Category: Current Events

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Current Events Mothering Parenting

Aurora, Colorado Shooting- Our Future?

I’ve not been blogging much these days. I’ve been busy working, moving, and being a mom.  Things have been going well, and while I hope to blog more, it has moved to the back burner in my life right now. 

This morning though, as I drove to work and heard the news emerge on the mass shooting in Aurora, Colorado, the state where we live, my heart sank.

How can you even write about such a senseless loss of innocent life? My boys dream of being firemen and police officers.  Is this what they have to look forward to? Are these the kind of calls the future holds for our children? My boys are already growing up in a world where they can’t attend school, travel, or now go to a movie without the threat of being killed.  When something this tragic happens, we all ask “Why?” and assume life will return to “normal.” Sadly, it seems our “normal” is being lost to these random, but planned acts of violence.   

There are are far too many questions than answers.  When I talked to my boys this morning (they are with their dad for a few days), my heart felt lighter. As they talked about their previous day at Water World (a water park) with their cousins, there is comfort in knowing their innocence is not gone-yet.  I can’t say- much longer that will last. After the events last night, I’m sad it will probably be sooner than later. 

My sympathies to all the families and victims of this horrible shooting.  Thanks to all the police, firefighters, first responders, and medical providers. These people are the heroes- the people who put their own lives in danger, going into the unknown to stop the chaos, and to save lives.  Finally, thank you to just the regular people, who tried to help their fellow human beings survive and get out of the theater. 

 As terrible as all of this is, when we try to help each other and do the right thing, despite madness and violence, that defines our humanity- not these acts of violence.  Humanity isn’t completely gone from our society.  Strangers reaching out and helping one another in horrific circumstances.    That is hope- that is our future.    

“God puts rainbows in the clouds so that each of us – in the dreariest and most dreaded moments – can see a possibility of hope.”  ~Maya Angelou

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Current Events Me

Good-Bye Whitney Houston

I grew up listening to Whitney Houston. It was sad, and sadly, not a huge shock, to hear of her untimely death yesterday.  She had such a powerful and astounding voice, never duplicated. I think one of the tragic things is someone so talented, probably didn’t have to die. Unfortunately, these types of deaths are way to common today.  Back in the day, she would have never seemed like a person who would succumb to addictions.

But addictions claim the lives of of thousands and thousands people every day.  We all know of someone who is or has suffered from addictions.  I think when someone famous dies, it brings it closer to home- if it can happen to them, it can happen to anyone.

Still, her voice and spirit will live on in her music.  My favorite song of hers is One Moment In Time.  For me, it captures the hopes and dreams we all have at one time or another, for our lives.

As I was driving today, some of her great songs ran through my mind, and I made them into a short paragraph:

One moment in time, didn’t we almost have it all- the greatest love of all. All at once, I’m every woman, you give good love.  How will I know, I wanna dance with somebody. I have nothing, where do broken hearts go,  I will always love you.

Below is Whitney Houston singing live, One Moment In Time at the 1988 Grammys.  I think it is one of the best live performances I’ve ever heard.

RIP  Whitney Houston- thanks for the timeless songs, and sharing your amazing voice.

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Cole Current Events Mothering Parenting Ryan

Thoughts On Tim Tebow

I like football.  I grew up with my dad and my brother watching it.  I lived in New Mexico until I was eight, and my dad and brother always watched Denver Bronco games-  they were our adopted home team.

When my parents moved to Colorado in the 80’s naturally the Broncos became our family’s team.  I remember learning the game and rules of football from my dad and brother in our den on Sunday afternoons.

I remember “The Drive,” from John Elway as really being the first time I was amazed at football.  I had just seen a quarterback go 98 yards with minutes left, and the team ended up winning. No one thought they could do it. Everyone had counted them out- except them, as John Elway told his teammates in the huddle on their own two yard line, “We got ‘em right where we want ‘em.” 

When the Broncos finally won their first Super Bowl against Green Bay, it was monumental for Colorado.  Living in one of the biggest sports towns in the country, I don’t think there will ever be a championship that meant more to the fans, or will ever rival the emotion of that first Super Bowl victory for Denver.  The Broncos weren’t supposed to have won that game either.  But the poise and leadership of John Elway had won out in the end.

As I think back about growing up watching football, and specifically the Broncos, it was a different time.  John Elway, who was any Bronco fan’s idol, was a person of character.  He worked hard. He had a family. He was someone kids could look up to-and did. The thought of him being caught with a gun outside a nightclub, running an illegal dog fighting ring, being charged with domestic violence, whining on the sidelines,  or having a 40 million dollar drug operation on the side, would have never crossed our minds in a million years.

