CrossPosted on BlogHer
I admit it- I like to scan People.com a few times a week. It requires no thought, and I like looking at the pictures of the latest styles- styles I will not have the good fortune to wear, but I like to look at them anyway.
Last week I saw this article on Eva Longoria’s new look. Evidently she has gained some weight and has cut her hair to play her character on Desperate Housewives. I haven’t watched DH in a few years, and it sounds like her character, Gabby, has kids now.
Longoria’s rep made this comment to People on her client’s new look, “She’s making herself look like that as her character has let herself go. Gabrielle has gained weight and cut her hair,” Liza Anderson tells PEOPLE of Longoria Parker’s character. “She’s a worn out mother with two kids.”
Anderson continues on Longoria’s weight gain, “And even that was not enough. She’s also wearing butt pads and a stomach pad to play the part.”
Is this what TV and networks think of mothers now? That we let ourselves go, and the only way to accurately portray this, is to have a petite actress who is now playing a mom, don butt pads and a stomach pad to look like a tired, worn out, mother who has let herself go?
I don’t argue that a lot of mothers are tired and worn out- show me a mother who isn’t and I will say she is probably in the minority. But the assumption that a mother may have put on weight, because she has automatically has let herself go is insulting, and degrading. Maybe the mother just doesn’t have time to work out like she used to. Maybe it is taking longer for her to lose baby weight- there could be plenty of reasons why a mother has gained weight.
I also take exception to the whole “letting yourself go” concept. Women are held to such a high standard, and are under such a microscope at times when they become mothers. If they don’t look adorable, cute, and look like they have gained enough weight during pregnancy, then they are looked down on because certainly they are not eating for two and risking their baby’s health. Yet, women that don’t immediately shed their baby weight in less than a month, are viewed as “letting themselves go.” God forbid if a mother decides to simplify her life a bit and get her hair cut short too!
Most mothers I know, would love to go to the gym and work out. Reality is they can’t- they are taking care of their children and are working. Most mothers do have a period where they have to adjust to being a mother, and figure out how to balance it all again in time.
But in the meantime why the double standard? Why single out mothers like this? No one says a fit-in shape, and stylish mother is a bad mother, because if she has time to work out, then she isn’t taking care of her kids. Why do we have to assume that a mother who has less than a perfect body “let herself go?”
What do you think- is this fair to put women into this category, or is this just a situation a lot of women are in that Desperate Houswives is trying to portray?
14 replies on “She Has Let Herself Go”
No shirt!! Of course I’d love to have the svelte, thin body I had at 20, but let’s face it, my body’s been stretched out a few times and it’s never going to look like that again. And my priorities have changed. It’s no longer all about me. We all need to be healthy, of course, but I have other things to do than worry about “keeping myself up”
Talk about double standard!! How many svelte DAD’S do you know!? Seems like the societal ideal is a fat, balding dad with a hot, skinny mom. Somehow it’s OK and accepted for men to “let themselves go” but everyone judges a woman. How many times have you heard a reference to a woman’s “coochie being stretched out” or floppy in reference to a mother. How RUDE and derogatory is that!? I hate the assumption that women need to be young, nubile and virginal in order to be attractive. But men? No such standard!
Yeah, I hear you 😉
I still havnen’t lost all the weight after Boy 2 and yea there are days that I may not do my hair and stuff but I wouldn’t say that I’ve let myself go!
I’d say that I have three kids to take care of and them and their activities are far more important to me than myself right now.
Right on! I hate this idea that if you’re not exactly the same as you were before kids then you have “let yourself go”.
a guy’s beer gut has to actually flop over the top of his pants before anyone starts talking about how he’s been putting on weight, but a little extra padding on a new mom…
there’s no tolerance for that
I’m going to play devil’s advocate… If Eva was portraying a mom of two and was all svelte, perfectly made up etc… we’d all say that it wasn’t realistic etc… Unfortunately her publicist abviously has never had children and honestly believes we moms “let” ourselves go. There is no “letting” it just happens, priorities change, free time is much more limited and man oh man it sure is hard to motivate oneself to work out if you’ve been woken up 3 times in the night. It’s too bad society isn’t as hard on daddies as they are on mommies – we’ve had 2 kids, I’m 3 lbs off from my prepregnancy weight, and my hubbys 10-15 lbs off!
