Author: A Mama's Blog

Categories
Breastfeeding Mothering

Oh, The Irony-Breastfeeding in Public

This week, a nursing mother said was harassed and was asked repeatedly to cover herself up, while nursing her 5 month old son, while on vacation at Elitch Gardens, in Denver.

Here is Kristin’s  account of the incident as she posted it on parenting Web site www.mothering.com:

Harassed at Elitch Gardens for public breastfeeding

I am on vacation with my family- 5 of us including mom and dad. We went to Elitch Gardens Theme Park in Denver, CO (Formerly Six Flags).  

I was nursing my 5 month old son by the side of the wave pool in the water park. I was in the section with the plastic lounge chairs where food is allowed, not right in the water. I was approached by a park security guard who told me that complaints had been made and that I would have to breastfeed elsewhere or cover up; go to the restrooms and nurse or use a towel.

I stated that by Colorado state law, I am allowed to breastfeed my child anywhere public or private that he is allowed to be. At this point another security guard got involved and was more adamant that I go elsewhere and it is just “common sense” to cover up or be elsewhere. I repeatedly stated colorado breastfeeding law and informed them that I was not going anywhere or covering up (he hates being covered up), could they please stop harassing me and let me feed my child. He stated they would kick me out of the park for this. I stated that I paid for the tickets and was not going anywhere as I was not breaking any posted park rules.

At this point my child was getting more and more upset because I was having a hard time focusing on holding him and helping him latch on properly. This conversation progressed until my son was screaming very loudly at the top of his lungs and I was visibly shaking and upset. I did start to get louder but managed to keep my temper despite my child crying. I did however start crying too and begged them to leave me be. They called a supervisor over to talk to me. At this point my husband had come back from playing with the other children in the wave pool and I asked him to back me up and keep them away from me so I could nurse my child as he was screaming. He proceeded to state them the same law repeatedly.

They then left me alone for a few minutes and returned shortly later with two Denver Police officers. I continued the basic same conversation with them and then let my husband talk to them, but the supervisor continued to harass me thro this entire thing. He kept stating it was “common sense” to do what he wanted me to do and I kept stating Colorado Law and stating that I had no such social taboo ingrained in me about breastfeeding in public and it was his personal opinion that it is common sense.

My husband kept trying to get them to stop talking to me so I could feed my child, and I was finally able to feed my child and he fell asleep. I then pulled my swimsuit back up and rocked him a bit. The Denver Police then informed me that if I breastfed in public in the park again, they would arrest me for trespassing as the park would want to kick me out. I politely told him to do what you have to do but I know my rights. I stayed in the water park section until the baby woke up and then left to try to enjoy the rest of the day away from the frightening guards. (as a note, it was the woman next to me who had complained and she proceeded to berate me for about 10 minutes. I repeatedly told her very calmly and politely “Thank you for your opinion. Have a nice day”, until she stopped talking to me.)

I am ashamed to admit that I did feed my child next in a more secluded part of the park later as I did not want to get arrested and ruin my family’s vacation, although it was still in a public area. It makes me shake and cry when I think of my treatment and how I had to hide just to feed my child. It made me feel like a criminal. I am going to look into suing the park so that others in the future will not be subjected to the same traumatizing ordeal. Maybe the park can setup some positive breastfeeding policy.

I will also be posting to a number of forums such as Mothering.com to inform others of my situation, maybe organize a boycott or nurse-in. Thank you for listening. I would appreciate any feedback you have or any info you have as to legal or other recourse that I may take that would be most effective in changing Elitch Gardens actions against breastfeeding in public.

Kristin Skrydlak-Simlai

 I find this incident terribly ironic- in that where it happened, there are probably no less than hundreds of women of all ages, walking around in swimsuits / bikinis that expose more of the breast than what a mother breastfeeding her baby would show.  Of course, I don’t know how much of her breast was ‘exposed’ but I wonder if the lady who was so offended, asked all the women who were in skimpy swimsuits to cover up as well? 

According the Elitch spokesperson, (from 9News story https://www.9news.com/news/article.aspx?storyid=72030) she said the “park allows breastfeeding, but they ask breastfeeding mother’s to respect the comfort level of other guests of the park.”

