If you have been a reader of my blog for awhile, or know me, you know that I have been in the midst of a divorce for a year and a half. Last week after a trial, it was final.
I’ve debated over the last year and a half, on how much I should blog about the divorce, and what was going on with it. I felt like some of what I was experiencing could help others in similar situations. But because of the nature of it, I decided the less I wrote about it, the better.
One thing that surprised me somewhat, but probably shouldn’t have, was during the court trial, my ex-husband’s attorney threw out quotes from my blog, and mentioned some of the things regarding my health, and running that I have written, in order to portray me negatively in the manner she needed to.
As I sat there listening to her use my announcement that I was cancer free, and the information I have shared about running, to make her case, it was unsettling. I wrote those things, and shared them to help other people, and to let other cancer patients know there is hope and life after having cancer. Perhaps I was too naive- I didn’t think what I wrote would be turned and twisted around by an attorney, who was trying to show I don’t work full-time for my own selfish reasons.
I know the reasons I haven’t gone to work full-time since my cancer recovery, and they have nothing to do blogging and running. They have everything to do with my boys, and my being available for them-especially while their parents were getting divorced. That might not make me the most successful person in my profession, or have me earning the most money I possibly can, but it has provided my children a sense of stability and normalcy through the divorce.
I know I made the right decision for Ryan and Cole. I will never look back at the last year and a half, and regret I didn’t have a full-time job. I will remember I was there for my kids so their routine was not drastically changed. I will remember I was there on Ryan’s first day of kindergarten. I’ll remember standing at the bus stop with Ryan each morning and being there every afternoon when he got off the bus, until he gained the confidence himself. I will remember his smile when I volunteered in his classroom. I will remember helping Ryan with his homework when he came home, having a snack with him and Cole, and talking about our day. I will remember on the two days off a week I had, the one-on-one time Cole and I shared. I will remember drawing, coloring, and baking with him. I will remember playing farm, village, and fireman. I will remember reading books to him, and going to the park. I will remember talking to the boys about divorce, and the feelings they were having. I will remember I was available for them during this incredibly difficult process.
It turned out to be the right decision for me not to blog any specifics about the divorce. My advice to any other parents who are wondering if they should blog about their divorce- don’t. Written words are so easily twisted and taken out of context. Be there for your kids, and do what you need to do for them. When it is all over, what is really important- and all that matters anyway, is you were there.
On Saturday I ran in the Eagle’s Heart 5K race, trying for my fastest 5K time. My previous record had been 27:07. In my last post I explained why I wanted to achieve this so much, and the work I was putting in for it. My dad was also running in this race as his first 5K. I had a flood of emotions on Friday. Everything just hit me at once- cancer, my mom, where I had been health-wise last year. It was a lot to think about.
I was afraid of failing for a reason I describe at the end of this post. I thought back to all the runs I have done since September. It occurred to me I have ran in a lot of different conditions. I’ve run in freezing cold, and heat. I’ve run when I was feeling great, and when I was feeling bad. I’ve ran fast, and I’ve ran slow. I’ve ran in pain, and I’ve ran pain free. I’ve ran when I felt like I could go on forever, and I’ve ran where I like I couldn’t take another step. I told myself I can run in any condition except one- fear. I was never going to run with fear.
I got up at 6AM on Saturday, and made breakfast for my dad and I. He made me breakfast for my first race, so I returned the favor. He arrived at my house at 7, and said he was feeling great. I had gotten over my funk, and I felt calm and ready.
It was quite a bit cooler and it was windy where the race was being held. My dad and I warmed up, and walked across the street few minutes to the race site, before it started. I told my dad I was so proud of him for getting himself in 5K running shape. He told me I had been his inspiration, and that made me feel good. He told me not to worry about him, and he’d meet me at the finish line. A few moments after that, we were off!
The course started out flat for about 30 seconds, and then there was a hill. I barely noticed it-I just saw the other runners ahead of me running up a hill. It was very satisfying to be able to run up a hill without it affecting my pace. I didn’t want to get tied to looking at the Garmin, but when I looked at it a few second after the hill, my pace was at 7 minutes a mile. I was right where I wanted to be.
I started up at the front. There were a few men passing me, but no women. There was a woman who was about a tenth of a mile ahead of me. She was running really well, and I thought if I could keep the gap between us where it was, I’d be doing really well too. There was enough room on the course to run. I didn’t have to worry about strollers, or walkers, or having to pass a bunch of people.