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I totally agree with this post. I look over at TMZ to see what is happening here in Los Angeles. I heard something on Extra one night about Eva but did not really pay attention as the TV was on in the background.
I too find it insulting. DH sneak preview at the end of last season jumped five years, so the two kids is news to everyone. I prefer Brothers and Sisters, which is on after DH.
oh sh*t, i just cut my hair short – what does that mean about me??! ;oP
i think her publicist should be a little more careful about his/her word choice.
i agree w/ nicole – it’s no longer all about me. we have kids to take care of and priorities definitely change. i’d be scared if they didn’t.
I think it’s BS and the publicist is a moron, but I also think it’s a hyperrealized Hollywood show, more with a wink and a nod to real housewives than actually well, trying to portray real housewives.
The other side of that equation is that I’ve lived and worked in Hollywood and I’ve been in on those meetings as a writer and sometimes you’re told what to do and have little creative control. I once wrote an episode challenging gender sterotypes for tween girls and I was told that it was awesome, but could I make it “more girly?”
While we see it on TV, no one should EVER compare themselves to someone who not only won the DNA Olympics, but who has an entire staff of people to make sure they look good at all times, ’cause it’s their job.
(Here via Twitter, but I’ll be back. Great post!)
I agree with crunchy– different priorities. It is no longer my #1 priority to do my nails or hair. I haven’t had a haircut since … January? Maybe? I can’t even remember! It’s ok though… with work and the boy, I’m plenty busy and have no desire to change my priorities. Well. Most days. 😉
That is a bit crazy. I really don’t think motherhood has changed my outward appearance (when fully clothed!). I mean I could understand if she had a few roots showing, but to add butt pads? That is a bit much! Don’t you think she should portray herself like SHE would be if she were a mom?
Well, well, well, there are a few things to consider on this topic. At first glance, I also agree with you about the stereotype that a mother has “let herself go” because she cut her hair and gained some weight. After I had my daughter, I had done both of those things, and I will tell you that I spent more time thinking about what I looked like at that time than before I got pregnant; so I certainly would not say that it was for a lack of trying that I didn’t look “as good” as I did before. I also agree with the fact that priorities change when you are a mother, and for sure, I would rather pay the attention to my daughter that she needs rather than spend that time in front of the mirror. I don’t think that is letting myself go, I think that is realistic. But who says we are supposed to “pretty ourselves up” every day anyway? Even if we weren’t mothers? It’s just that double standard rearing its ugly head that women are supposed to look good and men get to look at them and not pay much attention to what they look like themselves. OK, I have gone off on a tangent. This is a hot button subject for me, as you can tell.
So, the other side is what HRH said about TV portraying Eva Longoria like she would look if she were really pregnant. Now, we have no way of knowing what she would actually look like, but I am guessing she would look about the same, with a baby bump (like almost every other celebrity looks when they are pregnant). I think it would be less offensive and more realistic if she just “pretended” to be pregnant and didn’t get into the whole “trying to make it look like she had let herself go” thing.
Well, I’d say I’ve put about 15 cents in on that topic!
By the way, I have linked to your blog mama, and I would love a link back. Thanks!
I had a similar reaction to hearing that she was “preparing” for her character. It reminds me of the fuss that was made when Renee Zellwegger “got fat” for Bridget Jones Diary, yet she was not fat at all. I think actors like to do the excessive weight gain/loss thing to garner themselves some brownie point when its time to pass out awards!
Ohhhh I know what you mean. I was a bit fried when I read that piece on Eva. Goodness why do they assume that all Moms let themselves go?
Pfft. I ran a 13 mile race in competitive time as a mother of 2. I’m now a mother of 3 and am no closer to “letting myself go” than I was 13 years ago when I first embarked on this wonderful journey. What a horrible stereotype! I’m sulking.
But I’ll still watch the show, I love it LOL