Costco Fiasco

Murphy’s Law: Whatever can go wrong will.   

This law follows me to Costco.  Every. Single. Time.

I spend money at Costco- I don’t know why there is bad karma surrounding me there.

The first Costco I ever shopped at, was SO crowded- it took an hour to check out.  It was not a fun experience, no matter how much I was saving on diapers. 

We would walk up and down the aisles deciding we needed that 120 oz. bag of chocolate chips.  I think it took us a few years to use all those chocolate chips, and by that time the ones that were left, had turn to ash. 

Chocolate chips are just one example of the many items we have brought over the years at Costco, thinking it was such a good deal at the time, but then as we threw away rotten chocolate chips, we realized it wasn’t such a great bargain. 

Maybe that is where the bad karma comes from-doubting Costco’s true money saving ability.

The new Costco I go to is exactly backwards from the Costco I was used to shopping.  This is a big deal to me, since I have mommy brain.  I still revert to the floor plan of the first Costco I shopped at for many years, and instead of ending up in the cereal aisle, I am in the automotive section, looking at Armerol.  Something always goes wrong for me when  Costco is involved.

On Sunday I thought I could sneak in a quick trip to Costco, before I was supposed to pick my mom up, who was visiting from out of town.  I left an hour ahead of time, thinking that would give me  plenty of time to pick up a few items, even on a Sunday.  About ten miles away, we got stuck in a traffic jam from an accident.  By the time we are moving again, there was only fifteen minutes left  before I was to meet my mom, and that was just not enough time.    

Today I took my mom to the airport, and Costco is on the way.  Brilliant.  We had a half-an-hour before she had to be at the airport, and we were already half way there.  My mom said she would wait in the car with the boys, so it would take even less time, and I would be in and out.  I only needed five things-coffee being one of them.  For home and for work.  I needed two bags (this information comes in handy later.)

The parking lot was practically empty, so I thought it was going to be a breeze, and it almost was.  In under ten minutes, I remembered where everything was, and was ready to check out. 

But I underestimated Murphy’s Law.  In front of me was the slowest person ever to unload her groceries.  Then she was one of the few people left on the planet that writes checks.  Then she couldn’t find her I.D.  I wasn’t too worried at this point.  Finally the pers0n ahead of me was done, and I checked out with no problems.  I took the two bags of coffee beans to the grinders. I opened one, and poured all of the beans in, and turned it on.  Only problem- it didn’t work.

There was a nice sign hanging up that said, “If coffee grinder doesn’t work, use the spoon and push the beans down in the grinder.”  The spoon they had sitting there was gross.  I didn’t want to use it to push my coffee beans in the grinder.  But I didn’t have a choice.  So I did, and turned the grinder on.  Nothing. 

I looked underneath to make sure it was plugged in.  It was.  I tried scooping some of the beans out, and trying again.  The grinder still was not working.  I used the spoon to scoop more beans into the other grinder.  I turned that one on, and nothing.  Clearly pushing the beans into the grinder with the disgusting spoon was not doing the trick.  I looked around for an employee- any Costco employee- but they had all magically disappeared.

I finally spoted a cafe worker, wiping down some tables.  I thought about asking her to go clean the spoon while she was at it, but I politely asked her who could help me with the coffee grinders- they were not working.  She looked past me and said, “You just have to push the beans down with the spoon.”  After I informed her as nicely as I could, that was not working, she told me to go to the customer service counter.

By now, it was time we should have been leaving for the airport. Fortunately, there was a customer service employee who was standing at the counter.  I asked him, if he could help me with the coffee grinders.  He looked at me and said, “You just have to mush them down with the spoon.”  I wasn’t so nice this time- I told him I did that, and neither one was working.

He got to the grinders and took out an equally dirty brush, and started brushing the lever.  (Like that was going to do anything.) Then he picked up the spoon and stirred.  (I guess he thought I was lying to him, and I really hadn’t tried to push the beans down.)  Then he turned on the switch, and nothing.  He said, “That’s funny.”  Then he looked to see if the machines were unplugged or not.  He dinked around with them for a few more minutes and told me they were not working.  I told him I knew they weren’t working- that is why I had looked him up at customer service.

He told me if I could wait, he’d see what the problem was. I told him I was late now getting someone to the airport- could I just come back at some point and get some new coffee.  He told me sure, but I needed to keep the empty bag, and then bring it to customer service the next time I was in.

This man did not know that I have two boys, who destroy everything- I can’t keep track of their shoes from one day to the next, and I was certain an empty coffee bean bag was not going to be on my list of high priorities to keep track of.   

I asked him, “Really?  I have to keep the bag?”

He told me yes.  Unless I wanted a refund- he could do it very quickly.

I opted for the refund.  He refunded one bag very fast, and then his register locked up during the second refund.  I waited.  While he was waiting for the register gods to unlock his register, he called a manager and told him the coffee grinders were not working.  A second later I heard someone announce over the PA system, “Reset the breaker for the coffee grinders.” 

A few minutes later I had the second refund, and I noticed a woman was at the coffee grinders, grinding her coffee as I walked out. 

I had no coffee, just wasted fifteen minutes, and was ten minutes behind- but at least the the grinders were now working. 

I wonder if my karma would change at Sam’s Club?