Then I just let everything go from my mind, and ran. It was like my body took over- it knew what it needed to do. I had done this so many times, and under harder conditions, everything just flowed and came together. My mind and body were working perfectly. The first mile seemed to fly by. I had run it in 7:24.
The second mile had been the hardest in training. I tended to slow down too much, and then it was hard to pick the pace up again. The Garmin really came in handy during the second mile. At times I felt like I was too slow, but I’d look at my pace and see I was actually running faster than I needed to. I made myself slow down a bit, because we were running down hills, and I knew those would be uphill in the third mile. The runners who were in the lead started passing us on their return trip back. I counted the women, and saw there were only 3 of ahead of me. There had only been a handful of men too, and I started to get excited that I was pretty much in the front of pack. I passed my dad, and he gave me a thumbs up.
I was gaining on the woman who had been ahead of me. We were just starting mile 3, and my pacing was great. I had planned on running mile 3 in the 9 minute range, but I was running in the low 8 minute range. After we ran up the hills, and the course evened out, I was starting to get tired. I wanted to try to pass her, but there was still almost a mile to go, and I didn’t want to put the last of my energy into passing her, and then not having enough to finish the race strong.
I ran a bit slower in the last mile. But when I came over the last hill, and saw there was about a quarter mile left, I looked at the Garmin and it said 24:24. I couldn’t believe I had a chance to finish this race in less than 25 minutes! It was time to give it my all, and go for it!
It was the moment I had been working and training for. I sprinted, and ran as fast as I could. I was getting very tired, but something my friend told me popped in my head, and that was to keep setting goals and keep knocking them down. I was almost there, and I gave it every last thing I had- I wanted to knock down the 25 minute goal. I was not going to let that clock turn to 25 minutes, and not be on the other side of the finish line!
I crossed the finish line, hit stop on my Garmin and it said 24:58. Emotion hit me then. I had done it, exactly one year after all the uncertainty the cancer diagnosis brought. But I had just run my perfect race, and the time proved it. I ran strong, I ran fast, and I and I ran fearlessly. It was one of the best experiences I have had.
I drank some water, and then ran back to find my dad to run the rest of the race with him. I found him with about half a mile to go. He had taken off his coat and hat and was carrying them. I took them from him and told him he was almost done. We ran up that last hill together, and he saw the finish line. I told him to run, he was almost there, and he was doing great. He sped up a bit, and crossed the finish line at 33:12.
We were both so happy, and hung around the finish line to cheer for the other racers that were finishing. As we were getting ready to walk back to the building, they posted the official results. They had my time at 24:59. My dad was the top third finisher for his age group, so he was going to get a medal! (They combined the male and female top finishers for each age group, and they were all men in my age group, so that is why I didn’t qualify for a medal.)
I met up with woman who had been in front of me and I told her she had run a great race. I told her I had been trying to catch her but couldn’t. She told me she was glad to hear that, and said she had been worried about me the whole time passing her. She mentioned she looked behind her throughout the race and saw I was right there. She said I had been making her run faster, and I told her she had been making me run faster. It was neat we both pushed each other to do a little better.
I have not written the main reason why I wanted to break my record in this race. It was for my boys, Ryan and Cole. From the moment I found out I had cancer, I worried about them, and how it would affect them. I worried what their lives would be like if I were sick, or could not maintain my level of activity with them. Last summer, after my surgery and when my thyroid medication was messed up, I was so sick, and so weak, I could barely take care of them. They watched me in this state, for almost three months. They watched me and remember I was too sick to even walk up the stairs. It was the absolutely worst thing about cancer- not being able to be there for them the way they needed me to.
I wanted to show them they can overcome the hardest and unexpected obstacles life will throw at them- even cancer. It might not come easy or instantly, and it might require a lot of hard work, but it is well worth the fight. I never want them to feel like there is something that they cannot overcome. I wanted to show them, not just tell them, they can fight and work hard, and come back stronger than they were before, and achieve what at times, seems like the impossible.
That is why I wanted this so much, and worked so hard for it. So I could make this ending come true for my boys.