The lady organizing the nurse in, Tirzha Zabarauskas, said in respond to this statement, “I am sure being at a water park there were other women in bikinis who were not asked to cover themselves up or leave the park.”

I have to agree with her on this point- if you have been swimming lately at any public swimming place, the swimsuits really don’t leave much to the imagination- between tops that barely, and I mean, barely cover anything, and thong bottoms, it seems ridiculous that someone would have the audacity to complain that a NURSING MOTHER, FEEDING HER BABY, was offensive.

How many other boobs did this lady see, flopping around in skimpy bathing suits that day?  Did she complain about those?  Did she complain about the butts hanging out of the thong bikini bottoms?  Did the guards and police, stop the people in reveling bathing suits, and tell them to use some “common sense” and cover up?

It is just pure ignorance that in this day and age, with all the benefits of breastfeeding, that a nursing mother gets treated this way, especially when it is in a water park, with hundreds, probably thousands of other women in swimming suits, no doubt exposing some part of their breasts.

Our society doesn’t have a problem with showing breasts when it is in a commercial, walking down the street, at Hooters, or at the beach, pool, or water park- the problem is when a woman chooses to use her breasts for what they were designed for- feeding her baby.  For some reason, we have a huge problem with that, and have to resort to making the mother feel bad, dirty, ashamed, and like she did something wrong.

I hope Elitch Gardens works with this mother to ensure this never happens again to another nursing mother.  There is a nurse-in scheduled at the park tomorrow, but after reading some comments from Jennifer, at The Lactivist blog, she has some good reasons, why nurse-in’s probably aren’t the most effective first steps to take. 

In the meantime, the only thing I think we can all do to make a difference is nurse, nurse, nurse, in public.  The more people see us doing what nature intended for our babies, the more it will become more common place, and hopefully these incidents will stop happening. 

Categories
Miscellaneous

Updated for Summer

I have summer fever, and decided to update my blog, with something more ‘summery’.  My previous theme was kind of dark and ‘wintery’, so even though I would LOVE to be camped out by this ocean all summer, the next best thing is to look at the pretty picture.  🙂

I have had my blog now for almost 6 months, and I have really enjoyed it.  I also appreciate all the comments people leave, and if you haven’t left a comment yet, I invite you to come out, wherever you may be lurking, and let me know you are out there.  🙂 

I wish all my readers a happy, fun, and safe summer!

Categories
Current Events Mothering Parenting

“Mom It’s Not Right!”

In light of the national media frenzy on Paris Hilton and the never- ending jail saga during the last week, I just had to share this wonderful, refreshing, interesting, and finally-someone-has-the-guts-to-say-it commentary on the situation and the larger issues at play here, by Jamie Lee Curtis (yes, the mother and the actress). 

I think this goes beyond Paris Hilton, to the current attitudes, sadly, a lot of parents have towards their children, and what can happen when parents forget they are *parents*, and their children are children, teen-agers, and young adults, but NOT adults.  

It seems like there are so many parents who try so hard to be their minor children’s friends, don’t want to upset their children, give them anything and everything they want, so their children will like them and or won’t be mad at them, on, and on, and on, they have forgotten that their children are NOT equals, and they need parental guidance in their lives.  My children will have friends- they need Joe and I to be their parents. 

I can’t count how many times I ‘hated’ my parents for having rules and regulations.  Even though I thought they were the meanest, strictest, and most old-fashioned parents out there, it wasn’t until I was *older* (dare I say, I might have even been an adult?) before it dawned on me that they were ‘mean’ because they loved me.  They had rules to teach me reality and responsibility.  I had to work for most of the things I wanted, from about the age of 13.  My mom let me use her car, when I stared driving, if she didn’t need it, but I didn’t have my own car, until I saved up and bought it myself when I was 20, and it was 11 years old, when I bought it. 

But, I earned every dime to pay for it, and it taught me the value of work, saving for something, and money- traits I still have today.  My parents wanted to know who my friends were, insisted on meeting them, gave me strict curfews, much earlier than any other kids my age, and guess what? I grew up, and still love my parents today-imagine that!  Yes, my parents made mistakes, and were not perfect, but my three siblings and I agree that we turned out ‘pretty well.’

