to my boss, who gave me her tickets to the pro baseball team, “in the big city,” Joe and I got to go to the game, and we sat by third base, 24 rows up.  It was so much fun, and relaxing too.  Joe and I carried on some kid free conversation, for a few hours.  That hasn’t happened in quite some time.

My dad and step-mom were babysitting the boys, and after the game, we went and got some dinner.  It was almost like the BK days- we knew the boys were in good hands, and we could just relax, talk, and enjoy dinner. 

About half-way through dinner, a table came in and sat next to us. It was two families, with five small kids between them.  I found myself watching the kids.  They were having fun, even though the parents were not talking with the other parents, but to their kids. Not unusual.  I thought about how these parents probably went out BK, and sat for hours and had intellectual discussions about the world.  Now they were talking about swim lessons and summer camp, in between trying to get their kids to drink their milk.

I saw myself in them, from the outside looking in.  At one point, one of the mothers looked at Joe and I, and smiled at us.  I am sure she was thinking we were a mid-age couple (I wish I could say young couple.  🙂 )who could sit leisurely at dinner and talk- because we didn’t have kids. 

I think it is normal for parents of children to remember their BK days, and yes, sometimes long for them.  Especially when you go through the day-to-day routines, and never seem to have time for yourself anymore. 

But once you are a parent, you can’t go back, and even though a few hours at a ballgame, or a dinner out by yourself is a nice break, you don’t want to go back permanently.  Having children takes so much time, and energy away from you, but it always returns it to you a thousand times over.

A weekend all to myself is no comparison to walking to swimming lessons and talking to with my son.  Being able to sleep in as late as I want, can’t compete with him smiling at me with a chocolate milk mustache.  A quiet dinner out and a movie, doesn’t hold water to my toddler shrieking with excitement, when he sees us come home from being out, “Mama-Mommy, Daddy!”  and we are engulfed with wet, sloppy, loving kisses. 

Having children means giving up your weekends, oh-for at least eighteen years, (that isn’t even counting if you are a soccer parent-another post entirely!)  But as you give take that time away from yourself, and give it to your children-to your family- something else gets created in the process. 

There really isn’t a word to describe it, but you see it in your child’s eyes, when he waves to you from his swimming lesson.  You see it in their faces when they realize the day is Saturday, and they get to make waffles with Daddy.  You hear it in their laughs as they are playing in the park.  You feel it in their hearts, when they hug you, as they thank you for taking them out for ice cream, and one child tells you “This was the best weekend ever, Daddy and Mommy,” and the other one just smiles as wide as he can.   

You may not sleep or get to go out anymore on the weekends, but you have gained something far more important-that you never gained from weekends before kids- you have given your children your time, and in return you gained their adoration and love. 

I wouldn’t trade that for all the free weekends in the world, and I know most parents wouldn’t either, even if we are tired. 🙂

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Activities Family & Friends Household Mothering Parenting

Weekends- Before & After Kids Part I

  Before being blessed with two children (BK-Before Kids), I didn’t know how good we had it on the weekends.  If I woke up, let alone got out of bed before 9am, I thought I was missing my beauty sleep.  🙂  After getting dressed and ready to go in about 15 minutes (compared with usually an hour after kids) Joe and I would go out to breakfast at our favorite spot.

We didn’t care if the wait was an hour- we brought our newspaper with us, and could leisurely read the paper and drink coffee while we waited for our table.  After we had a nice breakfast, we would go home and do a few chores around the house. 

When you don’t have two small monkeys boys, cleaning and maintaining the house takes about thirty minutes a week.  When you have two small monkeys boys, it takes about 10 hours a week.  (Not exaggerating on this either.  On Friday it took me from 10 am to 8pm to clean the house- and that was leaving a bathroom undone.  But that is another post.)

Back to our weekends before kids.  Usually on Saturday afternoons, I would visit friends, go shopping, garden, exercise, or just hang out and read a book.  Sometimes I would cook dinner, and sometimes we would go out.  (If you are keeping track- NO cooking so far.) If we went out, we weren’t there at 5pm, in order to beat the dinner crowds- we didn’t need to time a meal down to the last millisecond, before one, or both kids had a major public meltdown, and the restaurant’s customers were treated to a baby’s shrieking cries, or a toddler screaming at the top of his lungs, “I want to go NOW!”

No, we had all the time in the world.  If the restaurant wait interfered with our plans to go catch a movie afterwards, now that was cause for concern.   Otherwise we were fine.  Oh, and the movies.  We used to love going to the movies.  We didn’t have to choose between the 4pm showing that would end before our boys’ bedtime, and oh- that is your only movie time choice as a parent.  If you go to the early evening movie after having kids, you usually aren’t home until 10pm, and you can hear the wailing coming from the house, as you turn your car down the street.

When you arrive home, you realize World War III has started in your living room.  Oops- that is just the two boys that absolutely will not go to bed for the babysitter, and the only way the sitter could calm them down was to let them drag out every toy they have- even the 1,000 piece Lego’s pack.  Which, you have just stepped on, and are trying not to let out a few choice words in front of the sitter, and the two very tired, sleep deprived monkeys boys. 

At this point the boys monkeys (yes, they have turned into monkeys now) are climbing on you, crying, and wailing that only mommy can put them to bed.  Two hours later, past midnight, you finally have achived the task- getting overtired children to bed.  You curse the d**n movie and wonder why in the world you just put yourself through that.  No movie is worth the war battle you just went through- all to get a night out.

On Sunday mornings BK,  Joe and I would sleep in again (really, I used to sleep?!), and then hang out some more, go grocery shopping (yes, we usually grocery shopped together), read the paper, and had a lazy Sunday, or hung out with family.  I liked cooking on Sunday’s, so I would make a nice dinner.  We had no time constraints, or demands on our time from the children.  Our time was completely ours, and as I write this, I can barely remember it.  Was it really only four years ago?  It seems like a lifetime ago. 

This is going to end up a pretty long post, so I am breaking it into parts.  Check back later in the week for Weekends Before & After Kids Part II.