“There will come a point in the race, when you alone will need to decide. You will need to make a choice. Do you really want it? You will need to decide.” ~ Rolf Arands
I came across this quote about a month ago, and I thought it was kind of corny the first time I read it, but it seemed to keep popping up. I thought about it when my dad told me he was ready to try his first 5K race. He’s been working really hard, and I have no doubt he’ll finish well within his goal of 35 minutes.
My best 5K race time is 27:07. I ran this in the second race in November, and I finished in fifth place for my age group. I’ve wondered why I haven’t been able to run that fast since in a race. I thought about what I did in that race, that I haven’t done in the races since then. I have always known I pushed myself in that second race. I started out faster than I had wanted, but I kept up the pace. It was one of the harder races I’ve ran, but it was also my fastest.
Since then in races, I start out a comfortable pace, building up my speed for the end of the race. I’ve been running negative splits. I have tried several times starting out faster in training 5K runs, and every time I have done this, I’ve ran the 5K distance faster. But I also have to work very hard during the run- much more than when I run it in negative splits.
Then I kept thinking about this quote- how much did I really want to work for what I wanted to achieve? What if I fail at it? Is it better to try it and fail, or just stay in the comfortable zone, not risking much-not being disappointed?
I’ve been concentrating on running longer distances since February. I have to start out at slower paces for those, so switching gears to start out fast for a 5K, is like starting all over again in some aspects. I know I have the speed to begin, and I know I can do the distance, but can I maintain the speed to get the time I want for the entire distance? I would also have to train backwards for the 5K from what I was used to. If I wanted to do this, it was going be a lot of work, and I kept thinking about the quote- “Do you really want it? You will need to decide.”
I found a smaller 5K for my dad’s first race, which won’t be overly crowded. The race is this Saturday, April 17th. It is also the exact day to the year last year, when my surgeon called me at home, on a Saturday, and told me I had cancer. The actual date was April 18th- my mom’s birthday. I called my mom when I received my devastating cancer diagnosis, and told her. I was very upset and scared. She talked to me for what seemed like hours. She was positive and optimistic for me. She told me I was strong and I was going to beat it. I couldn’t have known at the time it was her last birthday. I am very grateful my mom saw me beat cancer and knew I was healthy when she passed away. I am sad it was the way we had to “celebrate” her last birthday.
My goal is to get a new personal best (PB) time for this race. I decided I was going to put in whatever work- whatever effort into training and running this race I needed to achieve this goal. The last few weeks have been the hardest I have ever worked physically. My focus had always been to finish the race, and get a decent time. This time my focus has been to train hard, and carry that through the entire race.
Two weeks ago, I ran the 5K distance and I had cut a full minute off my PB. I was down to 26:07. Last week, when I ran it again, my time was 25:56. My goal is to run the race on Saturday in less than 26 minutes. I’m not content to say I’ve done my best, and I’ll see what time I get on race day. I’ve been training and running with this goal in mind for weeks. I know exactly what kind of race I have to run, to cross the finish line in less than 26 minutes. I am not going to be content until the race is over, and I have accomplished this goal.
I was sad, terrified, and uncertain of my future, when I received my cancer diagnosis. I want to replace that awful day with feelings of happiness, hope, and health. I got through cancer with love, help, and support from my family and friends. I want to achieve this for myself, what I have been working so hard for, one year after cancer.
The choice has been made. I have decided. Yes, I really want it.
When I started running I didn’t own a stop watch. I started timing myself with my phone. I’d look at the time on my phone before I started and when I stopped. This was problematic. Many times I’d forget what the starting time had been because I was counting laps as I ran, to keep track of my distance. Sometimes I run with my kids, and I am still watching them, so I can easily lose track counting. Many times I had to “guestimate” the distance. When I ran a new route, I “guesstimated” that distance too.
So a few months into running, I bought a simple stop watch at Target. It kept track of the time, so I could concentrate on counting laps. Technology can overwhelm me, so I tend to think the simpler the easier. I knew there were more advanced options out there- I just didn’t know where to begin.
In November, my mom told me she’d love to get me something for Christmas that would help me with running. But she didn’t know what I needed or wanted. I immediately told her a running watch. She said she’d keep that in mind, and I was thrilled on Christmas Eve, when I opened her gift to me and it was a running watch. She told me if it was not what I needed or wanted, she’d return it, credit me the money, and I could pick out what I wanted. I thought the Timex sports watch she had picked out would be perfect.