A few weeks ago I got a real eye-opener, as I was walking by the high school in my neighborhood when school let out.   When did 16, 17, & 18 year-olds start driving more expensive cars, trucks, and SUV’s than what working adults drive? (Let me say that this high school is one of the lowest income high schools in the district-about 50% of the kids are on the reduced / free lunch program.)   Heck, we couldn’t even afford an old beater truck to replace the one from Joe’s car accident with out taking on additional debt, but yet, every other vehicle I saw was a custom 4X4 pick-up truck decked out with every imaginable feature and accesory.  Seriously, there wasn’t a truck worth less than $20,000 that peeled out of the parking lot, as I was walking by.

Some of these kids probably have part-time jobs, but come on- part time jobs for high school kids, don’t pay that kind of money.  Obviously the parents of these kids are helping finance these cars and trucks, and I just couldn’t help but wonder, to what cost?  What kind of adults are we going to have in 10 years, when all these kids get handed expensive cars, the latest cell phones, IPods (I still don’t have an IPod), Blackberry’s, HDTV in their bedrooms, the latest $500 video game systems, cameras, and all the latest fashions- ranging from $150 jeans to $200 hairstyles?

I think this ‘Paris Hilton Syndrome’ is a much larger reflection on what will be happening to a lot of these children, when that day of reckoning comes for them- the day Dad and Mom CAN’T bail them out anymore. (Notice I didn’t say won’t bail them out, because it seems like these types of parents will always bail out their children as long as they can.) 

Of course, their rock-bottom moment won’t be captured in a national and world media stage, but when these children realize the world is a place with rules, and responsibilities, and there are consequences for their actions and no one Dad and Mom won’t be around to ‘save’ them, the tragedy is in that moment, they will realize that their parent’s have failed them on the most basic level.

No wonder Paris Hilton broke down as she realized she would have to go back to jail!   It isn’t right she was failed in this way, and it isn’t right ANY child gets failed in this regard, but countless of them do, in every town in America-they do.  If you don’t believe me, just drive by your local high school when school is out.

In case you didn’t hit the link to Jamie Lee Curtis’s commentary at the beginning of the post, here is the entire piece:

As the denouement of a really upsetting celebrity scandal came to its close, a tearful child pleaded to her mother… “Mom, it’s not right.”

 

It was a painful episode to watch. A young woman, begging her mother, the person who should have taught her right from wrong, to help her, to teach her the rules of life. It was a little too late. And so she wept as the Universe was bringing the teaching and settling the score.

I’m in no glass house. I understand only too well the pitfalls of maternal amnesia and denial. I am not throwing stones but merely a lifesaver, a buoy of sanity and understanding.

“My analyst told me, that I was right out of my head,” Joni Mitchell sang in the song “Twisted.” I was twisted. I am twisted. I am deluded that my attempts at being liked and loved by my children and friends with them — all at the same time — were going to result in “well raised children.” We were the generation that would take the job of raising our children and turn it into… PARENTING. We were the generation who applauded every move they made. Every step they took. “Good climbing, Brandon” was our hue and cry. We were raised by people who didn’t “understand” us and now we don’t “understand” why our children are so messed up.

It is a national epidemic. Omnipotent children running amok or sitting amok as they watch TV and play electronic games and shop on eBay.

The sad paths of the three most popular young women — privileged but from varying backgrounds, talented, beautiful and spectacular — have ended in prison, rehab and mental illness. I hope their mothers are worried sick and wondering, “What could I have done differently?” And our culture should be asking the same question too.

What we need to do is look long and hard at our part in all this. Where did our children get the message that the rules don’t apply to them? And where did we, the Mothers, get the message that if we abdicate our responsibilities as Mothers, the Universe will do our job for us? And it does, but without any of the love and tenderness and compassion that we could have given, along with the lessons.

Now it’s just the cold hard facts of a jail cell or the emptiness of a rehab room.

I’m not pointing fingers. I’m asking questions.

Can we take the wrenching sight of Paris asking her mother, “why?” and ask it of ourselves?

My analyst told me this: “Children are paparazzi. They take your picture mentally when you don’t want them to, when you don’t look good, and show it back to you in their behavior.”

Let’s hope that we all learn what is RIGHT and what is so WRONG.

