“There will come a point in the race, when you alone will need to decide. You will need to make a choice. Do you really want it? You will need to decide.” ~ Rolf Arands
I came across this quote about a month ago, and I thought it was kind of corny the first time I read it, but it seemed to keep popping up. I thought about it when my dad told me he was ready to try his first 5K race. He’s been working really hard, and I have no doubt he’ll finish well within his goal of 35 minutes.
My best 5K race time is 27:07. I ran this in the second race in November, and I finished in fifth place for my age group. I’ve wondered why I haven’t been able to run that fast since in a race. I thought about what I did in that race, that I haven’t done in the races since then. I have always known I pushed myself in that second race. I started out faster than I had wanted, but I kept up the pace. It was one of the harder races I’ve ran, but it was also my fastest.
Since then in races, I start out a comfortable pace, building up my speed for the end of the race. I’ve been running negative splits. I have tried several times starting out faster in training 5K runs, and every time I have done this, I’ve ran the 5K distance faster. But I also have to work very hard during the run- much more than when I run it in negative splits.
Then I kept thinking about this quote- how much did I really want to work for what I wanted to achieve? What if I fail at it? Is it better to try it and fail, or just stay in the comfortable zone, not risking much-not being disappointed?
I’ve been concentrating on running longer distances since February. I have to start out at slower paces for those, so switching gears to start out fast for a 5K, is like starting all over again in some aspects. I know I have the speed to begin, and I know I can do the distance, but can I maintain the speed to get the time I want for the entire distance? I would also have to train backwards for the 5K from what I was used to. If I wanted to do this, it was going be a lot of work, and I kept thinking about the quote- “Do you really want it? You will need to decide.”
I found a smaller 5K for my dad’s first race, which won’t be overly crowded. The race is this Saturday, April 17th. It is also the exact day to the year last year, when my surgeon called me at home, on a Saturday, and told me I had cancer. The actual date was April 18th- my mom’s birthday. I called my mom when I received my devastating cancer diagnosis, and told her. I was very upset and scared. She talked to me for what seemed like hours. She was positive and optimistic for me. She told me I was strong and I was going to beat it. I couldn’t have known at the time it was her last birthday. I am very grateful my mom saw me beat cancer and knew I was healthy when she passed away. I am sad it was the way we had to “celebrate” her last birthday.
My goal is to get a new personal best (PB) time for this race. I decided I was going to put in whatever work- whatever effort into training and running this race I needed to achieve this goal. The last few weeks have been the hardest I have ever worked physically. My focus had always been to finish the race, and get a decent time. This time my focus has been to train hard, and carry that through the entire race.
Two weeks ago, I ran the 5K distance and I had cut a full minute off my PB. I was down to 26:07. Last week, when I ran it again, my time was 25:56. My goal is to run the race on Saturday in less than 26 minutes. I’m not content to say I’ve done my best, and I’ll see what time I get on race day. I’ve been training and running with this goal in mind for weeks. I know exactly what kind of race I have to run, to cross the finish line in less than 26 minutes. I am not going to be content until the race is over, and I have accomplished this goal.
I was sad, terrified, and uncertain of my future, when I received my cancer diagnosis. I want to replace that awful day with feelings of happiness, hope, and health. I got through cancer with love, help, and support from my family and friends. I want to achieve this for myself, what I have been working so hard for, one year after cancer.
The choice has been made. I have decided. Yes, I really want it.