The next day I went for a run and discovered the watch didn’t have a way to measure distance. I didn’t want to tell my mom though- I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. When she asked me how I liked it, I told her the features I liked about it. When I was finished she asked me if it could measure the distance. I told her no, and she told me she remembered that was one of first things I told her I had wanted in a watch. She said, “Heather, give me the watch back. I am going to return it, so you can get the watch that will help you run the best you can!” I was happy she was so understanding. I had no idea it would be the last Christmas gift my mom would ever give me.
At the end of January, I was in touch with Jake from Garmin. I had heard good things about Garmin and asked him what product he would recommend. I was thinking the Forerunner 305, but after hearing what I wanted, he suggested the Forerunner 405. While I was making my final decision, the call came that my mom was very ill. My sister I left for Minnesota a day later. I forgot about Garmin, and watches for several weeks. My mom passed away one week after we arrived in Minnesota.
After her death I returned home. I had promised her I’d run in a St. Patrick’s Day race- my first 7K- a few weeks later. I didn’t want a new watch. I was mad I had given her back the one she had gotten for me. It wasn’t the ideal watch, but she had picked it out because she thought I would like it, and now it was gone, just like she was.
I can’t explain why every time I ran after that, my Target watch would lose the time. It had never happened before. It kept track of the regular time, but every time I ran, it would lose my running time. During the 7K race, I looked at my watch towards the end, and saw the time was at 33 minutes. After I crossed the finish line, the watch said 3 minutes. It had lost the time again. I decided then I was being silly. My mom had wanted to help me run, and having a reliable watch that kept track of all of these things- time, pace, distance, and routes, just to name a few- would do this.
I ordered the Garmin Forerunner 405 (in green) a few days later. I have had it for just under a month, and I am so happy with it!
The first thing I liked about it was it is easy. The directions are clear, and the watch works the way it is supposed to. I was a bit intimidated at first by all the features it has, but once I went through them, it is really manageable. I also loved the directions are all boiled down in about 40 pages, but there is a quick start sheet too. I hate having a thick manual to read- just to find out how to set the time- it is too time consuming and overwhelming. I had the basic features down in fifteen minutes.
The 405 can be customized and changed for biking as well, but running is the default setting, so it was very easy. The 405 is navigated by touching the rim around the face of the watch. There are two push buttons for start/stop and lap/reset.
There are three training screens total that will give you data while you are running. Each screen can give you up to three pieces of information. You can customize this to only receive one piece of data, or up to nine. With just a touch of the rim, you can change between screens while running. I am using all three screens. My first screen shows the overall time, my pace, and the distance ran. The second screen shows how many laps I’ve done (you can customize laps by time or distance), the time for the lap, and the increase in elevation. The third screen shows average pace time, the grade percentage, and the lap cadence (how many steps you are taking.) There are other data features, like calories burned, you can choose to display.
Screen shot
You can review all your workouts, and it keeps track of your mile splits, so you can see what your time was for each mile ran. It probably goes without saying, but you can change the distance too. If you want to time half miles, or five miles- it can all be customized.
If this sounds like too much information to keep track of while you are running, it is. But you can download all your workout information from the 405 to your computer- all wireless! The software is free to download and it will then display all the data for you. You can export it to Excel, or make custom reports. Since the 405 is GPS-enabled, you can view a Google map on where you ran. The reports are very impressive. They tell you anything you want to know about your workouts.
Some of the other features are GPS, goals and courses you can set, and the Garmin 405 has an optional heart monitor as an accessory. One of the most fun and amusing features is virtual training partner you can train against. It is like you have running partner (a little one) on your wrist! I’m trying to think of a name for mine. 🙂
Virtual Training Partner Screen Shot
Another feature I really like is the interval setting. You can tell the 405 exactly what kind of workout or intervals you want to do. You enter how long you want to run, or the distance. Then you enter your resting time or distance, and when you are ready to start, you simply hit the lap button. An alarm notifies you five seconds when your speed interval is ending and the resting interval is about to begin. Then it does the same thing when the resting interval is ending and the speed one is beginning again.
It was a little different navigating through all the screens by touch, and I’m still getting used to it. The other day the alarm that went off every time I ran a mile, stopped. I think I turned it off somehow. I have also noticed when I run at the gym, the GPS can’t find the satellites, so there is no distance data recorded. The manual does say the GPS usually only works outdoors.
