Weekends Before & After Kids Part II

(Part I, in case you missed it.)

Having kids definitely changes your weekends.  During the last four years, I can probably count on one hand the relaxing entire weekends we have had.  This past weekend was one of those. 

On Saturday, Ryan started swimming lessons.  The pool is within walking distance, so him and I walked to the pool.  He was so ready and eager to have his lessons again, and he almost put his head underwater.  Last year, after two sessions, he was not ready to put his head underwater.  What a difference a year makes.

Joe was watching Cole, and was including him on some projects he was trying to get done around the house.  Cole loves spending time with Dad, so he was having a blast, getting Dad’s one-on-one attention.

Remember the language research study Ryan is participating in? The researchers scheduled an hour observation session for Ryan, where they could asses and observe his language skills and vocabulary.  I decided to take Ryan out to lunch before hand.

We had such a fun time.  We went to a nice pizza place, and we were seated in a booth for two.  Ryan came and sat next to me, and held my arm.  We colored, talked, and Ryan got two chocolate milks- a treat for sure.  We had a great time at lunch, just sitting, coloring and talking.  I get little glimpses into Ryan’s head during rare times like this, and it is so neat.

We had a few minutes after lunch, before we had to go to the research office, and there was a toy store next door.  Ryan played with the trains, and didn’t even argue or stall when I told him it was time to go.

The research appointment proved very interesting.  I was in the room, but was asked to not cue Ryan.  So I sat and observed as the speech therapist researcher asked Ryan hundreds of questions.  She used pictures, used riddles, and just asked him other questions verbally.  I realized that Ryan knows a lot more words, ideas, and concepts than I gave him credit for.  Some of the material she was testing him on, she said was for six year olds, and he wasn’t missing any questions.  She said she had to go until he missed eight questions in a series.  He missed six and seven questions several times, but didn’t miss eight questions until we were there for an hour and a half. 

Since this is research strictly for the company’s purposes, we don’t get any official feedback, but I asked her when we were done, how Ryan’s speech in general was, and if there was anything we should be working on.  She gave me one area to work with him on, that she noticed, but other than that she said he was doing great. 

We went home, and the boys played outside, while Joe and I completed some tasks around the house.  (Some things like housework never change.) 

On Sunday, thanks to my boss, who gave me her tickets to the pro baseball team, “in the big city,” Joe and I got to go to the game, and we sat by third base, 24 rows up.  It was so much fun, and relaxing too.  Joe and I carried on some kid free conversation, for a few hours.  That hasn’t happened in quite some time.

My dad and step-mom were babysitting the boys, and after the game, we went and got some dinner.  It was almost like the BK days- we knew the boys were in good hands, and we could just relax, talk, and enjoy dinner. 

About half-way through dinner, a table came in and sat next to us. It was two families, with five small kids between them.  I found myself watching the kids.  They were having fun, even though the parents were not talking with the other parents, but to their kids. Not unusual.  I thought about how these parents probably went out BK, and sat for hours and had intellectual discussions about the world.  Now they were talking about swim lessons and summer camp, in between trying to get their kids to drink their milk.

I saw myself in them, from the outside looking in.  At one point, one of the mothers looked at Joe and I, and smiled at us.  I am sure she was thinking we were a mid-age couple (I wish I could say young couple.  🙂 )who could sit leisurely at dinner and talk- because we didn’t have kids. 

I think it is normal for parents of children to remember their BK days, and yes, sometimes long for them.  Especially when you go through the day-to-day routines, and never seem to have time for yourself anymore. 

But once you are a parent, you can’t go back, and even though a few hours at a ballgame, or a dinner out by yourself is a nice break, you don’t want to go back permanently.  Having children takes so much time, and energy away from you, but it always returns it to you a thousand times over.

A weekend all to myself is no comparison to walking to swimming lessons and talking to with my son.  Being able to sleep in as late as I want, can’t compete with him smiling at me with a chocolate milk mustache.  A quiet dinner out and a movie, doesn’t hold water to my toddler shrieking with excitement, when he sees us come home from being out, “Mama-Mommy, Daddy!”  and we are engulfed with wet, sloppy, loving kisses. 

Having children means giving up your weekends, oh-for at least eighteen years, (that isn’t even counting if you are a soccer parent-another post entirely!)  But as you give take that time away from yourself, and give it to your children-to your family- something else gets created in the process. 

There really isn’t a word to describe it, but you see it in your child’s eyes, when he waves to you from his swimming lesson.  You see it in their faces when they realize the day is Saturday, and they get to make waffles with Daddy.  You hear it in their laughs as they are playing in the park.  You feel it in their hearts, when they hug you, as they thank you for taking them out for ice cream, and one child tells you “This was the best weekend ever, Daddy and Mommy,” and the other one just smiles as wide as he can.   

You may not sleep or get to go out anymore on the weekends, but you have gained something far more important-that you never gained from weekends before kids- you have given your children your time, and in return you gained their adoration and love. 

I wouldn’t trade that for all the free weekends in the world, and I know most parents wouldn’t either, even if we are tired. 🙂