Fast forward to today, and I have pretty much come to hate all professional sports.  It is sad really.  In the span of about 20 years, there are very few sport athletes I would want my boys to even know who they are, let alone look up to.  For that reason I follow sports very lightly now, and have hardly ever even watched a professional sports game with my kids. Being a Bronco fan though, I have kept up with it all.

I don’t have to recap all the ups and downs- mainly downs- the Broncos have been through since John Elway retired in 1999. The one thing that I always noticed though, was the spark seemed to be gone.  No one seemed “hungry” to win. Oh, there were some good moments and good games, but the leadership and motivation seemed to be lacking on a consistent basis since Elway retired.

Until now.  I was NOT happy about Tim Tebow being drafted to the Broncos.  I didn’t think they needed another quarterback, and it seemed like a power play with the then coach, Josh McDaniels, and the then quarterback, Jay Cutler.

At the start of this year, I wasn’t convinced.  To be fair, his “Tebowing” and display of Christianity was odd to me.  It seemed like an act- like he was trying to win over the fans with an “alter boy” image. In a day and age where most professional ball players are concerned with number 1: their endorsements, status, women, and money, a young, good looking, quarterback professing his faith in the Lord after a touchdown, just didn’t fit the mold for what we have grown used to seeing.  I half expected him to be busted with a prostitute and drugs his first few weeks here.

As the weeks went on and Tim Tebow continued to play, we all watched.  We shook our heads.  We didn’t believe it.  We wanted to believe Tim Tebow could really be for real-but is he?  I let my boys start watching games.  I noticed the team seemed revived and hungry again to win. I saw the spark back.  I saw Tim Tebow doing his thing, and always giving praise not to himself, but to whom he felt he deserved it. Yes, that includes his Lord and teammates.  I saw his locker room interviews where he is soft spoken and polite- week after week. If it is an act, he shouldn’t be playing football- he should be an actor.

I realized a few weeks ago, Tim Tebow is a football player, but he is also someone of character.  Someone who works hard, and someone kids- my kids- can look up to. Not as a football player who makes a lot of money for playing, but as someone who works hard, hangs in there, stays true to himself, motivates others, and doesn’t give up.

I told my boys tonight as we were watching the Broncos and Steelers game, that it didn’t matter who won, because both teams were playing their best, and that is what really matters- that you do your best.   I told them as overtime started, I thought the Broncos were going to win, because they believed in themselves- you could see it by the way they were playing.  My boys loved watching Tim Tebow, and  Ryan was jumping up and down, and cheering his head off at the end of the game.

I felt good my boys can watch a football game like that, and cheer for Tim Tebow, and I don’t have to worry about hearing him shooting someone in a club tonight in the post game party.  It’s nice to know even when they lose he still displays good sportsmanship. I don’t know what will happen with the Broncos, and Tim Tebow, but it is fun to enjoy the moment again.

Odd as it is, as I was tucking the boys in tonight and they told me again, they couldn’t believe that pass Tim Tebow made, it dawned on me that there has been a lesson here all along.  I told my kids about it, without even realizing it at the time.  It is one a lot of people in Denver are saying: Believe.

Maybe we have all grown too cynical to really believe working hard pays off anymore- most of the time it isn’t what you know but whom you know to get ahead.  Maybe we’ve grown accustomed to character flaws when the going gets tough.  But in my little corner of the world, this Tim Tebow seems to defy that.  He wasn’t supposed to do any of the things he’s accomplished this year.  We might have stopped or never believed in the first place, but he does.

Whatever happens with football, it is a game. As a mother, I wish there were more professional athletes our kids could have as heroes, because I do think sports mirror life a lot of times.  If the worst Tim Tebow does is go down on a knee to do his “Tebowing” after a score,  I’d much rather explain that to my kids, as I have done,  than explaining why he is in jail for committing a crime.

It isn’t just about winning a football game, but the character and mind set you need to have to keep believing, and staying true to yourself when things are tough.  It’s easy to forget at times- we all have moments of self doubt. But as I saw the sparkle in my boys’ eyes tonight, I have to conclude sometimes reminders are found in places we would never expect- like from a Denver Broncos quarterback.

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Current Events Mothering Parenting

Penn State Scandal- Winning, At What Cost?