I love being able to just glance down and see what pace I am running. I am training to run a seven minute mile in my next race, and I know instantly if I am on pace. Only once, have I actually known what my finish time was in a race before the official results were posted, so I’m looking forward to not only having the time, but the pace, and the mile splits.
The 405 really allows you to just run. If you can hit a button, or touch a screen every now and then to start or stop the recording, it does everything you could possibly want a sports watch to do- and more. It has permitted me to focus on running and breathing, and it is helping me become a better runner. I’m not trying to mentally keep track of distance or time. I’m not wondering if I’m really running faster, or just thinking I am. After the run, I have statistical reports showing my strengths and weaknesses. All those things I had to think of before are now being kept track of by the Garmin, so I can concentrate on running, and my goals.
When my mom passed away, I decided to wear the bracelet she always wore. I’ve ran with it on, but I’m afraid it could fall off when I am running, and I would lose it. It had not been off my wrist since the moment I put it on. It reminds me of my mom, and lets me keep something she had, with and close to me.
Last week, I took my mom’s bracelet off for the first time when I went running. As I put the Garmin 405 on, I thought it is really is the perfect sports watch my mom helped me get. Her final gift to me will assist in improving and achieving my running goals. My mom will never see me run, but I can’t help but feel every time I put the Garmin on, or look at it when I’m running, a piece of her is with me.
(If you are still on the fence about a Garmin, there is a $50 mail-in-rebate offered for the purchase of a 405 or a 405CX between now and May 31st.)
I never gave much thought before having kids to maple syrup. Once I started paying more attention to ingredients in food, I found out that most “maple syrup” from the grocery store isn’t really maple syrup at all, and contains artificial ingredients. I used to use Mrs. Butterworth syrup. It contains: High fructose corn syrup, corn syrup, water, salt, cellulose gum, molasses, potassium sorbate (preservative), sodium hexametaphosphate, citric acid, caramel color, natural and artificial flavors.
I have grown increasingly concerned about the effects of high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) in my family’s diet. It is in almost everything. Manufacturers like to say HFCS is a “natural sugar,” but the body processes HFCS totally different than sugar. A new study from Princeton on HFCS released a few days ago, found “Rats with access to high-fructose corn syrup gained significantly more weight than those with access to table sugar, even when their overall caloric intake was the same. In addition to causing significant weight gain in lab animals, long-term consumption of high-fructose corn syrup also led to abnormal increases in body fat, especially in the abdomen, and a rise in circulating blood fats called triglycerides. The researchers say the work sheds light on the factors contributing to obesity trends in the United States.
My kids like waffles and pancakes and I make them from scratch as a special treat, once a week. As a mother and a cook, it didn’t seem right to take the time to make these and then pour a mix of artificial and potentially harmful ingredients over them. A few years ago, I decided I was going to make the switch from the fake syrup to real, 100%-from the tree, maple syrup. It cost a few more dollars, but I loved knowing we weren’t eating yet another thing with HFCS, and it tasted so much better too. If you have never tried real maple syrup, do so when you can. I have noticed I can use about half as much of it, compared to the commercial brands, because it is so rich and flavorful.
The fact there is no HFCS in real maple syrup was reason enough for me to switch. Now it turns out that researchers from the University of Rhode Island have discovered 13 new compounds in maple syrup they say are anti-oxidant rich, and contain anti-cancer, anti-bacterial and anti-diabetic properties. The summary of the study is a short read, and is very interesting.
The lead researcher, Dr. Navindra Seeram, is quoted as saying, “At this point, we are saying, if you choose to put syrup on your pancakes, it may be healthier to use real maple syrup.” He also points out that real maple syrup costs more than syrups that use maple flavoring or have little or no maple syrup. He adds, “But you pay for what you get and you get what you pay for, meaning there are consequences for what you eat.”
Sometimes making drastic changes to our lifestyle and diet are hard, and can be overwhelming. It may be impossible to eliminate every thing that has HFCS in it, but when you can make a change to buy something, like pure maple syrup, it is a step in the right direction. Not only are you not eating a mixture of processed ingredients, and as this study shows, pure maple syrup may also end up helping your health- not harming it.