Wake up, Mothers and smell the denial.

Categories
Cole Mothering Ryan

Cole Walks!

It is official- my little sweet baby boy, is now a toddler!  He has been flirting with walking, for about a month now, and was getting really good at doing a ‘Spiderman’ scale of the walls.  He would hold on to every wall and walk sideways.

Today I was sitting on the living room floor, folding diapers, and he was playing on a toy about six steps away from me, when he got off the toy, and just started walking to me, totally unassisted and unprompted!  He was 1 year and 20 days.

I hugged him, and he looked so pleased with himself.  We tried a few more times, and he did it every time.  Then Ryan wanted to get into the act, so I had Ryan stand about 5 steps away, and hold out his arms.  He kept saying to Cole, “Come to brother, come to brother.”  It was sweet.  He was excited as Cole was to see him do something new.

I videotaped it, and took a few pictures, but as soon as Cole saw the camera, he just dropped down and started crawling over to me- he *has* to check out the electronic equipment.

So my baby is really growing up.  Surprisingly, I didn’t even get sad or sentimental.  I am just excited he is learning this next milestone.  Of course, as I think about it, I do get a little sad- this could be the last time I ever have a child take their first steps, and my baby days could be over.  I enjoy my children in every stage they are in, but I also love the baby stage. 

I was very thankful and grateful that I was there to see *both* my boys take their first steps. It is kind of magical to see them put all those skills and coordination together, and take those first steps.  Plus, the look of joy and accomplishment in their little faces- I will remember those looks for the rest of my life- even if I didn’t get a picture- it is etched in my mind and my heart.

Here are two pictures I did manage to get, when Cole decided to walk with his toy hammer.  The second shot, I caught as he was taking a step, but he decided he had enough, and was going to sit down.

           

Categories
Current Events Household

My Part for the Environment

Back in April, around the time of Earth Day,  I saw a statistic which hit home for me- it said:

“Did you know that we use an average of 500 plastic bags every year? Most bags taken from the grocery store are created for exactly one use, and then they’re tossed in the trash to fill up land dumps. All that work for one use. Think of all the machines, labor, and materials involved just to give us the opportunity to throw a couple items in a bag and carry them in from the garage. Is it really necessary?” (from www.delight.com)

I think plastic bags breed under my sink.  I probably have no less than 50 under there- I try to resue them as much as possible, but every time I go to the grocery store, or Target, etc., I’d end up with more.  I feel guilty throwing them away, so instead of doing that, we have our own plastic bag landfill under our kitchen and bathroom sinks!

I have to agree with the above quote, and I think there will be a movement soon to really try to eliminate plastic bags every time from stores.  I have heard several people in lines at stores say in Europe, you have to buy plastic bags, so EVERYONE brings their own bags to the stores / marketplaces, and a lot of places don’t even offer bags.  Swedish based retailer, IKEA, started charging its US customers this year for plastic bags. 

So I decided NO MORE!  Only trouble is, I usually forget to bring my bags, and I HATE most of the canvas bags you can buy at stores.  I realized I would have to just start making a conscieous effort to remember my bags, so it would become second nature.

However, I saw these adorable, pretty, cute, and practical set of five reusable bags from Envirosax:

Due to a huge demand, I only now just received them, but they are great!  Everything they claim to do, so far, has been true.  They roll up so thin, they take up no space at all.  Tonight I took one to Target, and fit a pretty good size order of household items in one, whereas it probably would have taken 2 to 3 of the Target bags to hold my stuff.  They snap up, so they don’t become unrolled, and they are PRETTY- no frumpy canvas here!

It was kind of a splurge, but I am very happy with them, and I know it will help a bigger cause, plus I can use them for library books, swimming / beach bag, or when I just need a bigger bag than my purse, and finally rid us of our out-of-control plastic bag breeding factory.  (in case you are wondering, I plan to take the plastic ones to the next items- hard-to-recycle-day, at our local recycling plant- they will accept them on these special days.)

It looks like Delight.com, where I purchased mine, is sold out, but you can pre-order them for their next shipment.   

So the next time you see a girl at the grocery store, saying no to paper or plastic, and she whips out these lovely bags, you’ll know it is me.  🙂