I don’t follow college football At. All.  I know nothing about who is in the top ten, nationally ranked, who has the best football program, the NCAA rules- any of that.  But I do know, what has and continues to unfold on Penn State’s football program is disturbing, sickening, and heartbreaking.

If you haven’t heard, former defensive coordinator, Jerry Sandusky, has been accused of sexually assaulting at least eight victims, young boys for 15 years, and some of the rapes and assaults were witnessed right on Penn State’s campus.  As the developments continue, is it well known by now, the athletic director, some coaching staff, and the vice president for finance and business, knew about Sandusky’s actions, never stopped him, never reported the allegations to police, and even allowed him to continue having free reign on the university campus, years after the first allegation was reported. 

On Wednesday, the board of trustees fired head football coach for 46 years, Joe Paterno.  Some rioting occurred among students over the dismissal of Paterno.  It is hard to fathom, Paterno who was in charge of the football program for almost 50 years, wasn’t aware of the allegations surrounding Sandusky.  Paterno even admitted he “wish he had done more,” and it is “one of the great sorrows of my life.”

I think Paterno and countless others at Penn State, had ample opportunities over the years to “do more,” to stop Sandusky. Why didn’t they? It appears they aren’t sorry, they helped and protected a known sexual predator for years abuse at least 8 victims who have come forward, but they are awfully sorry the whistle has been blown, and the gig is up. 

As a mother, parent, and human being, it is mind boggling how Sandusky was allowed to continue.  After a witness came forward and said he saw Sandusky raping a 10 year old in the Penn State football locker room shower, how could not just that allegation alone, send all kinds of red flags to university officials? What grown man has any business whatsoever being in a shower with a 10 year old boy?

Not reporting alleged allegations to the police speaks volumes on the culture in the Penn State football program. Football is a game. At times, an important game, but it is a game nevertheless.  Rape and sexual assault is a CRIME, and rape of children is abhorrent.  By law, every single person who suspected, was told about, had heard, or knew about Sandusky was required to report the sexual abuse allegations to police.  No one ever did.  They all kept it to themselves and within, to assumably protect their football program. That’s a crime and a disgusting commentary on placing more value on winning, being successful, etc. than following the law, and protecting children from the known and repeating sexual predator among their own.

As more and more details emerge on Sandusky and his alleged crimes, it gets more sickening.  The most disturbing part for me is Penn State, Joe Peterno, and the staff should have been looking out for these boys. Their parents entrusted their care and well being to these university officials. There comes a time in every child’s life, when we, as their parents, have to turn their care and well being over to others. Parents and children have a right to expect when their children are in the care of coaches, that position of trust will not be abused.  Penn State failed and abused this trust on every level, for years. For what? So they could have winning football seasons? This never, never, should have happend on the level it did. 

It is sad and scary as a parent to think, even when there are witnesses, reporting to officials sexual abuse is happening, it is covered up, so the precious sports program is protected.  It appears if boys have to be raped so the university can keep winning at football, then so be it.   Where is the human decency here? 

This incident will have me on the lookout for my boys’ welfare for years. It feels like the noose is tightening on assuming your children are safe with people they should be safe with.  We can’t trust them with clergy members anymore, we can’t trust them with Boy Scout leaders, and now we can’t trust them with coaches.

Has winning at all costs become so important, we overlook and turn away when young, innocent victims are being abused? If you ask the victims of Sandusky and their families, and most of the country, sadly today, the answer is “yes.”

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Cancer Current Events

Cancer, Divorce, & Custody of the Kids

When I saw the headline and watched the Today Show video stating that Alaina Giordano lost custody of her children, partly because she has Stage 4 breast cancer, I felt a flood of feelings. It certainly didn’t seem right or in the best interest of her kids, for them to be taken away from their mother just because she had cancer.

Having had cancer while I was going through a divorce with custody issues, I can relate. Fortunately, at the time of the divorce trial, there were no traces of my thyroid cancer left, and my prognosis was excellent for survival. Divorce cases are hard at best, and to his credit, my ex-husband and his attorney never raised that aspect in our divorce case. However, it makes me nervous on some level for parents who are fighting for custody of their children and who may have a disease- terminal or not.

The Alaina Giordano case raises a lot of concerns.  While the case facts have not been made public, there are allegations of domestic violence, mental illness, and cheating on both sides. Ms. Giordano has admitted to cheating, while her ex-husband has not. Clearly there are other issues involved besides Ms. Giordano’s terminal cancer.

With all things considered- assuming half way between all the allegations, somewhere is the truth, or at least only the facts that Judge Nancy Gordon, could consider, there are two parents accusing each other of severe wrongdoing and behavior that could be damaging to their two children, Sofia, 11, and Bud, 5.  With a terminal cancer diagnosis for the mom, and testimony from a forensic psychologist, Dr. Helen Brantley, who Judge Gordon cited in her ruling saying, “The more contact [the children] have with the non-ill parent, the better they do. They divide their world into the cancer world and a free of cancer world. Children want a normal childhood, and it is not normal with an ill parent.”, and it seems like Ms. Giordano’s cancer was the deciding factor in this case.

On the surface, I don’t think any parent should be penalized with losing custody of their children for their health, as long as they can take care of their children, and children don’t see their parent suffering.

My kids saw me fight cancer. They knew what cancer was, they knew why I was going to the hospital. They saw me after my neck had been dissected and I was in the hospital. They saw me sick for months as I recovered. They knew why I didn’t have enough energy to be the mom to them for a while like they were used to. They knew why they couldn’t be around me for a week- because I was getting a pill that would kill the cancer in my body, but it put out energy that was dangerous for them to be around as kids. They saw me at my weakest- on days I could barely care for them and had to have family help me. They also saw me recover, gain my strength back, and beat it. When I told them in March, my cancer was gone for good, they lit up, because they understand, because I never hid it from them. When I was diagnosed with cancer, and while I fought the hard part of it they were five and a half and three. I obviously didn’t go into all the details with them, but they knew what they needed to know for their age.

I’ve written a lot about how the main motivation for me during this time was my kids. I could not imagine how it would have been if I had not been allowed to see them or my parenting time had been reduced, or they were ordered to be moved away from me to another city. It would be even more devastating if the only reason for this was because it would be better for them not to be around the parent of the “cancer world.” I am not a forensic psychologist, but I am a mother and Dr. Brantley’s statement seems ludicrous. Of course children want a normal childhood- don’t we all? But life happens, and sometimes parents get sick. Sometimes they have cancer, sometimes other diseases, and sometimes they die. But this doesn’t necessarily mean that kids want to reduce contact with their sick or dying parent. Most kids who can understand that someday Mom or Dad may die from cancer, I would imagine, would want to spend as much time as possible with the parent. It’s human nature. Kids aren’t any different.

I’m not saying kids should be there to the bitter end, or witness health conditions beyond what they can handle, but I was always keenly aware of how my health could be affecting my boys. I called my ex-husband one evening and told him I was not well enough to take care of the kids for a few days, and it wasn’t good for them to see me that sick. I didn’t try to keep my kids with me, and my ex-husband and his family made arrangements for care for the boys for a few days during this time. At other times, I stayed with my dad and step-mom so they could help and provide support. I have a hard time imagining any parent fighting a disease would think or do otherwise if their health started to jeopardize their children’s outlooks or feelings.

After thinking, discussing, and reading more about this case, and having gone through the divorce procedure in Colorado, with a judge at a trial to decide many issues in my divorce, I have a hard time believing the sole reason for the judge’s decision was only because of cancer. It appears it did come into play, but we frankly do not have all the facts. In my experience, (and the judge in my case was a woman) courts do not want to separate kids and parents. They are not looking to split up mothers and children, and fathers and children. But when there are circumstances that warrant it, they make their decisions with the information they have, and sadly sometimes, those decisions can only be based on information that is proven (such as a police report in the case of a domestic violence allegation.) If there is no evidence, then the judge can’t consider it.

I have not had to face the prognosis that my cancer was terminal. I don’t attempt to explain how that would feel as a mother with two children. Not knowing if you have a year, or six months, or ten years, would be agonizing. I did think about dying though, and what would happen to my children. If my children’s father lived in another state, and was not planning on moving back to the state where I lived, the reality is, when I died, they would be in the care of their father. For me personally, I would feel more at peace and feel like I did everything I could for my children if I helped them as much as I could with that transition with whatever time I had left. Cancer isn’t fair, and divorce isn’t fair. The toll it can take on children is the most unfair part of it all.

This case is definitely complicated, yielding a lot of mixed feelings for parents going through a divorce with custody issues, who have or have had less than ideal health. I hope the parties involved can come to some sort of compromise that will keep the children’s need for their mother in their lives, while she is doing well and fighting cancer, while also being realistic and planning for the future. Cancer or not, divorce or not, the children need to come first.